St*rfucker

Loki had never been to the cinema casually before. They'd gone to numerous premiers, but never as a low-key thing, or even a 'date'. How were they meant to act? What if people watched them when they were watching the movie? What if people took photos? They couldn't relax. They had to make it look real at every moment. God, they were going to kill Mobius for thinking that the entire situation was a good idea. 

They fixed their hair just before they headed inside. The cinema itself was cute, with its red carpet and yellow, almost gold walls. The counters matched the gold aesthetic, and the popcorn on the counter was weirdly matching. They checked their phone to see what screen they had to go to, and somehow it was the furthest one. They noticed the film name as well and cursed Mobius under their breath. If they were being forced to go see a film, they at least wanted it to be good. Not to see something called Fly Me To The Moon. They were going to kill Mobius.

The one thing that Loki could give Mobius was that their seats were in the back row. It was quite full already, but there weren't too many people right at the back. They were central, so there would probably be people either side of them. Maybe those brownie points to Mobius were going to be deducted. They sat down next to Tony, avoiding looking at him as he took his jacket off. He was in a black button down that showed off his chest - and his chest tattoos, not that Loki looked - black jeans, black boots and a red checked jacket. He had a gold belt with chains hanging from the side as well. Generally, he looked like he'd stepped straight out of a poster Loki had up in their room when they were a teenager. They absolutely did not need to look at Tony when he was taking his jacket off. No, Loki didn't find Tony attractive and they were most definitely in a monogamous relationship with Fandral, who was definitely their type. Fandral, who had decided to go out with Amora for the night. They weren't jealous. Absolutely not. They weren't around and Fandral had every right to go spend a night with his friend, even if he spent more time with that friend than he did with his actual partner.

"Who the fuck chose this movie?" Tony asked quietly, trying not to draw attention to them.

They shrugged. "I don't know."

They could feel Tony's eyes on them, but they stayed focused on the screen. Fandral was annoyed with them, Tony was annoyed with them - and definitely paranoid - and they were hours away from walking for YSL for the first time in years. They just had to get through a fake-date with Tony Stark. Had the room always been that small? Had it always been so warm? God, they were a mess. They'd known that for a while, but Tony was quite good at pointing out just how much of a mess they were, and just how fucked up their entire reality was. Who did he think he was to just waltz in to their life and raise a little hell? Tony Stark, clearly, and that was the problem.

"Aren't you warm? Why don't you take your jacket off?" He asked. 

They finally looked at him. "What?"

"I don't know. Just- fussing, I guess." He shrugged. "I like your outfit."

They'd dressed down. Fandral hadn't seemed convinced on the outfit when they left, but they couldn't find it in themself to care. They'd opted for a white shirt, black trousers, black boots and a green shirt-jacket. Hugely dressed down, but they didn't have the energy to dress any better. It was late and the night before they were going to attempt a huge comeback. Frankly, it was a miracle that they weren't in pyjamas. 

"Thanks,” they replied. 

“Honestly- do you have a stylist?” He asked. "Or at least someone who picks outfits out for you?"

They shook their head. "I haven't had a stylist since my last manager dropped me. I just needed some control over my own life. Stylists wouldn't work for me after that anyway."

"Fury tried to get us to work with stylists but it was just frustrating," he said. 

"It was sort of nice to not think about what to wear, but it was all the time. I never really got to make choices for myself back then. I had to stick to a strict diet, had a schedule set for me every week, let other people decide what I wore- at times it was nice to not have to think, but it was suffocating." They twisted the ring on their middle finger. "I don't know. I'm grateful that I was in the position where I could've had all that- but it was too much."

Tony was quiet for a moment. "I think you look great, even without a stylist."

Loki smiled a little. "Thank you."

"I don't know how you do it. I just put on a shirt and jeans and call it a day." He shrugged. "If I want something fancy I just scroll through Pinterest and try to find something that I'd wear."

They chuckled quietly. "I've been doing this for years. If I didn't have an eye for fashion then my whole life has been a waste."

"Your worth isn't tied to your success, Lokes," he replied. 

As much as they wanted to believe Tony, they knew that they couldn't. Tony didn't understand what they'd sacrificed to get to where they were. How much they'd lost. If their career flatlined after risking the one relationship they had left, then there was nothing left for them. They weren't successful, they only really had Fandral but even then it felt like they were losing him. The moment they had no chance of being successful again, then they were just worthless.

Despite not wanting to watch the movie at all, they were beyond grateful when the movie started. They turned their attention to the screen, but their focus was elsewhere. On Tony's hand that made its way up their arm, then settled around their shoulder, pulling them close. They hesitated before they rested their head on his shoulder. It was such a gentle touch. His hand was there, holding them, but not holding them down. More like a warm support, there to show them that he was there for them. To hold them close, to ground them, to remind them that they weren't alone. It wasn't like the usual touches where they were being held down or held back. It was gentle, warm - caring. God, Tony really should've been an actor. Loki was falling for the whole 'in-love-with-them' act and it was sickening. 

There were a couple eyes on them, but no one disturbed them. Loki finally understood why Fandral wouldn't risk a cinema date. They'd have been caught out straight away. Fandral was right. Of course he was. He was always right. Fandral deserved someone who he could go out on dates with and not have to risk his career by doing so. He deserved to be happy and out, not stuck in the closet because he was with someone who would ruin his career. He deserved to be with someone who was good enough for him, who could be there for him all the time, not off with a fake paramour just because they were desperate to save their career which was probably going to fail again within months anyway. God, he deserved so much better than Loki.

Then there was Tony, who was with Loki to try to set his career back on track. After being arrested again, he was trying to better his image. Somehow Loki fit into that, and they couldn't understand how. How could they better someone's image? They'd drag Tony down, that was inevitable. One way or another, Tony's popularity would spiral and it would all be because of Loki. Besides, the only reason Tony was benefiting from the 'relationship' was because people thought that he was being kind by giving the washed up model a chance. If anyone could fix them, it would be Tony, right? The hot-headed, selfish, fame-hungry rockstar who hadn't been in a relationship publicly in years. It was fucked and Loki really didn't understand how any of it worked. 

"Why don't we skip this?" Tony whispered into their ear. "I know a really nice spot where we probably won't get spotted."

That was an awful idea. "Sure."

Tony got up and shrugged his jacket on, hiding the tattoos that scattered up his arms. Loki desperately wanted to ask what they were, what they meant, but that seemed like a bit of an overstep considering their relationship. They followed Tony outside and down the road. It was chilly, but nowhere near what it was like in London. It was dark, but the streetlights gave off a warm glow to the night that was almost a comfort. The cobble road under their feet was uneven, but there was something comforting in it. There was something comforting about walking the night with Tony in the middle of Italy, the night before they were due to relaunch their career. 

They stopped at a beach. Tony didn't even look back. He walked up to the edge of the sea and sat down on a rock that the waves hit as they came in. After a brief hesitation, they followed. Loki hadn't been to a beach for fun since they were young. Before Frigga died. She used to take them and Thor to the beach and they'd have a picnic. They'd stay there for hours. They loved those days. It was like they were a family. It was before Frigga died, it was before it was leaked that they were adopted, it was before they got disowned by Odin. When they still had a family. Ever since then, they'd only gone to the beach if it was for a shoot. They hadn't been to one sober in quite a while.

"I proposed to Pepper on a beach."

Loki looked at Tony when he said that. They didn't know that he'd ever been engaged. It wasn't online. Tony had never posted about it. It was hard to keep things like that private. Hell, they'd been rumoured to be engaged numerous times and they'd only been in one public relationship. Well, two if the situation-ship counted. The press described it as 'a hot mess of a whirlwind romance'. That was quite humbling.

"Really?" They asked. They didn't know how else to reply.

He nodded, his gaze still fixed on the sea in front of them. "Our first date was on a beach. I thought it would be romantic. I mean- I was really fucking drunk and I don't remember getting the ring- I don't think the ring even fit her. I just- life moves so fast, and I thought that I had to keep up. She said no, obviously. We broke up not long after that."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "She left because she had to. She had to get out to save herself. I was a mess. Haven't been back to a beach since."

"I haven't been to a beach sober since I was a child," they said. 

He was quiet for a moment. "You always find the right words to say to remind me that I'm not the only fucked up one in this."

They chuckled. "Looks like we're a good match."

"Yeah. Maybe we are." He finally looked at them. "Tomorrow's a big day, right?"

They nodded. "It could make or break my career."

He looked back out at the sea. "I really hope it works out for you, Lokes. You deserve so much better than you've got right now."

Tony said something nice? They couldn't quite believe it. They looked at Tony, who was still staring out at the sea in front of them. His eyes shone bright under the moonlight and his skin glowed, his hair reflected the light from how much product was in it - it was almost impressive how much product he used in his hair, if it wasn't so flammable. His eyeliner brought out his eyes, made them sparkle just that extra touch. There was something so magnetic about him, something so hypnotic. He was like a siren, sat by the sea, with a voice to match. He was dangerous, they knew that. He could draw them in, make them feel seen, heard, safe. What about that wasn't dangerous? He had the power to really break them, if he tried, and as much as it terrified them, it didn't stop them from getting closer and closer. It was like a hypnotic pull that had wrapped itself around them and revolved around Tony.

A pull that was hugely tested when they felt the splash of water hit their face. They wiped the water away from their face before they looked at Tony with an arched brow.

"Maybe that was an impulse I shouldn't have followed?" Tony offered, their voice a higher pitch than usual. "Right- I'm sorry- wait, Lokes- not the hair-"

Loki splashed a bit of water towards Tony, but unfortunately missed his hair. He splashed a bit of water back before he ran off, sprinting as fast as he could away from Loki. They grinned as they followed, running alongside the sea like they did when they were younger. When everything was vaguely okay. When they were happy. It didn't feel too far off that again. Chasing after Tony, throwing water at each other whenever they got close enough - laughing more than they had in years. It was like nothing had changed. Like they were still that happy, carefree person who could just see the best in the world again. 

If they ended up crawling back into the empty hotel room that they supposedly shared with Fandral in the early hours of the morning, just hours before one of the biggest moments of their career, they couldn't find it in themself to care. Not after they'd spent the night laughing alongside Tony, living like they didn't have a care in the world, like they were a normal person who didn't have a single shred of responsibility. They didn't even find it in themself to care when Mobius text them, telling them off for skipping out on the cinema date. Nothing could've brought them down in that moment, and as they settled down into bed for the brief few hours of sleep they'd get, they smiled. They couldn't stop smiling, and for the first time in a while, they couldn't stop hoping either.