St*rfucker

Nights were the worst. Especially quiet ones. Loki always found themself reaching for something to do when it got dark. Distractions. Sure, it didn’t do their skin any good to not sleep, but they couldn’t sleep on a bus with a bunch of strangers. They couldn’t even try. So they stayed on their laptop through the night, getting everything sorted for the next few weeks. They’d be traveling to Milan in three weeks, so they had enough time to figure everything out. It was mainly was the charity events. They had a few ideas to fundraise so they’d sent them to the named founder. They were careful to keep their name far away from the business, considering it was guaranteed to fail if their name was associated in any way. It was hard, but they got on with it. Just like they always did. 

“Don’t you ever sleep?”

They looked up from their screen to see Tony standing in front of them, rubbing his eyes as if he’d just woken up. He’d changed into a pair of red joggers, but seemed to have forgotten about a shirt. Loki didn’t know that he had tattoos, but it didn’t surprise them. Mainly random ones, it seemed, going along his shoulders. All little doodles that somehow complimented each other despite not being related at all. There was a dinosaur holding a knife, a skateboard with eyes, even SpongeBob. They didn’t know whether or not to question it. 

“Considering you’re awake and it’s not even light outside, I could ask you the same,” they replied. 

“I slept.” He raised a brow. “You haven’t.”

They shrugged. “I have work to do.”

“Or you’re just too snobby to sleep on a bus.” He made his way over to the counter just a few feet away from them. He put the kettle on and grabbed a cup. “Rockstar life isn’t glamorous.”

“I know,” they replied. “But it’s all a part of its charm, isn’t it?”

He snorted. “Rich, coming from the person who’s only ever known glamor their entire life.”

“Why do you hate me?” They asked, finding the words came out before they could even think. 

Tony‘s hesitation didn’t go unnoticed. “I don’t hate you.”

They chuckled. “You could've fooled me.”

“Why do you hate me?” He asked. “Because you definitely hate me.”

“I do,” they replied. “I’m not going to lie about it. The first time we met, you made some comments that I don’t take lightly to, and you continue to do so.”

He raised a brow. “We’ve met before?”

They shook their head. “Of course you don’t remember. You were drunk.”

Tony was quiet for a moment and Loki almost wanted to backpedal. Almost. “I’m sorry for what I said. You’re right, I don’t remember it because I was drunk, but I know what I was like when I was drinking and even if I don’t like you, whatever I said was probably out of line and I can’t apologise enough for hurting you.”

That was exactly what Loki wasn’t expecting. Tony didn’t look at them, instead focusing on the cup of coffee he was making. They couldn’t find the words to say in response. Tony had made a genuine, heartfelt apology for something he couldn’t remember, but something Loki had held such a grudge over for years. Not that Tony was forgiven. No, Tony had crossed a line with what he’d said, and even if he was drunk, that didn’t make it okay. 

“You said that - amongst other things - that you could fuck me against the wall and I would just beg for it, considering my reputation. When I told you to fuck off, you called me a desperate slut,” they said quietly after a prolonged silence. “I appreciate your apology.”

Tony finally looked at Loki with wide eyes. “I said that? What the fuck? I’m- I’m so sorry, Loki. If it helps, I’ve cut all that out now. No more drinking. Ever. I’m really- I fucking hate who I was and I want to change that.”

They knew exactly how that felt. “I’m glad you’re changing for the better, Stark. I hope it goes well for you.”

Tony went quiet as he focused on the kettle again, which was boiling away contently. Loki turned back to their laptop and started replying to emails again. They needed to find some more things to do in Milan, and luckily their agent, Verity, was in a different timezone and was around to answer emails. Their agent who had been completely blindsided to Mobius’s venture to get them the Milan gig, apparently. So Mobius was really trying to get back into their good books. 

“I don’t hate you,” Tony said. Loki had almost forgotten that he was there. “I just hate what you are, I guess. Nepotism fucking sucks for the rest of us, and the fact that you got everything you wanted as a kid because your parents are Oscar winning actors? Any job you wanted was yours, and us four had to work for it. We worked for years to get where we are, and seeing people like you just- not give a shit because it’s what you’re used to? It pisses me off.”

Loki clenched their jaw, but forced themself to relax. “I get it. It’s annoying. It’s shit that people who have so much talent can’t get work because people who can barely string a sentence together get fame just because of their family. I hate it.”

“Then why use it to your advantage?” He asked. 

“I try not to.” They shrugged. “As you said earlier, my career isn’t as good as it was when I worked with my ‘family’. I’ve cut ties with them, I’ve changed my last name, I’ve stopped acting just so that I won’t be tied in with them. Without them I wouldn’t be here, that’s not even a question, but I was never asked if I wanted any of it.”

Tony pulled another cup out from the cupboard. “Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know, it just sucks. How do you take your coffee?”

“Black.”

“Black? Really?” He asked. “Okay. That probably isn’t surprising. Is that a genuine preference or some model bullshit?”

They raised a brow. “Model bullshit?”

“Yeah. You know, the entire fucking dieting shit and not eating for fucking ages,” he replied. “It’s beyond fucking unhealthy- and we wonder why so many kids have eating disorders.”

Loki was beginning to see why Tony had such a problem with them. “It’s harmful. I can’t disagree with you on that.”

Tony raised a brow as he looked at Loki, seeing straight through their words. It wasn’t often that people could do that, but somehow Tony did. Then again, he was practically picking Loki apart for things to hate them for. 

“You’re getting four sugars and milk,” Tony said before he turned back to the cups. 

“Oat milk, if you must,” they replied, only to be glared at. “It’s a personal choice!”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Cow’s milk is gross and it’s awful for the environment, and that’s not even going into the suffering cow’s go through because of it.” They raised a brow. “Considering you ‘know’ so much about me, I’ve never hidden those views.”

Tony stared at them for a moment. “And you’re a fucking vegan. Great.”

They rolled their eyes. “You’re beyond irritating.”

“Oh, please, at least I do some good with my influence,” Tony said. 

"You punching someone is what got is into this entire situation," they replied. "Is that what you'd consider a good influence?"

"I'm sorry, haven't you done the same before?" He asked. 

They raised a brow. "Not for a while, actually."

"But you still did it."

"But I didn't do it recently."

“Oh my god, will you two shut the fuck up?” Clint yelled from the bunks. 

They both looked at each other before they ended up laughing. Loki wasn’t quite sure why, but something about having woken Clint up and pissing him off was unbelievably entertaining. Their laughter died down after a few seconds and silence filled the air yet again. Loki turned back to their laptop, opting to keep busy again. Just before Tony left the room, he set a cup of coffee down on the table in front of Loki and left before they could even thank him. 

What an odd man. 

—————

They got to Vegas with little to no trouble. Loki had worked through the night, and when they ran out of things to do, they watched a few episodes of Suits. Tony didn’t emerge again that morning until it was time to go into the venue, but Loki knew that he was awake. The guitar strums were quiet over their earphones, but they could still make them out. Quiet, as to not wake anyone up, but still there. Once everyone was up and ready, they headed into the venue. There weren’t many people about, but enough that Tony still held their hand. 

The venue was quiet, which Loki was grateful for. They got shown to the dressing room but the rest of the band went for sound check. They made the most of the time and pulled their phone out, hovering over the FaceTime button. They checked their outfit one last time in the mirror, finding that the black trousers and the off-shoulder black and white jumper looked good enough. They hadn’t done their makeup yet, but they were sure that Fandral wouldn’t mind. They pressed the button, and they got an answer just a few rings in. 

“Hey,” Fandral said. “How’re you?”

They smiled a little. “I’m good. How’re you?”

“Good. Sad to sleep in an empty bed last night, but it is what it is.” He shrugged before he stared at the screen. His gaze was unwavering, even though they were hundreds of miles apart. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”

They shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ll get some sleep later.”

Fandral raised a brow. “Why do I doubt that?”

“Hey, you should trust me a bit more. I’ll probably get some sleep when they’re still working or something,” they replied. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

He frowned. “I don’t like this.”

“I don’t either, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

They didn’t like the silence that followed. “I’m leaving LA tomorrow.” There it was. “I’ve been called for a job.”

“Where?” They asked. 

“New York with Armani,” he replied. “I’m sorry. It’s just a good opportunity.”

They nodded. “I get it. I’m happy for you.”

“If it goes well then I’ll be going to Milan with them.”

They perked up at that. “Oh- you have to do it! We can go to Milan together then.”

“You’re going to Milan?” Fandral asked. “When did you find out?”

“Last night,” they replied. “Saint Laurent.”

He grinned. “That’s fantastic, Lokes! That’s really good.”

“I’m heading there in three weeks to do fittings and shit, but I have a week before that with nothing planned?”

“I’ll let you know where I am,” he replied. “I should be at home, so it would be nice if you came.”

“Absolutely,” they replied. “I’ll let you know.”

Fandral smiled softly. “I need to go, but I’ll speak to you later, okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too,” he replied before he hung up. 

There went their time with Fandral. The time they were looking forward to. Just over a week with their lover, now gone. They couldn’t blame him at all, they would’ve taken a job like that in a heartbeat. It was their fault for signing that fucking contract that attached them to another fucking person. 

They took a deep breath as they sat back on the sofa, the black fake leather a contrast to the white walls. They opened Twitter and was surprised to find that they were trending. They thought for a moment before they pressed their name, worried to see what would show up. 

Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson seen holding hands after gig

Loki Laufeyson seen at Avengers concert moments before being spotted holding hands with Tony Stark

Is Tony Stark finally settling down? Fans of the womanizer congratulate singer on potential experimental relationship 

Will Loki Laufeyson break a rockstar’s heart? Inside look at the model’s lengthy intimate history

How come Tony was praised and Loki was accused of wanting to break his heart while simultaneously being slutshamed? They groaned as they turned their phone off, already done with the day. They just wanted to go to bed. They were more than ready to go to bed. The thought of a hotel room that night was bliss, the fact that they could sleep in a bed without a bunch of strangers around them? Fantastic. That was exactly what they needed. Then all they had to do was a ‘brunch date’ with Tony and then hop on a flight back to LA to get back to their meetings. 

“Why the fuck am I going to Milan in three weeks?” Tony asked as he stormed into the room, followed by the rest of the band. 

They raised a brow. “You’re going to Milan in three weeks?”

“Yeah, just had the fucking email- and the fucking fashion week thing? Yeah, no- absolutely not.” Tony shook his head. “I have plans.”

“Now you know how I’ve felt for the last twenty four hours,” they replied. “I’m not going to back out of a job because you have plans. Tell your manager you can’t go.”

Tony stepped towards them. “I did! And he told me to go fuck myself!”

“So what’s your problem?” They asked. 

“I can’t go to Milan with you to do some shitty photoshoot where you have a bunch of people kissing your ass all fucking day- and why are we there for two weeks?” He fumed. 

They clenched their fists. “It’s not some ‘shitty photoshoot’. It’s Milan Fashion Week. I’m not canceling because you have plans. Rearrange or just move your plans to Milan.”

Clint gasped. “Milan Fashion Week?”

Steve sighed. “Tony, calm down. Fashion weeks are really fun if you embrace them.”

“Ah, yeah, because you and Bucky totally didn’t break up at the last one,” Tony replied. “Actually? Maybe that’s a good omen.”

Loki looked at Tony. “I don’t want you to go either, but what choice do we have?”

Tony scowled. “It’s our only break from tour in months.”

“I can’t change it and I’m not pulling out of this,” they replied. 

“Fine. But I hope you appreciate the fact you wouldn’t have gotten this without me. You’re always riding off of the back of others and it’s fucking bullshit.” Tony stormed out without another word. 

Loki took a deep breath as they ran their hand over their face. What happened to the weirdly sincere Tony they met in the middle of the night? Why did the dickhead have to come back? He wasn’t wrong. They knew that. Mobius wouldn’t have even considered them for fashion week if he didn’t want to grovel. It was bullshit. 

“I’m sorry about him,” Natasha said. 

They shook their head. “You shouldn’t apologise for him.”

“So… Milan Fashion Week is a big deal. Congrats,” Steve said. “Who’re you walking for?”

“Saint Laurent,” they replied. 

“My ex walked for them in the last Milan week.” He smiled a little. “It was fun.”

“He broke up with you,” Clint said. 

“Ignoring that.” He shrugged. “It was a lot of fun.”

They raised a brow. “Who’s your ex?”

“Bucky Barnes.”

Their eyes widened. “Oh! I’ve worked with him. I didn’t know you two were together.”

He shrugged. “We didn’t hide it but we didn’t promote it either. I get how important Milan is, I’ll talk Tony down.”

They smiled a little. “Thank you.”

Steve got up and went to find Tony. They sighed as they looked at their phone, but they knew better than to go on it. They’d go on social media and look at what people were saying about them. It was the last thing they needed to do at that moment. They just wanted to run away. To go home and never come out again, but they knew that that wouldn’t work. 

They understood why Tony was annoyed. Of course they did. There was just nothing they could do. They weren’t canceling their biggest job in a year, but they understood why it would be frustrating for Tony to spend their only break in months away from home. Loki sighed as they sat back on the sofa. They ignored Natasha when she sat next to them, opting to enjoy the silence instead. They really didn’t want to talk. Especially about the situation. Their priority was getting through the day. The year, even. They couldn’t imagine how awfully the year was going to go. 

At least they were doing Milan Fashion Week. Because of Tony, sure, but they were doing it.