St*rfucker

Steve brought Tony back after an hour. Loki didn’t want to know what had happened, but Tony was quieter. He didn’t make snarky comments, so they were grateful for the peace. The concert went well. It was almost exactly the same as the previous one, but Loki feigned interest. The thought of a hotel was the only thing getting them through the show. Staying awake through the day was an impossible battle, so they were counting down the minutes to sleep. 

Once the concert was over they were escorted backstage again. They headed straight to the dressing room, where the rest of the band were waiting with their tour manager. They walked into the room and the tour manager - Coulson, they thought his name was - handed them a hotel keycard. 

“I’m trusting you won’t lose it,” he said. “If I give it to Tony he’ll lose it.”

Tony raised a brow. “Great. So where’s mine?”

“You’re sharing a room.”

What the fuck?

“Yeah, not happening. Give me my own room,” Tony said. 

Coulson shook his head. “If your hotel gets leaked then people will ask questions if there’s too many rooms. You’re sharing and that’s final.”

There went their sleep. Tony took the keycard from their hand but they didn’t say anything. They sat down on the sofa as the band got ready to go. They couldn’t even just get a flight back because of their stupid ‘date’ in the morning. They checked all the hotel availability for that night, but none of them were taking bookings. Of course. 

Once they were ready to go, Loki followed the band out to the taxi waiting for them outside. They didn’t react to Tony holding their hand that time, but they still kept their head down. The screams and flashes were enough to make the hairs on the back of their neck stand up and make them want to run away. Just run as far away as they could. 

The moment they were in the car Loki pulled their hand back. They twisted the ring on their left middle finger, smiling at the hand. It was a gold band with an emerald in the centre. Small, but it did the job. It was perfect, even. 

Once they were at the hotel they went up to the top floor. Loki followed Tony considering he had the room number. They were just hoping that there were two beds. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless. Tony grumbled as he opened the door to their room. It was big, at least. A lot of space. A huge bathroom right next to the door, then the bedroom. A king sized bed, and a sofa in the far side of the room. Loki sighed as they sat down on the sofa and grabbed their laptop. Another night of work it was. 

“Do you ever not do work?” Tony asked. 

They shrugged. “If I want to.”

Tony was quiet for a moment. “Do you want the bed?”

They shook their head. “All yours.”

“You didn’t sleep last night.”

“And I probably won’t tonight,” they replied. “You have it.”

He sighed. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” They repeated. 

“You didn’t sleep last night and you don’t plan on sleeping tonight,” he said. “What’s your deal? Are you too good to sleep around other people?”

They raised a brow as they looked at Tony. “No. Can I work in peace now?”

“Is this your idea of a protest? If you don’t sleep then you can’t go through with this?” He asked. “Because that’s fucking pathetic.”

They shook their head. “Can you just drop this? It’s really none of your concern.”

Tony frowned. “Can you just be a normal fucking person for once? Honestly- this act is beyond fucking annoying.”

Loki closed their laptop and got up. They headed towards the door, ignoring Tony’s protests. They went outside, ignoring the crowd of people that were flocking outside of the hotel. They kept their head down and hoped that people wouldn’t recognise them. As nice as people were, they just needed a long walk to calm their shaky hands. The night was cold, but they didn’t care. Walking down a Vegas street in the middle of the night probably wasn’t a good idea, but when did they ever make good ideas?

Tony didn’t know what he was taking about. Loki didn’t blame him for that. It was just the persistence and the sheer audacity to not stop despite being asked to. They were sure that he would back off if they told him, considering his reaction to his drunken comments, but that didn’t make it any easier. They just didn’t know how to say it. They didn’t want to. The only people that knew were Fandral and Mobius and that was only because they found out. 

They would never be free. That was becoming increasingly clear. Did they want to be free though? Fame was all they ever knew. They didn’t know how to be a normal person. Besides, they enjoyed modeling. They’d been doing it since they were a kid and they didn’t know how to do anything else. Not really. They were on their last chance and if they blew it then they were out. No one would work with them again. 

The Vegas streets were quiet, but it was a Tuesday night. They looked out at the buildings lit up by neon signs, and it just reminded them of their partying days. The days where they’d go out and they wouldn’t stop until the sun came up. They’d drink and take anything that was given to them. They didn’t remember much about those days, but at the time they made everything feel better. It was almost as if they were in control of their life when they went. 

They sighed as they turned back to head to the hotel. They didn’t know how far they walked, but they made sure to walk in a straight line. It was easier to get back if they didn’t get lost, and the last thing they wanted to do was get lost. The crowd outside of the hotel came into view before the hotel itself did. They could already tell it wouldn’t be easy to get back in. They kept their head down as they approached the crowd. They were kept behind a barrier, much to Loki’s delight. They showed their ID to the security guard standing at the barricade entrance and he let them in without any hesitation. 

“Loki!” They instinctively turned around when they heard someone call their name. It was someone behind the barricade with bright blue hair and more piercings than Loki could count. They waved a piece of paper in their direction. “Could you sign this, please?”

Well, that couldn’t hurt. They walked over to the barricade and the screams got louder. They took the piece of paper and the sharpie, and grinned at the picture they were handed. 

“Most people hated this shoot,” they said. It was their first one after coming out as non binary, and it was the only time they’d worn a dress for a shoot. They almost got blacklisted for it. 

“Fuck gender norms, right?” The person replied with a grin. 

They signed it, and even wrote fuck gender norms because they liked it and handed the photo and sharpie back. They signed a few more things for people who kept handing them stuff, and it felt weirdly good. It hadn’t happened for a while, but they’d been avoiding situations like that for a long time. 

Once everyone seemed happy they headed back inside. They took the stairs up to the top floor - mainly because it took longer than the lift, but the worry of old habits came crawling back which they swiftly brushed off, and headed towards their room. They knocked on the door as quietly as they could, just in case Tony was asleep, but much to their surprise the door opened almost instantly. 

“You were gone hours and you didn’t answer your phone,” Tony said as he closed the door behind them. “Don’t you get how dangerous that is?”

“I’m well aware of the risks, Stark,” they replied as they made their way to the sofa. 

“So why the fuck would you do something so stupid?” He asked. “What? To make me feel guilty?”

They raised a brow. “I needed some time to think. My world doesn’t revolve around you. Quite frankly I wasn’t expecting you to be awake.”

“So what would you have done if I was? Gone back out?” He asked. 

They shrugged. “I don’t know. Ask reception for a new key?”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” he muttered. “I can’t believe you. Honestly. You’re a fucking idiot. But hey, you got what you wanted. I was fucking worried.”

They clenched their jaw. “I don’t like sleeping in the same room as people because I’ve woken up in compromising situations before. Is that enough for you?”

Tony was quiet for a moment and Loki could see the cogs turning in his head. Then came the pity. “Oh. Fuck. I’m sorry.”

They rolled their eyes as they opened their laptop. “Always fucking sorry.”

The silence in the room was over far too soon for their liking. “How can I make it easier for you? I mean- you haven’t slept in ages and- I doubt this’ll be our last time sharing rooms.”

They paused. They’d never been asked that before. They looked at Tony, who was staring at them with genuine concern rather than pity. Not even Fandral had asked that. He’d just moved at Loki’s pace and barely complained, opting to go the more supportive route. 

“I don’t know,” they replied. “Thank you, though.”

Tony didn’t seem to take that as an answer. “What if we have a pillow barrier between us? Or- a blanket cocoon? Or- I mean, if you really want to take the sofa I refuse to have sex on a sofa again- I still have aches from that-”

They couldn’t help but smile at that. “Thank you, Tony. It’s fine. Honestly. Just get some sleep.”

Loki wasn’t expecting Tony to listen, but was surprised when he did. When they eventually looked up, Tony was curled up in bed, playing on his phone. The room was silent apart from Loki’s keyboard until snores filled the room. Tony had fallen asleep on his phone. They smiled a little at the sight before they turned back to their work. An ominous email from Verity asking for their measurements. They sent them off without even questioning why, knowing that they wouldn’t get an answer unless it worked out. 

They kept replying to emails as they came in, but didn’t hear back from Verity. They didn’t know when they fell asleep, but when they opened their eyes next the sun was rising and their laptop had turned off. They took a deep breath as they looked over to the bed, where Tony was still fast asleep. His snores were the only sound in the room. They ran their hand through their hair as they willed themself to calm down, not wanting to get worked up again. They checked the time - just gone six. 

Loki headed to the shower, which was nicer than they were expecting. The hot water was a comforting embrace as they stood under it for who knows how long. Once they got out, they got changed into a black and green striped jumper, black fishnets and black ripped jeans. It was a decent enough outfit, they thought. Especially if there were going to be photos. They headed out into the room, where Tony was still asleep. They didn’t have to leave for another few hours anyway. 

They started on their makeup, going light on the base but doing their usual bold look for their eyes. A black smokey eye with smudged eyeliner, messy but precise. 

“I’ve never seen someone take so long to do eyeliner.”

They looked at Tony through the mirror, who was staring right back at them. His hair was springing up in every single direction, and his eyes were barely open. Loki had half expected him to sleep longer, but they didn’t mention it. 

“It takes time to get it right,” they replied. “And it’s not like I don’t have the time to waste on it right now.”

He hummed. “When do we leave?”

“Got an hour,” they replied as they started to style their hair. Not that their hair needed much styling. They let it fall free, finding that it worked best that way. Plus they could tell it was a day where their hair wouldn’t be tamed, and they knew how to pick their battles. 

“Should I ask if you slept?” He asked. 

“I did,” they replied. “I don’t even need to ask you with how loud you snore.”

He gasped. “Hey! I don’t snore!”

“Oh, you absolutely do,” they replied with a grin. “I’ll have to record it.”

“You can go fuck yourself if you think you’re doing that.” He chuckled. “I’m sorry about last night.”

They shook their head. “It’s fine. We really don’t need to talk about it.”

Tony looked like he was going to protest but instead made his way to the bathroom. Loki sighed as they finished fixing their hair. They needed to get their hair done before Milan, they thought. Their brown roots were coming in and they couldn’t let people see their roots, let alone on one of the biggest catwalks in the world. 

Tony was being weirdly tolerable. Loki wasn’t sure if they trusted it. He hadn’t made any snarky comments and it was weird. Loki didn’t like it. It was new territory and territory they didn’t know how to handle. 

They grabbed their bag of pills, pulling out the almost endless tubs of vitamins, skincare, hair care and nail care supplements. They couldn’t bring everything they wanted, but they brought the most important ones. They took them with water, just like they did every single day.

“Are you a fucking drug dealer or what?”

They looked up from the desk, seeing Tony staring at the numerous tubs with wide eyes. “Vitamins and supplements.”

“If you need that many then clearly somethings fucked,” he said as he threw a red jumper on over his black shirt. “Seriously- that’s not healthy.”

They spoke too soon. “Like you’re a shining example.”

“I don’t need a hundred fucking pills to get my body going,” he replied. “Maybe if you ate things that weren’t fucking salad then you wouldn’t need them.”

They raised a brow. “Most people have vitamin deficiencies but don’t know it. At least I fucking treat it. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of self care.”

“A bit, yeah, but can you even function without that shit?” He shook his head. “People like you take shit like that to con money out of kids who want to look perfect, and it’s bullshit.”

They frowned. “You don’t know what you’re talking about and it’s embarrassing. I know I'm not perfect, but at least do your fucking research before you accuse me of shit.”

That seemed to get Tony to shut up. They took the last vitamin before they stuffed them back into their bag. They got where Tony was coming from, but they never promoted vitamins or supplements. They were personal things and it wasn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. They promoted a lot of stuff, sure, but never things they wouldn’t want their hypothetical kids buying. 

They shrugged a jacket on - a black suede one, before they figured that they were ready. Dressed down compared to their usual look, but good enough for a first public date, they thought. They sat down on the sofa and waited for Tony, and considering he was in a red jumper and black jeans and he barely even touched his hair, he was arguably taking longer than Loki. Not that they’d call him out on it. Absolutely not. They were going to be nice for the time being. Hopefully. 

“Are you ready or what?” Tony asked. 

They were going to be nice. 

“Yeah.”

They followed Tony out of the hotel and into a car that was waiting for them outside. The group of people waiting outside of the hotel had grown from the previous night, but they had Tony’s hand to ground them. The car ride was silent apart from the radio. Neither of them found any reason to speak. Loki didn’t want another argument before they had to have photos taken, but they didn’t voice that. No, that would undoubtedly start another argument. 

The car stopped outside of a small cafe, one with outdoor seating. No doubt they’d have to be outside. They sighed as they got out of the car. They took Tony’s hand as they got to his side and followed him into the cafe. He said something to the hostess about a reservation, and Loki was right. They were outside. They took a seat opposite Tony in the white metal seat, the glass table impressively spotless considering they were outside. 

They picked up the menu and scanned for anything vaguely appealing. Part of them was tempted to go for a salad just to annoy Tony, but they knew that that probably wasn’t a good idea. No, they weren’t going to antagonise Tony. Not for the rest of the day. 

“The pancakes sound good,” Tony said. 

They hummed. “Pancakes are always a good option.”

“Something tells me you’re not even considering them.”

“They have dairy and eggs in them. Of course I’m not,” they replied. “I might do the scrambled tofu.”

Tony gagged. “Sounds fucking awful.”

“Considering the only thing I’ve seen you eat the last few days are burgers, I don’t exactly trust your food opinions,” they said. 

He raised a brow. “Do you ever eat shit like pizza? Or just- good food in general?”

They nodded. “When I can.”

“Bucky used to eat pizza with us a lot. And burgers,” he said. “When he had a shoot he’d amp up on protein so he’d start doing his own thing, but he was never as picky as you.”

They raised a brow. “We’ve got different looks. He’s masculine and built, and I go for a more androgynous, slimmer look. Of course we're going to be different when it comes to looking after ourselves. Now can we stop this?”

He rolled his eyes. “Let’s fix my fucking reputation by sticking me with someone who promotes disordered eating.”

Loki clenched their jaw but didn’t say anything. They could see where Tony was coming from. Their biggest issue with the modeling industry was the way people promoted an unhealthy lifestyle, one that they were careful to keep behind closed doors. Tony didn’t care about that though. They were a part of the problem so of course they were an enemy. There was no way to change that. It was going to be a long year. 

When the waiter came to get their orders, Tony went for pancakes and a coffee and Loki went for the scrambled tofu and tea. Tony rolled their eyes but they opted to ignore it. They checked their phone and found a text from Verity. 

Are you opposed to getting a septum piercing? x

They chuckled a little at that. Considering they got a full shoulder to shoulder tattoo because a designer didn’t want to waste time creating the design with makeup on the day, a septum piercing was child’s play. 

“You good?” Tony asked. 

They nodded. “My agent’s up to something. She asked for my measurements earlier and now she’s asked if I’m opposed to a septum piercing.”

“You’d get a piercing for a shoot?” 

“Yeah. It’s just the way it is.” They shrugged. “I’ve sort of fancied one for a while anyway. It’s easy to hide if a designer doesn’t like it.”

He raised a brow. “If you say yes then you’re basically just a fucking dress up doll.”

“That’s practically the definition of the job,” they replied. 

Not opposed at all x

They put their phone down, knowing better than to ask Verity what she was up to. She’d tell once she was ready. They looked at Tony, who was staring at them with a frown. They raised a brow as they crossed their arms. 

“People are staring at us. Do you really think they’re going to buy into us if you look like you’ve just eaten shit?” They asked. 

He scoffed. “Yeah, like you’re that good a fucking actor.”

“I won an Olivier award for my performance in Hamlet when I was eleven,” they said. “I would like to think that that speaks for itself.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ah, yes, because daddy totally didn’t pay for that.”

“He tried to get my name out of the nominations. Threw a whole temper tantrum because it was me and not Thor who got nominated.” They smiled bitterly at the memory. “When I won, he didn’t talk to me for a week. He stopped taking me to auditions. He put me into modeling instead.”

Tony blinked. “Okay. Point taken. Wait- so you didn’t choose to go into this?”

They shook their head. “Odin decided that Thor and I would follow in his footsteps. Become stars. I fucked that one over for him.”

“Sounds like he fucked it over himself,” he replied. 

They shrugged. They got more jobs when Odin was micromanaging their career, but they didn’t say that. No, they were glad to be away from Odin. “How’s the band?”

“Good. Good, yeah,” he replied. “Still writing the next album. Hopefully it’ll be out next year. Then- yeah. Tour finishes in a few months so hopefully we’ll get a break before we’re back in the studio.”

They hummed. “That’s good.”

“Yeah. I mean- I sort of feel like a worn out record. I went through a break up before the last album and that sort of carried my writing- and all I can write about now is that and I don’t want people to think I’m just writing the same shit over and over again, y’know?” He finally met their gaze at that. 

“The song you played the other day was good. Didn’t feel like a breakup song,” they replied. 

He shrugged. “Wrote that ages ago. Just fixed it up when Fury said I had to do something romantic.”

“It was good.” They smiled a little. “Really romantic.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Pepper- she was everything to me. She helped me through so much and- she was fantastic. But I was too much. She left.”

They frowned. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Shit happens. But now I’m back to my ‘womanizer’ image and Fury’s pissed. How about you?”

They shrugged. “My last breakup was quite a few years ago. Just before I came out,” they replied. They weren’t going to tell Tony about Fandral, just in case he said something about it to someone else. “Found someone younger and prettier.”

He frowned. “That’s gross.”

“It’s how it works in modeling. You’re hot shit until you get old,” they replied. 

“You’re twenty six. You’re not old.” He raised a brow. “That’s nowhere near old.”

“It is when you can get a sixteen year old.” They shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m over it. She was a director. Helped me get my shit together for a bit. Kept my image in check. She was really nice.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Please don’t tell me she dates sixteen year olds.”

“She doesn’t date them,” they replied quietly. “It’s not like the music industry doesn’t have its fair share of nonces. Hell, half the people I grew up listening to turned out to be nonces.”

“Yeah, and it’s shit.” He shook his head. “I fucking hate it. Like- why use your power to exploit some fucking child? It’s disgusting. I’ll never understand how people could do that.”

They nodded. “But people don’t care if you’re talented or rich enough to make up for it.”

“It’s bullshit.” He scowled. “Honestly. I can’t deal with it. It’s why we left our last label. They kept covering for dickheads and we weren’t comfortable being a part of that.”

They smiled a little. “Industries need more people like you.”

“You could do it,” he replied. 

They shook their head. “I’m already blacklisted by most designers. If I start shit talking the industry then I can just kiss my career goodbye.” 

“You’re putting your career above doing the right thing?” He asked. 

“People don’t listen to me.” They shrugged. “I’ve tried speaking out. I just got blacklisted. I was thirteen. I had to work hard to get back into it and even then people still hold it against me. I’d love to speak out about the industry and how shit it is, but it won’t change anything. It never does.”

“I fucking hate the people we have to work alongside.” He huffed. 

They chuckled. “Yeah. So do I.”

Their food came out and they both started to eat. Loki enjoyed the excuse for silence. Their conversation was getting into rocky territory and they couldn’t be more grateful for the excuse to not have to carry on with it. They picked at their food, enjoying the crunch from the seeds in the bread. They’d probably head back to the cafe if they ever found themself in Vegas again. 

“What time’s your flight?” Tony asked. 

They looked at him. “Three. Why?”

“I think I have an idea."