Chapter 1
Charles always knew...he just figured it out late.
Charles understood that something different stood in between him and Erik. Ever since he saved Erik from drowning himself, he knew that his relationship with Erik was different from the others, from Raven...from Hank...but he could never figure out what it was, everytime he thought he came close Erik would always pull himself away
Charles respected Erik's preferences, he felt what Erik felt everytime he was in Erik's mind, the betrayal, the angst, the anger, and the walls around him building up, higher and higher, so he never forced Erik to let him in, not that he could, if everyone was being honest; they all knew that Erik was the only one who could match professor's stubbornness and everyone was okay with that at first until Erik left and abandoned Charles.
He didn't show it but everybody knew that he was heartbroken. Even after all that, Charles understood that Erik made the choices he thought he had to because he didn't feel safe and in time Charles came to realise that he never might... It was heart wrenching for Charles, he was never alone, never lonely either, because of Raven, but she left too, and for the first time he felt what it was like to be lonely. When Raven left, Charles felt like his life went back to the old days...whwne nobody understood him...when everyone was afraid of him, but when Erik left...oh how Charles broke down...he kept it secret, put on a big smile for everyone to see...so that no one would pity him...he felt alone and lonely...kept a secret yet exposed...
When Raven left he felt like his life was meaningless but when Erik left he felt like he lost his life. All of his memories with Erik came crashing down as he watched him leave; all the smiles, the eye contacts that nobody understood but them...the laughter everytime they accomplished something together, and the feeling...the feeling of wishing Erik would stay. Charles thought that he only wished that Erik would stay and help create the perfect environment he'd dreamed of for mutants...but as time went on he realised that he wished for Erik to stay...by his side.