How The Blood Clog
With relationships, people figure out their boundaries. The thing is, it is hard for someone to figure out their boundaries if they don’t have a decent relationship to begin with. It is hard to figure out boundaries only with strangers or acquaintances because of the limit of interactions.
Peter Parker, now known as Peter-Three, knows about boundaries but he has a hard time figuring out what his boundaries are. Sure, there are certain topics that he rather hide or avoid, are those boundaries? He doesn’t really know, because, not even with Gwen he had enough time to figure out what his boundaries are.
In return, it is hard for him to figure out people’s boundaries too. It doesn’t like anyone ever talks about such an intimate and serious topic of how they want to be treated by him.
Not even his brothers.
So, they only use their head and common sense to figure out how to treat each other and respect their personal things.
But, for this?
Peter-Three stares at the intercom in his hand.
“So, this is the basement. We can wait here… I hope their talk will finish soon…”
Peter-Three looks around at this place, it does look like a discarded basement full of junk and things that better not be touched. Peter-One takes a sit on an old sofa, his somber look shows just how anxious he is with this current information.
Peter-Three looks around and he finds a few things he can use.
“What are you doing?”
Peter-Three huffs and glances at the youngest. He shows the intercom on his palm.
“I left the other one in the room,” Peter-Three fiddles with it with a heavy chest. “I will eavesdrop on them using it.”
Peter-One looks so shocked so Peter-Three ignores him and starts to reconfigure the intercom.
“Wait, what!?” Peter-One approaches him and looks at how the middle brother breaks apart the intercom. “No, no, you can’t- that is wrong!”
Peter-Three huffs. “I know, but I just can’t wait and do nothing.” Peter-Three takes one of the junk, some kind of device, and pulls out a cable from it to connect it to the intercom.
“Peter-Two has promised that he would explain to us later. This is a violation of his privacy…” Peter-One warns him, but based on how his hands don’t even try to stop Peter-Three, the middle brother guesses that the youngest feels conflicted.
“Yeah, he promised to us… but when? When will he explain it to us? When everything is too late!?” Peter-Three knows better than to redirect his anger to the youngest but he can’t help it. “He had such a massive nosebleed and he was unconscious for one whole day… that’s not normal! I’m not such an idiot to not figure out that his life is at some risk right now!” The middle brother hit the table in frustration.
Peter-One is being silent and for a second, Peter-Three feels bad for him. But, still, the middle brother is angry.
“And you know him. He rarely talked about himself, he rarely talked about anything. He wouldn’t tell us anything if he can help it, I know him,” Peter-Three adds more, with a quieter tone. Then he goes back to fiddle with the intercom again.
“Yeah… I know… but this is… wrong,” Peter-One mutters again with less energy. He looks like he is in a dilemma.
Peter-Three sighs. He doesn’t want to talk about this topic to the youngest, but it seems that he has no choice. “Little Bug… I… I have let people do what they decided to do.”
The flash of George and Gwen decided to help him, with their normal human capacity but with the same stubbornness which made Peter-Three have no choice but to accept their help.
And how their life ended.
Many times, he wishes that he had refused their help as strongly. True, it was their choice to make. And Peter-Three has a hard time to realize that…
He can make his own choice too.
“I respected their choice. But, I also can make my choice too,” Peter-Three continues with a serious face. “You can stay out of this if you want,” he quickly adds.
Even if Peter-Two or Stranger or both of them get angry when they find out that Peter-Three does this, he is willing to take the risk. Even if somehow Peter-Two finds him untrustworthy after this, Peter-Three doesn’t care.
Peter-Three loves Peter-Two so much that he is willing to risk everything in his life to figure out how he can help his brother.
Peter-Three continues to reconfigure the intercom before finally, he can turn on the device he made. Peter-One doesn’t try to stop him anymore, he is just standing there with a conflicted expression.
There is a static noise coming out from the intercom, loud enough for both of them to hear, and then they can hear the conversation between two people.
Peter-Two and Strange.
“Anyway, the bonds are so strong now that you are taking away their ‘pain’ and transferring it to you.”
That one is Strange. What is he talking about? Bonds? What bonds? And what is this pain that he talked about?
Their pain… transferring it to Peter-Two… whose pain?
Peter-Three looks at Peter-One and the little brother also looks at him with the same shocked expression.
The realization is settling in.
Of course, it is about them. Both of them. Their pain.
“I’m not-“
Peter-Two speaks in the way that he wants to deny it but he stops abruptly. Maybe because he thinks it is futile to deny it.
“Wish is such a strong power, in my opinion. Nothing will start, you won’t move, you won’t have motivation if it isn’t coming from wishing it first. I don’t know what you wished for but, you did something forbidden even in sorcery.”
Strange is pausing as if he is trying to create some suspense.
“It is forbidden to transfer anyone’s pain or suffering to another person, even yourself.”
Peter-Three is having a hard time following this conversation. What kind of magic or sorcery they are talking about? As far as he knows, Peter-Two can’t do magic at all, so how he is able to make bonds? What kind of bonds? How-
Peter-Three pauses as he starts to connect the dots.
Peter-Two always has this uncanny way of reading their feelings or how he finds them when they need some comfort…
It is as if he knows how they feel. It is as if he…
Is bonded with them…?
So, that is… true? Peter-Three never thinks something like that is possible but… it is true?
Then—
“It is hard to explain it, but each being is born with their own capacity to endure pain and suffering. If you try to take away someone’s pain and transfer it to you however you do it, it will increase more than what you can handle. Because that isn’t your pain that you need to endure, but someone else’s.”
Peter-Two’s pale face that night when Peter-Three has a complete mental breakdown in front of him. His face was a lot in pain, but Peter-Three realized that was more than because of Peter-Two sympathized with him. But, he was truly in pain.
He transferred Peter-Three’s pain to himself.
On top of how Peter-One was in a critical state.
Then Peter-Two left for a moment. Then he came back as if everything was okay.
Then the next morning, once Peter-Three told him that the youngest was awake, he—
He must have released the tension he had endured all night. That must be why he had a nosebleed and fainted only after Peter-One was awake.
How come… how come that Peter-Three doesn’t notice all of this…? How come…
Peter-Three doesn’t notice how his hands are trembling and his eyes become glassy.
How long… just how long Peter-Two has endured this without telling them? How long—
Peter-Three is so messed up, he has constant nightmares almost every night then… Did Peter-Two suffer every night silently because of him?
And not just night, he is, was, so messed almost all the time, then…
And not only just him, but Peter-One’s pains too?
How come that stupid oldest never said anything to them—how come---
“Now, your bonds are like an opened blood vessel that keeps flowing one way. So, the solution is simple. You just have to cut it out.I mean me, I will cut it out with my power.”
“Is it really that easy…? There are no risks or side effects…?”
Peter-Three hears how Peter-Two sounds reluctant and hesitates. Based on how this conversation flows, it seems that the oldest doesn’t make these bonds on purpose.
Then of course the right thing to do is to discard these bonds away.
Because never in Peter-Three’s imagination that he would ever become Peter-Two’s parasite.
That is what he is right…? He becomes a parasite for his older brother… If that strange wizard can cut him away then he should do so.
For whatever price, for whatever cost- even if it is Peter-Three’s life then-
“Honestly, I don’t know because I never did it before. But… I think the risk maybe…”
There is another pause.
“Your bonds are made based on your affection for them. If it is cut off, then… you might lose your affection for them. Probably… along with the memories of them too.”
“…what?”
Peter-Three feels like he can’t hear anything suddenly. Not his own breathing, not any noises around him, suddenly the world is completely silent.
He looks at his own trembling hands before he starts to process Strange’s words.
Peter-Two’s affection and… his memories about them…?
For a second, Peter-Three is having a flashback of how he met Peter-Two for the first time and how the oldest had nosebleed a few moments ago. His gentle smiles, warm hugs, comforting smell… everything flashes inside Peter-Three’s mind.
…they will be gone? All of that? Does that mean…
Peter-Two will stop being his older brother…?
“No… no… no… That can’t be…”
Peter-Three snaps out from his mind. He turns around to see a panicking Peter-One. The youngest is gripping his head with a horror-stricken face. “He can’t… he can’t forget me! I don’t want to! Not anymore! NO!”
Peter-Three realizes that the youngest is having a panic attack, which is something that happened for the first time he has ever known him. Peter-One has endured a lot of terrible things and he has been so strong-
But this might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
“Little Bug—” Peter-Three pulls the youngest into his embrace, forcing a hug to him because the youngest is resisting him deliriously. “Hey, hey, calm down. You need to take a breath, breathe with me.”
“He can’t forget me… he can’t…” Peter-One whines weakly as he starts to sob and grips Peter-Three’s shoulder desperately.
“I know… I know… it is just…” Peter-Three doesn’t know what to say.
He wants to lie that everything will be alright. But, he knows that…
Nothing is alright.
It feels as if they have been living peacefully on borrowed time.
And the time is up and everything starts to crumble down beneath their feet.
“Is there no other choice but to do that?”
Peter-Three perks up his head and turns at the intercom.
“Unless you want to risk losing your mind or even life… then…” Strange pauses.
Peter-Three and Peter-One are also pausing their breathing as they wait.
“But then again, the traveling between multiverses like what you all are doing now needs to stop anyway. You are putting the safety of multiverses in jeopardy. And like I said before, counterparts from multiverses shouldn’t have such close relationships… it isn’t normal. Eventually, everything needs to end.”
Peter-Three notices how Peter-One is trembling.
Or is it him?
Anyway, he can feel how his body is trembling hard. He has the feeling that what they have been doing is wrong but to hear it in words… makes the reality strike him.
“So, it will be good to forget them and to erase any affection you have for them. It will be easier that way.” There is a slight pause. “If you think that it is unfair for the two other Spider-Man, I can do the same for them. So, you three will forget each other.”
Peter-Three doesn’t know how to feel to hear that. But, hearing how Peter-One is sobbing inside his embrace makes his heart break into pieces.
He realizes that he is also crying.
“No… I don’t want to… please…” Peter-One is sobbing and begging. Peter-Three doesn’t know how to respond.
He used to think that… right, his peaceful life for the past 4 months has been…
So happy…
It was too good to be true…
He felt almost undeserving to feel that happy. And he has been so scared that it will come to an end eventually.
Because it will. It will always end, too soon, sooner than he expects it.
But, to think that what he has been fearing will come true---
“I can’t…”
Peter-Three blinks in surprise.
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Regardless of whether what we have been doing is right or wrong, whether we have to be separated or not… I don’t want to lose any of my memories about them or lose my affection for them.”
Peter-Three blinks in surprise. In his mind, he can picture Peter-Two’s face, gentle but serious. The oldest always has that expression when he talks about serious matters.
“Even for the price of your sanity or your life…? Do you understand what you are talking about? You might have fast healing ability as a Spider-Man, but the transferred pain from the other Spider-men will crush you-“
“I love them, both of them.”
Peter-Three’s eyes widened. He remembers how Peter-Two has said that he loved them more than multiverses-
“More than anything… The two of them are… my most important people… in these whole multiverses… So, I can’t give up on them. Never.” Peter-Two continues. He sounds determined and serious as if there is nothing else that can change his mind.
Peter-Three is stunned to hear that.
He knows that Peter-Two loves him- them. And the oldest always reminded him just how much he loved them but…
It is still hard for him to understand that Peter-Two loves them that much.
More than the multiverses, more than-
“You love them more than your own life?”
“…yes.”
The answer sounds more solemn and sad, but there is no hesitation in it.
“You remind me how much I dislike troublesome patients like you.”
“I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for my choice.”
Peter-Three is silent while he is trying to process everything. Wait a minute, if this keeps going then—
Peter-Two is going to lose his sanity or his life because of his little brothers…?
The image of Gwen slowly falling enters his mind. Her shocked face as she realized what happened to her and how she was staring back at him, probably hoping he to catch her.
But, he failed.
And how her body became slowly cold in his embrace, how she was unresponsive despite his cries.
His small world was destroyed that night. His world was already empty and lonely, but that night, he lost the only person who really accepted him for who he was. He thought that… she was his home. A place that he could feel safe… a place to come back.
It was ended so quick, it was—
He was broken that night and he never be whole again. Never been, after that.
He never thought that he would find love again. He never thought there would be anyone who would love someone broken like him. While it is easy for him to love someone, to be loved is different.
So, to be loved unconditionally by his brothers is like… a dream. A dream that is too good to happen.
A dream that will end eventually.
But, not by death.
Not again.
Peter-Three won’t be able to survive that again.
While he has imagined the world where his brothers abandoned him, he can’t even imagine a world where his brothers are dead.
“Peter…?”
But the thing is, Peter-Three knows that despite the oldest being a laid-back person, he is stubborn when he has to decide something.
Peter-Three is already releasing the confused youngest from his embrace then the next thing he knows is…
He is already running.
He needs to stop the oldest from being stupid, that is another role for him as the middle brother. It is rare for Peter-Two to be stupid—
But, he is being utterly idiotic now.
Peter-Three opens the door of the room where Peter-Two stays rather harshly, harder than he intended to.
“Peter…?” Peter-Two sounds confused.
The sweet smell inside this room is really thick and almost suffocating, but looking at his pale and bloodied older brother makes Peter-Three cast aside everything else. His new clothes are already stained with blood again from his nosebleed previously.
“Are you okay? What happened-“
Peter-Two is always like this. Based on how Peter-One and Peter-Three are feeling right now, the oldest should feel immense pain because of them, but still, instead of worrying about himself, he worries about them.
“I eavesdropped on what you two are talking about,” Peter-Three cuts the oldest rudely, he points out at the intercom he dropped earlier.
Peter-Two looks shocked then he frowns. “What-“
“Forget about that, what do you mean with what you said earlier? You love us… more than your own life? What kind of absurdity is that!?” Peter-Three is snapping back at the oldest.
The strange wizard at the edge of vision is doing nothing, just standing there observing everything.
“Peter-“
“Peter-Three-“
Peter-Three hears how the youngest has arrived in the room as well. But, that isn’t important. It isn’t important right now.
“What if you die!? You choose to die rather than forget us!? Do- DO YOU WANT MY PAIN TO KILL YOU!?” Peter-Three shouts at the top of his lungs. The sight of how Gwen’s body whiplashed because of his web. The sight of his older brother grimacing in pain when he was having a mental breakdown.
“Peter—”
Based on Peter-Two not only sounds so sad, but also in pain, makes Peter-Three trembles.
“Have you ever thought what will happen to me- us if you die!? How you—” Peter-Three stops as he grits his teeth in anger. “You are such a HYPOCRITE, don’t you know THAT!?”
Peter-Three remembers how Peter-Two said that they should know their limit and not let the accumulated pain crush them—
Actually, the oldest has been doing this behind their back for the whole time.
“You are such a liar and coward… I… I don’t want to have a brother like you anymore, I don’t need someone like you to be my brother!”
Peter-Three’s eyes are glassy, but he can still see how hurt Peter-Two is by his words. The middle brother closes his eyes, letting a few tears fall off then he turns around.
And he runs off.
If he stays, he knows that he will retract back his words.
He sees the crying youngest, but the middle brother passes him.
He knows that he has to do this, he has to—
He has to…
There is a commotion behind him, he doesn’t know what. He can’t stop running, he can’t look back. He has done what he has to. He has said what needs to be said.
It is done.
It is over.
That is what he is trying to convince himself as he cries and runs off as fast as he can.
0o0o0o0
“Peter-Two-“
“Ugh—”
Peter-One runs toward the oldest quickly as he sees a burst of blood coming out from Peter-Two’s nose and mouth.
“Geez… you all are so troublesome…” Peter-One sees that Strange also has moved quickly and he covers Peter-Two’s eyes with his hand quickly. The oldest’s body becomes limp suddenly and he falls back to the bed, clearly unconscious.
“Sir—”
“I only made him fall asleep… the pain was almost too much for him. At this rate, his brain might hemorrhage if he doesn’t get treated…” Strange sighs.
Peter-One turns at the unconscious oldest. His vision is blurry because of his tears. With his trembling hands, Peter-One wipes Peter-Two’s blood from his face. But of course, without doing it properly, Peter-One only smears the blood even worse.
The youngest starts to cry harder. Tears are falling more and more as his body crumbles down beside the oldest.
The thought that Peter-Two would forget him scared Peter-One.
The thought that they will have to live alone again with no memories of each other scares him even more.
But the thought that Peter-Two might lose his life scared him the most.
“Why… why is this happening? Is… it all… my fault?” Peter-One sobs and whines as he wails his sorrow out.
He shouldn’t let himself get poisoned by such lame thugs. If he didn’t get poisoned… then Peter-Two wouldn’t be in this state—
Or probably his fault traced back when he fractured the multiverses because of him being careless.
He was really happy for the 4 months… really happy. Maybe even more than when he joined Avengers, even more than when MJ accepted his love—
He was so lonely and wounded, everything hurt. He was lost and barely surviving. But his brothers rescue him, despite their own pain and trauma. They suffered enough pain by themselves, and yet—
“Brothers… huh?”
Peter-One raises his head slightly and glances at Doctor Strange. The wizard huffs though his face is a bit solemn. “Let’s see whether I can change his decision or not. Sadly, I’m not that irresponsible forcing something against my patient’s will.”
Peter-One’s eyes are shaking. At this point, he doesn’t know what is the right choice.
Whether to let Peter-Two keep his condition so that he won’t forget his brothers.
Or to let Peter-Two get treated so that he can live.
“You better go follow your other brother, I don’t care how but both of you need to calm down to ease his burden,” Strange’s hands are glowing again. “There is nothing for you to do here.”
Peter-One gulps down his sobs.
He wants to cry and wail more.
But, Peter-Three is also…
He is also in a lot of pain.
Saying things like that must have hurt as well.
Peter-One knows that the middle brother has forced himself to say that. So that Peter-Two will change his mind.
Peter-One clenches his fists then he turns around.
He doesn’t know what Strange is going to do with Peter-Two but… with the oldest being unconscious, there is nothing for Peter-One to do here.
He needs to find Peter-Three now. Because… even though Peter-One doesn’t know what he is going to say to the middle brother…
At least, he doesn’t want for Peter-Three to be in pain… alone.
0o0o0o0
Peter-Two opens his eyes in surprise. He looks around and checks his surroundings.
Right, he is alone in his apartment. He probably passed out on the couch after a fight during his patrol last night. He grimaces at his suit which is full of dust and grim. He thought after two decades become a Spider-Man, he would take care of his hygiene better, but there are times when things like this slip out.
Peter-Two gets to the bathroom and cleans himself there. He sees the reflection of himself in the mirror and he zones out for a second.
It is weird… for a second, it feels as if he forgets something important…
Probably just his feeling, he is getting old now, and he does forget about things. But, the trick that he learned is that he needs to stop mulling on it, he will remember eventually.
After refreshing himself and changing his clothes, Peter-Two prepares a light breakfast for himself and reminds himself of his task for his work.
He eats breakfast alone as he lets his mind wander off.
His salad is too bland again, but he doesn’t bother to add anything else to it.
After all, eating alone always makes any kind of food become tasteless for him.
Eating is necessarily something to survive, not because something he likes to do. So, he doesn’t mind it.
Or at least, he is trying to convince himself that way.
The last time he eats with someone else happily…
Probably with MJ, huh?
It has been years… but, Peter-Two is used to being alone.
It is easier like this after all.
Peter-Two is glad that he only prepares a light breakfast for him because he loses his appetite quickly. He knows he should eat a lot for recovery after a fight, his body with high metabolism needs that, but…
He doesn’t feel good now… maybe he will eat a bigger portion for lunch, but not now.
Time passes as quietly as usual before finally, Peter-Two needs to go to interview his client. Thankfully, even for a bustling New York, today is a peaceful day. His spider-sense is ringing with useless information every once in a while, about people shouting, or cars honking, but there is nothing else happening.
The sight of a group of teenagers walking together while bickering with each other happily catches his eyes. Peter-Two doesn’t know why it makes him stop, but he just does.
Friends…
After what happened with Harry, Peter-Two never puts effort into making friends. No, he distanced himself from anyone that got too close to him. As a Spider-Man, he doesn’t think he can build a normal friendship with anyone, and he is okay with that.
But today, he feels strangely… empty…
Even after Peter-Two goes back to his apartment, the empty feeling stays.
No, it is always there. But, there are times when he can forget about it only to remember that it exists. The hole inside his chest.
He is probably feeling… lonely.
He checks on his phone and sees his last chat with MJ.
At least there is still one person who cares for him… someone who will cry if he dies or disappears…
“Being greedy… isn’t good though…” Peter-Two reminds solemnly to himself as he puts down his phone.
He knows that he can’t make MJ happy, not even when he can’t live a normal life. It is enough for him to love her, if she ever chooses to move on and find another love, that might be better for her…
He is… probably isn’t doing this right…
If Uncle Ben and Aunt May were still alive, if they knew that he was living this kind of life, maybe they wouldn’t approve of it. But…
Peter-Two doesn’t know how to do this in any other way.
Stop being a Spider-Man and try to live a normal life when he knows that his body is far from a normal human. He doesn’t think he can live such a deceptive life like that.
Staying being a Spider-Man and trying to live a normal life? He has tried that before, he lost Harry in the process. And he hurt the people important to him, directly or indirectly. He feels guilty for them.
Maybe, there is a version of him, who lives a better life, balancing being a Spider-Man and a normal human, marrying MJ, having kids, having friends, having a stable income… Having someone who waits for him when he returns home, having someone to help him tend his wounds that he can’t tend himself, having someone that he can eat together with…
A happy Peter Parker… maybe someone like him exists… somewhere.
Peter-Two pulls on his suit and mask. But, for now, it is okay for him to be like this. He is still alive, he still has work, he still has a place to stay, he still contacts MJ once in a while, and he is a bit lonely but…
It is okay.
Because, even if it isn’t okay, he doesn’t know how else he should do this.
That is what he thinks as Peter-Two leaps outside of the window, doing another patrol in the night as a Spider-Man.
0o0o0o0
Everything will end eventually. Peter-Three knows that he knows better than anyone.
He learned it the hard way when his parents dropped him off at his uncle’s place without explanation.
Being alone… and being broken… become normal for him.
Sure, he was ashamed of himself. He is such a sorry excuse for a superhero. But, he is doing his best, he is always trying to do his best.
Though, he knows that it is always far from enough.
But now, the thought that he will come back to live alone… like before… scare him.
It becomes real now. It's down to him now.
He will come back to his empty and miserable life like before.
When he was numb and lonely. When the only thing that could keep him going was the video of Gwen’s speech that he kept repeating like a broken record. When he often hoped that whenever he closed his eyes, he wouldn’t need to open them again.
But, what else can he do…?
It is proven now… he has to be alone. He has no choice but to be alone.
Anyone who gets near him, trying to help him or loving him… they always got hurt… they always—
He thought he had found his place, he thought he had found his home.
But, it was only a hallucination-
No, it was real… it was real, but, yeah, it isn’t good. It has to end.
It hurts so much now… it hurts so much because he still remembers.
Peter-Two’s comforting smell, Peter-One’s bright smiles, the warm place that welcome him warmly, the fulfilling meals, everything… everything that was unreachable for him before he met his brothers.
He wonders if he forgets everything, about his brothers, about their lovely times together, will it be easier? Or will it make everything worse?
But, still, it doesn’t like he has any other choice. If he has to choose whether he has to go back to his hellish and lonely life so that Peter-Two can keep living or he retains all of the memories but Peter-Two is going to die slowly, the choice is obvious.
Not to mention that based on that wizard’s words, they need to stop seeing each other sooner. So, in whatever choices, Peter-Three will always end up alone.
So, what’s the point? It is better to just choose the less painful choice.
Peter-Three notices the presence behind him, his spider-sense has long been dulled to his brothers’ presence, but he can still sense them somewhat. After all, Peter-Three can’t run away that far. He is only running away to the rooftop of this building, watching how the sun slowly sets in the sky.
Peter-One takes a seat beside him, on the edge of the rooftop, with their feet dangling.
Even without seeing the youngest, Peter-Three can feel anxiety radiating from him. The middle brother looks at the sun with solemn eyes.
“I’m sorry… but I don’t know what else I can do…” Peter-Three decides to speak up first. “I didn’t mean to make a choice by myself without taking your feelings into consideration, it is just…”
He is just helpless.
It doesn’t like he can whip up another antidote for Peter-Two’s condition.
The oldest is probably in a bad condition after another outburst from him, Peter-Three can imagine that.
He has been trying to be the reliable middle brother, the one that can take a share of Peter-Two’s burden and protect Peter-One’s innocence. He has been trying his best.
But sadly, this is the best that he can do, and…
Peter-Three is devastated.
“There is just… no way I can let Big Bug die… in vain…” Peter-Three continues with trembling lips. It is such an irony, after an angry outburst earlier, he wants to cry now. “I won’t be able to survive that…” Peter-Three adds with a quieter voice.
If he had to lose his brothers that way, Peter-Three would lose it. For sure.
Either he will kill himself or he will destroy the world, he doesn’t know.
What is the use of living if he is only going to live in pain? He is better off death than living like that…
Maybe for Peter-Two or Peter-One, they might be different. They aren’t as broken as him, so… maybe they can move on even without the other brothers but—
Peter-Three won’t be able to.
For him, it is better to live alone in obliviousness, but his brothers are alive somewhere else. Pretending that nothing happened, that these are all just unreachable dreams like before.
“I don’t want… Peter-Two to die but…”
Peter-Three hears the youngest start to sob.
“But… I don’t want… to be alone again… I-I… don’t want to…” Peter-One whimpers pitifully and it seems he is trying hard to hold back his tears, but he has failed. “No—I shouldn’t cry again—ugh…”
Peter-Three watches the youngest in horror as Peter-One starts to hit his own head. “Hey, hey, don’t do that-“ Peter-Three catches Peter-One’s wrists to stop him from injuring himself.
“But, it hurts so much! It HURTS!” Peter-One shouts as tears fall more. “Strange said that—we need to calm down somehow—Peter-Two is hurting but… I can’t… I can’t stop crying…”
Peter-Three is frowning upon hearing that. “Calm down… how? In this situation?” Peter-Three sighs as he lets his tears fall as well. He shakes his head. “How can we calm down… when our world is breaking apart now?”
Peter-Three is barely holding it in as well. He wants to do something to escape from the pain he is suffering now. He wonders whether hitting someone or injuring himself will make things better. So, he gets what Peter-One is doing to himself.
The youngest stops struggling as he cries out. He is wailing as hard as he can, loudly, without any fear that someone might hear him.
“Why do we need to choose between Peter-Two’s life or our happiness…? It isn’t fair—not fair! Why can’t we choose both!?” Peter-One starts to hit Peter-Three’s chest in frustration as he continues to wail and cry.
Peter-Three shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to answer that question.
He wants to answer like how Peter-Two answers all of their anxiety-riddled questions. The answers give them hope, telling them everything is going to be alright. But, the future is doomed and Peter-Three can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe… Peter Parker is destined to be alone. Maybe, something above the sky hates them. Maybe, they were sinful in their past lives. Peter-Three doesn’t know… he just doesn’t know…
So, he can only hug Peter-One back, as he also weeps along with the youngest.
0o0o0o0
Peter-Two stops when he hears the laughing of the children from one of the windows of an apartment building. He always loves to hear the innocent laughter from the children, so he stops swinging and takes a break to listen to this melodious sound, hoping that it can fill the emptiness inside his chest.
Though… maybe it is a little creepy for him to hang outside of their window, acting like a creepy stalker—
He doesn’t mean bad though, so, just for a little bit.
He peeks inside from the edge of the window, looking at the sight of children playing a board game happily. Based on how similar they look, probably they are brothers.
They laugh and bicker as if they have the happiest time in the world.
Peter-Two retreats back to the rooftop as he feels a twisted feeling inside his chest.
Part of him wonders, when was the last time he ever laughed that carefree and innocently like that…? Did he ever do it? He doesn’t know, because he doesn’t remember.
He still smiles, though his smiles feel empty and hollow. But, he hasn’t been laughing for… years. He has no reason to. Nothing seems fun or funny for him anymore.
And laughing that happily with someone else by his side, Peter-Two doesn’t remember when…
He grips his chest as he grimaces. What’s up with him today? Why is it so hard for him to control his feelings today? He thought he had accepted that… he wouldn’t be able to live a normal life like others. He wouldn’t be able to experience small happiness any longer. And it should be okay.
It should be-
“Being Spider-Man is equal to being alone after all.”
Peter-Two snaps and he looks at how the surroundings around him suddenly wrap around and reveal darkness. He turns at his back and he sees Spider-Man standing there. Peter-Two checks at how he isn’t wearing his suit anymore, just his casual clothes.
“I thought, you have accepted that… but you don’t, now? Don’t you think you are being… a little bit too greedy?” Spider-Man asks him with the cockiness and wittiness that feels familiar but also foreign to Peter-Two.
Peter-Two frowns and clutches his chest tighter. “Greedy? Me?” he asks back.
“Yes, because you feel lonely… and you start to want someone to stay at your side,” Spider-Man twirls his finger then points at Peter-Two. “While also being Spider-Man, which also will put that sorry soul in danger, what will you call that if it isn’t being ‘greedy’?”
Peter-Two finds himself unable to respond back. He clutches his chest as he looks down. “…but… even I want to be… happy,” he answers with a whisper. “Is it wrong…?”
“Dude, there are a lot of people more miserable than you. The ill ones, homeless people, and more… You need to learn how to be grateful so you can stop being greedy.”
Peter-Two closes his eyes as he frowns. “But… being greedy is a human trait.”
“Well, true, but you aren’t a normal human anymore, are you?”
Peter-Two becomes speechless again.
“If… being greedy is sinful, if… hoping to be happy is sinful, then… I don’t mind being sinful, just for this once…” Peter-Two answers carefully. “For most of my life… I always try to live righteously but… I’m… tired.”
And lonely.
He gives up his happiness for the sake of other people’s happiness all the time.
So, for once… he wants to be happy… just for… a tiny bit.
The Spider-Man in front of him is silent, but even with him being silent, he feels imposing. He snaps his fingers and suddenly there is a wall of fire behind where Peter-Two is standing.
“Your happiness is across there.” Spider-Man points at the fire vaguely.
Peter-Two watches the ferocious fire flaming with intense heat that he can even feel it from this distance.
“Because… to love is to suffer, right? You should have known that. Being alone is much easier.” The Spider-Man shrugs. “Your choice. At least, I have tried to warn you.”
“Love… who?” Peter-Two asks in confusion, but it seems the Spider-Man is done talking to him. Peter-Two turns again at the ragging fire then back to Spider-Man.
After observing the raging fire, Peter-Two feels like he can barely hear it.
Something… someone… no, some people are calling for him.
He hears crying sounds across the raging fire. The crying pulls him in and twists his inside.
Peter-Two turns around again at the Spider-Man who is observing him.
It feels like... he knows him now. “You are… my spider-sense, aren’t you?”
The Spider-Man finally snorts. “Good for you to recognize me, I always save you from danger, to survive, and yet, you are going to choose that over me,” he answers sarcastically.
“What is the point of surviving… if I can’t properly live?” Peter-Two asks back as he faces the fire. “Even if I’m not fully human anymore… I do want to live and be happy just like any other people…” He steps forward to the fire, bracing himself for the pain. “Even if that is wrong… I don’t care anymore.”
“Hm… well said.”
Peter-Two closes his eyes as he can feel how the fire is filling his body with pain, the world around him becomes hazy as he is drowning in pain.
“Just for this once, I will help you.”
--
Peter-Two gasps as he opens his eyes in surprise.
“What—how did you break my spell?”
Peter-Two is trying to think, to focus, with all of the pain that trying to drown him down. But, he can’t—he can’t drown yet…
His brothers… his brothers need him—
“Do you really want to end yourself?”
Peter-Two glances at the strange wizard, pausing at how he wants to leave the bed. He knows that he isn’t in good condition, not with his head splitting into two and blood flowing like a fountain from his nose.
But, really, his brothers… his brothers are in a lot of pain.
“It is because I love them that much…” Peter-Two gives a small smile to Strange before he webs Strange to the nearest wall swiftly.
He doesn’t know how, he doesn’t know what happens when he is unconscious but aside from the pain, he can also feel a surge of energy coming from his body. So, Peter-Two takes his chance as he runs and leaps out of the window.
“You—Spider-Man!”
0o0o0o0
Peter-One hates to feel helpless, to feel lost. Usually, it reminds him of how young and inexperienced he is. Just how naïve and foolish he is. And usually, he envies and is a bit amazed to see how the adults around him just know what they should do.
But, now, it feels so scary to know that Peter-Three is just as helpless as him.
That both of them don’t know how to escape from this ordeal.
That their future is bleak and they can’t run away from it.
The thought that Peter-One needs to come back to live alone with no one remembering him, only focusing on how to survive and crying alone every night, truly scares him. But, the thought that his brothers also need to endure the same suffering, being alone with no one can support them—
It triples his pain in a way that Peter-One never knew before.
He is utterly terrified both for himself and his brothers.
That, even after this, even after he forgets everything, there may be no way for him to live a happy life. Not when he isn’t allowed to live with his brothers, not when even just the memories about them are killing Peter-Two at this very moment.
The thought that he would be alone forever.
And his brothers also would be alone forever.
He just can’t—
He is so scared—
Peter-One pauses crying as he can feel how someone pulls him and Peter-Three into an embrace.
The very familiar smell… mixed with blood.
“Peter-Two-“
“W-Wha—WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? ARE YOU CRAZY!?” Peter-Three is moving so fast, he hits away Peter-Two’s arm but the oldest moves faster and catches his wrist.
His quick movement catches Peter-Three in surprise, even Peter-One as well.
Peter-Two looks at him seriously, and how he has such a massive nosebleed is very terrifying as well. But then he smiles sheepishly as he grips Peter-Three’s hand gently.
“You said that… you don’t want to be my brother anymore, but honestly… you are way too late.” Peter-Two huffs. He pulls the shocked Peter-Three and also Peter-One back into his embrace. “Once I have decided that you two are my brothers… there is no going back… you might stop thinking of me as your brother, but I will always consider you two as my brothers… forever.”
Peter-One’s eyes shake as he starts to cling to Peter-Two desperately.
“So, what? You are going to die and leave us!?” Peter-Three is still snapping back but with less anger than before. Instead, Peter-One can hear how his voice is breaking.
“I don’t choose to die… I said that I can’t give up on you two, never. That’s different…” Peter-Two reminds them, as he pushes them enough so that they can see each other’s eyes. “There is… just, there is no way that I can live without my sweet little brothers, even if my memories get erased… I won’t be able to—I won’t be the same, I can’t do that.” Peter-Two shakes his head as his eyes become watery.
Peter-One hiccups and sobs again. He throws himself to hug Peter-Two.
“Then… we should find another way… there should be another way… we don’t need to choose between two choices—I want Peter-Two to live but I don’t want to be separated from you two as well!” Peter-One sobs.
Peter-Two nods as he hugs Peter-One back.
“Will that… be okay? Will that… work out?” Peter-Three sounds sad and scared.
“We will make it work… somehow,” Peter-Two still sounds out of breath, but he is confident.
Finally, Peter-Three joins the embrace and the three of them hug each other tightly.
Now that Peter-One is in his brothers’ embrace, he starts to feel calm. It feels comforting. It feels right. For a moment, he lets himself believe that…
Yes, everything will be alright.
They will make it work out somehow.
“You Spider-men brothers are really… handful…”
Peter-One turns around and sees Strange suspended in the air with a pissed expression.
Uh-oh…
Well, it seems that things won’t be going to be easy for them… not at all.
To Be Continued