Collateral Damage

Moscow, Russia

When it came to the Red Room, a trained widow formally ‘graduated’ on her 18th birthday. Her ceremony consisted of being sedated and forced onto an operating table and all of her reproductive organs were forcibly removed without her knowledge or consent. The Red Room also stole their DNA, to preserve it for when they could finally clone humans. They had not succeeded at cloning yet, but they saved the DNA of top tier of their classes to recreate them. Storing their DNA was the best way to ensure they would get the same genetic strengths.

The forced sterilization of widows was a controversial subject for some, however, it was deemed necessary. The men in similar programs were never forcibly sterilized as they did not carry the burdens of childbirth in their bodies. A pregnant widow was a weak widow, useless to the motherland, useless to Dreykov. Eventually, his ideas were realized that removing reproductive organs of he widows was a matter of national security.

The widows were not informed of this practice before it occurred, but notified of the modification after the surgery. As Dreykov saw it, their bodies belonged to him and he could alter them in anyway he saw fit, with or without their knowledge or consent. If they were truly the trained widows he expected they would not care and accept the changes he made to them.

On the eve of Natasha’s 18th birthday, Dreykov assigned her to an isolated dormitory, he congratulated her right as the clock turned to midnight and then two medical agents came into the room and sedated Natasha. They removed her clothes, loaded her on a gurney and sent her to the operating room. Natasha was still slightly awake as they rolled the bed along the long hallway. She had no idea what they were doing, she couldn’t speak or ask, she could just make out the fluorescent lights above her head which became blurrier and blurrier as she fell out of awareness.

She awoke to a great pain in her abdomen. The surgeons who operated really used a sparing amount of pain medication, they didn’t believe women really felt that much with the removal of the reproductive organs. They gave her just a tiny amount of medication to subdue her. Natashas abdomen ached, she had a dull and sharp harsh pain under her naval. As she looked down at her self she could see a scar in her pelvic region that went up quite a bit, and her lower abdomen was bloated and she could not touch it because it was so sensitive.

She was completely unsure of what they had done to her, or why. Did they put something inside of her? Insert something down there?” She grimaced as she touched the sensitive area of skin the pain was so sharp she immediately retracted her finger from her upper pelvis. What the hell happened to her? A doctor suddenly entered the room he did not knock or announce himself. He went right over to Natasha and pulled her hospital gown up without warning or consideration to view the incision site. A female nurse followed him in and forced a thermometer in Natasha’s mouth. She didn’t know what to do, she just let it happen around her as she was still a bit dazed.

“No fever, looks good.” The doctor muttered and then he walked over to a phone high up on the wall by the doorway. He picked it up and didn’t dial anything.

“Sir, your asset is recovering well. I think she just needs one or two days here.”

“I don’t want her getting soft, you know the rules.” Natasha could hear Dreykov’s voice through the phone saying this.

“Yes, sir, she’s on the lowest levels of pain relief we can provide.” The doctor assured and hung up.

Natasha groaned, of course Dreykov would make her experience every moment of agony this caused her. That’s how he thought they maintained their strength and improved pain tolerance.

“We will start weaning you off the remaining medication while you are here. You will experience some moderate discomfort but you will be fine. We do this all the time.” The doctor said to Natasha.

“Moderate discomfort from what?” Natasha asked and the doctor stared at her.

“From your enhancement.”

“My enhancement?” She repeated in a curious tone.

“Yes, to make you stronger, and not weighed down by the burdens of womanhood.”

Natasha was quiet for a moment as she tried to figure out what that meant.

“You know, no more periods, no children, no cancers or sicknesses that come from those pesky child rearing parts. Really, it is a way to save you from a potential threat.”

“Really, it makes the most sense, you’re not one of the ones to be bred so what would those parts be for?”

“You sterilized me?”

“We have enhanced you. We made you function at a higher level for your greater purpose. For some women bringing children to the motherland is their calling, their real and great purpose, but for you, it’s something much different. All widows go through this, none of them ever complain.”

Natasha felt goose bumps prickle up and down her skin from her toes to her neck.

“All of the widows are sterilized?” Natasha repeated as no one had ever told her this before.

“Yes, this is your graduation ceremony… Congratulations!” The doctor partially joked.

Natasha recalled her family experience in Ohio fondly, she dreamed about what it would be like to have a mother, she even somewhat considered her own role in the world and maybe being a mother herself one day but she never seriously considered it from the world she grew up. There was no talk of mothers as anything other than abandoners, trash, worthless, unworthy of the children they bore. Experiencing what family was like for a few years as a child, it did make her long for one more than any of the widows who had no memories to attach to their experiences. A few times, naively, Natasha thought maybe she’d escape and start her own family free of worry and harm, but it wasn’t something she never seriously, deeply thought about because she also feared for the life and experiences of any child she might bring into the world. The loss of the option to do it if she wanted to though… that was something she never once considered. How do you reconcile with something taken away from you before you even know how you feel about it.

It hurt, it was hard, it was devastating to accept that despite all of her skill and talent, her exceptionalness that she was still just on the factory line like all of the widows. She was not special, really. She was just like the others in the grand scheme of things, yet she felt different from the other widows and she never knew what it was. For the longest time she thought they all secretly felt the same as her, and part of her still wondered if that was true, but was starting to realize her experience of living, bonding, loving a fake family for a few years gave her something to hold onto. The others, most of them did not have that. All so many of them knew was life under Dreykov,’s kill or be killed regime, just another widow on the assembly line, no individuality, no personality, no look or clothing that Dreykov did not approve, no hobby or interest that he didn’t personally permit.

She couldn’t cry, not while the doctor was here. She had to stay strong. It wasn’t the loss of being able to have children that hurt her so much as is was the deep violation of her body, without any knowledge or information that grabbed at her so emotionally. Although it felt heavy and different, she couldn’t stop wondering why this felt different. It wasn’t different from any of the other abuse and force and manipulation that he put her through for her years of her life, but this was irreversible. It was a permanent decision made about her future with no consideration of her.

As the doctor and nurse left, Natasha was alone the room, feeling the emotional and literal physical pain of what they had just done to her. Her eyes watered and she took deep slow breaths. If they could do this to her, was there anything they wouldn’t do to her? How did this turn out to be her life? What did she do to deserve being turned into a puppet, a weapon?

Late in the evening as Natasha recovered Dreykov came to the hospital ward of the Red Room. He did not visit all widows in recovery but he had deep affection for Natasha, for her skill and the success he knew she would bring him.

He observed the ghostly pale look on her face, like she was still recovering from the shock of her surgery.

“Natasha. The doctor said you are recovering well.”

“Not to me.” She mumbled quietly.

“You look unwell.” He said in a somber tone.

“You sterilized me…”

“Ah well, that is how graduate from the Red Room. It is your last part of your training, it allows you to be out in the world. It’s a good thing.” He tried to assure and Natasha looked stone cold and sad.

“If we made a practice of sterilizing more often I wouldn’t have so much trash like you to recycle.” He smirked to himself but then he looked a bit more serious as Natasha was quiet and shrinking into herself a bit.

“Look, some girls breed, and some girls lead.” Dreykov shrugged. “They cannot do both. A real mother is home with her children, caring for them and making sure the motherland has well attended babies. You could never be that, you have too much work to do. You are both important to the world, maybe one is more important that the other in some ways, but if you had a good mother you wouldn’t be here. It’s a cycle that creates itself.” He pet Natasha’s head gently and she pressed her eyes closed tightly, warm tears forming under her eye lids.

“You can’t nurture anyone, Natasha, you’re a killer, you love to kill you told me yourself. You love to kill so much you a methodical, evil, strategic, you think it through and plan how to gut your enemy in ways they could never dream of. That’s not someone who can bring a child into the world. You’re a machine, you provide a different service. Widows, they aren’t really women, they look like women, they are underestimated and undervalued like women, but that is their power. Your lack of true womanhood is your strength, not your weakness. Real women are weak, pathetic, that’s why they owe men children, because they are not useful on their own. They are just bodies to create and host more bodies. That’s how real women get worth in the world, you have worth without that, you have worth because you free of the demand to create children so you can kill, so you can serve the motherland in a different more effective way.” Dreykov spoke like some wise professor.

“Do you give this speech to everyone?” Natasha sighed.

“Sometimes, every once in awhile, a weaker, less skilled widow might shed a tear thinking she lost something, and I remind her that her loss is actually the a great gain to me, and that is what matters. You may feel sad right now, but soon you will feel nothing but vigor, strength, the way men feel to run the world unburdened by child rearing, it’s a freedom. The whole ceremony, it’s not just a procedure it’s a symbol of your freedom.”

Natasha was quiet as she took in Dreykov’s words. Maybe he did do her a favor and she just didn’t realize it right now.

“The breeders, they are weak women. Some of them can’t even handle their simple god given task of birthing children. I selected a woman of great genetics to carry my own child, she was supposed to give me son after son, she gave me one daughter and couldn’t even survive the process. Pathetic. Truly, you are not like them. You’re a savage, a monster.” He praised like a compliment.

Natasha gave Dreykov some side eye as he said this but her expression was neutral as she took in his words.

“You killed those men and you liked it. You tormented your fellow trainee you’d known your whole life, you made her come to you so you could ruthlessly murder her when she had no chance or escape, and you made her die knowing that she made her own mistake, dug her own grave. You looked right in her face as you let go and watched her crash to the ground and get crushed. That’s the stuff of a true killer, a real widow.” He praised as if these things were good and Natasha slowly nodded her head as she was still shell shocked from everything. This was the only encouragement she ever got, to be true to herself and embrace her inner bloodlust.

In the following day Natasha recovered in a solitary room. She saw no one except the nurse who checked on her. She had nothing to do but just experience the pain of healing. There were some books in her room, books about why serving Russia is the greatest good, indoctrination books. She was used to them, she had read so many, they had been drilled into her since before she knew how to read or speak. She opened one book randomly out of boredom, to read ‘you must give every bit of yourself to the motherland’ and she shut it immediately. They meant it when they said that, that’s for sure.

Natasha had to think for a minute about what she could to for herself, if anything. If every widow graduated the program on their 18th birthday, and they ‘graduated’ by having a force sterilization, that meant Natasha had five years to try help Yelena avoid the same fate. If she could find her. Dreykov kept a tight grip on the widows to prevent them from bonding, from uniting against him. The women were so skilled and powerful that they could easily over take him, he never let a bonded pair stay together, work together, or speak. Natasha hadn’t seen Yelena since they both went back to the Red Room 7 years ago, but she knew she wasn’t far away. Maybe Natasha could find Yelena and warn her what was coming so at least she wouldn’t have to suffer the shock of this alone, like Natasha had.

Lake Oswego, Oregon

It was a great shock to Elizabeth Hill that Maria had lied about applying to college, she had also not been honest about how she felt about what happened at the book store a few weeks earlier. Elizabeth was getting concerned. Now, Maria was having panic attacks at school and was too afraid to celebrate her success. Elizabeth had conflicted feelings about everything. Had she poisoned Maria’s mind with paranoia? She was now so afraid that her name would appear in the paper and it would cause something awful to happen to her mother. Elizabeth was wracked with guilt—even more guilt than she already felt about having a job that required a lot of travel. She had spent years trying to get another job that was more local but instead she kept getting promoted at job which paid very well and had benefits that other jobs couldn’t compete with. Raising a child on salary was really hard, especially in the area where they lived which was a nicer middle class area. There were not very many single parent households here. The ones that were, were usually because of a parent’s unexpected passing.

The talk between mother and teenage daughter went as expected, tense and frustrating. The stress of just raising a brilliant teenager was a whole other independent challenge in Elizabeth’s life. Maria was smart, and while she wasn’t really a ‘hard’ kid, she sometimes had challenging moments. She didn’t just accept everything adults told her, she was curious about the world, she knew exactly how to push buttons, she was very calculating and strategic and as she got older she often knew she was right and smarter than many of the adults around her. As she grew up she looked so much like her father, but her personality, her skill and drive was really all from her mother and she did recognize it. Elizabeth also recognized that as much as she tried to protect Maria, Maria had gotten it all in her head that Maria was the one who had to protect her mother. Elizabeth did not know what she did wrong to incidentally instill this in her daughter. All she wanted was for Maria to have a normal, safe life and yet the pains of their past from ten years ago still followed both of them despite the distance.

A few days after this tough mother/daughter talk, Elizabeth was back to traveling for a conference and Maria was sent off to stay at her aunt Ellie’s house. Ellie and Liz were sisters, and Ellie was integral to helping Liz and Maria escape Chicago. Ellie even moved about 30 minutes away from Liz to help with childcare needs. Like Liz, Ellie had also been in the military for some time, except she was in the navy. She went to a military college where she met her husband. They had one daughter, Sydney, who was fifteen years old. Sydney and Maria had zero overlapping interests, but they mostly got along okay. This week Sydney and her father were away at a soccer tournament and so it was just Maria and Ellie.

Maria was days away from graduating high school and she had no concrete plan about what she was going to do next. Ellie was just as shocked as Liz to learn about Maria’s teen rebellion era. But this age, leaving high school as Ellie remembered it was hard for all kids. She remembered having her own crisis around this age, but she knew this meant she had to keep a closer watch on Maria than she usually did.

A typical day for Maria as she went to one of the final days of school, then to her after school job for a few hours and was then heading out from the bookstore to go to her rock climbing class down the street before her aunt picked her up. As she left the bookstore she started walking down the sidewalk with her messenger bag, her climbing shoes clipped to the outside of it. She was minding her own business walking on this beautiful June day.

“Maria.” A quasi familiar male voice said and Maria turned her head head and her eyes widened in shock as she saw her father standing there, this time for real. She froze, she couldn’t run or move or yell. He was standing there so unthreateningly, unoffensive, casual. He looked just like he used to, he actually looked quite a bit better, he aged very well.

As Maria took in the realization she just slowly shook her head no. She couldn’t believe this was real. It was real, right?. Was this just like before where she saw him in her mind. Was her mind bracing herself for this encounter?

“You are so grown up.” He said taken back by the sight of his daughter. He would know his own daughter anywhere, she was the spitting image of him, but almost all of her mannerisms were her mother’s, her intelligence and wit, it also came from her mother. Maria was in such shock she didn’t know what to say and she was quiet for a moment.

“That … is what happens with the passage of time…” Maria mumbled.
He laughed hearing her voice for the first time in ten years. He seemed genuinely happy to see her and that was not how she expected a reunion between them. Maria had very conflicted emotions about everything that happened. She was very young when her mother abruptly took her and left, back then she had a lot of questions about leaving her father but she also understood that her did things that were not nice to both of them. She had thought about these things randomly sometimes but she often tried to suppress a great deal of it.

Maria quickly observed that there was another man standing a little bit away from her father. A well dressed man in a suit, very clean cut, and she wasn’t totally sure if she was safe or not.

“Those are strange shoes.” Tom said as observed the weird rock climbing footwear clipped to Maria’s bag.

“What are you doing here?” Maria asked with an annoyed tone, but she was at least relieved her mother was a way, because whatever relationship Maria had with her father — if any was drastically different than the relationship he had with her mother.

“I need to talk to you, about something important.” Tom said in a kind casual voice.

“Well, cornering me on the sidewalk unexpectedly, is not the best way to go about it…” Maria made a face.

“I didn’t mean to do that, I was going into the store and then I saw you.” He explained.

“Going into the store looking for me?” Maria asked tilting her head with a bit of shock.

“Yes.”

Maria gasped, her mother was right, that guy from weeks ago probably wasn’t just randomly asking her questions about nothing. She couldn’t believe it. She barely gave him any information, she didn’t even give him her name.

“This isn’t right.” Maria said slowly in a bit of panic.

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how else to get in touch with you.”

“Maybe…. because you shouldn’t have.” Maria shot back quickly in a tone that was remarkably similar to her mother’s.

Tom could feel himself tense up a bit as he wanted to put his daughter in line, he was her father after all, he had a right to be in her life. But he didn’t say or do anything, he just stayed calm.

“Ms. Walsh.” The man in the expensive suit stepped in.

“Hill.” Maria corrected in a sharp tone and Tom made a face at Maria correcting him.

“Ms. Hill… I’m Patrick Mahoney, this is my card, I’m lawyer at Mahoney and Associates, and your father and I would just like to talk to you, about your future, if you have a chance to step away for a moment…” he said in a kind but business like tone.

“My future?” Maria tilted her head looking right at her father who looked amazingly sheepish and subdued for the moment.

“If you want to give my office a call, we can set a conversation up at your convenience.” Patrick said and Maria looked right at her father still.

“Will you be there?” She asked in a rather daring tone staring her father down intensely, despite the fact she could feel her body wanted to shake a bit she was overwhelmed by it.

“Yes. If you do it today.”

“Without my mother?” Maria asked.

“You are 18 now, aren’t you?” Patrick asked and Maria nodded.

“Yes, I turned 18 a few weeks ago.”

“So, you’re a legal adult, and even if you weren’t one of your parents would still be in the room.” Patrick gestured to her father and Maria made a sour face. She didn’t know what to do, but she had a bitter curiosity building, what did they mean ‘her future?’

“Can you be more specific?” Maria asked the lawyer.

“I can in my office.” He gestured to his car and Maria made a face like she would absolutely not being getting in a car with them, because she was not totally she would come out of it.

Maria looked at the business card in her hand and then at the lawyer.

“I’ll get myself there.” Maria tried not to scoff at the audacity of these men cornering a teenager and trying to oblige her to go off with them.

“Today?” Tom asked in a more assertive tone than the one he had been using and Maria shrugged.

“That’s my direct line.” The lawyer pointed to the number on the card.

“Okay… great.”

“Time is of the essence here, so please think it over.” Patrick encouraged and the two men walked off toward the car. Patrick could tell they were making Maria uncomfortable and why wouldn’t two adult men coming up to an eighteen year old girl unexpectedly cause some pause.

Maria just stood there silently as they left and she looked up from the lawyers card and watched her father walk way. Before got in the car he looked back at Maria and the two of them locked eyes for a moment. Maria could not get a good read on him and then he waved and got back in the car. Maria still stood there. It was all so shocking and strange. But, she knew one thing was for sure, she definitely had to go call her mom.

As Maria walked to the gym, she tried to decompress what had just happened but when she walked into the studio she felt a pit in her stomach and a large swell of emotion.

She asked the gym attendant to use the phone to call her mother and he let her, but just as Maria went to dial, she stared at the card the lawyer gave her. Should she go figure out what they want first, and then call her mother? That one small encounter on the side walk, it would send her mother into a frenzy, a panic, she’s rush back from California. Maria hated that, she hated causing her mother so much worry, that’s why she didn’t want to tell her about the bookstore incident. And of course, her mother ended up being right about that one. She could call her aunt Ellie instead. Maria was thinking to herself about what the right thing to do was. She knew what the right thing to do was, which was to stay away from her father and to notify her mother immediately. Maria and her mother just had a talk about this too. But the thing was, is that Maria didn’t want her mother to have to go through this man sniffing around and bothering them. Elizabeth was very protective of Maria but Maria was fiercely protective of her mother as well and if she could get rid of her dad and give him what he wanted so he wouldn’t come around again that would be beneficial for both of them. It was just like that lawyer said, Maria was an adult now.

As she contemplated her move she stared and stared at the card the lawyer left her, and finally she dialed the number.

Maria got herself a taxi and went to the lawyer’s office to meet her father and the lawyer. She felt strangely empowered as she made the realization that she wasn’t a kid anymore, despite the fact she never felt like one. She had always been so eager to join the adults in the room, and now she was one after all.

The lawyer had a swanky elite luxury office suite. Maria didn’t realize this was a named partner of large firm in the greater Portland area. Maria sat in a glass walled conference room with Patrick and her father. The lawyer talked to Maria for a bit and her father was mostly silent. Maria could not stop looking at her father. He looked both the same as she remembered yet different, aged, he actually looked kind of distinguished. He didn’t look frightening or angry as she often remembered him in her mind.

“I guess I am not understanding, you want me to sign something to prevent me from saying I never lived with my father?” Maria made a face.

“No, we want you sign this agreement that you will not disclose your living and financial arrangements between your parents.” The lawyer corrected.

“What financial arrangements?” Maria asked in a bitter tone.

“Well, the lack of it, I guess. We are trying to protect your privacy and you and your mom will be compensated for compliance, as well as you will have funding for college, and other things you may need, and you will be able to be with your father any time you want, see your grandparents, who miss you. You’re also your father’s only heir at the moment, so there is a lot of money that your father has willed to you.” The lawyer corrected.

“Are you dying?” Maria asked glaring at her father.

“No. I’m running for office, federal office.” He admitted.

“Oh.” Maria paused and then she tilted her head taking it all in for a moment. “Oh!” She exclaimed. “It’s hush money?” She asked in a disgusted voice.

“No!” The lawyer corrected.

“This is just a contract to put you on the same page as your father with the facts of where you have been living and who has been supporting you.”

“My mother.” Maria looked at the two of them sharply.

“Right, that is the case, but if you sign this, you won’t disclose any private details about your childhood and growing up except that your father has always supported you.”

“Even if he hasn’t?” Maria looked at the two of them skeptically.

“I can’t support you if I don’t know where you are. That’s your mother’s fault. I found you and the first thing I did was come here to help you with finances.”

“In exchange for lying?” Maria huffed.

“Here’s the thing Maria, your father is about to run for political office, federal office, it’s a big deal. And there will be press, members of the press, opposition researchers, people are going to try and find you. It was hard to find you, but we did, and so will they. So, instead of turning your life upside down because of some past mistakes or disagreements between your parents, we figured, let’s just get everyone on the same page and reset the story, with one consistent story that everyone is happy with.”

‘Reset the story?!’ Maria thought to herself, she wanted to scream it but she couldn’t be she was in so much shock. She couldn’t believe this was real.

“This what’s called a non-disclosure agreement, now that you’re eighteen you can legally sign one. And what it says, is that you aren’t going to discuss anything covered by the agreement to any member of the public or press or anyone, for any reason. It’s really simple, you make the agreement you will get a sum of money in addition to all the support you will get after.”

“You cannot be serious.” Maria muttered under her breath. Maria couldn’t even find words to speak, and she was pretty quick. For a moment she just sat there looking at all this legalese she didn’t understand on this massive 40 page document.

“And we have one for your mother too, if you want to take it back to her.”

Maria eyes widened from the shock of all of this.

“This cannot be real.” Maria huffed louder.

“In the political world, this stuff is really common, actually, I know in the real world this seems out of a movie but the law says this is fine and the people who can use it to help them, do.”

“Even to cover up crimes?” Maria asked snarky voice.

“Yeah, actually, they are used all the time for payment to dissolve someone of a criminal liability, but just to be clear here, there was not child support agreement between your parents so there is not a crime here, this is just a way to keep everyone incentivized to stay on the same page.” The lawyer explained and Maria looked like she had it and she glared at her father because clearly his legal team lacked the full story.

“Can I just talk to my daughter alone for a minute?” Tom asked and the lawyer nodded leaving the conference room and Maria looked like she didn’t want that to happen but she didn’t say anything.

When he left the two of them in the conference room Maria didn’t say a word she just stared at this legal document he wanted her to sign.

Maria and Tom were both quiet, he was actually stunned to see her, she did look a lot like him but she had some of her mother in her too, she was tall and slender liker her mother, but she just had features that echoed both of her parents so well. Maria could feel goosebumps raising over skin, over her stomach, her arms she just felt so uncomfortable, a mix of fear, anger, sadness, and also a curiosity.

“Why are you doing this, why are you here?” Maria finally asked.

“I am trying to shield you and your mother from scandal, from press, or tabloids, you know being in politics now it’s like a celebrity, it’s not like before. The Lewinsky scandal changed everything. The press dig through everyone’s lives in deep detail. I don’t want you and your mother to have a problem.”

“But you are our problem.” Maria grumbled, she was never really surprised by the audacity of men to just do whatever they wanted despite who they were as a person but it still bewildered her a bit.

“I am going to run in a competitive district for the US House of Representatives and then for the Senate of Illinois.”

“So, you are trying to shield yourself.” Maria corrected.

“It’s not like that.” He shook his head. “Of course this isn’t what I want to do, but I don’t know how else to keep things from spiraling.” Tom shrugged.

“I turned 18 and suddenly you show up with a document to absolve you from hurting my mother, from hurting me, bribing me to lie and claim you supported me… because it sure looks bad if you didn’t…” Maria gave a distasteful look.

“I never hurt you.” He started and Maria turned her head sharply as if she was refuting that comment “I never hurt your mother.” And then Maria gave him a very upset look.

“Then, I guess you don’t need this.” Maria shoved the contract dramatically across the table.

“I can’t support you, if I don’t know where you are.”

“Well there was a reason for that, huh?”

He shook his head no.

“What you think is true, it’s not the truth, and you are old enough now to hear and learn both sides of the story. Your mother told you lies, for years, she filled your head with fake memories, she planted things, it’s very common. It’s not her fault though, Elizabeth is not well, she has a serious mental health condition and she needs help.” He said calmly like ehe was reasoning with his daughter.
“Shut up.” Maria huffed at him clearly offended and irritated and he raised his brows but he remained calm.

“Just because you don’t know it, it doesn’t mean that is not true. Before you were born, your mother was sexually assaulted in the military, she has extreme form of PTSD and she would start fights and arguments with me that turned heated and she would attack me. It got out of control after you were born.” He explained in a sad and serious voice and Maria shook her head no rejecting it.

“That’s not true.” Maria repeated.

“Maria, that is the truth. If I was some horrible cruel domestic abuser don’t you think I would have come to find you? I left Liz alone, I loved her, I love you, but I didn’t want to make things worse for her or you. But I can’t have these lies around anymore. I kept the space between us to protect Liz and you. If she stayed in Chicago she was going to be committed, that’s why she left.”

“No. I remember.” Maria started to look a bit stressed, it was hard when someone very calmly and assertively told you what you objectively remembered and believed wasn’t true or this was a whole unearthed aspect to it.

“You were a child, you might remember moments, but you don’t know the details, and you probably recall more of what was told to you, not the experience.” He said rather considerately.

“I get it, why you don’t believe me, but some part of you knows something isn’t right, because you came here by yourself, didn’t you?” Her father proposed. He was a very smart guy, and he had a natural draw to him that made people believe him. He was so calm and engaging that even Maria felt a strange pull to at least consider what he was saying and before she had always known what she remembered and what her mother said to be the truth at least it had always felt true to her.

He pulled a large yellow envelope from a folder and then he put it on the table.

“I saved this, from over ten years ago, from when Liz was hospitalized. Your mother had to have a mental health evaluation, and these were the results. The instances you remember, was her having flashbacks, anxiety attacks, PTSD episodes. You are right that you did hearing yelling and fighting and things happening but they weren’t by me against you mom, they were from your mom against me and I was jus trying to help her and hold her off.” He explained almost liked it was rehearsed.

Maria raised her brows at learning this news, she had never heard any of this before. Her mother was really together, she worked so hard to make sure Maria had everything and that she was safe, but Maria did always think she she struggled with some high levels of paranoia but Maria understood the reason having lived through some of it herself.

“Just read it, and then maybe try to think for yourself about what happened. You were really young and everyone was always trying to protect you, even me. I still am, even if you don’t believe me.”

“If you thought she wasn’t okay then why would you let her take me?” Maria asked trying to poke holes in this story.

“I didn’t, she just took you.”

“You didn’t call the police?”

“I did.”

“I was in touch with your aunt Eleanor and I decided that forcing you and Liz to separate would be devastating to her.” He explained like he was really the hero of the story and not the villain that Maria had believed her entire life.

Maria held the sealed envelope in her hand and she was frozen for a minute. Was everything Maria thought was true about her father a misperception, a complete lie? She remembered it though! She could see it in her mind, but then she recalled a book she once read about memory, and how it was extremely inaccurate, that lots of people misremembered things they objectively believed as true. She never thought she’d see her father again, and if she did see him again, she expected him to deny his actions, but not claim it was really all her mother and that he was actually the ‘good guy’ in the situation and asking for her to sign a contract because he was ‘forced’ not to be able to support her financially for ten years. It was all so unbelievably out there, she almost wondered how what her father said wasn’t true as she considered what he just said. She also never doubted her mother and this was all making her question everything she knew, every ounce of her own reality just shattered as her father decided to provide some ‘evidence’ of his claims.

Maria shook her head no at her father as she simply could not fathom this as true. He did seem different than Maria remembered him. He didn’t have the scary aura and presence that she associated with him in her mind.

“You hit me, you hit me in the face when I was a kid for playing too hard.”

Tom tried not to roll his eyes and he sighed.

“Yes, when you were little you rough housed too hard with the son of our family friend, you cut his lip open playing right before they were getting family photos done. I yelled at you and hit you because when I grew up that’s how kids were disciplined that’s how I was disciplined growing up, but I know that’s not how it is now.”

“You hit me and told me to behave like a girl.”

“Because you were playing too rough and not acting the way that was expected for little girls.”

“So you think it’s okay to hit little girls?” Maria asked narrowing her gaze.

“Of course not, I was parenting you the way I was parented but I learned from those errors.”

“You wouldn’t let me see my mom.”

“When she was having PTSD related episodes I did not let you see your mother, that’s right.” He admitted and Maria was stunned he admitted to the things she could recall. Maybe he was telling the truth and Maria was quiet.

“You’re an adult now, you have a right to know and you have a right to have me in your life if you want to. I have never bothered you or your mother, but I can’t keep my life on hold forever because she has health issues, I’d like to protect you both from anything that might come your way. I’d like you to be a part of my campaign or life going forward even, if you want to.” He shrugged inviting her back into his life. “I thought this was the safest thing, for everyone.”

Maria’s eyes were very glassy and she was trying very hard not to cry because she was so shocked, she felt such a deep mix of emotion.

“Just read it and then make a decision about what you want to do. You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to, this can just be between us.”

“Isn’t this like a huge violation of her privacy?” Maria asked.

“Sometimes you have to learn the truth about things, even if it’s hard. It’s your future.”

Maria made a face, biting her bottom lip thinking. He didn’t seem scary, in fact he was a lot more like the way she remembered him before things got bad between her parents. Maria did have memories with her father that were good, and a few that were bad, but now she was starting to question if she made those up in her head or if they were real. He was right, she was a child when they left, Maria had never questioned her own past before, but it was hard to just dismiss her father’s claims as he reasoned with her so calmly. Maria was young, she was very smart, but the scene before her was so unfamiliar and strange. Something she couldn’t calculate.

“Where is your mother?” He asked and Maria looked at him harshly and she shook her head no that she would never reveal that. “She doesn’t have to see me, but she could talk to the lawyer. It’s not really fair to you to deprive you of half your family for your whole life, you can make your own choices now. Your grandparents miss you, your grandmother has been beside herself for ten years, you could come to Chicago and see her, she could come here…”

Maria hadn’t thought about her grandparents on her father’s side in such a long time, despite being named after her paternal grandmother. She had not seen her since she was eight, but she recalled they were very heavily involved in their lives back in Chicago.

“She doesn’t have to sign anything but it’s up to you if you want to. I just want you to have all the information, to consider everything.”

“Did you know where I was this whole time and just wait for me to turn eighteen to sign this?” Maria asked bitterly.

“Of course not.” He insisted.

Maria didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know what to believe but she was overcome with emotions to think rationally.

“I think I need some time.” Maria said quietly.

“Okay, well, I’ll give you my contact information if you want it or you can just call the lawyer.” He offered casually again.

Maria was still frozen considering everything she just learned she held the sealed health evaluation of her mother’s in her hand and she took the NDA agreement with it. Who was she going to talk to about this?