5 Times People Realised that Spiderman and Deadpool were an Item and one time someone found out they were married.
--
One: Steve
Steve had never worked with Deadpool before. He had never really wanted to because of his reputation. Despite being assured that Deadpool had turned over a new leaf and had been working with S.H.I.E.L.D for over two years now Steve still felt odd about working with an ex-mercenary, especially one known for being brutal and very mentally unstable.
It was actually on Spider-Man’s recommendation that Steve ended up deciding to work with Deadpool. He may not trust Deadpool, but he did trust Spider-Man. The kid may be reckless, super secretive and way too talkative, but he had a good heart and Steve trusted his judge of character.
That’s why this was going to be so hard.
Deadpool and Spider-Man were friends. The Spider guy had seemed too proud when Deadpool was taken on the mission with Steve, Natasha and some shield agents. And now Steve was going to have to look the young hero in the eyes (well lens) and tell him his friend was dead. But the kid had been right, Deadpool had died a hero by saving Natasha’s life.
Steve left the jet first, the pit in his stomach deepening when he saw Spider-Man on the window of a nearby building, awaiting his friend's return.
“Spider-Man, I need to talk to you.”
“Yeah, in a minute. Where is DP?” Spider-Man shrugged him off, jumping from the window to the ground next to Steve with slightly unnerving elegance. Steve took a steading breath and moved his hand to rest on Spider-Man’s shoulder.
“That’s what I have to talk to you about…”
“Oh god. What did he do now? He promised me he would be on his best behaviour, that little cretin.”
Steve actually got misty eyed. He may not have liked Deadpool much but hearing the fondness in Spider-Man's voice, even when scolding Deadpool, was breaking his heart.
“He didn’t do anything wrong. He actually did great. He… He saved Natasha’s life. You should be very proud. But he didn’t make it. I am so sorry.”
“What?” Spider-Man yanked himself from Steve's grasp and took a step towards the jet.
Steve tried to continue. “We got caught and tied up. Deadpool managed to distract them so we could get out but he went overboard. By the time we got to him he had… it was too late.”
Steve watched Spider-Man's shoulders tense as he spoke, then his fists clenched.
“Where is he?”
Steve was startled, leaving an uncomfortable pause as he failed to answer.
“Jesus please don’t tell me you just left his body behind.”
“No, he is on the jet. We can…”
Spider-Man was rushing to the jet before Steve knew what was happening. He hurried to follow finding Spider-Man over the body bag, unzipping it before Steve could stop him.
“Spider-man I…”
“GET UP WADE!”
Steve's heart broke. Spider-Man sounded frustrated. Like in his grief he couldn’t mourn his friend, only scold him. Like he was a child breaking a rule they had agreed on.
“Come on, this isn’t funny, get the hell up.” Spider-Man grabbed Deadpool’s shoulders and shook his body. Steve wanted to gag. He reached out to stop him but was pushed back with more force than a normal human could use. “Jesus he’s still soaking wet!”
Steve took a step back, why was this what Spider-Man was focused on? He watched in shock as Spider-man knelt over Deadpool’s body, legs either side of his hips, and yanked the wet mask off Deadpool's face.
“You idiots, why would you just leave him like this? He was being waterboarded by his own mask!” Spider-Man pulled at his own mask exposing his chin and mouth and leaned down over Deadpool. For a moment, Steve thought Spider-Man was giving him a farewell kiss until he leant back and began to do chest compressions. Spider-Man was trying to give a dead man CPR. Steve couldn’t let him continue.
“Stop. He’s been dead for hours. You can't help him.” Steve reached out trying to pry the hero from Deadpool’s corpse. Spider-man struggled, sticking himself to Deadpool with his powers.
“No,” he shouted, pressing his mouth to Deadpool’s, giving another useless breath of life.
Steve tried to pry him off again, eyes watering not knowing to do with such intense denial of grief. He knew the two of them were close, but he had no idea Spider-Man would react this badly.
In a swift motion Spider-Man pushed Steve off and webbed him to the wall of the jet returning to the CPR. Steve forgot that Spider-Man was always holding back in fights and was reminded that if he wasn’t Steve didn’t know an avenger who could beat him.
“Jesus Steve, do you not research your crew before you take them on missions!” Spider-Man spat at him during chest compressions. He leant down and pressed his lips to Deadpool’s again and Steve startled when suddenly Deadpool’s chest rose, his hand reaching out and cupping Spider-Man's head reconnecting their lips as soon as Spider-Man pulled back, turning it into a kiss. They parted but Spider-Man remained seated on Deadpool’s hips, forehead pressed to Deadpool’s. With his smile still visible, Steve realised he had never seen Spider-Man smile.
“Welcome back Wade.”
“MMmmm this wake up feels familiar.” Deadpool grinned, running his hands up Spider-Man’s thighs and resting them on his hips. Spider-Man smiled and shook his head sitting up pressing his palms to Deadpool’s chest smacking it although clearly with none of the strength he had used on Steve.
“Don’t fucking do that. What have I told you?”
“No dying Wade I don’t care if you come back, I still don’t want you dying,” Deadpool groaned, moving his hands to make air quotes. “But baby boy, I was doing the hero thing. Self-sacrifice and all. If I can’t tell you off for self-sacrificing, I think I should get a free pass.”
Spider-Man pinched the bridge of his nose sighing.
“Captain bloody America came to tell me you had died on a mission like I was some girlfriend whose sweetheart didn’t come back from the war,” Spider-Man grumbled, waving his hand at Steve, who was confusedly observing from his place stuck to the wall.
“Oh Cap! Are you webbed to the wall? I think I have had this dream.”
“He tried to stop me.”
“Oof don’t do that Cappy.”
“What the hell is going on!” Steve shouted. Deadpool was dead. Spider-Man and Deadpool were… well closer than Steve thought.
“Did you not know I’m immortal?”
“Obviously not or they wouldn’t have left you to wake up in a body bag and suffocate on your own wet mask like ass hats.”
Steve hung his head, god that sounded bad. He absolutely wouldn’t have done that had he
known.
“I am sorry Deadpool I didn’t know you would wake up. Had I known…”
“No sweat captain.”
Spider-Man's half masked face was pointed in Steve's direction and he got the impression he didn’t agree with Deadpool’s nonchalance.
“Let’s go home baby boy,” Deadpool said affectionately. He squeezed Spider-Man's hips then let go.
Spider-Man patted Deadpool’s chest and jumped off him, landing next to Steve and wordlessly spraying something on the webbing that made it disintegrate. He pointedly did not apologise. Deadpool wrapped his arms around Spider-Man's waist from behind, walking them both forwards.
“Do I get good-job-on-your-mission-sex?”
“You died! How is that a good job?!”
“Uhh, we completed the objective and no one who stays dead died? Cap back me up here!”
Steve halted, processing the information with his new context.
“Oh my god, Spider-Man, are you dating Deadpool!?”
Spider-Man and Deadpool chucked for a few seconds before looking back to Steve.
“Wait, are you serious?”
Steve nodded.
“Captain Wade is my fiancé we have been dating for three years. How do you not know this?”
“It’s fine Cap. I can barely believe it either.”
Steve just stared. How did he not know? Engaged for three years. Spider-Man might actually be too good at keeping things to himself. He barely knew about Deadpool three years ago.
“Wait, three years? Deadpool was still a mercenary three years ago!”
Spider-Man bit his lip, wrapped a hand around Deadpool’s waist and then shot a web and swung away. Steve only just caught Deadpool’s shout.
“You both have a thing for bad boys.”
Steve furrowed his brow. He didn’t have a thing for bad boys. Bucky doesn’t count as a bad boy. Does he?
--
Two: Charles
Charles Xaver didn’t usually work with Spider-man. He wanted to say it was because they had different goals or because Spider-man worked alone but in part it was guilt. It had been twelve years since Spider-Man had appeared and Xaver took a look into his mind. Whilst overwhelmed by the screaming sensory input and unable to follow a thought he could tell he wasn’t a mutant. And Charles decided that because of this that a 14-year-old mutate wasn’t his responsibility.
Now he felt like that might have been harsh. Leaving a 14-year-old to deal with powers alone had been selfish.
So he wasn’t going to leave Spider-Man now. Adult or not. Logan carried the limp body of the hero to the school’s med bay at Charles' insistence. They weren’t going to leave him even if he insisted he’d be fine. The hero passed out a few moments later anyway so he couldn’t insist on dealing with the bullet in his leg alone. Charles asked Logan to stay with them as they treated Spider-Man, mainly because Logan was the only one who really knew him, and he thought he might be more comfortable with a familiar face there.
Cecilia had prepared things when she asked Logan to remove the lower half of his costume. Logan's hands had barely gripped the costume when Spider-Man shot up, literally all the way up and onto the ceiling.
“Spider-Man! It’s alright, we’re trying to treat your wound.”
The hero didn’t seem to hear Charles, instead he just scurried into a corner of the room, his chest heaving. Charles tried to reach out to the hero’s mind but as per every other time he tried he was overwhelmed with senses and inputs he couldn’t really process. He could tell Spider-Man was panicking and there was an underlying memory that he was trying to push away.
“He has heightened senses. I can't sort through them to help him telepathically. Logan, do you know how to calm him down?” Chales asked, he turned to look at Logan and found him on the phone stone faced and frowning.
“Yeah, I know. Just get here fucking faster. Don’t worry we can’t touch him, he is on the fucking ceiling.” Logan pulled the phone from his ear and looked at Cecilia. “Did you get a good look at the wound before he woke up? Will he bleed out in the next few minutes?”
“No,” Cecilia shook her head sitting on her stool calmly, used to things going awry in the med room. “He’ll live. It is in the meat of his thigh but nothing vital was hit.”
Logan looked up from the phone to Spider-Man still cowering in the corner of the ceiling. “Wade is on his way bub.”
Spider-Man didn’t seem to hear him.
“Wade?” Charles looked to Spider-man and back to Logan.
“Yeah. You remember. Deadpool.”
Charles did unfortunately remember Wade. His mind was a terrifying jumble of voices, violence and pop culture that was almost harder to read than Spider-Mans.
“Why did you call him?”
“I called him before we even got here. Spidey is his…”
Speak of the devil. Wade stalked into the med bay with unusual stiffness. Usually the man skipped into spaces or strode in casually, but he was marching into the room with determination, walking right past Charles and Logan to stand under Spider-Man's cowering form.
“Baby Boy come on down from there.” Spider-Man didn’t move and Wade finally acknowledged the others in the room. “What were you doing when he woke up?”
“We were just trying to treat him. He appears to be having a PTSD episode,” Charles supplied but Wade ignored him, instead looking to Logan.
“He woke up when I tried to get him out of the costume to treat the wound.”
Deadpool swore loudly and moved closer to Spider-Man looking between him and Logan. “I told you to god damned wait for me!”
Logan rolled his eyes. “He was bleeding and we were helping.”
“Fuck you. He told you to leave it, you should have just waited for me.”
“We couldn’t do that Wade. We had no reason to believe he would react like this,” Charles grumbled. He didn’t like how Wade and Logan were ignoring him but when Wade's gaze moved to him, he was suddenly very uncomfortable.
“You take him away without his permission, then he wakes up in a strange place with someone trying to take his pants off. How the fuck did you think he would react!?”
Charles clicked his jaw shut. He wasn’t used to dealing with people he couldn’t read. Had he been able to look closer in Spider-Man's mind he would know his triggers and been able to avoid them. He looked at the shaking form on the ceiling. Wade shuffled closer again looking back up at Spider-Man.
“Spidey, babe, it’s Wade. You are in the X-Men med room. You are safe. You were shot. I need you to come down from there and I promise I will take you home.” Spider-Man turned his face to Wade, but he didn’t make a move to get down. “Are you with me, Spidey? Come on, come back to the moment. It’s Wade, I am here, and everything is okay.”
“Wade?”
“Yeah, baby right here.”
Charles watched in fascination as Spider-Man shuffled down the wall and without his feet ever touching the ground slipped into Wade’s arms, legs either side of his hips with Wade scooping one arm under his thighs and the other crossing his back. Charles rolled himself closer.
“Are you alright? We need to treat your wound.” Charles reached out a hand to touch Spider-Man but before he made contact Wade moved back and a gun was in Charles face.
“No touchy. You bring Spider-Babe somewhere without his permission again or try and get into his precious brain and I shoot you and roll your body down the school halls.”
Charles raised his hands in surrender looking at Logan who was aggressively glaring at Wade.
“Wade put the gun down,” Logan grumbled but Wade didn’t lower his gun, instead he pointed it at Logan.
“You are the bigger problem here! When I tell you to tell me about any Spider-Man incidents when you work with him, I do not mean a vague text! I should shoot you! You know the rules. Injured Spidey means call Wade, it isn't hard to remember!” Wade clenched the gun and for a moment Charles thought he would actually shoot but a rumble from the man in his arms caused the gun to be lowered. “Sorry, right, home time. I will yell at you later, I have to take him home and get this fucking bullet out.” Wade holstered his gun and strode out of the room flipping them off as he passed through the doors.
“Charming as ever I see,” Charles said. Logan huffed a laugh.
“He is fuckin bonkers but gets especially testy when Spidey is involved.”
Charles nodded. They did seem close. It was not easy to get through to people in a PTSD episode but Wade got through to Spider-Man quite quickly.
“They do seem close.”
Logan guffawed.
“No shit Professor, they are engaged.”
“WHAT!”
--
Three: Dr Strange
Dr Strange didn’t get involved in small hero stuff too often. He had enough to deal with like vigilantes who were below his pay grade, if he got paid. But when the Avengers asked him to check on Spider-Man he knew why he was called in.
Spider-Man was stronger than any of the Avengers wanted to admit so when they were notified that he seemed to be going on some kind of rampage they sent him in, just in case they needed to magic him out of there. Spider-Man usually stopped crime as it happened and usually held back in fights. But for the past two days it appeared Spider-Man had been hunting a group of criminals down and being unsarcastically brutal in the ensuing fights.
Strange found the vigilante surrounded by unconscious goones with many broken limbs. The fight had only been reported moments ago but it appeared Spider-Man had taken down 20 men in less than five minutes.
“Spider-Man. What’s going on?”
Spider-Man shrugged, gesturing to the unconscious men.
“Taking down some criminals you know the usual. What are you doing here Dr?”
“We were concerned. You don’t usually hunt people down, or leave so many big injuries.” Strange looked to one of the men whose arm was twisted at a strange angle.
“I am on a deadline. And honestly a little peeved. You understand.”
“No, I don't understand. Do I need to intervene?”
Spider-Man tensed and for a moment Strange could feel the rage he was holding. He was frankly a little scared of a fight with him, Spider-Man was more intelligent than people give him credit for and could pose quite a challenge.
“No one is dead.” A body groaned from the masses. “See not dead.”
Strange raised an eyebrow at Spider-Man and went to respond but Spider-man held up a finger to silence him. Strange flinched when a motorbike roared nearby, someone dressed like the rest of the unconscious men wheeling past. Spider-Man flicked his arm out shooting a web and yanking the man from the bike and catching him by his throat. He turned, slamming the man into the side of the car Spider-Man had been standing in front of.
“Where is Wade?” The man groaned as Spider-Man harshly jostled him against the car. “Do you know how fragile collar bones are? Do you know how strong I am?”
Spider-Man moved a hand to rest on the window of the car and with a single finger he tapped the window shattering it. He then moved that hand to the man's chest, his finger resting on his collarbone.
“Spider-Man what are you doing!?”
Spider-man rolled his head.
“Dude, don't interrupt me! I told you I’ve got a time crunch and am very pissed off! I mean do you know how god damned expensive weddings are?! I can’t get a refund on the peonies Wade wanted. They were expensive but Wade wanted them and by god I am giving him those fucking flowers. So if you will kindly shut up I have to torture this guy to figure out where his boss took my fiancé because I will not let a little kidnapping get in the way of the wedding that is only two days away!” Spider-Man shouted the last part into the guy's face, pressing him into the car harder. “Please be a dear and tell old Spidey where Wade is before I go breaking bones.”
The goon cried and shrank away from Spider-Man’s face, nodding and sobbing out an address. Spider-man sighed and released him, patting him down. The guy sighed, relieved, and Spider-Man tilted his head. In a swift moment he reached his hand up and tapped the guy's head knocking him out cold.
“That was for kidnapping my man,” Spider-Man hissed. He turned to look at Strange who was watching the moment unfold in confusion and fascination.
“You are getting married? To whom?”
“Seriously? Who do you think? Deadpool, my other half, my nuance, the crazy guy you told me to stay away from four years ago.”
“Deadpool?”
“YES. Well I hope so, I gotta go and rescue him now. Are we good?”
Strange frowned.
“You are telling me you have been hunting down a criminal organisation and beating guys so brutally the Avengers asked me to check you weren’t going bad because… you’re a bridezilla.”
Spider-Man laughed.
“You think I am the bridezilla. You should have seen Wade when the dress lady added the
wrong buttons to his dress.”
Strange blinked confusedly.
“You’re marrying Deadpool?”
“YES oh my god why is everyone so surprised. Is it me? Do I seem straight? Should I be offended because I am offended.”
Strange didn’t know what to say to that. Frankly people knew very little about Spider-Man which was obviously intentional. But Strange had assumed the flirty stuff Deadpool said about Spider-Man was in jest or one sided. He felt a little stupid for not noticing the genuineness of the pair’s closeness. He let Spider-Man go, watching him swing away as he called Fury to give him an update.
“Is Spider-Man a threat?”
“No, I don't think so. He is just… a bridezilla.” Strange hung up before he could be interrogated. He wondered if he had anything in the sanctum that would be a safe wedding present.
--
Four: JJJ
- Jonah Jamerson wasn’t an easily intimidated man. He was a reporter, of course many people had tried to scare him over the years. So when the Bugle was being held up at gunpoint by some little terrorists he didn’t hesitate to yell at them. Maybe he shouldn’t have because Betty was crying and almost everyone in the bullpen looked terrified. There weren’t many people left because it was late, the sky having gone dark hours ago. The only one of his workers who didn’t look scared was Parker, but he was pretty sure that boy was numb to the world. He had seen him down six cups of straight black coffee and had the audacity to still look tired. Gun to his face and Parker just looked perturbed.
“You will print our story Jamerson, or the kid gets it.”
“I am 32 dude.”
“Shut up!” The creep smacked Parker across the face and Jamerson winced for him but didn’t cave.
“I don’t print terrorist garbage.”
“I will shoot this guy!” The creep grabbed a fistful of Parker's hair and pressed the gun to his temple. Betty yelled at him through tears. Then the lights went out. Jamerson heard a poorly suppressed laugh.
“What the fuck is going on?” One of the terrorists spat out, Jamerson barely able to make him out in the dark.
“My fiance is picking me up for dinner,” Parker stated, sounding incredibly pleased. Maybe he was more scared than Jamerson thought he was, rambling about his husband for no reason.
“I don’t care about you boyfriend, you little freak!”
“You should,” a different voice hissed out. It was deep and strangely gravely.
Jamerson could just make out a large figure moving around smoothly and heard muffled shouting and thudding. He watched as one of the figures collapsed. One of the terrorists panicked and fired his gun. The flash of light illuminated the space for seconds at a time and Jamerson could see a large form in red dart around. Spider-Man? No this guy was too big to be Spider-Man and his voice was deeper.
The man standing near Jameson holding Parker was breathing rapidly.
“Who the fuck is that! Shoot him!”
Jamerson didn’t hear anymore gun fire and he couldn’t make out any other figures besides his workers kneeling with him and the guy next to him.
“Daddy’s very angry.”
Jamerson flinched as the voice appeared behind them. The man holding Parker crumpled, causing the photographer to slump forward now free from the harsh grasp on his hair.
“You alright baby?”
“What have I said about the daddy thing?”
“Shut up, you love it.”
The room filled with light and Jameson blinked up at Betty who had crawled over to the light switch. He turned to his left to see the large figure from the dark.
“Deadpool?”
“Sup JJJ?
“What the fuck are you doing in my bull pen? Were you behind this!? Following orders from the web head menace!”
“Behind… Jesus dude a thank you would suffice!”
Jamerson scoffed. Thank a vigilante, an ex-mercenary at that, over his dead body.
“Thank you! HA. You think you can trick me! You are just like the Spider guy thinking you can fool people into thinking you are a hero. If you didn’t plan this then why were you even here?!”
Parker raised his hand uncomfortably.
“Jamerson, meet my soon to be husband, Wade. He was here to pick me up.”
Jamerson's mouth hung open in shock. He knew Parker was a little bit crazy but this was insane.
“Parker! You married Deadpool! Puny Parker is marrying Deadpool! HA! You see Deadpool is a delinquent engaged to one of my workers and still publicly flirts with the Webbed menace.”
Parker sighed. Jamerson wondered if he would need to hire a new photographer to get pics of Spider-Man to prove Deadpool was an adulater. Poor Parker, who knew he had such terrible taste in men. His thing with Harry Osborn should have been a clue.
“Well Jamerson I am going to go home now. I will see you at work on Monday.” Parker walked away stopping at Betty to ask if she was okay, Deadpool offering her a tissue from behind him.
“Congratulations on your engagement Peter.”
“Thanks Betty.”
Parker was nuts. But Jamerson didn’t mention Deadpool’s rescue in the article about the terrorists and none of the workers who were there questioned him. Parker may be crazy to marry Deadpool but doesn’t mean he deserves the danger that comes with that going too public.
--
Five: Hawkeye
Missions with outside hero help were often exciting for Hawkeye. It was nice to have a change of pace from the usual heroes. But this did sometimes have issues. Because heroes have quirks that are very unique and when you are with a new hero sometimes you don’t know those little things that can be quite vital to the mission or your co-workers life.
Spider-Man was young and immature so when he was assigned to work with Hawkeye he looked forward to the laughs but not to the immaturity. He took Spider-man complaining about the cold as just that. Sure they didn’t tell him that it would be a mission in the snow. But they provided Spider-man with a jacket and boots.
They even had his partner on the mission too.
Deadpool was on the other team and they would be meeting up soon, and Nat hated working with Deadpool. So he should be more grateful that hawkeye vouched for them. But Spidey complained about being cold repeatedly. Hawkeye ignored him until he tied himself out and followed in silence. It was actually kind of freaky having the Spider follow so quietly. Without the constant chatter Hawkeye released that he walks silently. Spider-Man would make an amazing stealth agent. His body is clearly light and he was certainly good enough at close combat to take down people silently. He should get Nat to offer training.
When the secondary team met up Deadpool was jogging up to him.
“How long have you been outside in the snow?”
Hawkeye scrunched his nose at the sudden question. No pleasantries. No mission updates, Wade ignored it all completely to grab onto Spidey and question Hawkeye.
“Uh I don’t know over an hour, why?”
Wade groaned and snapped his head back to Nat who was standing there impatiently.
“Deadpool is angry because we didn't communicate with you and he didn’t know it would be a snow mission. He has been antsy about Spidey the whole trip to the meeting point.” Nat grumbled, gesturing to Wade who was gripping Spidey. Hawkeye realised Spider-man had remained creepily quiet this whole time.
“Did he not tell you he can’t catch a cold?” Wade snapped.
Hawkeye paused, frowning.
“He complained but he has a coat. He hasn't even shivered once.”
“You are an idiot,” Wade huffed and began to yank off his jacket. “Spiders can't thermoregulate. Spidey won’t shiver because his body will make no attempt to warm itself up. He can go into hypothermic shock in half the time you or I could. He’s already in the early stages. How long has it been silent?”
Hawkeye swallowed uncomfortably looking at Nat who seemed both angry and concerned, although subtly.
“I don't know, a while,” he muttered watching as Wade's shirt came off and he began to strip Spidey, leaving their masks on. When Spider-Man’s chest was bare Wade pressed Spidey to his chest, skin to skin, and Hawkeye and Nat helped wrap them in the discarded clothes so Spidey was cocooned under them and pressed to Wade's skin. At least Spider-Man seemed cognist enough to cling to Wade, pressed close with his thighs around Wade’s hips and hands in between their chests, sticky powers clinging. Wade’s arms holding him there. They started back to the jet, walking at a faster pace than planned, Nat leading them on quickly.
“I am sorry I…”
“He should have told you right away but he would have prioritised the mission like an idiot. Just next time let him know so he can wear the right suit.”
Hawkeye nodded and watched as the lump clinging to Wade's chest stirred. Wade lifted one of the jackets slowly looking at Spider-Man under them. Hawkeye couldn’t see him anymore but he heard muffled words.
“Yeah, we are almost there. Glad you’re warming up. Do you want the mask off so you can get your nose to warm up?”
Spider-Man must have nodded because Wade reached a hand into the pile of clothes and it emerged holding the iconic mask. Hawkeye had no idea they were that close. Spider-Man held his identity very close to the chest. The fact that Wade knew was a huge deal. Wade hissed and pressed his palm to a lump under the clothes that must’ve been the back of Spidey’s head.
“Jesus, your nose is cold. You just keep it pressed there. Can’t have that adorable thing fall off can we.”
Hawkeye watched in awe. Just how close were these two.
“You seem close. I mean. You know all his power quirks. Didn’t hesitate to strip for him or hold onto him. And you know him under the mask. I just… I didn’t know you knew each other so well.”
Wade snorted and shuffled Spider-Man higher up his body adjusting his grip on the heap attached to him.
“I would hope we know each other well. Kind of makes marriage work out better I think.”
“Marriage!?”
“Yeah, we are thinking of a fall wedding. Clearly it being too cold wouldn't work well for us,” Wade chuckled. God, two super spies and they couldn't recognise a couple right in front of them.
Plus one!
Showering with Wade wasn’t something Peter actually did a lot. Showering with him in the room, yes. Wade never missed any opportunity to see Peter naked but actually getting in the shower with him was unusual. Wade was a large man, and the shower was quite small. Peter liked hot showers to warm up his perpetually cold body and Wade preferred his cold, so it was less harsh on his scars. All this being said it was a genuine crazy happenstance that this disaster managed to align with the very rare occasion of Peter and Wade being in the shower.
Wade was finishing up as Peter added shampoo to his hair when an obnoxiously loud knock at their door startled Peter.
“Who the hell could that be? You didn’t order Uber for breakfast, did you?”
“No I didn’t Sweetums. It is some uninvited guest, interrupting my sacred naked Peter time,” Wade grumbled, releasing his hands from where he had been holding Peter's hips; in part affection and to avoid either of them slipping. He slapped a towel on to go answer the door leaving Peter to rinse his hair.
Super hearing whilst often irritating to Peter had some advantages. He could hear as Wade opened the door and a familiar voice yelled.
“Deadpool! What the hell are you doing here!? What did you do with my intern?”
Tony Stark was at Peter's door. The door that had just been answered by a naked Wade Wilson (in a small towel). You see, Peter was an intern at Stark industries. It was a new position and Peter had very intentionally been very private with his life. Tony probably didn’t even know he was married. Let alone married to Wade Wilson. Because explaining that and then Wade's relationship with Spider-Man would be uncomfortable. Peter quickly turned the shower off, and slung a towel around his own waist, hair not even patted dry as he heard the unmistakable sound of flesh impacting drywall.
Tony Stark had Wade pinned to the wall by the throat. Peter was momentarily surprised Wade had let him before concluding that Wade was trying to de-escalate the situation. Wade had his hands up looking to Tony and then to Peter as he rushed into the living room.
“Parker, I found this creep walking around your place whilst you were in the shower.”
“Put him down Tony! What the hell are you doing?”
Tony’s eyes bulged in surprise looking at Peter like he had gone crazy. Peter moved closer to his pinned husband, unable to keep the annoyed look from his face.
“What the hell is Wilson doing here Parker!?”
Wade attempted to answer but Tony pressed him harder into the wall. The motion jostled Wade a little and the towel began to slip from Wade’s waist. Peter had only enough time to reach out and cup Wade’s junk with his hand just as the towel fell, giving him at least some modesty. Tony dramatically blanched looking both shocked and disgusted at Peter’s action who was giving Tony his best blank irritated glare.
“This is his house you idiot. He is my husband. Let him go.”
Tony furrowed his brows as Wade flipped Tony off with his ring finger. Peter swiftly switched hands cupping Wade's junk with his other hand and waving his ringed hand in Tony's face. Tony moved back releasing Wade but keeping his confused glare on Peter.
“You married Deadpool?”
“Do you intend to have the conversation whilst I stand here and hold Wade's dick or can you give us a moment to put some pants on?”
Tony half squeaked out a yeah as he waved them off. Peter pushed Wade to their bedroom, moving his hand from Wade's front to covering some of his ass as Wade turned around to follow. As soon as the door closed Wade began to chuckle, Peter joining him but attempting to shush him.
“Oh my god no stop laughing he will hear us.”
“You just grabbed my dick in front of Tony Stark.”
“I panicked, I had to protect your modesty.”
“You know full well I have no modesty.”
“Well I do and you are my husband so that sight is now mine thank you very much.”
Wade nodded at Peter but as soon as their eyes met they started laughing again.
“No shh shut up,” Peter giggled, pulling on some pants and a t- shirt and ushering Wade out of the room as soon as he had some pants on.
“Okay you are dressed now. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on.”
Peter looked at Tony in shock. What the hell was he so mad about?
“You arrived at my home on a Sunday morning unannounced and attacked my husband.”
“How do you even have Petey’s address anyway Stark? I am pretty sure bosses are not meant to look up their interns’ addresses.”
Peter gestured to Wade in agreement then locked eyes with Tony.
“I was heading out of town and was going to surprise my most intelligent intern with a trip to the Avengers compound to work on some tech with me. I was not expecting to find a naked mercenary.”
“Ex-mercenary,” Wade corrected proudly, if a little aggressively.
“Wade is now a hero and that comes with some danger. I don’t exactly advertise my marital status.”
Tony scrunched his nose when Peter called Wade a hero but didn’t verbally protest it.
“So my best intern, scrawny nerdy little Parker is … married to Wade fucking Wilson?”
“I know I couldn’t believe I bagged him either,” Peter joked as Tony cringed even rolling his eyes a little.
“Peter you are a good kid do you really think this fling will work out for the best?”
Wade was clearly about to yell but Peter raised his hand.
“Fling! Tony, I have been married to Wade for a year! Dating him for four. If you can’t have the decency to respect my husband in his own home then you can leave.”
“One year and four months,” Wade supplied, slipping an arm around Peter's shoulders.
“Oh MY GOD YOU ARE SPIDER-MAN”
Peter's shoulders slumped.
“And there it is.”