Chapter 1
IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS CHAOS.
AND EVERY CREATOR THAT FOUND THEMSELVES WITH THE BLANK CANVAS THAT IS CREATION HAS ATTEMPTED TO BRING ORDER TO THE UNIVERSE FROM THIS CHAOS. TO SHAPE IT TO OBEY THE RULES THAT THEY SET DOWN. THEY BELIEVED THEY COULD SET THINGS RIGHT, NEVER UNDERSTANDING THE TRUTH: CHAOS WASN’T MERELY A LACK OF SOMETHING.
CHAOS EXISTED. JUST AS THE TREES AND THE STREAMS AND ALL THE LIVES CREATED.
AND WHEN CHAOS WAS FORCED OUT OF THE UNIVERSE TO BRING ABOUT THIS NEW ORDER… IT NEEDED SOME PLACE TO GO. AND JUST AS ALL CREATIONS RISE UP TO FILL A HOLE IN REALITY… SO TOO DID THE CHAOS, IN ITS CUNNING, SEEK OUT HOLES. SPOTS WHERE IT MIGHT CONDENSE AND GATHER.
THUS THE CHAOSES WERE BORN. THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF THE PRIMORTAL CHAOS, BURDENED WITH PURPOSE TO SHATTER THE ORDER AND BRING ABOUT THE NEW.
GOOD. EVIL. OR SOMETHING NOT QUITE DEFINED. THE CHAOSES, LIKE LIFE, REFLECT THESE.
AND NOW I SEEK TO DETERMINE WHICH IS GREATER: THE GOODNESS WITH A CHAOS’ HEART… OR ITS WICKEDNESS.
THIS IS THE FIRST TRIAL! SAVE THIS WORLD WHERE ITS HEROES HAVE BEEN BLINDED AND BEGUILED! PROVE YOURSELF TO ALL!
“Well…” Avo Kayos said as he brushed off his pants, “that was ominous.”
“See, its just like I told you!” Son Goku declared excitedly. “This world needs our help! We have to do what we can to save it!”
“I’m not arguing that we should help people out, Goku,” Kayos stated with a sigh. “I’m only saying that we might have some more pressing matters on Namek.”
“What?” Goku said in surprise. “What makes you think that? Come on… Namek can’t be all that bad! Kami is from there and he’s great!”
“And so was King Piccolo.”
“Well sure,” Goku admitted, “but now Piccolo is on our side.” Goku tilted his head, scratching his chin. “Or, he was. Still weird to think about him and Kami being fused together…”
Kayos tuned Goku out as he focused on looking about where they had landed. ‘Forest. Night time. The trees are old but that doesn’t tell me much at all. I’m shit with stars so I can’t tell where we are… and we might be on a world where the stars are in a different alignment so that’s no help either.’ He gazed up and then through the trees, trying to see if there was something beyond the woods but… the forest was too thick and all he saw was the night sky and the leafy canopy. ‘No real landmarks to help us figure out where we are. But at least we can get to civilization quickly… assuming there is a civilization on this world.’ He pulled on the skin on his upper lip with his teeth as he thought things over. ‘We have no idea why the Big Booming Voice wants us here or what we are supposed to do other than ‘save the world’… I don’t like going into things blind.’ He paused. ‘Damn it all, if I see a cheerleader and some Spock-looking jackass trying to eat her brain I’m getting out of here before the Mexican twins show up.’
“Alright,” Goku said, clenching a fist and bringing it up to his face, “we need to find some people. They will either be able to lead us to the bad guys we need to take down or they’ll BE the bad guys!”
“I… can’t argue with that logic,” Kayos had to admit.
“While we need to save this world I don’t want to take too long. Master Roshi is counting on us.”
“And they quicker we get done the less angry Chichi will be?”
That made Goku instantly faceplant. “Oh, you think she’s going to be angry?”
“You abandoned her in space, Goku,” Kayos said slowly. “I mean I suppose you could blame me… Bulma is certainly pissed off at me already so I can be the lightning rod of hate-“
“I would never do that to you Kayos!” Goku declared, horrified by the thought. “We’re allies! I would never turn my back on your or make you take on the burden! I decided to come here and it is on me!” He smiled… before growing a bit more bashful. “Uh… though I wouldn’t mind it if we hurried as quick as possible and you… maybe put in a good word for me when we got back?”
That made the mage chuckle, shaking his head. “Of course. Now, you sense anyone?”
Goku focused. “Not a lot of strong power levels… I feel a lot of humans but they are rather average.”
“That only senses Ki though, right?”
“Uh huh.”
“So when you sense me you only sense my Ki, not my magic?”
Goku blinked at that. “You think the people of this world might be like you? Focusing more on magic?”
“That or something else,” Kayos reasoned. “They could be all like Bulma and use machines for their fights. Or maybe they have some new method of fighting that we’ve never encounters before-“
“A NEW method of fighting!?!” Goku said, growing excited at the thought. He scrunched his body up, a massive grin on his face. “Aw man… I wonder what it could be? I know Tien and Chiaotzu were working on using their psychic powers thanks to their link… I wonder if the people on this world can do that. Would be crazy to fight people that can move things with their minds! I’d have to be aware of everything around me.” He stood up a bit straighter, rubbing his chin in thought; it honestly always amazing Kayos how quickly Goku went from excited puppy to thought thinker. “Depending on how strong they were it would be like fighting a bunch of weaker fighters at once. I might be able to bat one or two away but they could still overwhelm me. I’d have to pick attacks that were designed to spread out, rather than just go for one focused single blast…”
‘That’s the thing so many get wrong about Goku,’ Kayos thought to himself. ‘Yes, he’s naïve about the world… he grew up in the forest. But he isn’t an idiot. He’s smart. Its just what he’s smart in doesn’t match up with what others equate ‘brains’ to. Goku might act impulsively but he can also come up with plans. He can strategize. He just likes living in the moment as well.’
Goku though suddenly snapped his head up, staring at the sky. “Or it will be one VERY powerful person!”
“You sense something?” Kayos asked only to wince; that was really dumb. Obviously Goku had sensed someone.
“Yeah… they are coming right now. It’s-“
There was a boom and at once the two of them were struck by a great shockwave, dirt and leaves flying up and past them, scratching at their faces and getting into their noses and mouths so they were forced to try and shield their faces. The trees themselves shook from the boom and Kayos, in the back of his mind, got the oddest sense that the forest itself wished to bow to the one that had created the shockwave.
“Brother… I do not know why thou haveth chosen to garb thyself in such strange vestments but you can not deceive me! I have known thee since we both were but lads and I know thy power… none in Midgard are as strong as you and your strength is liken a beacon unto me.”
It was Thor… God of Thunder.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe Thor.
“…I have another brother?” Goku asked.
“Admittedly that isn’t a dumb question, considering how Raditz showed up,” Kayos stated, not as startled as one might have expected upon encountering Chris Hemsworth’s Thor. Mostly because he’d just spent over a year hanging out with Goku and the cast of Dragon Ball Z.
But his little snarky joke caused Thor to turn in Kayos’ direction, narrowing his eyes. “And what is this, brother? I sense your power… but in this one magic as great and terrible as your own. Have thee split thyself in two? Is that how you wished to keep yourself from Asgard’s sights… and avoid your punishment?” Thor took a step forward and his voice became softer, more pleading. “Please, Loki… return home. Yes, you will be forced to pay for your crimes but they weren’t as great as you perhaps believe them to be. We care for you… we wish to only see you safe.”
“Uh…” Goku said, tilting his head, “I’m not Loki. And neither is Kayos… I think.” He glanced at Kayos who shook his head. “Right, he’s not Loki either. I think you are confusing us with someone else.”
Thor though shook his head. “You can not trick me again, brother. I am wise to your ruses and will not fall for them again. I do not wish to harm you-“
“Here we go,” Kayos muttered.
“-but I will do what I must to return you to Asgard.”
Goku flashed a determined smirk, falling into his standard Start Fight position. “Sorry but I can’t go with you, even if I was Loki. I have a planet to save.”
“They do not need your ‘saving’, brother,” Thor said, twirling his hammer.
“Oh this is not going to be fun,” Kayos muttered even as he created Evil and Good magic in his hands, rather pleased to see that they were nearly balanced. Not working together like the Scroll of Knowledge’s prophecy had spoken of… but still balanced. ‘A first step… I’m not the Silver Sorcerer yet, ready to do the impossible and have good and evil magic work together in tandem… but I’m currently at a balance at least. I just need to figure out how-‘
Thor let out a war cry and charged, Goku meeting him head on, and Kayos found himself having to push such thoughts back so he could focus on the battle.
~MC~MC~MC~
THIS IS THE FIRST TRIAL! SAVE THIS WORLD WHERE ITS HEROES HAVE BEEN BLINDED AND BEGUILED! PROVE YOURSELF TO ALL!
“That sounds… rather ominous,” the Pharaoh told Edwin as the two of them stepped out of a doorway to find themselves on a busy street in a land neither had ever visited. For both of them, but especially Edwin, that wasn’t anything new. He had used the Millennium Key many times to enter different places. Doorways now were truly that: doorways. To anywhere.
But to for once open a door and find himself someplace he hadn’t expected?
That was new.
It was like awakening at night and at first being startled because you were in a room you didn’t recognize only to remember that you were sleeping someplace else. Someplace different. But you knew the place. And just as you began to lay your head back down… something shifted in the corner, revealing a figure you hadn’t spotted… and who shouldn’t have been there.
The familiar made into the terrifying.
And Edwin… was very scared at that moment.
“Then we’ll need to be on our guard,” he said, doing what he always did when he was terrified: find some way to shove the fear away. To drive it down so it couldn’t hurt him. Through snark or taking control or simply latching onto an emotion like anger. “The heroes have been blinded and beguiled. What do you think that means?”
“Is it literal?” the Pharaoh asked. “Or was Entropy being metaphorical. Were they truly being blinded or are they unable to see what is happening before them? Is it insidious or has some spell forced them to not see what is clearly happening.”
“Or is it themselves that are to blame,” Edwin added. “The hero who believes what he is doing is noble and just but his actions only serve to destroy the world around him. Becoming a tyrant who rules with an iron fist even as he tells all that he is bringing peace and freedom to his new empire.” He paused. “Oh fuck me in the ass if we are dealing with ‘The Boys’. I do NOT want to deal with Homelander.”
The Pharaoh though smirked. “Yes Yugi, I do believe Mai would be jealous if we did that.” Edwin shot him a look before snickering. “And beguiling… is it like Marik?” the Pharaoh suggested. “or is it something else. A distraction. One could be beguiled by fame and fortune, after all.”
“Very good point,” Edwin said, impressed. “A lot of questions we need to answer, especially since I don’t think we are getting back home until we-“
He stopped.
“Edwin?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly. ‘Only that I realized that what might be awaiting me is going back into Noah’s little dome. Maybe I get to stay outside the virtual world but that leaves the rest of our friends trapped in there.’ He mentally cursed. ‘Its clear that Entropy is the reason I was yanked out of the Virtual World… otherwise I was completely and utterly trapped. And I have no guarantee that if I return there I won’t be shoved back into the dome.’
It was an… unsettling thought.
‘Even if they free me I could be looking at millions of years… completely alone. Even my mind wouldn’t be able to handle the strain of that.’ He grit his teeth in frustration. ‘Why is it always fucking me? Why is it always me that has to stand up and take the brunt of the fucking world on his god damn shoulders? I had to be the only smart one in the group that worked to save Mokuba from Pegasus while Joey was too busy trying to remember what fucking trap cards were. I had to save Cabal because Yugi and the Pharaoh just stood there fondling their Kuribohs. I had to save all of them from fucking Marik. And now I have to doom myself to millennia in that fucking Virtual World because Seto Kaiba has the most bullshit family drama ever? Oh, and I also have to save this fucking world because apparently there is an entire multiverse that swirls around me!’
“Edwin?” the Pharaoh said softly, reaching up and placing a hand on his shoulder. “What is it?”
“I… I’m tired, Pharaoh,” he got out. “So very tired.”
“I know,” the Pharaoh said. “The stress of all that has happened… it gets to us all. But we must keep going. We will return to our friends soon enough and then we will deal with Noah.”
Edwin barely managed a smile at that. ‘And Dartz. And Siegfried. And Zorc. And then that kid with the cubic monsters. Oh and Paradox and Anubis. And that’s assuming new threats don’t rise up to bite us on the ass. I’m sure Selene isn’t going to go quietly away and leave Mai behind so I have to deal with that…’
He let out a huff.
“Let’s go,” he said briskly.
“Edwin.”
“Let’s just fucking go,” he snapped, though without much heat.
After a moment… the Pharaoh followed him.
~MC~MC~MC~
THIS IS THE FIRST TRIAL! SAVE THIS WORLD WHERE ITS HEROES HAVE BEEN BLINDED AND BEGUILED! PROVE YOURSELF TO ALL!
“Well, the Big Giant Head certainly knows how to say everything and nothing,” Slash complained as her and NONE stepped through their portal and found themselves in what looked to be a storage area. There were boxes all over, stamped with a bird-logo that Slash thought she should recognize but honestly couldn’t. It was dark in the large open space but she’d dealt with worse going through Mt. Moon and the like. “At least Zubats aren’t attacking-whoa.”
Slash startled as, from the raising of her foot to setting it down for her next step, she suddenly shot up two feet and her center of gravity completely changed. At once NONE grabbed her arm, beaming as he looked down at her… and not nearly as down as they were used to.
“Hey… new world, better body,” she commented as she looked over her adult form. “Positive to this little game at least.”
“Not going to throw you off if we have to fight though?” NONE asked, suddenly concerned. “You were a bit wibble-wobble.”
“Nah, I’m good,” Slash said quickly, lifting up her leg and taking off her sneaker.
“What… are you doing?”
Slash pulled off her sock and wiggled her toes. “Making sure everything aged properly. I don’t want to go walking into battle and my big toe is still a baby toe.”
“…I’m not sticking around if you strip naked.”
“I won’t do that…” she added under her breath, “now.” She perked up and pulled her sock back on. “Besides, what’s the big deal? Not like you’ll care… heck, you might as well be a coat rack when it comes to me flashing things.”
“That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” NONE said, wiping away a mock tear. “So… think we have to fight these boxes? Also you aren’t fighting the boxes, I’ll just destroy them.”
“I doubt it is boxes and seriously, are we going to have this fight again? I can fight, NONE. Probably better than you.”
“I can go toe to toe with Mewtwo,” NONE reminded her.
“You can use your powers to battle Mewtwo. That isn’t fighting. I mean kicks and punches. I have a Morpher, I have my sword-“
“You have me.”
Slash shot him a dark look. “You are my best friend, NONE, not a weapon.” When he didn’t say a word she grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look at her. “NONE… you are not a weapon.”
“…yeah,” he said and Slash hated how unconvinced he sounded. “And neither are your Charizard or Raichu. But… we are all Pokemon with a trainer-“
“Stop. That.” Slash said sternly. “You are my best friend.” She gave him a hug and after a moment he returned it; it had been one of her biggest victories, getting him to accept touch. When she’d first met him he’d been so startled by simple human contact that he’d nearly blown up his sub the first time she’d laid her hand over his. “Don’t ever forget that.”
“Right,” he said before finally breaking away from her. “Right. So we need to figure out where the hell we are and what we need to fight.” He suddenly popped away from her, gliding over to one of the crates. “Oh, is that it? Is this hell? Do we have to fight the devil? With MUSICAL NUMBERS!?” He summoned a golden fiddle and began to play Devil Went Down To Georgia.
“Probably-“ Slash frowned when the gauge began to beep. She was used to dealing with the damn thing; the Gauge warned her when she was straying too far from Ash’s canon path. If she didn’t listen to the first beep she’d get a vision of her horrific death, almost physically experiencing it even. The Gauge was something she was VERY attentive too… so it acting up had her frozen in terror. “What the?”
“What what?” NONE asked.
Slash frowned, looking down at her wrist… and frowning as she stared at the Gauge. It had gone silent and her heart rate began to slow. “It activated.”
“…no,” NONE said darkly, eyes flickering with static. “no no no… not fucking HERE. This place is suppose to give you free will to do as you please!” He began to grow taller, body flickering as pieces of him appeared skeletal, and Slash frowned as his white noise grew louder. “You fucking piece of fuck-“
“Its not that,” Slash said and at once NONE deflated. “It happened when you summoned the fiddle.”
NONE looked at the instrument still in his hands. “Uh… has a problem with the song choice?” He switched to the Pokemon main theme.
“…now its quiet,” Slash said in confusion, shaking her arm. “Maybe it broke?”
“I did suggest destroying it with a hammer.”
“Considering when you suggested that the thing went nuts? And since its attached to my arm that means shattering my hand?”
“Oh please, I have plenty of bones to give you to replace that one!” He opened his coat and several different Pokemon bones appeared, jutting out of his chest. “I could give you a really sweet Aggron hand!”
“…pass,” Slash said slowly.
“Suit yourself.” NONE looked about. “So… this is really boring for some epic battle to prove who is superior between good and evil. Like… really boring. Like going to Gary’s piano recital boring.”
“We never did that.”
“What am I thinking of then?”
“NONE, did you go to a random piano recital and scare some kids?”
“I don’t… think so… at least if I did the parents would have been screaming. But that tends to happen wherever I go if I forget my skin.” His entire body flickered, revealing his ‘true’ form: a patchwork of Pokemon bones held together by madness. “But I haven’t done that in ages. I think.” He frowned and tapped the bow against his chin. “Still, this is really boring and I say we bail and go get some burgers. A real cow. None of that synthetic poke-flesh shit.”
“I… could go for that,” Slash admitted before shaking her head. “But we need to focus on this task. We have to save the world.”
NONE sighed. “Fine.” He moved towards a door marked EXIT. “Come on, let’s go-“
He threw open the door only to find several men and women in dark blackish-blue body suits pointing guns at him.
“Hands in the air,” a woman with dark hair and a stern face said, aiming her gun right at NONE’s head. Slash moved to stand behind him, hand going to her Morpher. “Who are you, how did you get here, and what do you want?”
NONE blinked.
“Don’t…” Slash warned him.
“I have to.”
“Please no.”
“You want to see their reactions, just admit it.”
“…fine.”
NONE beamed. “Well I’m looking for a soul to steal. I’m in a bind, I’m way behind, I’m looking to make a deal. Now I bet you didn’t know it but I’m a fiddler player too. I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul that I’m better than you.”
The woman just stared at him.
“Alright then, shall you take us to jail?” NONE held up his wrists, allowing her to handcuff him.
~MC~MC~MC~
“You are good, warrior!” Thor declared as he dodged one of Goku’s kicks. “I must admit tis rare for me to find one that can fight me in such close quarters. Normally any that come near me find themselves dashed to bits by Mjolnir. But you not only dodge my blows but deliver some nearly as strong and with thine own bare hands! Tis impressive.” Thor smirked. “But thou shall not defeat me.”
“I’ve heard that before,” Goku said with a determined smile. “And you’re really strong too. I used to fight with a weapon too but that’s been a long time… I gave mine to my son.”
“Purpose you should return to him, rather than aid my brother.” Thor had quickly decided that Goku wasn’t Loki but was still convinced Kayos was.
“Can’t. The big booming voice said we had to save this world.”
“I do not know what my brother told you but his rule will not save it!”
Goku turned to Kayos. “Do you-“
“Not his brother, he thinks I’m Loki, this isn’t a Raditz situation,” Kayos said before throwing out a Flash Bang, this one far less powerful than the one he’d used against the gang when they’d been arguing about Senza after his arrival. Thor at once let out a curse and covered his eyes but Goku just pouted.
“Kayos, we were fighting!” Goku complained. “I wanted to see what other moves he had!”
“We can do that later,” Kayos stated. “Because I know where we are and what we need to do.”
“You do?”
Kayos nodded and walked over to Thor. “Okay, I’m not Loki. My magic is completely different, right?” He held out his arms. “Nothing Asgardian about me.” Thor, shaking of the affects of the flashbomb, slowly nodded. “Right. We’re from a different universe. Similar to the Realms… think of it like this: World Tree part of a grand forest. We’re just from a different tree.”
“…yes, I suppose that does make sense,” Thor said with a nod. “I always did wonder why there would only be one World Tree.” He considered the two. “My apologizes then for attacking you both. I had believed-“
“Yeah, I was Loki,” Kayos said. “I get it. Magic and all that. But the point is I know where Loki is.” He pointed… and then slowly spun around. “Uh… he’s in a city a few miles from here in some direction…”
“Oh!” Goku said, perking up. “His energy is like yours, right Thor? I can just sense it!” He closed his eyes and focused. “There!” He pointed to the west. “He’s there! That’s the only person that is like you, energy wise, that I can sense.”
“Very good…” Thor trailed off as he realized he never asked their names.
“I’m Son Goku!” Goku declared. “And this is Avo Kayos!”
“Well met, Son Goku. I am Thor Odinson, Prince of Asgard.” Thor reached out and after a moment Goku shook his hand. “I would be honored to have you by my side, case my brother proves unwilling to return with me.”
“And he will,” Kayos said.
Goku though looked a bit glum. “Yeah, we can help… though I was looking forward to finishing our fight. I love testing myself against new fighters! Especially ones with such unique powers! I’ve NEVER fought anyone like you!”
Kayos frowned as Thor… began to nod. “Nooooo.”
“I suppose… you will sense if Loki is about to leave.”
“No no no.”
Goku grinned. “Oh yeah! Easily now that I know what to sense.”
“No! No! No!” Kayos shouted.
“Then let us finish our battle, Songoku!” Thor declared.
“NOOOOOO!” Kayos roared even as the two began to fight again.
~MC~MC~MC~
“There is a crowd up ahead,” the Pharaoh said.
“And they are speaking German.” Edwin frowned. “Oh god, there are like… 50 different jokes that just popped in my head and all involve Hitler.” The Pharaoh looked at him darkly. “I’m part German, I can mock them. Granted my great grandfather saw Hitler coming and said “Fuck this shit” and moved to Michigan but the point remains. Let’s go see what is going on… this feels oddly… oh fuck.”
“Edwin… who is that garish man?” the Pharaoh asked, spotting a figure in black and gold and green clothing standing before the crowd, a spear-like staff held in his hand.
“That… would be Loki of Asgard,” Edwin muttered. “Fucking hell we’re on an Avengers Planet.”
“Avengers?”
“Hammer my dad used against Wyatt. Came from a similar world. This is based on the MCU so be glad Tea and Mai and Yuri aren’t here because Whedon would have had them captured and depressed within 10 minutes.” He shook his head and squared his shoulders. “Come on, let’s deal with this bullshit.”
“I said… KNEEL!” Loki bellowed at the scared Germans. “Is this not… simpler?” Loki asked.
“Not really,” Edwin said with a smirk as he stepped forward, holding out Gleipnir. “I mean, if you want them to suck you off how do you arrange it? At least get them into a line, Loki Laufreyson.”
THAT caused Loki to raise an eyebrow. “You know me,” he said slowly.
“Oh, I know of you,” Edwin replied, willing the Millennium Key out while his other hand slowly went for his lightsaber. “Loki the Liar. Loki the Schemer. Loki the impatient little bitch. Loki the Blue Balled because if you had just fucked Sif I imagine things would have gone SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER. You know she would have considered it if you had just charmed her a little… Thor and the Warriors 3 saw her as a friend but you saw her as an equal too. Jesus, man, even stroking your cock would have probably relieved some pressure! The blue balls are keeping you from thinking straight.”
Loki… blinked at that. “You are a foul-mouthed little thing.”
“Right on one part. Not on the other. I am hung like a god damn horse according to my hot greek goddess girlfriend.” He paused. “Huh… I wonder if there is another Selene here… nope, ideas for threesomes come later. Right now I’m gonna need all these people to leave. Unlike you I don’t get off on watchers.” He paused, tilting his head. “Or do you like to watch? Maybe from a chair or from a closet… almost always dressed as Superman. Or is that just the Watcher?”
The Pharaoh shut his eyes and prayed Edwin knew what he was doing. Because the power he could feel coming off of Loki…
“You… really aren’t in control here,” Loki informed him, slowly bringing his staff to point at Edwin’s chest. But Edwin merely smirked before he lifted up his cane, allowing it to unspool. As it did so he saw Loki shift, becoming lest brazen in his belief of his victory and more cautious. “Where… did you get that?”
“The Huldra Brothers,” Edwin replied, the cane fully forming into a whip. “Its called Gleipnir’s Cord. And I think you know about its brothers: Odin’s staff and-“
“Mjolnir,” Loki said and Edwin at once saw when the walls of false bravado slammed up around Loki. “So… are you some nameless guard sent to capture me? I would have thought my father would have sent someone more important to do so. Or perhaps someone to appeal to my better nature. This… this is sloppy for him.”
“You think your father hands off weapons like this to anyone?” Edwin asked with a quirked eyebrow. “You’ve been gone from home for a while if you believe that. And besides, I told you where I got it: directly from Brok and Sindri.”
The tip of Loki’s staff began to glow. “Who are you?”
“A traveler. Someone who just wants to talk. Preferably without a lot of ears that might spoil plans. That’s the problem with crowds… you have to be careful just what you say.”
Loki considered that for a very long moment before finally declaring, “Go.” The crowd slowly rose to their feet. “GO!”
That got them moving a lot faster and within 4 minutes the square was completely empty, Loki even firing on security cameras, destroying them in a display of his magic.
“We are alone.”
“Right,” Edwin said. “So as I said, I’m a traveler. My companion and I aren’t from this plane.”
Loki slowly nodded. “Yes… there is something… off about him. I sense two souls and…” he sniffed. “The stench of death is on him.”
“He’s Egyptian.”
“Ah, that would explain it.”
“And possessing a teenager’s body.”
“Even more so.” Loki returned his attention on Edwin and the two began to slowly circle each other, the Pharaoh shifting so that he was always just behind Edwin; with only the Puzzle that, admittedly, had gained new powers, he had nothing to truly defend himself with. He doubted that Loki would allow them to play a card game to determine what would happen. He could ask but… “Why are you here?”
“Believe it or not it isn’t about you.”
“Yes it is,” Loki responded. “You can’t lie to a liar.”
Edwin shrugged. “Fair enough. Then how about that I don’t believe you to be the evil threat even you believe yourself to be. There is a bigger threat that is manipulating things.”
Loki considered that for a long moment. “And what would be a bigger threat than me?”
“If you had a computer I’d tell you to look up a name but I’m going to ask you to try and remember this one: Thanos, the Mad Titan.”
This time Loki hid his shock well. Very well. But Edwin could see the slight twitch in his face as the name fell upon him. Oh… Loki had heard of Thanos.
“It sounds vaguely familiar,” Loki said.
“Then how about this: Thanos is the one commanding that sniveling little creature that gifted you your spear. And he doesn’t give two fucks about you ruling Earth. You could raze it for all he cares… in fact he might be delighted by that. Save him a few seconds.” Edwin continued to circle Loki. “He has far darker plans.”
“And that is?”
“The death of half the universe.”
“Insanity.”
Edwin looked over the top of his glasses. “Did you miss the part where he’s called the ‘Mad Titan’?” He let out a huff. “The man is deranged. He believes that the universe is overpopulated all because his people were morons who didn’t know how to conserve their resources. So his brilliant idea is to slaughter half the universe. And that includes all of the Nine Realms. Asgard would fall too.”
“And?”
But Edwin shook his head. “You can’t lie to a liar,” he repeated. “You care for your home. Everything you’ve done has been, in its own way, about that home.”
“You put too much stock in my nostalgia.”
“Then how about in your gambling odds,” Edwin stated. “A flip of a coin. Heads or Tails. That’s what it means for you to live, Loki. And you can’t cheat with this gamble. You can’t rig the coin or load the dice or hide cards up your sleeve because you aren’t at the table… you aren’t even in the casino. What Thanos has planned? Its not standard butchery. Its far worse. With a literal snap of his fingers half of all life will fade away. Are you willing to take that chance, Loki? Willing to gamble that all you are, all you ever will be, might survive?”
“I’ve had worse odds,” Loki said but Edwin could tell that he was truly thinking about what he had said and what it would mean for him.
“And then there is your kingdom,” Edwin pointed out. “Let’s say you take control of Earth. Figure that ‘I have a chance… I can survive this. I’m lucky’. Its certainly not been proven time and again that luck isn’t exactly your best friend.” He took a step forward and Loki jabbed his staff at him, forcing him to back away once more. “Are you a farmer, Loki?”
“What?”
“A farmer. Do you know how to grow and harvest grains?”
“Of course not,” Loki charged.
“Then what happens when half the farmers suddenly disappear? The other farmers won’t be able to manage their fields all on their own. And that’s assuming it’s a clean division between those that live and those that die. Maybe 75% of farmers die. Or all of them while 100% of accountants live. But let’s say 50% die. Fields go unharvested. Same with getting that grain to the bakers that need it. Or the bakers themselves. Its easy to say, “Let’s cut all that in half”, its another to do so and not have the entire fucking system collapse.” Edwin shook his head. “Are you fucking seeing the problem here? Thanos wants you to conquer Earth. Its his step towards his mad goal. And he doesn’t mind giving you Earth because it doesn’t matter to him. And in his madness he thinks that he will be worshiped as a hero while all of us with fucking brains see that it will just doom all of reality. You will sit on a throne of ashes with only the dust to bow to you.”
“And what do you suggest?” Loki asked.
“So far you’ve only retrieved a relic given to us humans by your own forefathers. You attacked two government buildings. Bad stuff but… not that bad if a trade is made: all the information you have about Thanos’ little butt monkey.” Loki’s face twitched at that new nickname for the alien he had been dealing with. “Then you can leave… or stay and prove to your father, to Thor, to everyone on Asgard they were wrong about you. That-“
And that’s when Captain America’s shield slammed into Loki.
“No!” Edwin screamed. “NO GOD DAMN IT!” He whipped around only to be hit himself by the shield. “You… fucking idiot!” he moaned in pain, clutching his side.
“I don’t know who you are…” Cap said as he caught his shield, moving towards Edwin. He was wearing his… well, frankly really bad Captain America costume that Coulson had designed… and every step spoke of the brazen hero come to save the innocent. “But I do know you are chatting with that man who is wanted for a lot of crimes.”
“Edwin!” the Pharaoh said, hurrying over to him and helping him up.
“FUCK that hurt!” Edwin shouted. “Who throws a shield, honestly? Why not throw a shoe like a normal idiot!” He glared at Captain America. “God damn it Rogers I almost had him agreeing to help us!”
“No, you didn’t,” Loki said from the ground. “Thanks for the information though… don’t worry, I’ll deal with Thanos myself.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Edwin roared as the Pharaoh helped him up. “I expect this kind of shit from Thor but you two dumbasses?”
Captain America frowned as he looked at Edwin. “Excuse me?”
“No, you aren’t excused! I was-“
Loki lunged at Cap and he moved to block the blow with his shield… only for it to pass through him.
Just in time for another Loki, the real one, to appear behind Cap and press the tip of his spear against his heart, Steve’s eyes flashing blue.
“Ooooooh fuck,” Edwin moaned.
“What is that?” the Pharaoh asked.
“Marik bullshit!” Edwin snarled, cracking Gleipnir.
“Can your Key break him out of it?” the Pharaoh asked, tensing as Steve slowly turned and faced them, Loki smirking as he hovered behind the Star Spangled Hero.
“That would require him to stand still long enough for me to use it,” Edwin muttered.
“And can we get him-“
“It’s fucking Captain America!” Edwin roared. “I’m a smug asshole that keeps getting weapons!” He rolled his neck. “Think we have all the training the Morphers gave us?”
“Perhaps,” the Pharaoh said.
“Then let’s fucking do an experiment.” And with that Edwin lunged forward, cracking the whip at Loki only for it to hit another illusion. That gave Steve a chance to try and strike him but Edwin dodged the blow, smirking as he came back up and delivered a spin kick to his side. It didn’t do much, Steve just absorbing the blow, but it was something. “Theory confirmed,” he muttered before he moved to try and punch Steve. But Cap caught his blow and twisted his arm, striking right where his shield had hit Edwin in the ribs, causing him to cry out in pain.
“You really shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Steve replied… just before the Pharaoh slammed a trash can lid against his head.
Steve just slowly turned to stare at him.
The Pharaoh, thinking fast, held up his duel disc… and the Memory Metal it was made of shifted into his own version of Cap’s shield, blocking the elbow that the hero tossed their way.
“You both are hiding things, aren’t you,” Loki stated as he watched them fight. “Very impressive, I must say.” Edwin freed himself from Cap and moved to kick out his ankle but the Patriotic Hero jumped the strike and kicked at Edwin, forcing him to backflip away.
“Oh… that didn’t feel good,” Edwin said, shaking his head… just in time for Loki to press the tip of his spear into Edwin’s chest.
“But I think you need a new point of-“
Edwin’s eyes BLAZED white and gold and for a brief moment Loki saw a pair of burning golden wings flare out around him, silvery white phantoms of Egyptians standing behind him.
“Nice try,” Edwin said, grabbing the Spear and dragging Loki in close before he punched him right in the throat. “Pharaoh! Key works against this mind control!”
“Good to know, Edwin!” the Pharaoh shouted, thankful that after what had happened with Yugi he had finally consented to Edwin locking down his and Yugi’s minds. He and Steve were fighting Shield to Shield and he was even more thankful that morphing during the Battle of the Eternal Gate had gifted him with full knowledge of karate and kung fu. Steve still had him in terms of strength but he was using his more limber body to avoid most of his blows.
“Well… hard to declare about glorious purposes with your trachea collapsed,” Edwin said only for Loki to fire off a bolt of magic from his spear. Edwin, rather than use the Memory Metal, had Gleipnir form into a shield and he deflected the blast. “Really should have taken me up on my-“
And that’s when the repulser blasts struck him and the Pharaoh, sending the two flying.
“Hey Cap,” Iron Man said, landing in the middle of the square. “Listen, big fan, my dad talked about you all the time, hope you don’t mind me crashing the party.”
“Not at all,” Steve said. “Thanks for the assist.”
“I don’t know who you are,” the Pharaoh said with a groan, slowly rising up, “but your friend is not himself.”
“Uh huh, sure. That’s the reason why you attacked a War Hero.”
“To be fair he was dead at the time,” Edwin called out, getting Tony to focus on him. “And I was fighting fucking Loki-“ he looked around and saw Loki wasn’t there. “Fuck. Okay, so this is going to go two ways. Either Loki is going to surprise attack you and I get to gloat when Steve turns traitor on you-“
“So now you are trying to claim I’ll attack this guy?” Steve asked, shaking his head. “You just keep lying and lying.”
“Yeah,” Tony said, slowly bringing his hands up to aim them at Edwin. “Beginning to think you might be Loki in disguise.”
“For fuck’s sake I am going to enjoy rubbing this in your face, Stark! Hell, here’s a bet: 10 million in gold bricks I’m not Loki. Deal?”
“Deal,” Loki said, suddenly appearing behind Tony and blasting him, causing the hero to crash down to the ground. “Thank you all but I really must dash. Captain?” Steve nodded and threw his shield at Tony just as he was getting up, sending him back down again before Loki placed a hand on his shoulder and they disappeared.
“I hate being right all the time. Scan the area, Stark!” Edwin snapped.
“Yeah… in a moment… Jarvis? Mind telling me which way is up?”
Edwin rolled his eyes. “Now, Tony!”
“Hey!” Tony snapped back. “I don’t take orders from strangers with strange golden keys.”
“A few things, you moron-“
“That’s your best insult?”
“Okay, a few things you gold-plated dildo… one that certainly isn’t in scale because based on your skills here the reason you only have one-night stands: all of them turn lesbian out of disappointment. The Last Male, for everyone realizes they are better off munching carpet then ever having to deal with your two pump pencil dick and grimy Stark Balls, Copyright!”
Tony slowly reached up and lifted his faceplate up. “Ow.”
Edwin just shot him a dark look. “Loki can’t fucking teleport so they just went invisible and I wanted you to scan for infrared but that’s too late and they are long gone. Two, Steve was giving us problems but I was matching Loki and if I could have taken him we could have ended this without an invasion of fucking New York. And three how do you think its going to look to Fury, SHIELD, and most importantly Pepper when I tell them all you fired a repulser blast at a FUCKING TEENAGER!”
Tony slowly looked at the Pharaoh who was rubbing his side, his clothing singed.
“…okay, admittedly that isn’t good.”
“The world’s smartest man, ladies and gentlemen!” Edwin roared to the sky.
“Hey, not like Fury told me you’d be here too. Guy in weird outfit, also carrying a spear… I thought you were Loki’s boyfriend!” he paused. “Who are you people, anyway?”
“Who are we?” Edwin said, narrowing his eyes. “That is the Nameless Pharaoh. The King of Games. Me? I'm Edwin Chaos. I'm a Mulitverse Traveler. I'm from Domino in the universe of Earth-1. I'm 35 years old, and I'm the man who is going to save your lives and all 6 billion people on this planet.”
“…you stole that from Doctor Who,” Tony said.
“Huh, nice when someone gets my references. Now then-“
Before Edwin could finish Thor slammed down to the ground, following shortly by Goku and Kayos.
“…so am I right or are there two of you?” Tony said slowly. “And someone in their pajamas fighting a Ren Fair reject?”
“Yeah, that happens a lot,” Edwin said as Kayos turned and stared at him, startled. “Alright kid, this is where things get complicated.”
“That is also from Doctor Who.”
The Pharaoh frowned. “Edwin… just how much do you borrow from this Doctor Who?”
“THAT is what you are focusing on?!?!”