Chapter 4
For the three days in between seeing Laura again and Wade’s little party with his friends, Logan lived in an odd state of flux. When he’d agreed to stay with Wade, he hadn’t realized it would result in spending time with a large group of people all the fucking time.
Well, technically it was three people and a dog but three is a crowd and a plenty large enough crowd for Logan at that.
Logan had gone from living in isolation for years to waking up with someone next to him, spending the entire day surrounded by people, and falling asleep to the sound of someone talking. To say it was overwhelming at times was the fucking understatement of the century.
Not only was he no longer alone, but he actually cared what these people thought of him, in the most elementary way he simply wanted them to like him. Which meant his usual methods of snapping and grumbling and generally being an asshole weren’t gonna cut it this time.
In many ways, it reminded him of when he first joined the school. There had been way more people then but the struggle had been the same. The desire to connect versus the need to run away and never let anyone get close enough to hurt him or to be hurt. Well, last time Logan had run away and it had still hurt him and everyone he cared about. He was not about to repeat that ever again.
It was simple enough to turn around when Wade had called his name back at the shawarma place and say yes. Everything after that is what was fucking him up.
Over the next few days Laura, Wade, and Althea, they each wanted to talk to him, get to know him, spend time with him. Hell, even the damn dog wanted to hang out with him. Logan would never admit this out loud, but he wanted those things too. The problem was he was completely convinced there would soon come a time they would realize what a massive fuckup they’d let into their lives and kick him back into his universe.
Logan’s number one priority was to postpone that moment as long as possible.
So he made observations, he paid attention, he tried his best to think before he said shit. Logan had mastered seven languages and could get by on several others, he knew just about every form of martial arts on this earth, if being good with people was a skill then damn it, he could fucking do this. Maybe.
He started by taking mental notes on everyone.
The easiest one to get used to was Mary for obvious reasons. She acted like Logan had hung the moon and stars, much to Wade’s jealousy. More often than not she would jump into his lap even if Wade was right beside him. Wade insisted the obvious way to fix this was for Mary to sit on Logan’s lap and Logan to sit on Wade’s so everyone would be happy. Every time he suggested this Logan would push him off the couch.
Logan was trying his best to remain aloof about the dog. She was hideous, always making him trip, and left a disgusting trail of slobber everywhere she went. Not to mention Wade had acquired ownership of her through extremely illegal means and he didn’t need any more encouragement.
But she was also the most well-behaved dog Logan had ever met. And if you ignored how obviously ugly she was, she was pretty fucking adorable. Mary would jump up to him with her big eyes and a look of love and somehow the treats found their way into Logan’s hands, there was no explanation for it.
It wasn’t even his damn dog and somehow it had been silently agreed that Logan would be the one to walk her every day. He would complain under his breath as he dutifully put the harness and leash on her. Sometimes Wade would accompany him, but most of the time he didn’t. As much as Logan liked to grumble to save face, Wade and Al seemed to understand that he needed that time alone to get outside and be with his own thoughts.
Logan felt like he and Mary had seen every inch of that park during their walks. They’d stroll around, sometimes play fetch with the toy Wade had bought her (a giant squeaky cigar), and he’d sit on the same bench as always to watch her play in the dog park.
It was nice to take breaks from the noise of the apartment. There was always music, or a movie playing, or just Wade jabbering about anything and everything. Logan needed the quiet sometimes. He was rarely ever interrupted but occasionally he would get what Wade called ‘thirsty dog moms’ sitting down next to him and trying to start a conversation. It always led to Logan awkwardly trying to get them to go away. They were a rather determined bunch so this proved to be difficult. Wade was no help whatsoever. Whenever Logan brought it up to ask for advice Wade would just laugh and laugh.
But none of that was little Mary’s fault. She was a ridiculously sweet dog that made it difficult to pretend he didn’t want her around. If he ever tried to push her away when she wanted to cuddle, Logan swore her eyes could somehow express heartbreak. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Al always made fun of him for it, not that she was any better. Logan had seen her feeding Mary scraps under the table many many times.
Althea had surprisingly become the easiest person to spend time with. When she wasn’t asking him to bring her cocaine, of course.
Whereas Wade could talk him into circles and Laura was a whole challenge to speak to, Al was straightforward and honest. Logan never had to guess what she meant or think through his responses all that much. She was generally very nice to him or at least nicer than she was to Wade, but she wasn’t afraid to put him in his place either. Especially after she’d found out he could cook, she’d been none too shy about voicing her meal requests.
The night Wade had left to bring Laura to the school they had discovered they shared a love of jazz music. They had put on some records, poured themselves a drink, and sat back on the couch. Al had shared some stories about growing up in Brooklyn, apparently her father had been a jazz musician. Logan had tried to swap stories too. He couldn’t remember growing up in Alberta but he had plenty of memories from the years he’d lived in New York. He’d lived in the city for a while so he could be relatively close to the school without appearing like he wanted to be near the X-men.
Wade didn’t have much interest in their ‘old people time’ and would usually put on his headphones and shut himself in the bedroom. He was being very secretive about his little project in that bedroom. But of course with Wade secrecy meant it was incredibly obvious what he was working on. Logan had caught him attempting to sneakily measure his arms multiple times now, not to mention the mess of yellow fabric he could see whenever the door was open. And there was no hiding the sound of a sewing machine.
He didn’t understand why Wade was trying to hide it when he’d already told him he’d be fixing his suit. But Wade seemed to be having fun so he let it slide for the most part.
On Logan’s fifth day at the apartment, Wade actually demanded that Al and Logan get out entirely for a few hours. His excuse was that he was gonna deep clean the apartment and he couldn’t have their germy presence sabotaging the clean. Utter bullshit of course and they’d refused to leave until Wade had suggested they take their old people time on the road. So Logan had found himself at The Village Vanguard catching a show with Althea.
“I remember when all it cost to get in here was 50 cents at the door.” Logan had squinted at the tickets on his phone which had definitely cost more than 50 cents.
“Jesus, you really are old as dirt.” Al huffed.
The old jazz club hadn’t changed much since the years Logan had last visited it. It looked almost entirely the same, red curtains and a line up of instruments in front of little cramped tables. Even in a completely different universe, he was glad some things always stayed the same.
“My father played here a few times.” Al remarked when they’d settled into their seats.
“Really?”
“Trumpet. I used to hide backstage so I could listen. Thought I’d be the female Stevie one day.” Althea gave a croaky laugh. “I was shit at instruments though.”
She patted his arm. “But baby could I sing.”
“You should sing for us one day then.”
“Psh, I said could boy. Don’t make me laugh.”
Logan smiled softly as the musicians came out and Al kept her hand on his arm. That had been a good night.
Logan had been a bit shocked at how fast he and Al had gotten fond of each other. Usually, it took him much longer to open up. But then again he had just moved in with someone he’d known for a few days so maybe Logan was just throwing all common sense out the window.
Then there was Laura.
She had returned to visit them every day since that first time and every time Logan was surprised she’d come back. She’d usually stay for a few hours in the afternoon.
Laura was an enigma to Logan. He was never sure what to say around her or where he stood with her. She’d been nothing but kind to him, yet that didn’t make any of this any less confusing.
In his universe, Logan had never had kids. He could never settle in one place or with one person long enough for anything like that. He’d always thought he’d make an absolutely horrendous father. Now all of a sudden this kid was in front of him and he could see so much of himself in her. And he could see so much that was better than him too. Kinder, braver, and smarter. She was brilliant. All Logan wanted to do was get to know her and help her in any way he could
He could never be her father though, not by a long shot. He didn’t want to be that important to her anyway, he’d just fuck up. She deserved her Logan, not the Worst Wolverine. But she was here and all she had was them. There was nothing for Logan to do but try to be some sort of positive figure in her life.
On most days, Laura would help them cook dinner, which ended up being a lesson in patience for all of them. Laura wasn’t the best at cooking to say the least, and understandably so, she’d been raised in a laboratory and then had help in Eden. Anything beyond cutting vegetables was new territory.
Somehow whatever she was told to watch over or do ended up burning. Logan and Wade didn’t really mind but it seemed to frustrate Laura to no end. Logan could tell she had the same temper he did, she just hid it better. Every time she did something wrong she would groan and walk off before schooling her features and pretending nothing had happened. Logan didn’t think it was the healthiest way of dealing with anger but he didn’t have any room to judge.
It made him sad though when he thought about it. That Laura was so grown up, always so serious. She was just a kid. She should have room to make mistakes and get angry about things. If one day she burned another meal and decided to take the pan and launch it at the wall, Logan would probably clap. Fuck that pan.
But Laura’s reign on her emotions remained carefully controlled around them. Logan hoped he’d be in her life long enough to see those walls come down.
After they salvaged enough of the food that was edible they’d typically crowd on the couch and watch TV. Wade had been distressed at Laura not knowing any of the cartoons he loved. He’d insisted they start with something called Avatar The Last Airbender. Logan didn’t like cartoons all that much but he had to admit, that show had him fucking invested.
Laura seemed to enjoy it too as much as she tried to hide it. Every night she came back she laughed a little more, smiled a little more. Logan knew that change had nothing to do with him, most of the credit had to go to Wade.
Wade talking a mile a minute, cracking jokes, and acting an idiot. Wade smoothing over any conversation with sheer noise and humor. Wade laughing and reprimanding the stove whenever Laura burnt something. Wade, Wade, Wade.
It wasn’t enough that Logan was with him most of the day, no the asshole had to invade his thoughts too.
More than anyone else in the apartment Wade was the most difficult for Logan to deal with simply because being around him was so easy. It felt good and safe and comfortable. Somehow their contrasting personalities just fit together like a lock and key. Logan had never experienced anything like it before.
If anyone had told Logan when he first met Deadpool that in a bit more than a week, he’d be happy to spend every day with him, they’d be getting three claws right up their jugular.
But it was true. He was happy here. Wade made him happy.
It was annoying and made Logan want to throw him out the window. A threat he’d given Wade multiple times now and every time Wade would spend like five minutes trying to say defenestration properly.
How could he spend so much time thinking about someone so stupid? So immature and ridiculous. So annoying, and funny, and brave, and endearing, so very much not stupid at all. Their friendship had quickly developed to something a lot more complicated on Logan’s part.
He’d had nothing. Nothing and no one. Just an endless trail of bars and motels. Wade had changed that. Logan had a home now and a life that was so domestic and sweet it made him want to throw up.
Every morning they’d wake up together on that shitty couch bed. It’d been clearly falling apart before Logan had gotten on it but multiple nights of a 300-pound half-metal man had the thing screeching every time he crawled in. The bed was now permanently dipped to Logan’s side.
Unfortunately for Logan, this meant every night in his sleep Wade naturally rolled into the dip and tucked himself against Logan. Wade was a very cuddly sleeper and they would end up all tangled together. Logan could never bring himself to shove him away though because Wade had saved his life and let him live in this apartment, the least he could do was let him sleep right?
He wasn’t too stubborn to admit that it felt good. No one had hugged Logan in so very long or even touched him at all. The contact was addicting now that he had it. And there was a part of him that just wanted to wrap Wade up in his arms and keep him there. Keep him safe and warm, even if he didn’t need the protecting.
Wade usually woke up first and ran off to do whatever insanity he felt like on that day. More often than not Logan would wake to the sound of the sewing machine. He was dying to see the suit’s progress but every time he got close to take a look Wade would start screaming at the top of his lungs so he’d given up.
The day before the party, Wade had gone out in his Deadpool suit to find a mercenary gig. Logan had offered to go with him but Wade had been quick to point out that A. his face was plastered over the every clock news which wasn’t great for this line of work and B. unless he wanted to fight with his tits out, he was effectively benched.
So Logan stayed but he didn’t like it. He’d worn that suit and accepted his role as an X-Man when they’d saved Wade’s universe. He didn’t want that to be a one-time thing. Being an X-Men meant helping people, especially mutants. He knew there was probably plenty out there for him to do. Logan hadn’t landed in a magical universe where mutants were loved and accepted, he’d probably have better luck landing somewhere everyone had hot dogs for hands.
He needed to get out there and do something. If Logan wanted to live this life with Wade, he had to earn it, he had to atone for his past.
Aside from being a mercenary or a vigilante or working for the TVA, this meant he needed to go back to the school. But fuck he did not want to. Logan knew as soon as he went back all the memories would crash onto him like a tidal wave and he wasn’t sure if he could get back up from that.
For now, Logan was making the very mature decision to just avoid the topic for as long as possible. One day he’d go back, but it didn’t have to be right now. He wasn’t even sure if they’d want him. Would they see it as tainting their Logan’s memory? Would they even trust him at all?
Back in his universe when he had too much on his mind (or anything on his mind) he would drown his thoughts in alcohol to try and get some silence. That unfortunately wasn’t an option anymore. Logan would automatically find himself searching through the apartment for a drink, only to remember Wade had hidden it all in god knows where. Which was fine because he didn’t want to live in a drunken stupor anymore especially with Laura coming around every day like clockwork.
It was easy to say that but harder to live it. He knew he didn’t want to drink as much anymore but he didn’t know what else to do to deal with all this change. Thankfully, there was always enough going on at the apartment to distract him from his thoughts. Wade sometimes acted like his deepest desire in life was to annoy Logan as much as possible and he could always go out with Mary for a smoke. Things like that gave his mind a break.
But it was a struggle. Every time he did drink he found himself wishing for just a little more. He wasn't sure how to fix this. Being an alcoholic wasn’t exactly helpful to his goal of not getting kicked out of this new life of his. He liked this life. God, he liked it so much it was ridiculous. Being here with Laura, Wade, Althea, and the fucking dog. He couldn’t lose this. He wouldn’t lose this. For once in his life someone had taken him home and he was gonna be deserving of it, even if it fucking killed him.
Logan knew Wade wouldn’t judge him if he confided all this to him. His thoughts on everyone, the overwhelm, the addiction, the overstimulation. And the good things too, how comfortable and happy he was here, how much he loved the endearing domesticity of it all, how much he loved… well maybe he didn’t need to finish that sentence.
The day of meeting the rest of Wade’s friends finally came. Logan woke up that morning with a groan. Surely all his complicated emotions would be improved by adding more people to the mix! He rubbed at his eyes and sighed.
He looked over at Wade, still sleeping. His head was on Logan’s shoulder. The sun was lighting his face and his eyelashes fluttered a bit as he slept. Logan wondered at that. No hair at all but he’d somehow been spared the eyelashes. It was… pretty.
Wade’s eyes opened and Logan quickly looked away.
Wade stretched his arms up and shuffled away from Logan. He missed the warmth immediately. Wade turned to face him, pulling the blankets away from Logan so he could wrap himself better.
“Last night I dreamt I was a bottle of ketchup.” Wade mumbled, his voice still rough from sleep. “And you were mayonnaise. Which is weird cause usually you’re mustard in my dreams.” Logan refused to be charmed by the softness in his voice.
Wade yawned so widely, Logan could see his molars. His yawns were without fail contagious so Logan knew he’d be yawning in a second too.
Wade poked his arm. “Why do you think that is?”
Logan yawned. “Yellow. Mustard.” He answered simply.
Wade waved a hand. “I know that. But why do you think you were mayonnaise tonight? Are you feeling whiter today, Peanut? Perhaps creamier?”
“You need to brush your teeth.”
Wade puffed a breath right into Logan’s face. Logan growled and yanked the blankets away from Wade’s little burrito.
“Noo, it’s fucking cold, you cruel bitch.” Wade whined and curled up on himself.
Logan got up and threw the blankets onto the armchair away from Wade’s reach. “Too bad, bub.” He dodged the Kirby plush thrown at his head without looking back.
“Mornin' Althea.”
“Hmph, you two make me sick.” Al was already shuffling around the kitchen. “I made some oatmeal.”
“Watch out there’s probably some nose candy in that.” Wade warned from the living room.
“Nobody’s talking to you!” Al grumped.
Wade’s friends were coming by in a few hours. Wade had a plan to make lasagna for an early dinner which meant he’d be running the kitchen like a drill sergeant until everyone got there.
Logan brushed his teeth and then served them oatmeal while Wade fed Mary. The first time Al had made breakfast for them Logan had been a bit nervous, he knew she was capable of it but it wasn’t her that worried him. It was more the fear that Wade would switch ingredients around and put cajun where the salt should be or something like that. He hadn’t needed to worry though. He was sure Wade wasn’t above a prank like that but he hadn’t done it just yet.
“Laura’s coming soon.” Wade said as they sat around the table, his mouth disgustingly full. “She just texted me. She’s got a phone now like a big girl, I’ll send you her number.”
Logan grunted. He’d barely looked at his phone since he’d gotten it. It’s not like he had anyone to talk to he couldn’t just see in person. And Wade kept sending him stupid Tik Taks he was ignoring.
Al smacked Wade’s hand with her spoon. “I can hear you chewing with your mouth open. It’s fucking disgusting.”
Wade made exaggerated eating noises in response. Al smacked his head with the spoon.
Wade yelped. “I have to eat with my mouth open it promotes circulation to my nether regions. I read that on the internet so it has to be true!”
Logan shook his head and kept eating.
He was a little nervous about today. This was more than Wade’s friends, this was his family. The people he’d done everything for, including dragging Logan’s sorry ass out of his timeline. He didn’t know what they’d be like or what they’d think of him. They’d already talked through everyone coming and Logan hadn’t met them in his universe, not even the X-Men. He supposed that was good, fresh start and all.
Vanessa was coming too. Another thing Logan had avoided thinking about. He knew Wade loved her. He’d mentioned it plenty when they’d first met. He also knew Wade was trying to win her back.
Logan sighed and pushed his oatmeal around the bowl. He just wanted Wade to be happy. If Vanessa made him happy then well… he could help. He could play wingman. The idea made his stomach churn.
“Uh, hello? Is anyone in there?” Wade waved his hand in front of Logan’s face.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”
“Not liking the dandruff in your oatmeal?”
“No, it’s good. I mean-”
Wade laughed softly. “You alright, angel baby?”
Logan wished he’d stop calling him all those stupid pet names. It’s not like he actually meant them.
“I’m fine, it’s just…” Honesty. Opening up. He could do this. “Just thinking about meeting your friends today.”
“Awee, is somebody nervous?”
Nope, bottling everything back up. He was never speaking again.
Wade bumped his shoulder. “Relax, trust me it’ll be fine. You’re like the hottest man on the planet, they’re gonna love you. If they can put up with me, they’ll be all over you. In fact they’re probably gonna try to replace me with you, which is totally understandable, I would do the same thing.”
“If only we could,” Al sighed. “You’re like my ex-husband, it’s impossible to get rid of you.”
Wade pouted. “But Logan doesn’t wanna get rid of me, right Logie?”
Al snickered. “Oho no, he does not. Logan would glue himself to y-“
Logan kicked her foot under the table and quickly got up. “I’m not feeling too hungry.”
“Nuh-uh!” Wade exclaimed.
“Fuck you mean nuh-uh?”
“Ha! I knew you would say it.” Wade pulled at Logan’s sleeve. “What I mean is that I want a dad bod for Christmas. You need to be Santa Claus for the children and Daddy Claws for me. So quit trying to skip meals, Peanut.”
“For once I agree with Wade. Your shoulder is too damn hard to rest my head on.”
“Yes! I feel like I’m cuddling a rock every night! You don’t need to be dehydrated to be sexy anymore, Honey Badger.”
“Alright, alright I get it.” Logan sat down and reluctantly ate his oatmeal.
After breakfast, they did their own things for a while as they waited for Laura to arrive. Wade was cleaning and oiling his katanas. Althea was knitting a sweater while trying to stop Mary from eating the yarn. And Logan was… well Logan was never really sure what to do with all his new free time. He’d had many hobbies over the course of his long life but the time and energy to do them was rare. Usually drinking was his main hobby. He spent most of the time now watching tv, cooking, or working out.
He ended up just sitting next to Wade. The process of caring for the blades was satisfying to watch. Wade would wipe the sword down, removing a frankly disgusting amount of grime. Then he’d pat stone power on with an uchiko ball to remove any remaining oil. Logan had to block Wade’s multiple attempts to hit him with the little ball. Wade wiped the powder away after covering the blade and then started oiling.
The process was very methodical for someone with Deadpool’s ‘I don’t give a shit’ energy. Wade never seemed to stop surprising him.
Wade was singing under his breath as he worked. “Am I blanchin’, girl we blanchin'. I live up in a mansion.”
“What the hell does blanchin’ mean?”
Wade shrugged. “I don’t know but it’s the catchiest song of the summer.”
Living with Wade was living in a constant state of confusion.
There was a loud, slightly over-aggressive knock on the door.
“Who is it?” Wade called in a high-pitched voice.
“You know it’s me, idiot.” Laura’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.
“So rude. She gets that from your side of the family.”
Logan got up to open the door for her. Laura walked into the room and put her backpack in what had become its designated corner. She knelt down to scoop Mary up.
Wade stood and started putting his katanas away. “Right! Now that my sous chef is here let’s get this shit going.”
“I thought I was your sous.” Logan said.
“No, you’re supposed to be one of those horny instagram chefs that only wear a kiss-the-cook apron but you refuse to wear the apron so you’ve been demoted to dishwasher. Come on, Princesa.”
Wade proceeded to run the kitchen like their lives depended on this goddamn lasagna. Logan guessed Wade was a little nervous about seeing the others too and this was his way of dealing with it. Well, he was probably just nervous about seeing Vanessa again. Logan and Laura tried to keep up as best they could but it was only a matter of time before Wade huffed and said he’d do everything himself. Logan couldn’t help but laugh, there was nothing difficult about making lasagna but Wade acted like it was some long-forgotten art.
Having been effectively kicked out of the kitchen, Logan sat back on the sofa while Laura snooped through the apartment. She looked at the art on the walls, the rows of figures lining the shelves, and all the other manner of crap Wade had collected.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. God knows what weird shit you’ll find.” Logan warned.
“That’s what makes it interesting.”
Al laughed. “Interesting until you see something that makes you wish you had my eyes, little lady.”
Laura gasped and Logan wiped his head around. He really hadn’t wanted her to see anything too fucked up. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her moving aside magazines and books stacked on the floor to reach something behind them.
She pulled out an acoustic guitar from behind the mess with a bright smile. “Que lindo.” She whispered, gently brushing some dust off it.1
Logan went over to get a better look at it. He hadn’t expected Wade to have a guitar, beyond dancing and really bad karaoke he didn’t seem to be too musically inclined. “It is pretty.” He agreed.
The guitar was dusty but beautiful. It had a warm mahogany finish and Logan could tell it was high-quality. It had to have cost a pretty penny. It was a shame it was shoved away gathering dust like this.
Laura nodded enthusiastically before her mind seemed to catch up with her and she realized Logan had understood what she’d said. “Do you… know some Spanish?” She asked hesitatingly.
Logan nodded, still looking down at the guitar in her hands.
“How much?”
“A… lot?”
Laura gasped. “Y porque carajo no me dijiste? Pudríamos estado hablando todo este tiempo! Pero como si mi Logan no sabía nada? Cuando aprendiste? No puedo creer que no dijiste nada.”
Logan blinked. He’d never heard her say so much so fast. “He vivido en muchos lugares y por bastante años. Eventualmente aprendes algunas cosas.”
Laura’s jaw went slack and she stared at him, then she smiled at him in a way that made Logan wish he could bottle it up forever. He couldn’t help feeling pleased with himself. At least this universe’s Logan didn’t have him beat at absolutely everything. He’d learn 50 more languages if it made Laura happy.
He gently took the guitar from her hands to get a better look. “This yours Al?”
Al cleared her throat pointedly. “What’s mine, idiot?
“Oh right sorry. Laura found an acoustic guitar.” He explained.
She shook her head and continued her knitting, Logan thought the lack of comment was a bit suspicious.
“Siempre he querido tocar la guitarra.” Laura said longingly. Her hands reached out to the strings.
Logan smiled. “Te gustaría aprender?”
“No way. En serio?”
“Yeah. Let’s do it.” Logan went back to the couch, this time with the guitar settled on his lap. He knew he was smiling like an idiot. A kid thinking you’re cool had to be one of the best feelings in the world. It’d been a long time since he’d felt that. Laura sat down next to him and paid close attention.
He quickly got to work tuning the guitar, listening carefully and making adjustments. Logan couldn’t remember when he’d first learned to play the guitar. Most chords had been muscle memory as long as he could remember. His life was a mess of memories stolen and regained and stolen again. Whoever had taught him guitar was lost to him now. Many other skills without memories to back them made him feel uncomfortable, and angry at his mind for failing him. But playing music had never felt that way. He liked to think it was because whoever had taught him had been someone he loved.
Rogue and Kitty used to beg him to play for them. Sometimes he would but usually, he’d bitch and moan about it. Rogue had even asked Logan to teach her and he’d refused. He’d been such a fucking idiot. He’d give anything to play for them again. They used to look at him a lot like how Laura looked at him now.
Logan took a deep breath. He couldn’t think about them too hard or he’d start falling apart. He wanted Laura to have fun not force her to watch him blubber again.
“Could you play a song for us?” Laura asked.
“Oh, he better now.” Al said.
Logan went through the songs he knew he could remember. Something he’d played a lot but upbeat enough to impress Laura. A memory came to his mind of a song Kitty had liked to request, she’d sing and change the lyrics to fictional placenames. He smiled and started strumming.2
The song started relatively slow which gave Logan a moment to get the hang of things again. Even while traveling he’d play whenever he could get his hands on a guitar so hopefully he wouldn’t be too rusty.
The music rapidly picked up causing Laura to whisper a small “Woah.”
Logan heard a loud crash in the kitchen as Wade skidded out to stand in front of them with his jaw dropped. His front was completely covered in flour.
Logan laughed at the look on his face. It felt good to impress people instead of disappoint them. To have them look at you and know they like what they see.
He didn’t play the whole song. It was too long and everyone smiling and staring at him went from exciting to uncomfortable very fast. He stopped and looked around awkwardly.
Laura and Wade immediately clapped enthusiastically and even Al gave him a couple of slow claps.
“Oh my god Wolvie, your fingers are so talented. Is that just for guitars or?”
Logan smirked. “Mainly guitars.”
“Holy shit?” If Logan didn’t know better he’d say Wade’s face was getting a little red.
“That song was in Family Guy, is that where you got it from?”
Logan rolled his eyes and handed the guitar to Laura.
“Sorry, I have to be annoying when I’m impressed or I’ll probably get on my knees and- sorry, children present. I’ll refrain from finishing that statement, but it started with blow and ended with job.” Wade sat down on the arm of the couch.
“Is this your guitar Wade?” Laura asked, putting the thing on her lap with a measure of awe. She was getting good at ignoring Wade’s stupid remarks.
“Uhh, no. It’s not. I’m not a rootin’ tootin’ cowboy like Peanut.”
“Who’s is it then?”
“Um, it’s…” Wade hesitated. “It was Vanessa’s.”
Logan’s smile slipped off his face.
“Oh.” Laura grimaced. She held up the guitar to Wade. “Should we not-”
“Oh no, it’s fine. I gave it to her for a birthday. She stopped using it after- stuff happened. And then she left it behind and never seemed to want it back so. It’s just… been here.”
A heavy silence filled the room.
“Well, that was a fucking mood killer.” Al grumbled.
How could she leave behind a gift like this? Well, the real question was how could she leave Wade behind? Logan hadn’t even met Vanessa yet and he was already starting to dislike her. He knew he wasn’t being fair but goddamnit Wade’s eyes when he talked about her hurt to look at. Logan didn’t know how to fix that.
“Why are you covered in flour?” Laura wisely changed the subject.
“It’s cocaine, actually. I’m allowed to do it cause I’m free from the Big Mouse sniper now.”
“And you didn’t invite me, you fucking bastard.” Al accused.
“Wade.” Logan growled. “He’s joking. Say that you’re joking Wade.”
“You’re no fun.” Wade groaned. “Don’t do drugs, little girl. Although technically nothing will happen to you unless you’re really snorting. Magic healing powers make you work hard to get zooted. But it is possible!”
“Wade!” Logan snapped.
“Okay, fine, I’m making cookies. Jesus, god forbid someone try to promote a little lighthearted substance abuse to the youths of this world.”
Wade got up and put a hand on Laura’s shoulder. “Play the fucking guitar. It deserves better than that sad little corner. You can keep it, the only catch is I want a song composed in my honor by the end of the month and minimal country music. Or better yet, none at all.”
Laura smiled. “Deal.”
“Shake on it, Joan Jett.” Wade put out his hand covered in batter.
“I’ll pass.”
Wade shrugged and licked the batter from his fingers as he pranced into the bathroom, presumably to clean off the bag of flour he’d dumped on himself.
Laura turned back to Logan. “I’m ready for my first lesson.” The absolutely serious look on her face as she said this was nothing short of adorable. Logan didn’t make that observation out loud though because he liked having all his limbs.
Logan adjusted her hands on the neck and over the body of the guitar. “Let’s start with how to hold this thing.”
“When can I learn to play a song like that?”
Logan chuckled. “Basics first.”
They went over the strings and their names, how to strum, and where to put her fingers before finally, he showed her a few basic chords. Laura was easily frustrated but still a pretty quick learner. Logan left her alone to practice and decided to take Mary out for another walk. Wade’s friends should start arriving soon and he wanted to make sure Mary’s bladder was very empty for the excitement of new people.
Wade had finally put the damn lasagna in the oven and was sitting with Laura, trying to distract her from her practice. Logan looked back at them before stepping out the door. There was still some flour on Wade’s face and Laura was struggling not to laugh at his antics. Logan couldn’t believe this was his life now. How had an asshole like him gotten so lucky? He sighed and made his way out of the apartment.
It was a sunny day but the weather was starting to cool down, a nice breeze brushed past his face as soon as he stepped out. It’d been late fall in the town he’d lived in so it had been a bit off-putting to be dropped into the heat of summer. Logan much preferred cooler weather.
Spring was probably Wade’s favorite season. For an extremely violent man, he had a bizarre love for flowers, bright colors, and rainbows. Logan thought this had just been for the laughs at first, haha it’s so funny for a man to like feminine things, he’d seen that mentality a million times. It was only when he saw Wade watching some flower installation reality show and having genuine commentary on the arrangements all while drawing another picture of them holding hands under a rainbow, that he realized Wade really did just love this stuff.
Maybe Logan could bring him a flower from the park.
Absolutely fucking not. He’d never hear the end of it from Al and Wade would be insufferable.
What the hell was wrong with him? Flowers? Daydreaming about how lucky he was? Just nine days ago he’d wanted to kill this man. It was fucking embarrassing.
At least things with Laura were going better. In between the new language and music, Logan felt like they finally had something to connect over that wasn’t tied to this universe’s Wolverine.
Logan’s thoughts were derailed by a familiar eagle logo in the corner of his eye. His heart dropped and he stormed over to the poster he’d spotted on the wall of a bodega, people tripping to get out of his way and poor Mary being dragged along.
Friends of humanity.
Protect our future. Protect your children. Protect humanity.
Join us in the fight against mutant terrorism.
Logan didn’t bother reading the rest. He growled and tore the poster down. This couldn’t fucking be happening. Not here. He should’ve known better than to let his guard down.
He turned right around and back to the apartment, Mary running alongside him. The city passed in a blur around him and all he could think about was the paper in his hands.
He rushed back into the apartment, practically breaking the doorknob in his hurry to open the door.
Wade was seated at the table, carefully hand-sewing something that he immediately shoved behind him and sat on as soon as he saw Logan walking through the door. “Hey! You’re back early! Thought I’d at least have thirty minutes of less testosterone.”
Logan slammed the poster on the table in front of Wade. “We have a problem.”
Wade picked it up and squinted at the paper. “Oh yeah, those fuckers. Yeah, sorry bigots still exist in this universe, you didn’t get that lucky.”
“No, Wade. This-” Logan pointed at the paper, struggling to keep his emotions in check.
“This group.” Logan spat out the word. “They killed the X-Men in my universe.”
“Oh… shit.”
Logan turned around and paced the floor, pulling at his hair. “Fuck. Fuck!”
Laura was staring wide-eyed from her seat on the couch. Al paused her knitting.
“Hey, hey, hey.” Wade got up and approached Logan cautiously. “I’ve heard of these guys. They don’t have any power here. I don’t know what they were like in your universe but here they’re just a glorified facebook group made up of people’s grandmas. It’s not a problem.”
“No, that’s always how it fucking starts. Just a couple of people and then some charismatic dickhead gets up on a stage and starts talking, then it becomes a lot of people.”
Fuck, Logan couldn’t breathe. It was going to happen again. He’d been giving everything and he was going to lose it again.
Wade quickly glanced over at Laura. “Alright, why don’t we just talk about this outside.”
“You can talk about it here.” Laura snapped. “I’m not a little kid.”
“You need to keep an eye on the lasagna. It’s a very important job.” Wade stared at Laura and seemed to communicate something to her Logan couldn’t decipher. Laura nodded reluctantly.
Wade herded him out into the hallway outside their apartment. He closed the door with a click.
“Fuck, I think I sat on my sewing needle. I feel a very tiny penetration. Can you check?”
“You’re not taking this seriously, we have to-” Logan started.
“Ah ah.” Wade interrupted. “Just let me talk and explain some things and then you can panic if necessary. I promise this group is not going to be a problem.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, you can’t promise shit. They were a plenty big enough problem in my world.”
“I get that but just fucking listen to me for once.”
Logan got right up in his face. “No. You listen. These people are a danger, bub. Maybe not to you, maybe not to us. But to all your fucking friends. Every mutant you know that wasn’t so unlucky as to get regenerative fucking healing as their little superpower.”
“I know but-”
“No, you don’t know.” Logan’s voice wavered. This was too much. He knew he was probably overreacting but this was all too fucking much. “You haven’t seen what I have. If you would just-”
“Logan.”
Wade said it in the same way he’d said it a week ago when he’d called after Logan’s retreating back. It made Logan’s words trail off. Something about the way Wade said his name when he was being completely serious felt like someone was taking a hatchet to his chest. It’d been enough to get him to stay then and it was enough to get him to shut up now.
“Thank you. Jesus, I’m supposed to be the yapper. That charismatic dickhead you were talking about, yeah that already happened here. Some politician started his little cult but then the X-Men fucking took care of it. That guy’s in jail missing several body parts. That was years ago now and since then the Happy Tree Friends have devolved to posters with shitty graphic design and a subreddit. It’s not whatever worst-case scenario you’re thinking in your head right now.”
Logan hesitated. Maybe Wade was right. He didn’t know anything about the Friends of Humanity in this timeline. It was just a poster. He’d seen so many like them before, from a hundred different groups.
“I just… I don’t want to risk doing nothing.”
“Well, you’re in luck because we’re gonna have a house full of X-Men in a hot second here and you can ask them all about it.”
Logan groaned and rubbed at his forehead. He supposed that would make him feel better. It had just caught him so off guard. He hadn’t expected such a strong reminder of his past to smack him in the face like that. It was difficult to calm himself down. It was difficult to let go of any possible threat to his life here.
“Listen, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to but you never actually told me what happened in your universe.”
Logan frowned. “But you’d said you knew what I’d done. That you’d heard all about me.”
“Yeah, no. I was just mad and riding off the coattails of TVA gossip. I don’t know any actual specifics.”
“I..” Logan sighed. Fuck, could he really talk about this again? He’d been so sure Wade had known, that he’d never have to explain it. It actually explained a lot that he hadn’t known. Of course, Wade had asked him to stay, he didn’t even know what Logan had done. Things would’ve been different if he had.
He didn’t want to tell Wade how badly he’d failed. Didn’t want him to see the monster he’d let into his home. But Wade was standing so close to him and for what felt like the fifty millionth time, he remembered what they’d said to each other that first night at the apartment. So he tried.
“I was… supposed to be with them. The night those fuckers came. I was supposed to be at the mansion and I left. Fucked off like I always did. They told me to stay and I ignored them. When I came back…”
“I’m sorry, Logan.”
Logan did not continue. This wasn’t like Laura at the campfire. He wasn’t confessing his sins to someone he’d barely known. He knew Wade. He didn’t want to tell him all he’d done after finding the X-Men that night. Didn’t want to see the way Wade looked at him change. He didn’t deserve this home he’d been given, but he wasn’t above omitting information if it would just let him stay a little longer.
“I can’t lose you. Or Laura. Or Al. Or even fucking Mary.” There. Logan said it. It felt like his own claws were running down his throat but he said it.
Wade scoffed and shuffled a bit closer. “Good thing we’re all fucking indestructible then.”
“Althea isn’t a mutant.”
“I don’t know man, she’s consumed enough crack to kill an elephant. I’m sure she’s got some x gene in there keeping her kickin’.
Logan didn’t laugh.
“Come on.” Wade's fingers brushed Logan’s at his side. “It’ll be okay. We’re in the happily ever after part now. This is fanfiction, what could possibly go wrong? Anything that happens now will be easy peasy to deal with. Don’t you trust me?”
Logan loosely interlaced their fingers. “No, not at all.”
But that was a lie and they both knew it.
“I am extremely trustworthy. I’m so trustworthy I’ve broken out of a high security prison and the consequences of that never came up ever. That’s how much trust I am worthy of. So trust me when I say that things will be fine. Even if we have to make them fine through some carefully applied violence.”
It was ridiculous the way that Wade’s annoying ass voice calmed him. Logan rubbed his thumb over the skin on Wade’s hand. Wade’s talking stuttered to a halt. The scars and ridges were surprisingly soft. The texture of it didn’t feel strange at all, it actually felt nice. Logan wondered if all of Wade’s skin felt like this. He wanted to find out.
The start of a strange smell crept up on Logan. He hated to stop whatever the fuck was happening right now but it was getting stronger every second. “I think… something’s burning.”
“My heart for you?”
“No, idiot. Actually burning.”
Wade gasped. He dropped his hand and whipped the door open. There was a bump and an ‘ow’ as something on the other side hit the door.
“Laura Kinney Howlett Other Last Names! Are you fucking eavesdropping instead of doing the very important very specific task I gave you?”
Laura at least had the decency to look guilty. “No?”
Wade screeched in frustration and raced to the kitchen, Laura following quickly behind and apologizing. The door closed slightly in their wake so Logan had the illusion of privacy as he stayed in the hallway.
Logan’s hand stretched wide and clenched shut, chasing the memory of Wade’s skin of his own.
Some people say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. If this was the case, then Logan would be the first to sign himself into an asylum.
He wasn’t an idiot. He knew what this feeling was. Knew why he hung on Wade’s every word, every touch. How many times had he felt the same thing over the course of his life? He always seemed to fall the most for the people who didn’t want him. For the ones that had someone else waiting for them. And here he was doing it once more.
He had feelings for Wade fucking Wilson of all people. A man so deeply in love with someone else that he’d saved the universe for her personally. It’s not like he wanted this to be happening. But he had a history of falling for anyone that gave him an ounce of care and Wade had given him everything, a whole life. He should have seen it coming.
He’d like to keep waking up with Wade in his arms every morning but he wanted it to mean something. He wanted all those pet names and flirting to mean something. He wanted Wade. He wanted it all and for once he wanted someone to want him back.
Maybe Logan deserved this. This hell of making the same mistake over and over. Of thinking the sun rose and set around those that thought of him as a friend and never anything more. Scratch that he definitely deserved this. After all he’d done.
This was the price to pay for the home he’d been given. Endless fucking pining. He could deal with this. It’s not like it was anything new. How many years had he spent stuck in the limbo between Jean and Scott? He’d lived with it then, he could live with it now.
Logan didn’t want to think about how poorly he’d dealt with it back then. He could do better this time. He wasn’t going to cling and beg and be an anchor on anyone else. No one had to know he felt this way. He could be quiet. He could watch from afar. In fact, he could even help Wade win back the person he belonged with. No one had to know. No one had to know.
Logan resisted the urge to slam his fist through the wall. Or maybe his head. Too many emotions for one fucking day. Again.
The smell of burnt pasta was overwhelming now and he could hear Wade yelling at Al. Something about how her superior blind senses were supposed to prevent this.
They were gonna need to order a pizza.