Elevated

Nora was useless again.

Bruce didn’t say anything when she ran into the lab twenty minutes late, but he did shoot her an alarmed sort of look. He didn’t say anything when she knocked the calibration off the radioscope. He didn’t say anything when she went to copy over a table of data into their working paper and managed to screw up both the copy and the original. He did say something when the second pen of the day flipped out of her hand and disappeared between the bank of micrometers and she swore loudly.

“Are you alright?” he turned to look at her, frowning, “Did your dad call?”

That was a fair assumption, Nora thought. Her dad calling was most often the reason for her cursing, “Yes. No.” Nora answered rapidly, yanking open her drawer to fight with the box of a new pen. Tony thought he’d been messing with her, but she really appreciated the joke now, “I mean yes I’m fine, and no he didn’t call.”

Bruce watched her struggle with the cardboard, “You don’t seem fine.”

“I just had a bit of a- goddamnit,” She slammed the box onto her desktop and took a deep breath, “A bit of a morning.”

His eyebrows climbed up towards his hair, “What kind of a morning?”

Nora thought immediately of Bucky’s mouth. She’d been thinking of very little else, and it was wreaking all kinds of havoc in her brain.

There were other things too, the questions she had asked, and he had answered. He was struggling with things, and he was trying to work on them. It was enough to convince her entirely that she wanted to try too. She had been about to tell him that she liked him. That she was fine with whatever pieces he could give, that she could be patient, if it meant having just a little bit more. After, he had said.

After the best kiss of her life. It had been barely anything. A few seconds of his mouth on hers. Firm and gentle the way he always was but maybe a little desperate too. There was just something about his hand on her neck. The way he had pulled her in.

And then fucking Sam. Who the hell just barged into someone else’s apartment like that? She would’ve told Bucky everything. Every little feeling she’d been sitting on. Instead, she was in the lab being useless.

“It just-“ Nora managed to answer finally, “I had-“ She made a frustrated noise.

Bruce looked concerned. But then his phone chimed. He glanced at it and frowned, “Shoot. I have to go.” Nora frowned too. That was his ‘I have superhero business’ face. Apparently, it was urgent, too, because he stood up and started towards the door, “Maybe just take the afternoon off?”

Nora huffed, “Right. Maybe. Be safe.”

Bruce waved back at her and was gone. She didn’t think she had to worry about him getting hurt, but she still didn’t love that her boss ran off to get shot at or whatever. She liked even less that Bucky was probably going off to get shot at too. She fidgeted. He said that missions were easy. She wondered if it was because he was so used to putting himself in danger. She hoped it was because he was so skilled nobody could touch him.

She glanced at the box on her desk that had bested her. She could go home and lie on her rug and think about the kiss that had her spiraling. But now that Bucky had kissed her once, she was definitely going to try to get him to do it again. If she couldn’t get her work done because of one kiss, she’d be totally useless after another.

Better to figure it out now, she supposed. She opened her desk drawer and rifled through it for a pair of scissors. She was smarter than a cardboard box, she thought.

Nora managed to make it through the day. She worked through lunch because she didn’t have Luna and Bucky had definitely gone off wherever Bruce was. She managed to copy over a half dozen tables of data without ruining any and fixed the one she had. She wrote a dozen pages and thought they were even pretty good.

She stayed a little later than usual to make up for being useless half the morning. Or because she thought if the team came back, she could sneak back to Bucky’s apartment and maybe he’d kiss her again.

She made it home by six. She took Luna for the kind of extremely long walk she didn’t usually in the winter, and then they played fetch in the little park across from her building. She ordered Chinese food and ate it on her couch. Then she lay down on her living room rug and stared at the ceiling.

She’d been pretty frustrated all day. She got all the answers she had wanted, but didn’t get to tell Bucky what she needed to tell him. She got one amazing searing kiss, and then interrupted before she could have another. She was useless at work, and she blamed Sam.

On the floor though, she let herself daydream. Her mind spun off happily, chasing rabbit holes of how it might feel for Bucky to kiss her again. She let the warm feeling chase her all the way back to the lab in the morning and around the room as she flicked on screens and scanners. She was still a little distracted, but she managed to sit at her desk and start typing.

The door whooshed open behind her. Luna stood from her bed and wandered off to say hello. Nora paused her typing to shout, “Hi Bruce, how was superheroing?”

Silence. Nora spun, her heart leaping into her throat.

“Not Bruce.” She and Sam said together. Neither of them was very happy about it.

All her irritation with Sam and his lack of common courtesy came rushing back. She frowned at him. Sam was frowning too, but she wasn’t sure why he would be upset. She hadn’t robbed him of the opportunity to kiss anybody. “What’s up Sam?” Nora prompted.

“I need to talk to you about Bucky.” He said.

He managed not to mince words like Steve, but Nora was immediately annoyed anyways, “Oh my god, this isn’t going to be about something dumb, is it?”

“No.” Sam said, “Just- he might try and come for coffee tomorrow or the next day.” Nora squinted at him. Sam frowned a little deeper, “You can’t let him go.”

“Why?” She really didn’t think it was any of Sam’s business but if he was telling her not to go there must’ve been a reason. She hoped he was right and it wasn’t a dumb one.

Sam frowned a little deeper, “You can’t freak out.”

Nora scowled, “Spit it out Sam, what’s the problem?”

“He got hurt yesterday.” All the irritation seemed to rush away, replaced instead by an icy dread, “He had to go to medical. He should still be there but,” He trailed off. Nora knew Bucky was scared of doctors. He’d barely made it to visit her after the lab blew up. She couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to have to be in there for himself, “Just- he’s still hurt. I don’t think he slept much and being on eighty really puts him on edge. I’m worried if he tries to go anywhere,” He trailed off again.

Nora didn’t need to hear what Sam was worried about. She felt bad that she’d assumed he was there for something dumb. This wasn’t dumb at all. “Okay,” She said. Her voice came out very small, “Is he alright?”

Sam’s expression shifted into something reassuring, “He’ll be fine in a few days. Those super soldiers heal quick.”

Nora nodded but she didn’t like that his answer wasn’t yes, “Is everyone else alright?”

Sam nodded, “Just a little bruised. There were these lizards,” he waved his hand and made a face, “They were a little tougher than we thought.”

“Right.” Nora nodded like that was totally normal and not absolutely insane, “Thanks for coming to tell me.”

“Sure.” He gave her a sort of searching look and took a half-step back towards the door, “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Sam.” She watched him leave, shooting her one last odd look over his shoulder. Luna wandered back across the lab and Nora reached for her, petting her soft ears and hoping a little of the stress would leak away.

Then she picked up her phone and texted Bucky.

The thing in his chest was trying to kill him again.

He could feel the claws grinding at the inside of his broken ribs. It was almost worse than the searing pain across his back and down his leg.

Bucky didn’t think there was a lot worse than being burned. It was its own special kind of terrible. Being stuck in medical for three hours while a doctor cleaned the burns was worse. It was a lot worse. He’d been stuck, facedown on a table, while Sam hovered and Steve locked an arm around his shoulders. He would’ve liked to not fight Steve. It would have made the whole thing easier. He fought him anyways.

The second the doctor had covered the burns he begged Steve to let him leave. He didn’t have a lot of words to do it, but Steve got it anyways. He helped drag Bucky back to his apartment and into his own bed. Sam wasn’t happy but he didn’t say a lot about it either. Steve stayed and Sam didn’t.

Bucky lay in bed and didn’t sleep. The thing in his chest scraped and clawed and grew. He felt terrible and it only got worse as the hours ticked by into morning. His head hurt.

He heard Steve coming but he didn’t turn his head to look. He stayed where he had been all night, face down on his comforter, his eyes pinned somewhere on the drawn curtains.

“Bucky?”

Steve sounded worried. He thought he should answer but he couldn’t seem to do it.

“You got a text. From Nora.” His heart twisted, just a little bit, “She wants to come see you later. What do you want me to tell her?”

He should say no, Bucky thought. He was broken and he felt every sharp edge of it today. He wanted to be okay for her. He wanted to be able to say something or hold her hand or kiss her and he wasn’t going to be able to do any of it. Everything hurt just a little too badly. But he wanted to see her. He’d felt better before, when he was slipping and she came to sit with him in his kitchen. He couldn’t make it that far, but maybe she wouldn’t mind coming to sit with him here. Just for a little while.

He nodded. Then he closed his eyes. He didn’t think he slept. Time ticked by in fits and starts. He remembered starting a fire. Remembered being caught in one.

He could hear the low wash of Steve’s voice, but he couldn’t quite make out the words. He wasn’t sure if it was because Steve was whispering or because the thing that lived in him was hissing too loudly.

He heard Luna first, the soft jingle her collar made when she moved. Nora must’ve been holding her because she didn’t jump up to curl at his leg. Then he heard the upset noise that came out of Nora and his heart seemed to crack.

He’d forgotten. Why hadn’t Steve told him? He hadn’t put on a shirt. He didn’t think he could manage it and the bandages covered half his back anyways. But they didn’t cover the mess at his shoulder blade where metal met skin. He had a hard time looking at it. Preferred not to pass mirrors at all unless it was covered. The back was worse than the front, he knew. Huge knots of white scars that stretched almost to his spine. He didn’t want Nora to see. It was too late.

“Bucky?”

He wanted to say something. He couldn’t choke it out. He flexed his hand against the comforter. Nora didn’t say anything either. Instead, he heard her pat the blanket by his knee and Luna jumped up to curl against the leg that wasn’t bandaged. He could feel her head on the back of his thigh. The dog didn’t mind that he was a mess.

The bed dipped at his side. He wanted to open his eyes and see her. Didn’t want to see the look that must’ve been on her face at the sight of his scars. He wanted to tell her to go. Or to stay.

She brushed her hand across his cheek, pushing his hair back. Her touch was cool and soft. He dragged in a breath that shuddered. Gently she ran her fingers through his hair, her nails dragging over his scalp. And then the touch was gone. He could’ve cried at the loss but then she did it again. She repeated the motion, stroking her hand through his hair, as he struggled to breathe. She kept doing it even as his breathing eased and he fell asleep instead.

He only knew he had because then he was waking up. He opened his eyes this time. Luna was still pressed against his leg, but she’d turned to face his feet instead. Nora had moved too. She was sitting against the headboard, her legs stretched out beside him. Her left hand was still buried in his hair.

“Hi Bucky,” Her voice was soft.

Right. Nora didn’t mind that he was a mess either. He wanted to wrap his arm around her, but she was on his left and he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. He didn’t want to hold her and then forget and hurt her by accident. He reached up and grabbed the headboard with his right hand, hauling himself a little further up the bed so he could bury his face against her hip. He didn’t think she would mind. If she did, he was sure she’d say so.

She hummed and started to pet his hair again. His body still hurt, he still felt tired and broken. But the pieces were a little less sharp. How long had she been there already? How long would she stay? He thought he should probably tell her she could go, but he didn’t really see how he was supposed to manage it.

“Did I tell you how Tony filled my drawer with pens?” She asked suddenly. She had. He didn’t care. He wanted to hear it again, “Bet he thought it was funny but the jokes on him, I lost three yesterday. Flung them right into the micrometers.” Her hand slid down the back of his neck. He could feel her fingers slide over the ridge of scars on his shoulder. It sent a shiver through him, but she didn’t linger. Just kept running her hand over his skin, back and forth, “I was so mad at Sam. Does he not know how to knock?”

He'd almost forgotten. He was furious with Sam too, and Steve for not remembering that Bucky had told him he wasn’t going to the gym. He ended up going anyways, if only to toss Sam around a little. They’d grilled him the whole time about what had happened in his kitchen and he didn’t say a word.

“I was supposed to tell you something but you superheroes never let me explain myself.” He had been afraid of hearing what she had to say. He wasn’t anymore. Not with her hand on him. “I have the biggest crush on you. It sounds pretty silly out loud, I guess crush seems too childish. Whatever. I like you.”

He could feel the warmth of it everywhere. It stretched all the way through his body, squashing the horrible ache aside. Nora moved. She pulled her hand away, and he made an upset noise turning a little to face her better, but then she was scooching down to lie beside him. She put a hand on his cheek and pressed her forehead to his. “Do you like me?”

That was an easy one, “Yes.”

“Oh good,” She smiled. Then she kissed him.