Elevated

Their second kiss was gentler than the first. A little less desperate. Nora was very aware of the bandages across Bucky’s back and down his leg. She was also aware that he wasn’t at his best. His trip to the eightieth floor was obviously lingering in a way that her fears didn’t. She wanted him to know it didn’t matter. He hummed against her lips and she could feel his left hand where he had balled it into a fist flex against her hip. She lingered a second longer than she meant to before pulling away.

Nora thought for a second that he would reach for her again, but he didn’t. Not with his left hand. She could see how easy it would be to get carried away with him but thought there would be other, better opportunities.

She ran a hand through his hair again and said, “Steve says your fridge is totally empty. Is that true?” He made a noise that might have meant yes, but definitely meant he was annoyed. She gasped as dramatically as she could while keeping her voice low, “Bucky! How do you survive without thirty expired condiments?” He made another noise, this one maybe amused, “Can I order us food?”

He gave her a little nod. His very blue eyes stayed locked on her face. She wondered about what he might say if it wasn’t so difficult for him.

Slowly she pulled herself away and rolled out of the bed. It was difficult with the little growling noise he made, and with the look of him still bandaged from his shoulder to the back of his calf. She made herself do it anyway, rounding the bed to head to the kitchen and find her phone.

It was on the counter where she’d left it, among the pile of her other things. She’d only made it two hours into the day before Steve had replied to her text on Bucky's phone. She wondered if superheroes just didn’t feel the need to follow common manners, but she couldn’t be too annoyed because the answer to her question had been yes. She wasn’t really sure what she would have done if it was a no. Been useless again probably. As it was the second she had seen it, she told Bruce she had to go and ran for the elevator. He’d been concerned. She’d have to make it up to him somehow.

Steve was gone. He had planned to stay. Had told her that Bucky wasn’t at his best and then didn’t finish his sentence, just like Sam had. But then he’d come to check on them and saw Bucky asleep and apparently changed his mind.

It wasn’t late, but it was dinner time. She figured Bucky wouldn’t care if she made a decision for him. If he wanted to, they could systematically find his favourite options at every restaurant near the tower, but this didn’t seem like the day to start. She called and ordered three different kinds of pizza because she couldn’t resist gathering a little data. Then she asked FRIDAY to make sure security sent it up in the elevator.

While she was on the phone she opened the fridge. It was indeed, one hundred percent empty. It was a little alarming. She’d never managed to be in an apartment more than a day without at least accumulating a handful of soya sauce packets.

Then she opened the freezer and found a gun. That was more alarming. She supposed it made sense, Thor kept his weapon on the coffee table. She made a mental note to ask Bucky about it later, and another to not open any more doors until she had. She’d never touched a gun before and she didn’t want to start because one fell out of his linen cupboard.

The whole apartment really was empty. There were large pieces of furniture and a tv, but no art and no knickknacks. There was a little stack of books on an end table she looked at, but he’d already told her the titles. She wandered back to the bedroom

Bucky was sitting up, not quite leaning on the pillows against the headboard. Luna had settled between his feet with her head on his thigh and he was petting her. There were a couple bandages on his chest but not as many. The scars on his left wrapped around to the front. They weren’t as thick but it still looked awful. She didn’t want to think about the event that had caused them.

She thought instead, about how much of him she could see sitting there in his black boxer briefs. She tried to banish the thought almost as soon as she had it, but it was too late. She started blushing anyways. He glanced up from Luna to look at her. She tried to duck behind her hair.

“I ordered pizza. FRIDAY said she’d have it sent up in the elevator but I’m not super sure the odds someone steals it on the way. That seems like a Clint move.”

He reached out with his right hand and she moved to take it automatically, letting him pull her down to sit beside him. He squeezed her hand gently then dropped it to touch her cheek. There was something on his face, but she couldn’t begin to tell what it was. It didn’t matter, she could ask him another day.

She covered his hand with hers and glanced around, “You don’t have a TV in here Bucky. How do you watch movies when you’re sick?” He didn’t answer and she didn’t expect him to, “It’s fine I totally stole my tablet from the lab. I thought a lot about that favourite movie question you asked me and I have a whole list. I think you’ll like a lot of it, but you’ll have to tell me if you’ve already seen any of them.”

The pizza didn’t get stolen from the elevator. They ate in Bucky’s bed and straight from the box because she was genuinely a little worried about opening cupboards. She fed Luna pepperoni slices to make up for the very late dinner she’d be having. She put the first Pirates movie on her tablet and hoped FRIDAY wasn’t set to monitor her activity too closely. It wasn’t her favourite movie, but she thought Bucky would like it.

He didn’t like it when she moved to sit on his left, but she pressed right against his side to make up for it. He didn’t seem concerned about her brushing his bandages by accident, but she was concerned enough for both of them.

After, he picked up her phone from the bedspread, frowned at it, then turned the screen to show her the time.

“I know.” Nora said, but she had her head on his chest and she was having a hard time moving, “I gotta go home and feed Luna.” Very slowly she managed to drag herself up to sit, “Do you want me to come back after?” It was the opposite of the first time she’d offered him her drink, when she was sure he’d say no and then taken it. This time he looked like he wanted to say yes, and then shook his head. Nora didn’t press. Instead, she said, “Can I come back after work tomorrow?” That earned her a nod, “Okay.”

Nora thought that Bucky must be able to read her better than she could read him. She had barely turned, not even managed to kick her leg off the bed, but he must’ve known she was about to stand up and go. He reached out with his right hand, burying it for the second time in her hair and pulling her in.

She was sure if she pulled away he would let her but it was impossible to tell from his hand in her hair and the press of his mouth, firm and unyielding and somehow still soft. She didn’t want to go anywhere, not when the press of his lips was shifting, opening up to slide his tongue across her lip.

Maybe he wasn’t very good at saying what he wanted but she got the message anyways, parting her lips almost without meaning to and letting him lick a hot path into her mouth. She was positive that nobody had ever kissed her the way he did, like he was starving for something and this was the way to find it. He bit her bottom lip, rolled it gently between his teeth and earned a whine she didn’t mean to give.

The front door slammed and Bucky let her go with a furious sort of growl that left Nora breathless. She pushed up from the bed and ran a hand over her hair, sure her face was bright red. She could hear Sam and Steve both having some sort of conversation in the kitchen and couldn’t focus on the words at all.

“Fucking Sam,” Nora muttered, trying to wish the blush from her face.

Bucky felt better.

He had slept a long time with Nora’s hand in his hair. She didn’t care that he was broken and quiet and scarred, she liked him anyways. He still thought he should care for her. It would be easier for her if he could let her go. She could find someone who was okay, who could speak and laugh and take her out properly. He just didn’t have the strength for that. How could he let her go when she stomped down the memories that were killing him? Not all the way, but back where they couldn’t reach him quite so easily.

She spent the whole evening making him feel better. Had held him and ordered food and put on a movie and didn’t expect a single decision or a single word. She wanted to come back. He still couldn’t manage the words, but he could kiss her. Properly. The way he’d wanted to the first time. He had felt her lip between his teeth and now he knew he wouldn’t be able to let her go. He was too selfish. He’d take whatever she would give him.

It was too bad, really, that he wanted to murder his fucking friends.

He knew why they were there. They were worried. They wanted to make sure he was really okay and wouldn’t hurt Nora by accident. He didn’t trust himself all the way and he was glad Sam and Steve would make sure that she was okay if he wasn’t. He wanted to be thankful. He was furious instead.

The sound Nora had made. He would have changed his mind. He would have begged her not to go. He was sure he could’ve found the words for it.