Chapter 14
“Don’t let me go…”
Gahyeon made her way back to the bedroom, pulling away from the scene that unfolded in front of her. She sat on the bed, wondering just what the problem with her was.
Was she not enough for people? All her life she had been told she was too much.
Maybe she was too much. Too many for Handong and Siyeon. So much so she drove them to being together without her.
She couldn’t run again. They would just find her. Send someone to get her. Bring her right back and make her suffer. She was ‘better’ this way. Better just pretending her life was great being stuck watching people she loved fall for each other rather than for her.
Gahyeon heard the chairs being pushed out from under the tables and shuffling feet. She got up from the bed and went into the bathroom pretending to have just woken up. She didn’t want to see their tired, loving faces. She didn’t want to see them in that kind of light.
The one thing about them both was that they hid items she could use to harm herself. Did she know how to take apart a shaving razor? Yes. Which was exactly why Handong placed them in a cabinet she couldn’t reach. And if Gahyeon wanted to shave, she had to use the electric razor that had covers and in front of Handong to make sure she wouldn’t learn how to take it apart.
Would she take it apart? No, that’s too much work and it made too much noise. By the time she uncapped the first cover Handong would’ve known. That and it wasn’t the same type of razors.
She waited a few more moments after hearing the shuffling of the two walking in. She heard the questioning of where she was before she finally left the bathroom after flushing the toilet to make it seem like she actually used it. Her entire mind was too cloudy to properly think.
When she walked out, she saw them in the bed, completely content with whatever feelings were blossoming between them. Gahyeon tiredly walked over to the foot of the bed and climbed on the chest at the end. It had a cushion which was great. She picked up a throw pillow from the floor and used it to sleep on. The decorative throw blanket was there too. Nice and plush. Enough to keep her warm for the night since she couldn’t be sandwiched between them anymore.
By morning, her neck was stiff, her back hurt and everything just felt awful. Her throat was dry, her mouth was dry, her eyes even hurt. Had she been crying all night while sleeping? She wasn’t sure. But it was a possibility. It wouldn’t have been the first time she cried while sleeping.
She pulled herself up, seeing the two were still asleep, this time in each other's arms. It made her feel sick to her stomach to just look at them. Like a giant punch to the gut and forced to suffer the consequences of whatever actions she did that led to that.
Gahyeon left the bedroom, dragging the plush blanket behind her. Her mind was made up. She was exhausted. She couldn’t manage living on her own. If they wanted to be together then they could. Right? They had each other.
“Siyeon can take care of Handong just fine,” Gahyeon muttered to herself while walking into the guest bathroom.
She locked herself inside, hugging the blanket tightly around her. She looked down at it, seeing the fuzzy, grey fabric that draped over her. The second she glanced up in the mirror, she hated every moment. The bags under her eyes and how pale she was really stood out. Her hair had grown out, a little beyond her shoulders now. Still dark as night which really made her pale skin pop.
“No wonder…” Gahyeon whispered.
It made sense to Gahyeon now. Handong would want someone prettier than her. Someone who could be a better person in bed and outside of bed. Someone who was normal.
No one like her.
She opened the cabinet under the sink, looking at the different cleaning supplies and reading the backs of the containers. Handong never thought Gahyeon would ever look through them. Which meant all cleaning supplies were stored in that cabinet or the cabinet in the hall across from the bathroom.
Bathroom chemicals were much more harmful than kitchen ones for some reason.
After doing her little mini research, she picked one of the stronger bottles and stared at it for a few brief moments.
“Meet me at the gates unnie… I’m sure you can get me inside so we can spend eternity together….” she whispered.
Handong hated everything about hospitals. Hated the smells, the sounds, the way people spoke… she knew it was crisis training to calm them down, but how could they calm down when their precious Gahyeon was unconscious on the floor, foaming at the mouth with a bottle of bleach next to her?
The two stayed for hours, getting no updates from the doctors until mid afternoon. The doctors explained they pumped her stomach and they would keep a monitor on her to make sure all of the bleach was out of her system. They explained that her esophagus would have minor damage as well as the insides of her mouth but it seemed as if it would be okay since she didn’t let it sit in her mouth.
“And the psychiatric evaluation?” Siyeon whispered, watching the doctor closely.
“She’ll have to be on a 72-hour hold…”
“And after?” Handong frowned.
“Re-evaluation after 72 hours and we can go from there.”
It was the longest week without Gahyeon. Siyeon had gotten locks for the cabinet, hiding anything potentially harmful to the younger woman when she got home.
Handong hadn’t been sleeping well, knowing Gahyeon wouldn’t be the same when she would get home. She knew she wouldn’t be normal now. She was probably terrified out of her mind, not being able to be in the comforts of her own home. Being surrounded by strangers…
“She’s home,” Siyeon called out gently the second she got Gahyeon through the door.
Handong rushed out, right toward the younger woman. She engulfed her in a tight hug, feeling how limp she felt in her arms. She felt horrible for everything and just held onto her as if her life was depending on it.
“I was thinking about making your favorite for dinner. How does that sound?” Handong quickly asked.
When she pulled away, she frowned at the sight that was in front of her. Gahyeon looked exhausted, a faded bruise on her cheek, and just a zoned out expression.
“What happened?” Handong whispered, lightly touching the younger’s cheek.
“The psych hospital wasn’t the best. One of the patients got out and fought the secretary and Gahyeon ended up getting hit before security could get him,” Siyeon frowned.
“How… how could this fucking happen?! Aren’t they supposed to be the best in the city?!” Handong snapped, holding Gahyeon closer to her chest.
“Best in the city doesn’t necessary mean safest,” Siyeon muttered while walking around the two. “She’s also still not entirely medically cleared to eat a lot of foods yet… just make her something she doesn’t have to entirely chew and is cold,” Siyeon explained while handing over the list of foods Gahyeon could eat.
“So… nothing really…” Handong sighed while looking at the list.
“Smoothies can work… just blend it really good,” Siyeon shrugged.
“Did she talk at all?” Handong whispered.
“Not in the car. She spoke with the therapist though,” The older woman shrugged. “I’m sure she’s exhausted.”
The two looked over at the younger woman who was now seated on the couch, her entire body curled up on the couch, just looking out the window that overlooked the city below them. Her eyes were glazed over, her body language screamed tired…
“We’ll let her rest… I’ll make her something tonight,” Handong sighed. “And we…. We’ll take shifts staying up…” She frowned.
“She won’t do it again,” Siyeon muttered.
“It’s twice now Sing… Two times too many.”