Chapter 13
“Keep a strong grip on her leash. She likes to be a brat.”
Gahyeon wrapped the leash around her fist twice, watching Siyeon tug at the newly formed resistance. She wasn’t sure how to take watching the older woman being tied up, but it was something in her that made her curious to keep watching.
“Now, this is something that she absolutely adores. Don’t you, baby?” Handong cooed gently, stroking the older woman’s cheek. “Now, stay still or no reward,” She stated before pulling Gahyeon closer, creating a slack in the leash. “See how her cheeks are? She’s growing desperate. She wants the praise, but she also doesn’t want it. She wants to fight it,” She explained.
“But why fight it?” Gahyeon whispered.
Handong smiled and turned Gahyeon to face Siyeon. She guided her hand out to cup Siyeon’s chin, forcing her to look up at Gahyeon.
“Now…” she whispered in her ear. “Ask her that yourself,” She smirked while keeping a firm grip on Gahyeon’s arm from behind.
Gahyeon looked down at the older woman, feeling her stomach turn in an odd way. It wasn’t sickening, but it was definitely nerves. She let out a shaky breath while watching the older woman’s eyes turn into pleading ones briefly.
“Why fight it?” Gahyeon asked, her tone coming out a bit sultry and concerned rather than how nervous it was before.
“Good… what else comes to mind?” Handong whispered.
“Don’t you want to be praised?” The tone never shifted, turning more and more into exactly what Handong was aiming for. “Don’t you want to be a good girl for mommy?”
Handong watched as the word struck a nerve in Siyeon, watching her nearly crumble in her grip as a muffled moan escaped her lips. She knew Gahyeon would break Siyeon faster than anything else. And it was perfect.
It was touch and go. Simple actions, complex reactions. Guiding Gahyeon and letting her take the lead on a few things, allowing her to explore a new part of herself that was forming and shaping beautifully.
The three were in bed together, Siyeon on her stomach, arms under the pillow while relaxing at the edge. Gahyeon was already curled into Handong, her head resting on the older woman’s chest, completely relaxed.
“Well?” Handong whispered, a small smile already playing on her lips.
“I’m okay,” Gahyeon mumbled.
“Good,” Handong smiled while rubbing the younger’s back.
It was unconventional. Therapy seemed to be working for her. Medications were stabilizing her thought process and allowed Gahyeon to sleep most nights… But for when she was conscious, it was hard to work through everything life threw at her. So giving her this kind of control felt right to Handong.
Something for Gahyeon to take control over. Something she could focus on and worry about. Something that was in her control rather than someone else.
Siyeon was always more than willing to give that to her…
“I mean, she’s gorgeous and she’s kind of my type anyway?” Siyeon whispered.
Gahyeon had been long asleep after another episode. Handong was certain that Gahyeon would decline the idea, but she wasn’t sure…
“Domme training isn’t always the best case scenario… but if this doesn’t work… if this can’t give her the control she is craving… then I need her to try therapy…” Handong whispered. “I can’t have her be this torn… I love her too much…” she frowned.
“If you love her this much you’ll force her to go to therapy.”
“Therapy doesn’t always work with people. And you of all people should know this. It’s a combination of things, medications and doctor visits, multiple people intruding on your life just to try and fix you because of how your life played out…” Handong frowned. “It’s not fair to her. She’s already had so many people rush into her life and be the hero… why can’t I make her be the hero of her own brain? Even if it’s just for a few hours or a weekend to give her some kind of balance…” she sighed.
“But she saw your ex boyfriend…” Siyeon whispered.
“She wasn’t supposed to… and she freaked out. But we never discussed monogamy…” Handong muttered. “Even if we did, she would have to understand that there was always a chance this wouldn’t last… She would need to stop freaking out…”
“How many times has this happened?” Siyeon frowned while sitting up in the couch.
“What?” Handong asked.
“Has it been a few days?” Siyeon asked while leaning back into the plush couch.
“Just the one time. But… I don’t want her to think it’s all changing tomorrow…”
Handong stayed up the longest, her eyes landing on the two that were in her bed. She let out a sigh and ran a gentle hand over Gahyeon’s still bare back. Once she was certain the youngest was asleep, she slowly snuck out of bed, wandering into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea to relax her own nerves.
She sat at her table, watching the steaming cup in front of her. She ran a hand through her hair, letting out a distressed sigh as she tried to sort her own mind out. She needed Gahyeon to be okay. She loved Gahyeon.
“Hey.”
Handong looked up, seeing Siyeon walk over toward her.
“You know if she wakes up and sees you gone… She’ll start crying,” Siyeon whispered.
“She knows I don’t sleep well,” Handong mumbled.
She heard the chair being pulled out carefully and then heard the older woman sit next to her. She was silent for a few moments, her eyes shutting as she let her thoughts overwhelm her briefly.
“And what makes you stay up so late?” Siyeon asked while crossing her arms over her chest.
“My concerns… My worries… Regrets… Past mistakes… scenarios in my head that I wish I could change…” Handong answered quietly. “My mind never has peace… nothing like Gahyeon’s, just… a lot of thinking…” She mumbled.
“Sounds like you need therapy,” Siyeon chuckled lightly, watching the younger woman smile.
“I’ve been through therapy. Worked through my own problems. But I still can’t help but think about it. Wondering what life would’ve been like if I didn’t you know?” Handong whispered while pulling her cup closer to her.
“Right… Sometimes I think too much like that… Then the next thing I know… I have another regret,” Siyeon shrugged.
“What?” Handong frowned after taking a sip of her tea.
“I used to over calculate every single thing I did. What to eat, what to wear, what to do, how to do it… and every extra second I spent on deciding… was another lost opportunity… Another regret for me to think about that night or a week from that day at three in the morning,” Siyeon explained. “So now… I try to be better and live for the moment,” She whispered.
Handong nodded her head, eyes glancing down at the cup in front of her. Siyeon was right. She knew she was right. Spending so much time worrying and thinking was never great.
“I saw you hesitate in there.”
Handong frowned without looking up.
“You never hesitate.”
She was pleading for this woman to drop it.
“At least not before…”
She felt a hand on her chin the second she closed her eyes, tilting her head to look up.
“Why now?” Siyeon whispered.
“You’re not mine…” Handong spoke quietly.
Handong felt Siyeon’s fingers move from her chin and up to cup her cheek. It was an intimate moment. One they never shared outside of the bedroom. Even then it was never this soft. Always rough and powered.
“Don’t hesitate with me…”
Siyeon moved closer, pulling Handong toward her. Handong didn’t dare pull away. Didn’t dare to think about anything else when their lips connected under the dimly lit light above them in the connected dining area of the apartment.
“I won’t,” Handong whispered before resting her forehead against Siyeon’s. “Not with you… not anymore,” She smiled faintly, looking up at the older woman.
“Let me catch you?” Siyeon asked quietly as she intertwined their fingers.
“Don’t let me go,” Handong softly smiled.