Chapter 12
Gahyeon shifted on the couch, running her hands over the velvet cushion. Her therapist sat across from her, waiting for her to say something. Two sessions and nothing. Just an hour of silence. Something Gahyeon was terrifyingly good at.
“No news, means no progress,” Her therapist spoke.
“No news… is good news,” Gahyeon whispered.
“Let’s talk about why you’re so silent then.”
Gahyeon looked down at her knees, frowning. She just didn’t know what to say or do. It was the first ten minutes of the third session and she just wasn’t sure where to begin. Everything was jumbled and she wasn’t sure how to handle life within her brain.
“I don’t know where to start,” Gahyeon whispered.
“That’s a start.”
Gahyeon looked up at him, nodding her head. It was a start, she started with confusion. What an excellent thing to do. It was fantastic. Way to really blow them out of the park.
“Why not start what you did today?”
Easy question.
“I got up and I made breakfast for…” Gahyeon trailed off, looking down at her knees again. Mistress or Handong? Dongie? What was this person going to say? Did he know anything? Was she going to have to explain the ins and outs?
“For yourself?” He asked, urging her to continue.
“Yes… and… someone…” Gahyeon mumbled.
“So you had someone over? Stayed at their home?”
“I… stay with her,” Gahyeon answered quietly.
“Good, you have someone at home with you. Did you do anything else?” He asked while writing something down on his notepad.
“Um… I showered… and I got ready… and she brought me here… just to make sure I went,” Gahyeon shrugged.
“What did you have for dinner last night?”
“I made… pork belly,” Gahyeon mumbled. “She helped me make other things to go with it, but I was hoping she would let me have pork belly and she let me.” A smile formed on her lips as she remembered the dinner from the night prior.
Siyeon was over… everything felt normal. It felt right. Almost like it was melting together and forming something new. Gahyeon sat between both of them, her front leaning more so on Handong while she listened to Siyeon rant about work. She could feel Handong’s hands trailing up her back, just relaxing her.
“Who is she?”
Gahyeon snapped back to reality, looking at her therapist.
“Um…”
“Judgment free zone, Gahyeon,” he reminded her.
She didn’t even know what they were. How could she just open up about it if she didn’t know? How could she begin to describe this relationship to someone who wouldn’t understand?
“Gahyeon?”
“My… Mistress…” Gahyeon whispered, staring down at the floor.
Her body went into autopilot. Her mind went fuzzy and blank as she waited for everything to be registered. The term alone was already loaded with implications.
“You’re… married?” He asked, watching Gahyeon shake her head. “Can you elaborate on… that then?” He frowned.
“It’s…” Gahyeon felt her entire mouth go dry. She didn’t like this feeling. How was she supposed to explain she was someone’s property in a way? “Pass…?” Gahyeon frowned, looking up at him with a hopeful expression.
“Okay…”
The session fell into a tense, awkward feeling for Gahyeon. Her entire mind was on overdrive now. She wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t ask anymore questions, and now she was lost. The questions were like little light up markers in the fog of her mind. Where to go next. A beacon of light guiding her to wherever she needed to be. But it was so foggy. She couldn’t figure it out. All she could think of was her relationship with Handong.
“She’s… she’s my mistress…” Gahyeon repeated quietly. “I… we…” her words seemed to mean nothing in her mind. It hurt to have this much confusion. But she couldn’t take it. She didn’t understand how to explain anything.
“Let’s break it down… How did you meet her?”
“Dance. I met her when I joined a dance class with a friend… She was… kinda mean at first… But then I got to know her… and she was really great… no, is really great,” Gahyeon smiled, recalling the first few days with her.
“Okay, did you guys start dating?”
“Kind of?” Gahyeon frowned. “We… prefer each other’s company… But… My…” Gahyeon let out a sigh, shaking her head. She couldn’t figure this out.
“Is this a friends with benenfits situation?”
“No,” Gahyeon shook her head, frowning at that term. That’s not what it was. “I’m… hers… but not dating?” Her head tilted slightly as she stared at the floor. “She takes care of me…” Gahyeon frowned.
“Takes care of you…? like a girlfriend would?”
Gahyeon nodded her head, a little confused. Handong cared a lot, but she wasn’t sure how to explain anything.
“Just… no labels…”
“There are labels… just… not… socially acceptable ones…” Gahyeon mumbled.
“Elaborate..?” He frowned.
“She…” Gahyeon trailed off, letting out a huff. Why was it so hard to talk to her own therapist? Was it because she was afraid? She never had fear before, why was she afraid now?
When her session was over, she got the next appointment card and met with Handong on the street. She had a tired expression about her, not allowing her to really great the dom. Handong placed a hand on her chin, bringing her face up just enough to get eye contact.
“How did it go love?” She asked quietly.
“I spent most of the session trying to explain you,” Gahyeon pouted.
“Me?” Handong chuckled. “Why me?”
“He was asking about my day, what I did yesterday… and I kept talking about things we did… and he finally asked who you were,” She admitted quietly. “And… I couldn’t…”
“It’s okay, you always have next week,” Handong quickly reassured.
The second they got home, Gahyeon made a bolt for the bedroom, hurrying to just hide the rest of the day away. She didn’t want to entertain the rest of the world and immediately dove into the giant bed. She hurried under the covers, deciding she needed a nap.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s only noon!” Handong chuckled.
“I’m done with the day!” Gahyeon called out.
“We are not done with the day,” Handong sighed while pulling the duvet back. “You need to eat lunch,” She frowned.
“But… I want to be done…” Gahyeon whimpered. “I’m so tired and I dont want to think, everything was too much….” she whispered.
Handong let out a sigh, deciding to climb into the bed with her. She opened her arms, allowing the younger woman to snuggle into her side. She kissed her temple, letting her get comfortable.
“I’m only allowing this because you actually spoke in therapy today,” Handong whispered.
“Thank you,” Gahyeon sighed.