Chapter 7
Handong ran her fingers through her hair while listening to the panicked screeching of her best friend. Siyeon had just called her at the end of a shift and said Gahyeon was gone. Of course, Handong wanted to think she was just out for a few hours, but her clothes and things were gone.
“I’m not fucking playing, Dong!” Siyeon shouted through the phone.
The younger woman frowned as she sat up in bed, trying to think.
“She probably went to her parents' house,” Handong sighed. “The only place she can really go.”
Gahyeon sat in her old room, listening to the muffled sounds of the television through the wall. Her parents were watching some gameshow and she claimed to have a headache. She could hear them talking, trying to guess the answer to whatever the puzzle was while she silently cried.
It wasn’t like they were her biological parents. Better than nothing really. They were kind, and caring and loved her enough to get her to where she was. Hell, they fucking wanted her. They wanted her in their family. Even with her problems… They did their best, taking care of her and raising her to where she was.
They didn’t say a word when she came back to them, saying she missed home and needed her parents again. They took her in and allowed her to stay as long as she needed. Closer to work, further from them.
But why did it hurt so much?
Her routine had changed. Changed a lot.
She woke up later, got to work, did her job until the afternoon, walked across the street to a store or a cafe, grabbed lunch, and then went back to finish the day. Then she would go back home, eat dinner with her parents, help clean, and escape to her room where she sat in silence. Sometimes her dad would walk in, and entertain her with stories of his day. She would listen to him, smiling at his words as he spoke.
Growing up, everyone called her a daddy’s girl. Those who didn’t know she was adopted just saw this little girl who admired her dad. To her, he was her hero.
He would come running at night when she had nightmares. He was always there making sure she got right back up and knew that he was always right behind her, cheering for her to keep going.
Back then, her therapist warned them that she wouldn’t warm up right away. She hadn’t. It took months before she trusted her father. Her sense of a family had been ruined and everything needed to be retaught to her. Help her understand that they weren’t going to hurt her.
Looking back she wished she trusted him sooner. All he had was love and care in his body rather than whatever the others had.
She never forgave them for what they did. Never forgave them for killing her sister. She knew the real reason for her death. Knew that Yoohyeon wouldn’t have killed herself if they actually loved them. She just wished Yoohyeon hadn’t gone back to them. Hadn’t lied to the workers. Gahyeon told the truth and cried in their offices while explaining what happened to them. To both of them.
And despite Yoohyeon having visible marks on her body from clear abuse, the idiots got her back and would play the system. Playing it so well that Yoohyeon didn’t even know she was being hurt more. Forcing her down a path that was even darker than Gahyeon’s.
“Appa…” Gahyeon whispered, stopping him from his little story. “I’m really tired… It was a hard day,” She sighed.
“Ah, I understand,” he gave her a sympathetic smile before standing up from his daughter’s bed. “Sleep well, Gahyeon-ah.”
No matter how old she got, kisses on her head were always welcomed. And he always supplied them. Nothing in the world would ever make her not want them. Somehow, it was like the world was just a little bit better.
She thanked the stars and heavens above for her dreamless sleep that night. She actually felt rested, but she was still exhausted. She wanted to call out. Wanted to say she wasn’t up for working, but her mother was home all day usually. Or at least in and out of the house. She would definitely want to know what was wrong with her daughter if she just claimed she was ill and stayed home.
So, she powered through. And she hated that she chose to power through.
Minji met with her after work, giving her the brightest smile in the universe the second she laid eyes on the younger woman.
“Been a while,” Minji smiled at her.
“Why are you so far from your neck of the woods?” Gahyeon frowned. “Especially during rush hour…” She frowned.
“Court holiday, my ex has Chan… Thought we could drive into the city to practice,” She shrugged.
“Oh…” Gahyeon had forgotten about the practices. She honestly didn’t know how to go back. She had been gone for three weeks, and she ignored every single message that came through and decided it was for the better she didn’t join them.
“Hasn’t been the same without you,” She frowned.
“I’m thinking of giving up honestly…” Gahyeon mumbled. “So… Get used to it?” She frowned. She didn’t want to sound harsh. She really didn’t. Minji was always nice to her and she didn’t want to be mean.
“Giving up? Why give up now?” Minji frowned. “Come on, just… Come tonight?” She asked, gesturing to her car. “Handong will be there, I know you prefer her over anyone else,” She chuckled.
“No, I won’t go.” Gahyeon took a step back, shaking her head. “Thank you for thinking about me… But… I can’t… My knees are all fucked up, my shoulder still doesn’t have full rotation, and I… I just hold everyone back. Just… Give up on me and make things easier,” Gahyeon sighed.
“My back is all sorts of messed up and you don’t see me telling anyone to give up on me,” Minji scoffed. “Get in the car. I won’t take you there, but I do want to talk,” She sighed.
Easier to just listen. Easier to just give in. Minji was stubborn. Just give in and go with her. Worse comes to worst, she kills her and everything will finally end.
Gahyeon was silent in the car, listening to the sounds of a somewhat familiar song playing through the speaker as they sat through the little traffic that came into the area Gahyeon worked. She was only a fifteen-minute bus ride from home, and she wasn’t sure exactly where Minji was taking her. She was certain Minji had no idea where she was going, mainly because she didn’t live in the area.
After thirty minutes of driving, they pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant. Gahyeon looked at the older woman, watching her unbuckle her seatbelt.
“Come on. We both need some kind of dinner.”
Gahyeon texted her mother, letting her know she was meeting a friend after work and to not wait up. That she would eat and come home later. Once the text was sent and the phone was put down, everything shifted. Minji was casually looking through the menu, making little noises while Gahyeon already settled on what she wanted. Not really wanted, but it was the most appealing to her on the menu.
“You know what I do for a living… Right?” Minji asked after their orders were placed.
“You work in the courts… Right?” Gahyeon frowned.
“Right… I’m a court attorney… It means I work with the judges I’m assigned,” She explained while taking her straw and stirring her drink. “It also means I can mediate two opposing parties and negotiate into settlement or trial…” She sighed.
“Why are you telling me this?” Gahyeon frowned.
“I see different things Gahyeon. I see people suing for stupid feelings, people suing others for damages and loss, big corporations against the people… People against cities… And my least favorite… Criminal cases,” She sighed. “But the ones I hate the most are abuse cases.” She sighed. “I did some time in a family court… Assigned to a judge who was very adamant about going good and providing justice. Following the law closer than most and would take her time on cases,” She frowned. “Shame she retired… Need more like her, don’t you think?” She asked, finally looking up at the younger woman.
Gahyeon nodded her head, still confused as to what Minji was getting at.
“And you know Siyeon’s occupation?” She asked, watching Gahyeon shrug her shoulders. “She’s a detective,” She sighed. “Doesn’t like to admit that she’s really good at her job, but she is. I see her in and out of the courts a lot. Almost like it is a second home to her,” She chuckled. “But we both see things. We both know how certain people behave… And we know you Gahyeon.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” Gahyeon whispered. “What kind of talk does this need to be?” She frowned.
“Siyeon and I are close. A lot closer than she and Dongie…She told me when you went to live with her and told me about how you acted… What you said during your episodes…” She frowned. “I found it… Disturbing when she came back covered in marks… But she explained you did it out of fear… And then it clicked.” She glanced up at the younger woman, her frown deepening. “No one else will ever understand if they weren’t in the same situation,” She whispered.
Gahyeon’s eyebrows were stitched together at her words. It was true. Handong never understood what Gahyeon went through because her family was great. Her family didn’t harm her in more ways than one.
“It’s hard to talk about, and it ruins our lives. But I understand better than anyone what you went through. I… don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore… They haven’t met Chan, they never met my ex… And I don’t plan on rekindling that relationship ever again. In fact, they could die suddenly and I don’t think I would cry about it…” Minji admitted.
It all made sense to Gahyeon. Minji would always be the first to make sure everyone was okay, and she just passed it off as Minji was a mom. That she had this instinct to make sure everyone was okay. She masked her pain and suffering and went on about her day without any visible sign of stress or fear. No signs of struggling like Gahyeon was.
“I’m not asking for sympathy,” Gahyeon whispered.
“I’m not giving it to you,” Minji scoffed. “Why would I give you something that I don’t even want?” She asked.
“Then why are you telling me this?” Gahyeon whispered.
“Because I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the call saying you killed yourself when I could’ve stepped in and helped.”
Gahyeon saw the truth, saw everything right there. Minji wasn’t lying and everything about it screamed safe.
“I…” Gahyeon whispered.
“Don’t lie and say you didn’t think about it. I thought about it a lot too,” Minji whispered. “End it all and everything will be fine. That it would be welcoming. Right?” She asked, watching the younger woman nod her head. “I was… around your age when I had Chan… And all I could think about… Was that… He would be better off with his father and I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as my parents.” She let out a sigh, glancing up to see the waiter coming with their food.
Gahyeon glanced down at the plates being set down, the conversation stopping briefly. How long had they been talking? Had the conversation been that short so far? Did the food just take that long to come out?
“Well, you clearly didn’t…” Gahyeon whispered when the waiter walked away.
“I still tried,” Minji frowned. “My ex found me sitting in the bathroom… I was so close… So close to feeling the sweet release… but he stopped me and I lashed out at him… Saying that he should’ve just let me go…” She sighed.
“Is that why you two broke up?” Gahyeon frowned while poking at her food.
“No, we actually broke up for other reasons believe it or not,” Minji chuckled. “But he helped me get into therapy… Let me get everything out… I’m on medicine to keep the depression in check…” She shrugged. “And I haven’t made the same mistakes my parents made,” She sighed.
Gahyeon nodded her head, taking everything in slowly. Minji had almost succeeded and was stopped. Now she was fine, and appeared to be thriving… Gahyeon was happy that she was okay, but she still wasn’t sure why she was involved.
“Why are you telling me all of this?” Gahyeon repeated her question, frowning at her.
“I knew what you and Dongie were… I’m sure she tried pawning you off to Siyeon just so she could figure out what to do next,” Minji explained. “So… I stepped in myself. No one was going to be able to get through to your head without some kind of key.”
Key? Minji had a key to her mind. Impossible.
“I know she recommended therapy… If things went south between you guys…” Minji frowned. “I have a good therapist… Since things have clearly gone beyond the depths of hell for both of you,” She whispered. “I’m not saying call her now, but… Soon… When you feel ready.”
She slid over a worn-out business card, letting Gahyeon stare at it before picking it up. She had gone to therapy before and it didn’t help. It didn’t help at all. The therapist wasn’t helpful and now she would circle back? Circle back to something that didn’t work. Is that where her life was?
“Therapy didn’t work before…” Gahyeon whispered.
“You were young. Everything was still too fresh to process. Now you’re an adult. With time to process and let the dust settle… Now you have to clean up the dust and deal with the hoarded mess in your mind.”