Chapter 8
Handong hated seeing how Gahyeon was treating her. After Minji had her little meeting with the youngest, she rejoined them and everything seemed fine.
At least until she went over to greet the youngest and was met with the coldest glare she had ever received from anyone. She wanted to scold her for the sudden dirty look and threaten her with punishment, but she had given her up. Gave her to Siyeon to take care of and now she was on her own.
It seemed that with every step she took toward the youngest, she would step away from her, actively avoiding her when she could. She tolerated being near her during their lessons if she needed to be there, but other than that, she would stay far from her. If they caught each other’s gaze, she would either glare at her or look away, almost disgusted with her just looking in her direction.
Handong knew Gahyeon. She knew what she was capable of and now this? She knew Gahyeon had a nasty attitude. Knew she would keep it up as long as possible. There would be no end to her grudge. Which in Handong’s eyes, was bullshit and childish.
She needed time. Time to think about her life and reevaluate where she was headed. They didn’t have a relationship. She was free to date. She couldn’t think about how to help Gahyeon if she kept having issues. Nothing was making sense in her mind and all of a sudden her ex reaches back out and chaos just erupted.
Yes, she wanted to see him again and had been thinking about him, but it wasn’t going to be thought about with Gahyeon in the picture. She needed solitude if she was going to think. Test the waters and see what would happen. Then ease the youngest back into her life after explaining everything if things went well.
But that wasn’t happening and she wasn’t going to let some kid ruin her own happiness. Things were going well at the moment and she wasn’t in the lifestyle at the moment. It was going great. Things felt good, she felt happy.
She just wished she didn’t get a death glare in one of the places she loved with people she cared about.
“So… I know you kind of left abruptly…” Handong heard Siyeon whisper.
Handong knew about Siyeon’s crush on the younger woman. Siyeon voiced it the second she met her and kept it in check when Handong admitted she was a little violent. She was sure Siyeon would’ve acted sooner on that little crush if the latter hadn’t punched her in the throat. She wasn’t sure if Siyeon still had these feelings, but seeing how she was acting with Gahyeon at the moment…
Siyeon was nervous but kept herself together for the sake of keeping her cool exterior. Gahyeon had seen other sides of her, but then? Siyeon needed to remain cool.
The little duo continued their conversation, causing Handong to eventually make her way to Minji and Bora. Needing to be away from the two for a bit.
“So, I told him he needed to stop acting up in class,” Minji sighed as Handong joined the conversation.
“Has he been acting out?” Bora frowned.
“He has, and I’m sure it’s because his dad is dating that girl now,” Minji frowned. “I told him he can’t do that in class, that he needs to talk about his problems, but it’s not clicking yet,” She sighed.
“What’s going on?” Handong frowned.
“Chan got in trouble at school,” Bora explained. “So you think it’s because of the lady?” She asked, watching the eldest nod her head. “And you’re okay with him dating right?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s his life,” Minji shrugged. “We have no intentions of getting back together, we aren’t nasty to one another… Maybe he just doesn’t like it…” She muttered.
“Poor kid,” Handong whispered.
“How have things been with you?” Minji directed her attention toward Handong, allowing Bora to look at her. “Still dating that guy?”
“Yeah… We went out last night. He’s different now,” Handong whispered. “Like… Different better,” She chuckled.
“Well, that’s good!” Bora smiled. “And your other problem?” She glanced over at Gahyeon and then back at Handong, watching her shake her head. “I told you if things shifted here I didn’t want either of you here.” Bora glared.
“She’s the one with an issue.” Handong scoffed.
Minji stayed quiet, looking back at Gahyeon before at Bora. She shook her head, trying to shut the conversation down before something escalated. Time and place for everything. The time wasn’t now and it certainly wasn’t the place.
The trio decided to go out after, grabbing a quick bite and drink before going home. It was still relatively early since it was a short lesson day, allowing them to decompress.
“Chan is with his dad right?” Bora asked Minji.
“Yes,” The older woman sighed.
“Okay good,” Bora smiled. “Don’t want to keep you out,” she laughed.
“So talk,” Minji looked at Handong, watching her shake her head. “No, I’m serious. It’s been two months and you haven’t even tried to talk to her yet,” She groaned.
“I’m serious, Handong. I’ll get you kicked out of these classes faster than ever.” Bora glared at her from across the table before leaving to get them drinks.
“I can’t just talk to her and explain that I wanted to see where this went and then bring her back in. I can’t just say that I needed her out of my life so I could think properly without having to worry about her…” Handong admitted.
Minji hummed, nodding her head before looking at the little promotional menu that stood in plastic on the desk.
“Don’t just hum at me without words.” Handong glared.
“You took her in, spent five months with her… told her you loved her and that nothing would change…” Minji sighed. “If I was your sub I would definitely be fucked up by it too,” She shrugged.
“She didn’t give me a chance to explain myself,” Handong scoffed.
“I don’t think you have a good reason. You should’ve told her from the beginning it wasn’t monogamous.” Minji shrugged her shoulders before placing the little plastic stand back down. “You led her on to believe she would be the only person in your life… And now look what happened,” She frowned.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen…” Handong sighed.
“But you did…” Minji shook her head before looking over at their other friend.
“No offense but why are you even scolding me on this? What do you know about this lifestyle?” Handong scoffed.
“I did some research. Wanted to wrap my brain around what your dynamic was with people. How do you think I get my way all the time with you?” She chuckled.
Handong rolled her eyes at the older woman when Bora came back with the drinks.
“Okay, expensive wine here isn’t that great but it’s better than their cheapest option,” Bora sighed.
“How expensive?” Handong frowned while looking at the red liquid in her glass.
“Hundred a bottle,” Bora muttered.
“Better than box wine,” Minji mumbled.
“True,” Handong laughed.
“So did you get anything out of her?” Bora asked Minji.
“Some, scolded her already so she feels like shit,” Minji smiled. “So now we can talk about you! Who’s this new woman in your life?” Minji smiled at her best friend while Handong gasped.
Bora shook her head, face turning red before she took a bigger gulp of her wine.
“We aren’t talking about my love life when there’s a perfectly good idiot right there!” Bora whined.
“Fuck my life!” Handong scoffed. “Who’s the lucky lady?” She wiggled her eyebrows, hearing the older woman groan.
“I hate telling you things!” Bora groaned while leaning on Minji’s arm.
Across town, Gahyeon followed Siyeon into a building, frowning as she held the older woman’s jacket tighter around her.
“Are you sure I’m allowed to be here?” Gahyeon frowned.
“You’ll be fine,” Siyeon shrugged off her concern, scanning her badge and then pushing open the door to the precinct she was assigned to. “Come on,” she ushered her inside, allowing the younger to look around.
The last time she was in a police station was forever ago… and they hadn’t changed. Maybe just a little bit, updated computers but it looked the same. It made her chest hurt, and everything made her think about the few years prior.
Gahyeon sat at the police desk, tears streaming down her face. Her hands were covered in blood, listening to the various sounds of keyboard typing and phones ringing. The voices of the officers answering and trying to explain that they didn’t have answers as to why a nineteen-year-old would’ve taken her life in the middle of a park in broad daylight.
“So she was your sister?” The officer asked.
“Yes,” Gahyeon sniffed.
“Same surname?” She frowned, watching Gahyeon shake her head.
“Kim Yoohyeon,” Gahyeon answered.
More keyboard typing. More phones ringing… more words being spoken.
“Gahyeon?” Siyeon’s voice brought her out of the memory, frowning when she saw the unshed tears in her eyes. “Are you okay?” She whispered.
“I’m fine…” Gahyeon lied. “Did you get whatever you needed?” She whispered.
“Yeah, I did leave it in my office,” she smiled while holding up her wallet. “Come on, we can get going now.”
The two wandered the street, Siyeon keeping close to Gahyeon before glancing down to see she was still a little out of it.
“What happened back there?” Siyeon asked.
“What?” Gahyeon frowned.
“You looked like you were going to cry… You got all quiet and didn’t move…” Siyeon explained.
“Just… thinking…” Gahyeon mumbled.
“About Handong?”
“My sister.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister!” Siyeon gasped. “Is she nice?”
“She was,” Gahyeon sighed. “She… She passed away around this time awhile ago…” She explained. “And being in your office brought back all those memories… I guess…” She had stopped walking, causing Siyeon to stop and look at her. “I’m sorry… I ruined whatever you planned…I’ll… I can just go home…”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Siyeon quickly stated. She closed the little gap they had and held the younger woman in a tight embrace. “It doesn’t get easier… In fact, I think it gets harder the longer you go without someone in your life like that…” She whispered. “Some days are harder than others… and then you wonder what they would be doing sometimes, and it makes everything hurt all over again…” She sighed while rubbing the younger’s back.
Siyeon felt the tears hitting her shirt, knowing the younger woman was crying now.
“Come on, we can go get some terrible food and just hang out. We can throw my plans out the window,” She whispered.
The two were seated in a small enclosed tent, eating a plate of tteokbokki together and sharing a can of beer. It wasn’t the best, but it was filling a tiny void in Gahyeon’s mind.
“Why did you even bring me out?” Gahyeon asked.
“Well… my original plan was to take you somewhere nicer, but I forgot my wallet at work…” Siyeon shrugged before stabbing another rice cake. “Just wanted to spend time with you,” she added quietly.
“But why?” Gahyeon frowned.
She heard a familiar sigh, one that Handong would give whenever she didn’t want to talk about something but was being forced to because of her questions.
“I’m sorry,” Gahyeon quickly muttered.
“Don’t be sorry,” Siyeon frowned. “Just… I don't think now would be a great time to bring up the reason why…” She mumbled.
“Did Handong make you do it?” The younger woman looked at the older, watching her shake her head.
“No, I just… I’ve had this thing… these feelings for a while for you…” Siyeon finally admitted. “And I didn’t do anything about them because well… you punched me and then Handong…. And everything and then you cried earlier and now I’m just rambling,” Siyeon groaned. “Anyway,” she mumbled. “Now that that is over…”
Gahyeon shook her head, looking down at their almost-finished plate.
“I’m nothing special…” Gahyeon frowned. “Broken, damaged, and too much work,” she mumbled. “Annoying—”
Siyeon stopped her abruptly, placing a hand on Gahyeon’s to make her stop.
“You’re funny, smart, kind, adorable, and I want to get to know you in that way if you feel the same. But I will not tolerate you putting yourself down like that.” Siyeon looked at the younger, seeing the concern in her eyes. “But I also don’t want you to say you have feelings just to make me happy.”
Gahyeon nodded her head, looking down at the plate again.
It was silent. And it made Siyeon regret saying anything at that moment. Why did she have to say anything?
“Can… can we try? I think you’re… you’re very nice and… and you are pretty…” Gahyeon whispered. “I’m not saying I don’t have feelings… but I would like to see where it goes?” She frowned, unsure of her own words.
“We can try. I would love more than anything to try,” Siyeon smiled.