Chapter 5
Her room? How could that be? Gahyeon set her bag down near the door, sitting on the giant bed. It was their room. No singular ownership. Nothing. A random person in their home? All of a sudden things changed. How could things change like that? Her mind was racing with a million ideas. Maybe he was just a new teacher that she wanted to get to know. But she hated people. She would never just invite someone to her home. Maybe he was a friend? She didn’t have many friends… She hated people…
It was a bit before Handong walked into the bedroom. Gahyeon was still seated on the bed, watching her carefully.
“No collar?” Handong frowned.
“Who is that man?” Gahyeon whispered.
“Gahyeon.”
“Dong.”
Handong let out a sigh. Gahyeon wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t oblivious. At least not when it came to strangers in their home. Strangers in the home meant different things. Very different things. What did he know? How much did he know? How did he view Gahyeon? Was it a bad thing for her to reject his handshake?
“He’s an ex,” Handong sighed. “We’ve… Been seeing more of each other lately,” She admitted while crossing her arms over her chest. “And have been thinking about getting back together.”
“You left him for a reason.” Gahyeon turned her head, glaring at the woman.
“We needed space. We had space.” Handong glanced up, seeing the glare already sitting on the younger woman’s face. “Gahyeon-ah…” She sighed, reaching out for her.
Gahyeon shook her head, pushing the woman’s hands off of her.
“No.”
She stood up quickly, walking away from her. Gahyeon didn’t want to think of the different things that would happen. If she was thinking about getting back together with this man then there were only a few possibilities for Gahyeon. Very little wiggle room.
“Nothing changes,” Handong tried to reason.
“Everything changes,” Gahyeon scoffed while grabbing her bag.
“What are you doing?” Handong watched the younger woman walk around the room, gathering a few things and shoving them in another bag she found. “Gahyeon-ah!” The older woman stood up, walking toward her to try and get her to stop.
“Don’t.” Gahyeon pushed her away, trying her absolute hardest to hold in her tears. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t show that she was genuinely hurt by what was going on.
Handong let out a groan. This girl was going to be the death of her. She yanked the bag out of Gahyeon’s hands, tossed it aside, and was met with a furious face.
“You can talk things out.” Handong held the same even tempo, trying not to let her own anger take over.
“No.”
Handong rolled her eyes, watching the younger woman go retrieve the bag. She couldn’t let that happen again. So, she grabbed the younger woman by the waist and ignored her yelling to put her down. She did put her down, but on the bed, and watched her struggle slightly.
“You need to calm down,” Handong glared while climbing over her.
She sat on Gahyeon’s hips, trying her best to avoid the long nails the younger had. She ended up holding her wrists down near her head, watching her struggle before the tears finally fell.
“Let go!” Gahyeon sobbed, still attempting to escape her grasp.
It hurt Handong that Gahyeon was this upset over a small conversation. Nothing was set in stone and yet Gahyeon dove to the absolute worst, assuming that things were going to immediately change. Chance for the worst in her eyes.
She didn’t say a word, listening to Gahyeon’s frustrated cries before everything spilled. Full sobs escaped her lips before Handong finally let go, watching her turn to her side and curl up into the fetal position.
“Nothing… Changes,” Handong breathed, frowning at the sight in front of her.
The older woman left her in the bedroom, allowing her the space to cry everything out until she was ready to talk again. She continued dinner, frowning when she saw the small scratches along her arm. She shook her head, knowing Gahyeon was going to hit another violent streak.
Handong let out a choked breath, holding her stomach as she stared at the floor. She wasn’t sure how anything happened, but Gahyeon just punched her in the stomach and was now standing in front of her.
The older woman wasn’t afraid of her. Honestly, she was incredibly pissed off that this little kid hit her. When she finally glanced up, she saw the anger quickly shift into fear as she tried to escape the older woman.
She sat on the couch, texting the only person who could handle her violent streaks.
Handong: I think it’s happening again. Are you sure you can’t come sooner?
Siyeon: I can try, but I can’t guarantee anything. What happened?
She explained everything quickly, letting out a sigh when she saw the chat bubble appear and reappear quickly.
Siyeon: she’s not wrong. You left him for a reason...
Handong: I’m not asking for relationship advice. I’m asking you to take her in if she leaves. She can’t go back to her parents like this.
Siyeon: what would be the harm in that? She would be taken care of.
Handong: I understand but she’s not going to open up. She’s going to bottle everything in because her parents won’t listen to her about anything. They tell her that her brain is just relaxing and thinking about negative things. That it was normal.
Siyeon: that’s fucked… but why me?!
Handong: she’s punched you in the throat and your recovery time is a lot faster than mine…
Siyeon: right… just… okay. I’ll figure it out. If I’m able to get there, it’ll be like 2 am….
Handong: that’s fine. Just call me. I’ll give you the code to get in.
Gahyeon woke up with a start, hearing a familiar voice fading in the back of her mind. Her eyes and cheeks were wet. Great, could add crying while sleeping to write down in the books. She sat up, seeing the curtains still open in the bedroom, but no light.
The sky was dark, little flecks that poked through the clouds decorated the black night. She saw the small lights of other apartments in buildings across the road and heard very few cars. Very little nightlife outside.
She pulled the hair that was stuck to her face, wincing when she felt the sharp pain of the little strands releasing whatever grip they had on her skin. How could it be that painful? She saw she was still in her normal work clothes, frowning when she realized what happened.
She lashed out and she knew she lashed out badly.
Gahyeon changed out of her jeans and blouse, exchanging them for sweatpants and a hoodie. As much as she despised pants, she didn’t want to look at herself anymore. She was about to open the door when she heard muffled talking, frowning when another familiar voice spoke.
“Has it been a few days?” Siyeon asked while leaning back into the couch.
“Just this one time. But… I don’t want her to feel like it’s all changing tomorrow,” Handong sighed.
“She’s going to think you’re going to abandon her if you just turn her over,” Siyeon sighed.
“But I’m not… I just… he’s not fond of this lifestyle… I want to try again with him,” Handong whispered. “I’m not abandoning her… just leaving her in your care until then…” She frowned at her best friend, causing Siyeon to shake her head.
“If he doesn’t like the lifestyle, what makes you think she can come back into your life with him in it?” Siyeon asked. “I already have my own subs… I can’t commit my time to her. Especially with my own job too,” She explained.
“She doesn’t need 24/7 care. She just… stays with me because it’s easier…”
“Easier, how? She has her dance lessons with us here in the city, and her work is outside the city. She spends most of her time outside of the city and only moved in with you when this started.” Siyeon sat back up, frowning at the younger woman.
“She was going to kill herself.”
Siyeon went cold, looking back at the bedroom and then at her best friend.
“She doesn't trust herself and I offered… she just needs someone… someone who can catch her…” Handong frowned. “Out of anyone, I know… I would trust her the most with you.”
“So you just want me to coddle her.”
“Dom train her. Any of your subs. I don’t care. I just… I can’t anymore…”
Gahyeon stepped away from the door, tears threatening to spill. She felt the anger building inside her, not allowing herself to think properly. She opened the door, stepped out, and let her anger consume her.
“You’re giving up?” Gahyeon frowned the second she saw Handong.
“I’m not giving up.” Handong stood up from the couch, looking down at Gahyeon. “I’m not. I just…”
“Gahyeon,” Siyeon’s tone was firm, forcing her to lock herself in place. “She needs time.”
“Time for what?” Gahyeon sniffed.
Seeing the tears starting to roll down the youngest’s cheeks broke Handong. It wasn’t a moment to break. But it did. She needed the time to do other things and she couldn't be with Gahyeon there.
“You’ll come with me and we’ll figure things out. Do you have a lot to pack?” Siyeon asked.
“Just clothes.” Gahyeon stared at Handong, refusing to look back at the older woman. “I don’t have anything else here worth taking,” She muttered.
“Go pack some clothes. We can come back for more.”
Siyeon watched Gahyeon leave, leaving the two doms alone in the living room yet again.
“Her collars,” Handong whispered.
“She’s not going to take your collars. Her tone was very clear,” Siyeon chuckled.
“She’s still mine,” Handong snapped.
“Not in her eyes,” Siyeon laughed.
Gahyeon was quiet the entire ride to Siyeon’s place. She had two bags filled with her clothes and nothing felt right. She didn’t want to talk and Siyeon seemed to enjoy the quiet.
Walking into the apartment, Gahyeon felt her heart drop, it didn’t feel like home. She barely had anything. She knew it was because of her job, it didn’t allow her to really settle properly right away.
At least she had a couch.
“Well… I don’t know how this will work…” Siyeon mumbled.
“I can sleep on the couch or floor,” Gahyeon whispered.
“Why? There’s one big bed,” Siyeon frowned.
“Don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Gahyeon sat on the couch, staring at the floor briefly before Siyeon walked back out with a very thin blanket, handing it to the younger woman.
“Sorry, I don’t have much else…” Siyeon whispered.
“It’s fine… thank you,” Gahyeon mumbled.
The younger listened to the footsteps, learning quickly what hers sounded like, making a mental note before she wrapped the sad excuse of a blanket around her. Tears slowly fell as she leaned against the pillows.
Given up on. Thrown to someone else. Forced somewhere else.
She wished she could’ve gone back in time and never told Handong anything. Wished she never met her and just struggled with life instead of struggling now.
When morning hit, she half expected to be back in familiar territory. But she wasn’t. She woke up against something soft, and she was warm. She was certain when she went to bed she was freezing. She glanced around, frowning when she saw that she was in a bed, and saw Siyeon sitting up on her computer next to her.
“You were shivering. So I brought you in here,” Siyeon explained without looking at her.
Gahyeon stayed quiet, deciding not to say a word. Talking led her here so maybe she should just shut up. Speak when spoken to. Siyeon didn’t ask her anything. She was fine.
“Are you hungry? Or are you the type that doesn’t eat when you wake up?” She asked.
“I’m fine.”
Don’t be needy. Just leave and get food later.
“Okay. I’m going to get ready for work… so… I don’t know what you do on Saturdays so just do that I guess,” Siyeon mumbled before shutting her laptop and getting out of bed.
Gahyeon stayed still, listening to her leave, and walked into the bathroom.
Nothing was the same. Nothing was decorated. Nothing screamed more than barely living there. Nothing was making sense and it made Gahyeon want to cry again. But she couldn’t. If she was quiet, calm, and normal, things would go back.
Right?