The Date
sleep, shower, don’t eat, wait, watch the time, Miguel didn’t even understand why he’d agree to a dinner, but he did, so he’d do it.
Watch the time. Watch it again. Time goes by slowly. He could be saving people instead of looking at the time.
“LYLA what’s the time, I think this is broken.”
“The clock is not broken Miguel, it is indeed 7.10pm”
“…how long does it take to drive to the restaurant?”
“5 minutes”
“What about walking?”
“Over an hour and a half, will make you late.”
“…riding a bike?”
“You don’t own a bike Miguel.”
He just wanted to do something, mostly just go to the place to get it over and done with.
Watch time, have some water, watch time again.
“LYLA, are you sure the clock isn’t broken?”
“Yes Miguel”
“What if the clock is broken and you are…also broken.”
“I am not broken Miguel, the time is 7.30pm”
This was getting irritating
“You know I could be looking out for civilians right now. This is peak crime time. Who cares what Angel says, he’s…incorrect, it is not wrong to care and look out for individuals who cannot defend themself, especially as a mutant who has ... ..a lot of superhero…things, and can help.”
“…”
Miguel listened to the silence.
“I don’t like you ignoring me LYLA”
“Sorry Miguel was coming up with a polite way to say you are rambling something my ai systems do not care for.”
“…ever since Xina fixed you, you’ve been terrible. I just want someone to talk to who will agree with me.”
“Mental hospital is a 20 minute drive away”
“…LYLA. Mute yourself, and reset programming again, someone made you mean again.”
“Yes Miguel, will do Miguel.”
Watch the time. Miguel should get there early, he can watch out for crime, be early the way you are meant to be on dates as the man. Even if it is a fake date and even if Miguel hates Angel and the only reason he hasn’t thrown Angel off a Cliff is because Gabriel liked Angel. Anyways.
Miguel put a coat on, adjusted his collar, looking at his suit under his outfit before hiding it, it was just incase, he needed to do that, he took a sip of water again, he should probably stop drinking Tap water considering the plumbing for a lot of places got screwed over during the sea people flooding, but hey he pays top money to not deal with that so if he does, not his fault, maybe he deserves to get sick from tap water.
Once in the car he set up the coordinations and let the car drive, of course he did, he didn’t drive himself, he didn’t care to learn, he only liked motorcycles and turns out he can’t care to get a license for them. So he remains without any license. Vehicle wise. And who cared anyways, if he had to get somewhere which and ai could help him, he’d just web around, some demon pretending to be god called Aaron gave him fucked up arms with weird webbing in them so he’d use it.
He’d get there maybe 20 minutes early after doing everything. He could get a nice seat. Probably should have reserved one. Look at the menu, pretend to care for it, order a brand of wine every place has, and wait for Angel to most likely show up 30 minutes late.
The car got there a bit slower than expected. A lot of traffic, a lot of people out, lots of chance for crime, god what was Miguel doing, he was going to eat instead of watching, even if he was told he shouldn’t do that and it kinda made sense it still feels wrong to not follow his guts and do it, he didn’t have a meaningful purpose on earth other than to help so why isn’t he helping.
He got to the restaurant, surprisingly only ¾ full, good, made it so he could get a seat, it wasn’t a nice seat like he hoped, his own fault. He looked at the menu, it didn’t have the wine he wanted. There was now a lot of foot tapping.
Maybe it sounded like a tap dancer was performing at this point he was tense, it was stupid, this was silly, and crazy, he always did this, he’d get more worked up over small details that are meaningless being wrong then messed up over big things that have importance.
He got told it was just the way he was brain worked, wasn’t a good way to work though, Conchata never talked about it out of shame, and hell George let him know it was bad, same with Kron, Tyler would make jabs, everyone would make jabs, even Gabriel, Gabriel did it in a brother way but it was still a jab.
He didn’t even like the wine, the wine was bad but it was one he could rely on, and it wasn’t there, and he didn’t get a good seat, and he didn’t need to be here, he needed to be helping people.
“Didn’t realize this place would be so crowded, usually it isn’t”
Miguel looked up, Angel was sitting down, he looked to the time, 10 minutes early, 7.50pm. That wasn’t expected, not something to get worked up over though, that was good, Angel listened to Miguel, actually listened, didn’t do a dickhead thing.
“…yeah everyone got the good seats.”
“Eh, this isn’t bad, I think the only bad spot at a restaurant is the one next to the kitchen, then you have to smell the food and watch every time your meal…not come out. Can’t ignore it.”
Miguel did. Chuckle a little. He didn’t like this spot and just because Angel had a different opinion didn’t mean he’d change his.
“So menu, have you had a look yet?”
Angel picked up a drink menu, alongside the meal one
“…ah..yeah, they didn’t have the drink I wanted.”
“…what type of drink was it?”
“A wine, a…it tastes kinda like berries, with a gross after taste, it’s not good but most places have it.”
“…huh, don’t know why you'd order that, but hey, you do you.”
“It’s reliable. It’s always There”
“Well…it’s not, do you know the winery?”
“…um. Huh?”
“Winery, where is it made? Each wine has it next to their name. Maybe there is one here like it.”
“Uh…it doesn’t matter, something like it won’t be good.”
Miguel could feel his foot still tapping, it was slow but it still wasn’t good, he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be here at all, he doesn’t deserve to have a break like this. The foot tapping was getting worse, he was fidgeting with his fingers trying to calm down.
“I’ll order a bottle, we split on it. Trust me I know good wine, I’ve had a lot.”
“Huh?”
“We’ll split the bill on wine. I’ll get a bottle to share.”
“Oh okay.”
Angel seemed to treat Miguel as if he wasn’t tapping his foot, like angel didn’t notice, but obviously they did, they did notice, anyone would, it was loud, and sometimes shaking the table as sometimes his thigh would get too close to the table so when he tapped it’d vibrate. And he probably looked terrible, a nervous upset wreck.
“Have you looked at the food yet?”
“I’ll just get spaghetti, classic…Italian. Doesn’t matter.”
“Alrighty. Classic spaghetti and I will get…fettuccine Alfredo. They don’t add any meat so it should be good.”
“…what are you vegan?”
“No, just sometimes places add bacon, I don’t eat that.”
“….”
“Jewish, I am Jewish. I don’t eat pig.”
“Oh. Yeah no that makes sense. I knew that already, I just…mind…blank, it went really blank, it’s really blank right now.”
“Yeah. Happens.”
“…yeah….”
He was rambling, usually Angel mocked him for it, they were being too kind.
“Look I get you probably are trying not to tip me over the edge right now as I am close, but I think you acting like everything is fine and nothing is wrong with me, is making it worse. It’s making me…nervous, you are being fake. I don’t like that, you’re a dickhead, but you’re an honest one. I don’t like you…pretending to be nice.”
Miguel gave an awkward smile. Fidgeting so much more with his hands, it felt like sweat was jumping off him like it was an Olympic sport too.
“I’m not being kind, I’m just waking up, I woke up…15…minutes ago, and I can’t deal with your bullshit right now, give me….5 more minutes.”
“…are you serious.”
“Yep”
“You were asleep? 15 minutes ago?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t care to stay awake when I don’t need to. Anyways, let’s order wine, alcoholism will let me deal with your shit”
They called over a waiter, leaving Miguel just to be stunned by the utter lack of care. Miguel was waiting over an hour, he got ready properly, Angel, just got out of bed and called it a day. Angel ordered everything and there was a lot of silence, the bottle was bought, angel poured two glasses, Miguel’s normal size…their overflowing definitely, they took a sip.
“…”
And another sip
“Okay I can deal with you now. Number one, keep foot tapping, I’ll cut your toes off, giving me a migraine. Number two, ramble all you want, I ain’t going to fucking listen, number three, why are you still so…you…right now. Didn’t a good sleep fix you?”
Miguel went from a stunned face to an annoyed grumpy face nearly straight away. There it was real Angel, but hey now he wasn’t focused on all the bad little things happening, only the one bad thing in front of him, drinking like George did on a bad day, great reminder everyone needed to be an alcoholic to cope with him.
“You said earlier, all that stuff, but. It was…bullshit”
“How”
“I am a…defender of people”
“Hero, we are in an Italian restaurant everyone and their auntie are too black out drunk to listen, they all took a gulp of wine before even coming here, so did I”
“….i am a hero, and it is my duty, and my sole duty to protect people, and if I am not there to protect them, when I can be there, when I would be there if I wasn’t being selfish, then I am selfish. And terrible, it isn’t about something happening in…I don’t know Australia that I can’t stop, it’s about me making a decision of hey, let’s be too lazy to get off my ass and go to…the park, to look out for people, and then bam someone dies in the park that day as the hero meant to be there. Wasn’t there.”
“Yappa yappa yappa.”
“I am…I can’t…I can’t why did I agree to this.”
Miguel took a sip of wine as Angel went to respond, putting a finger up to tell them not to speak yet, mostly because if they did he’d throw the wine at them, he put the glass down…same with his finger.
“All of this fear is a possibility, that is the exact same as…not saving someone in Australia.”
“It isn’t though it is different as it is a possibility where I am making a decision to neglect duties I CAN do”
“Shut up. Shut uppppp. Let me finish, this is why you have no friends.”
“I have friends. I have Jennifer, Xina, John, Strange...2 work friends.”
“And you’ve worked at alchemax for 10 years. Yippee , 2 friends in 10 years, 6 friends in 28…29 years. Don’t care.”
Angel took another sip, taking a breath in.
“You’re working on the idea that because you can do something and haven’t then you’re a bad person, everyone can do anything every second, I can donate money to a homeless shelter right now, but I’m not, does that make me a bad person? No, because I don’t have the money for that right now. Me first, and not in a selfish way. If I gave money to homeless people now. I’d be giving money to myself as I’d end up. Homeless.”
“This isn’t.”
“Shut up. Miguel, or I’ll call you Mike.”
“…thank you. Silence, I’m happy, if I save my money, and wait and not do it straight away then I can help homeless people and help myself, if you save every single person, one day you’ll be the person needing help, but it’s not going to be your money helping yourself as you’re homeless, it’ll be a suicidal self sabotaging man trying to save himself when he can’t because he’d rather be dead then in need of help. If you don’t take one chance, and instead focus on you, you can have 50 other chances in the future, 1 over 50, it is a train track, both lead to a bad outcome every once and a while, but one is better and makes you function properly longer.”
“That’s not what…my situation is”
“But it is. I’ve been down dark paths before, I mentally lost it, I went down the wrong train track for years, and that nearly killed me, are you going to go down a train track right in the middle, walk on it and never get off, even as an active train comes towards you, or are you moving to the other train track that doesn’t have anything coming towards you”
There was silence, he was being talked to and scolded like a toddler, he didn’t enjoy it, it didn’t feel good, he wanted his food, he was hungry even if he didn’t deserve to eat right now, he needed to as Angel was annoying, and pissing him off.
“…I just.”
“You just what.”
“I just…i”
“You, you?”
“I don’t want to be a waste of space like…I am right now. I don’t want to be. Me. I want to be a hero as I’m…not really one like I claim to be.”
“…you’re in a life or death situation, everyone is watching you kill yourself, everyone is watching you step across the railing, it’s not about being a hero right now, it’s about staying alive.”
“If I stay alive, I stay meaningless, I’d rather, just. Mean something, short life but I am always helping people, or a long life. Where I don’t…”
“You will help people in a long life, you already have.”
“I haven't felt like it. I got…Xina hurt. Dana Died. We were meant to get married. My old principal died because of me. Kron hurt a bunch of people because of me. Tyler did a lot of bad things because of me. A lot of bad people. Like the vulture did…bad things because of me. I don’t…I haven’t helped people,I made it worse.”
He wiped his eyes before tears could even fall, he was in a Public place, and he wasn’t crying infront of duke fucking stratosphere of all people.
“Even when mentioning friends, I hurt people, I mean I forgot Zero. That hurts, I can't even remember my own friends, that is not what a hero does.”
“…Dana didn’t die because of you”
“She did though.”
“She died due to the police and Venom. Kron. She lived as long as she did because of you.”
“She died because of me as Kron only targeted her because of me. And it was when I looked away, if I was…there at the right time, right place, she’d be alive. Xina would still talk to me. Jennifer would talk more, Gabriel wouldn’t be going, fucking…crazy. He has end of world visions now, great, all because of me, it’s why I can’t see him, I’ll make him worse, he’ll hurt himself because of me.”
“…”
Miguel took a bit of a breath in, staying quiet as food was brought to the table.
“Where’s the yappa yappa, the shut up. Why aren’t you being you? Why are you pretending?
“I’m not pretending, Miguel, I’m actually listening.”
Angel adjusted their glasses, took a sip, and sighed, tapping the table with their fork before taking a bite of food, Miguel just watched, how could they eat when talking about this, talking like this made Miguel feel sick.
“When I was really really deep into a manic depression, I began to blame everything on me, I pushed myself beyond what I should have because I was not doing that…Is what caused the issues, in my head at least, only after being snapped out of it, did I…realise.” They shrugged, taking another bite of food.
“How do I snap out of it, because I don’t think I can.” It felt like a lump in Miguel’s throat.
“I don’t know. No one. Knows this, it’s different for everyone. You’ll find it eventually, just…don’t…give up”
Miguel knew what Angel meant by give up. Difficult to hear, he stayed silent, beginning to eat, he swallowed eat lump, he wanted to vomit, there was silence for far too long. Miguel took a breath, it sounded snotty. Not posh, not high class. Like he had snot stuck in his nose, like he had been sobbing.
“How do I stop though. How do I stop thinking I need to do…everything to be…good”
“By speaking about it like you are now.”
“It’s not changing my opinion.”
“Glad my long explanation didn’t do shit.”
Miguel chuckled a little, Angel did have a rude tone saying that, but it felt more playful. It didn’t hurt, something Angel really ever said hurt much, that’s a good thing about a mutual hatred, you both expect the worst of each other so the worst doesn’t hurt.
“…I.”
“Hm?”
“I don’t know. I think I need to. Something I don’t have right now to help me.”
“Human connection maybe, this is your first in a while, maybe you need a deep one.”
“I think I just need someone to lay down with. Not do anything with just…be there. I used to do that with Dana, sometimes I’d play with her hair, she’d talk about stupid shopping trips with her girlfriends, and I…cared. I think I just need that right now. I think I miss…touch, weird to say. But I can’t. Ask anyone for it. And I don’t want family touch, I don’t…feel comfortable with that right now after what family did to me…and I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
There was a pause, it was a lot to digest. Angel swallowed a bite of food.
“…so do it.”
“I can’t, I mean I’d need to hire someone, that doesn’t work, I don’t want to do that, and I don’t think anyone I’d know would…do it.”
“Zero would”
“….” Miguel chuckled a little.
“I mean…someone that wouldn’t crush me due to being entirely a metal Robot, and isn’t off doing some…gang things right now.”
“What about me?”
“What?”
“Me. What am I not sexy enough?”
It was playful, not meaningful, not meant to be a flirt, easy to tell.
“No..I…yeah…oh shock off. I just…it’d be weird wouldn’t it?”
“Laying isn’t weird”
“With each other.”
“You make it sound like sex, did you mean sex?”
“No. Absolutely not”
“Then it isn’t weird.”
Miguel sighed, finishing off his food, to ignore answering more for a bite even taking a long sip of his wine finishing it off.
“Aww ran out of ways to stop talking.”
“…I did. Look, I don't know. I mean…it’d be nice…but…you…it’s you…full offense”
“Yeah I know, it’s me, but you can pretend it’s not, I’ll put on a wig. Pretend to be…idk you chose”
“No. That’s…god that’s so stupid.”
Angel smiled. Miguel did it back.
“You can’t use it for blackmail.”
“Why would I use it as blackmail, that’s blackmail against myself as well, I don’t want people to think I cuddled you from anything but out of pity.”
“…okay. Rude, but yeah. Fine. Just…yeah, I’m fine with it. Have to take you back to my place though, so don’t…steal anything. Or reprogram anything…”
“I won’t. Nothing you have is worth stealing and LYLA is already bitchy which is what I’d make her if I programmed her.”
“…yeah okay. Whatever…but seriously don’t tell anyone, it’s embarrassing, I’m just going to pretend you're someone else so don’t get ideas.”
“If I got ideas, I’d happily hang myself to stop them, don’t worry.”