Energy/Anxiety
For what seemed like the millionth time that day, Logan bounced his leg, played with his fingers, paced, and grumbled. It felt as though there was endless energy within and even though he had just gotten back from a two hour workout from the gym, he still had loads of energy to burn and it was driving him crazy.
The worst part was this feeling had only increased throughout the week. The inner animal within longed for more activity but being trapped in this smelly city meant there were only so many places he could go. The gym was nice, but he needed more. He needed to run. He needed to be outside. He just needed to be able to let go and be free.
“Ok, that’s it!” Althea put down her phone and walked over to the living room couch. Using her cane she gave Logan’s ankles a hard, quick thwack “what the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been acting weird all damn week!”
Running his hands down his face with a sigh, Logan got off the couch and began to pace “I feel like I’m loosin’ my damn mind.”
“Then why not go for a run?” She kindly suggested, annoyance lacing her tone.
“Did that. Twice. Then I went to the gym, n’ I want to go back but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Humans are getting suspicious.”
“For the love of god Logan, don’t make me play twenty questions.“
He looked heavenward and sighed “apparently human’s need something called rest days after they work out? I’m already pushing it with my 600lbs deadlift, don’t even know why….it’s not even heavy.”
Althea was silent for a moment. She turned toward Logan’s direction with a hum “what would you consider heavy?”
He thought hard for a moment then said “900lbs, but if I get pissed off enough I can lift heavier things….why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”
It was then that Althea had realized two very important things. The first was that Logan was constantly holding himself back. How much self control would it take, she thought, to do something like cracking an egg or something as simple as holding someone else’s hand? No wonder he was so on edge.
The second was that because he was socially isolated for such a long time, he was absolutely clueless when it came to many non verbal social rules. This she already knew, but she had no idea it was this bad.
She shook her head, laughed a little, and muttered 'good lord’ “I can understand why people are getting suspicious. Bless your heart, baby.”
An embarrassed flush made it’s way across his cheeks and with a frown, he turned away from her. He didn’t understand, what was so funny?
“Look at it this way, baby: imagine you’re an average joe at the gym and some handsome -“
“You think I’m handsome?”
“Don’t change the subject. And some handsome man comes in and bench presses 600 pounds like it’s nothing. No rest days, no signs of exhaustion, he just does incredible shit then walks off like it’s another day ending in y. Of corse people are getting suspicious, Logan. Do you seriously not realize how fucking insane that sounds?”
She was right. Having heard it said out loud really did put things into perspective. But then again, why did it fucking matter? Why did the humans care so much that he went back to the gym multiple times a day? Why did they care how heavy the weights were? Why was it so important that he constantly held himself back so the humans could have ease of mind? What about him and how he felt?
Althea slowly made her way over to him, placed a hand on his arm and guided him down so she could cup his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.
She was silent for a moment, deep in thought “before Wade found you, what did you used to do when you felt like this? Because Wade told me that the X-mansion was the only place you ever stayed in for more than a month.”
Logan nodded “ran, hunted…” he sighed “I don’t know…”
As tender as could be, Althea patted his cheek “when was the last time you lived amongst people, not counting now, mind?”
“2000” he whispered.
“You mean you’ve been living like a nomad for -“
“24 years. After I….after I killed those humans..I couldn’t even get the time of day” Logan looked at the floor, feeling like a monster “so I stole a few essentials n’ then lived off the land. Always moving. Always running…..I-”
“Logan, You’ve made a big transition. Going’ from one extreme to the other, no wonder you’re so antsy."
Logan frowned, what the fuck was he going to do?
“Don’t worry, Logan. We’ll figure something out, cus this shit an’t sustainable, for you or for us.”
————
“Where the fuck are we going?” Logan growled from the backseat of Dopinder’s car. His hands were over his ears and he swore that if he had to listen to Katy Perry’s Firework one more goddamn time, he was going to loose it.
With a wicked grin, Wade sing songed “it’s a seeeeeeeecret, my overly aggressive honey badger.”
Logan groaned and sighed “could you at least choose a different song?”
“I have many CD’s Mr.Howlette, what would you like to listen to?” As if on cue, Wade popped open the glove box and started rummaging through said collection.
“Hank Williams?”
“Literally who?” Deadpool and Dopinder asked at the same time.
“He’s….fuck, nevermind. The Doors?” Dopinder shook his head “Rolling Stones?”
“You have very old tastes, Mr.Howlette.”
Wade gave a loud ‘ha!’ And slapped his knee “like an old man! Hahaha, sorry Peanut. Seems all he’s got is pop, Hindi Geet, and - fuck yes! - the Frozen soundtrack. Put that shit in there, my guy!”
Logan placed his head in his hands and cringed as Wade sang along to ‘let it go’. He and Dopinder were off key and their voices sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Much to Logan’s chagrin, it took nearly the entire soundtrack before the trip finally ended.
“Here we are, DP” Dopinder stopped the car and turned to Wade with a smile.
Logan threw the door open and ran out, ignoring Dopinder’s cry’s of ‘please be careful with the car door!’
He took a few steps forward, turning his head left then right as he admired the view. There were trees as far as the eye could see and lush green grass blanketed the terrain. A pleasant breeze swayed through the tree’s. This was familiar. Pleasant. Safe.
He breathed in. The air was fresh, crisp and clean, so unlike the polluted air within the city.
Wade clapped a hand on Logan’s shoulder and squeezed “ You’ve been kind of unbearable lately, peanut. So, Blind Al and I brainstormed and came up with this” he gave a wide sweep with his arm, gesturing to the area around them “now you can get all that excess energy out and calm the fuck down.”
On all fours, Logan ran. Feeling the wind in his hair and the view of nature around him, he sped up and allowed himself to finally let go and simply be. Behind him, Wade struggled to catch up, and eventually fell so far behind that he stopped running, sat down on the grass, and seemed content to just simply watch his beau run.
The smell of pine, grass and animals tickled his nose and caused him to grin. A weird noise that sounded like an in-between of a cluck and a chirp rose from his throat like a purr. This felt right. This felt wonderful!
Dopinder joined Wade on the grass and together they watched Logan run for a bit before engaging in conversation. They talked for a few minutes before their attention was stolen by a rabbit running past them at full speed followed by Logan who was chasing after it on all fours.
His pupils were blown and he was so focused on the rabbit that Wade doubted that he was at all aware of anything else around him.
They then watched with bile fascination as Logan pounced on the rabbit, snapped its neck and began to eat it. With one brutal bite, he bit into it’s skull and a disgusting crack rang out as he did so, causing Wade and Dopinder to cringe.
“DP….is he eating that?” Dopinder slapped a hand over his mouth and dry heaved.
“He sure is, Dopinder. He sure is.” Wade grimaced.
After the head was eaten, Logan turned toward the pair “want some?”
They both shook their head ‘no’ “uh, no, we’re good, peanut.”
Logan shrugged and went back to eating. He was laying on the grass and seemed to be completely blissed out, a far cry from the antsy behaviour that he had been displaying all week.
“Seeing you kill that rabbit made me realize something, Lolo. The reason you’ve been so jacked up is cus you got all this feral energy and no way to get it outta your system. So, how’s about you and I do merc jobs together? We could make some money and you could run around and kill things to your hearts content.”
“I don’t kill humans, Wade.” A small tug separated the rabbits back leg from it’s body.
“The people we’re killing aren’t humans, peanut.” Wade said ominously. A dark, scary look flashed across his face and he spoke in a soothing tone that sounded anything but “They’re trash. Pedophiles, rapists, human traffickers, abusers…when you kill one, you’re making the world a better place. Think of it as providing a service that the cops don’t have the nuts to do.”
Logan sat up and said tersely “s’a slippery slope, Wade. Kill a few bad humans, justify it to yourself n’ say you’re doing the world a favour. Next thing you know, you’ve started killing innocents n’ you keep killin’ till you wake up one day surrounded by the bodies of humans that did nothin’ wrong cept’ be in the wrong place at the wrong time.” The rabbits half eaten corpse lay forgotten. He leaned in close to Wade and ground out “I won’t be that monster again, Wade. I don’t. Kill. Humans.”
“Listen, Peanut” Wade place a hand on Logan’s arm “ If I ever see you stray; if I ever see you go after an innocent, I’ll stop you. You and me, peanut. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that” he shook his head, sad and uncertain.
“You’ll never be alone on these missions, Logan. I promise that if I see you attacking innocents, I’ll shoot you in the head, zero hesitation.”
Dopinder raised his hand “DP should I be present for this conversation? It feels illegal.”
“Absolutely fucking not, my guy.” He snapped his fingers and pointed in the direction of the car “Go back to the car, my beautiful Bollywood beauty and remember: you heard nothing!”
Logan remained silent for a long time. His gaze remained focused on the rabbits corpse. He could not, would not, have a repeat of those events twenty four years ago. He had finally found a home; finally found acceptance and a place where he could simply exist without having people curl their lip in disgust upon seeing his face.
An educated wish, a failure to act, would result in all of that crashing down. But loosing control wasn’t the only thing that worried him.
“What if something happens to Althea while we’re out?” He looked Wade in the eye, his voice tinged with anxiety “what if humans come to retaliate n’ they kill her n’ she dies alone n’ scared? What if she calls for help n’ we don’t make it back in time?”
“Oh peanut, she’ll be fine. She’s got a Sig P365 - no, don’t ask me where she keeps it - Princess Puppins, and a brick of cocaine. Throw one of those bad boys in a humans face and it’ll kill them near instantly. But - “ he cupped Logan’s face “if you’re really worried, we can get you a cellphone and put you as her emergency contact, ok?”
Logan leaned into his touch and placed his hands over Wade’s then squeezed with enough force to cause the latter to wince in pain “ok. But if she, or any other innocents get hurt, I’m going to fucking kill you!”
“Deal.”