Freefalling
Casual worked surprisingly smoothly for the first part of the night. She did act like she hadn’t just left Beatrice standing on the dancefloor without and explanation, searched and found her in the group and brushed off the other woman’s worried looks and questions with an “I just needed some fresh air, it was getting really hot.” And Beatrice, though she seemed sceptical, accepted her excuse with a short nod.
And then they had somehow fallen into easy conversations, enriched with playful flirting and lingering looks. They had gotten drinks, had danced a bit, had chatted about this and that, had played some ridiculous wedding games and had even taken some silly photos at the photo booth.
All super casual.
Later at night, when the sun had already nearly disappeared below the horizon, they had decided to get some fresh air and were standing side by side outside on the terrace, each one with a drink in her hands, when Beatrice broke the comfortable silence between them: “You know, there is a lake at the other end of the garden.”
Ava looked at her with a smile. “Really?”
Beatrice nodded. “I found it this morning when I was taking a walk. It’s just over there, down this path.” She pointed somewhere into the dark. The garden was only dimly lit by fairy lights hung up around the terrace. Ava couldn’t make out anything but a couple of tree where Beatrice was looking, but she could see the soft, questioning smile on Beatrice’s face when she turned her attention back to Ava. Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled back. “You could show me where it is.”, Ava suggested and Beatrice’s smile widened.
“Come.”, she softly said and led the way.
The lake was actually not all that far away from the terrace, but mostly hidden by the treeline Ava had been able to make out before. The light from the party was not visible here, but the remaining light of the last sunrays, paired with the moon, which stood bright and tall in the nightsky, provided them with enough light to find their way without problems.
Beatrice led Ava to a footbridge that was built into the lake that also served as a landing stage for some small rowboats. They both decided to take off their shoes and sit at the end of the landing stage. While Beatrice was still busy rolling up her trousers, Ava already walked down the long, dark stage until the very end. There she stretched out her foot to dip it into the water. It was colder than she had thought, but she still decided to enter her whole foot into the water. It was a very bad idea, she realized, when she started to stagger. She was more drunk than she thought.
“Ava.”, she heard Beatrice’s worried voice and her footsteps were rapidly approaching. Ava did manage to regain her balance and happily turned around to Beatrice to tell her she was fine, when she again felt her wave of dizziness make her waver.
“Ava!”, Beatrice shouted again. But it was too late. Ava could already feel her foot miss the wooden planks, causing her to lose balance and hit the water in full force. The unexpected cold surrounding her a moment later both paralyzed her and sobered her up noticeably. It took her a couple of seconds, before she started moving her arms and legs clumsily while struggling to move with the wet dress. She disentangled herself pretty quickly though and kicked her legs to push herself up.
Before she could break through the surface though, she felt an arm wrap around her waist and pull her up.
She immediately drew in a deep breath, before she opened her eyes again. She found herself face to face with Beatrice, who was holding her close with an arm around her waist, keeping both of them up above the water with strong paddling movements of her feet. The ground was probably not even far below them, but Beatrice’s eyes were open wide in shock, frantically scanning Ava’s face.
“Are you okay?”, Beatrice panted, her voice sounding extremely worried. Ava was so surprised by their unexpected proximity, that she had stopped moving altogether, just looking at Beatrice’s face close to hers.
“Yeah.”, Ava answered breathlessly, while Beatrice’s arm around her waist was keeping their bodies pressed flush together, their faces only inches apart. She could feel every curve of Beatrice’s body through their wet clothes. It was driving her crazy. She was wondering if Beatrice could feel how fast and strongly her heart was beating in her chest. “Yeah, I am okay.”
Beatrice breathed out in apparent relief. “We should probably…”, Beatrice started with a pointed look towards the shore and Ava nodded quickly, disentangling herself from Beatrice’s grip and swimming closer to the shore until she could stand. Beatrice followed and came to a halt right in front of her again. She seemed less tense than before and another relieved sigh escaped her mouth.
“So you did learn how to swim.”, she noted. She still sounded breathless, but the look on her face was warm. Ava’s eyes widened and then turned soft, because suddenly it hit her why Beatrice looked so panicky before.
“Yeah, I did.”, Ava confirmed, warmth spreading all through her body at Beatrice's sincere care. She hadn't told a lot of people that she had never learnt how to swim, but she had told Beatrice. “It was actually the first thing of my list that I crossed out. Your advice actually helped a lot. I tried what you told me and that really helped me lose some of my fear.”
Beatrice quickly nodded. “Okay, good.”
“Sorry I worried you.”
“No, it’s… It’s fine. I mean, jumping into the lake in full formal dresswear wasn’t exactly on my agenda for today, but I actually…I don’t really mind.” She had somehow come closer again, the space between them having shrunk to maybe half an arm’s length again. Ava’s heart was racing. They were just standing there, looking at each other. Ava could barely make out Beatrice’s face in the faint moonlight, but her eyes drifted to her lips anyways.
“I don’t really mind, either.”, she whispered.
There was a short pause of hopeful tension and their faces were moving towards each other, like they were attracted by a magnetic pull, until their foreheads were against each other and their noses gently touched. Ava felt Beatrice’s hot breath on her lips and her hand gently pressing into her back to pull Ava even closer. They both leaned in at the same time, their rugged breath mingling, their lips nearly touching, when suddenly a loud shout reached them: “Ava!?”
They instantly stopped in their movement, holding their breaths, before simultaneously sighing in frustration. Their foreheads were still touching, and they both chuckled shyly, but the moment was broken. Mary was probably looking for them because the toasts and speeches were about to begin. Ava inhaled deeply, removed her forehead from Beatrice’s and opened her mouth to answer Mary, but she was stopped by Beatrice’s hand on her mouth.
Her eyes widened in surprise, as she looked at Beatrice in question. The other woman was looking back at her, her face having come closer again. The only thing between both their lips right now was Beatrice’s hand on Ava’s mouth and it made Ava’s heart pound loudly again.
“My room is directly above the reception hall.”, Beatrice whispered.
And, oh, wow. Ava felt her whole body freeze and heat up at the same time. She had not been expecting such a direct approach and felt a bit overwhelmed, until she saw the sudden, scandalized look on Beatrice’s face.
“Fuck, that was not… That came out wrong.”, Beatrice awkwardly laughed and to Ava’s relief the sudden tension from before was broken. Beatrice even removed her hand from Ava’s mouth, but kept standing close, her other hand still on Ava’s hips.
“I just… I have spare clothes in my room.”, Beatrice clarified. “I think we could both use dry clothes before the speeches start.”
Now it was Ava’s turn to giggle. “Yeah. Yeah, that actually sounds like a good idea.”
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When they re-entered the reception hall, both now dressed in neatly ironed blouses – Ava a dark red one that she had cheekily knotted together in the front and Beatrice in another white one that she had matched with a blue blazer– paired with simple, but elegant cloth pants, everyone had already assembled for the speeches. Mary immediately spotted and approached them, eyeing both Ava and Beatrice up and down with risen eyebrows and an amused, but shocked look on her face.
“We fell into the lake.”, Ava blurted out, before Mary could make any comment. But this just made Mary’s eyebrows shoot up even higher into her hairline. Ava gave her a warning death glare. That didn’t stop Mary from muttering in a low voice: “Is that what young people call this nowadays....?” Ava blushed a deep red and kicked Mary’s foot lightly. Mary rolled her eyes with a smirk.
Ava hoped that Beatrice did not hear Mary’s stupid comment and turned around to the other woman, but found her looking into another direction with a surprised smile. When Ava followed her gaze, she saw a blonde woman in her 40s approaching Beatrice with a smile of her own on her lips. She looked oddly familiar, though Ava couldn’t place where she knew her from.
The woman came to a halt in front of Beatrice and Beatrice held out her hand to her. “Dr. Salvius.”, she greeted, while they shook hands. “It is great to see you again.” Ah, so that was Michael Salvius’ famous mother, who had given highly popular lectures about the intersections between science, philosophy and religion at their university.
Dr. Salvius responded to Beatrice’s greeting with a short, but friendly laughter. “Please, Beatrice. Call me Jillian.”, she said warmly and then she added with an amused smile: “Unless you want me to call you Dr. Young.”
And damn, if that did not make Ava’s brain short circuit instantly.
She vaguely heard Beatrice answer with a polite: “Oh no, that’s really not necessary. Not even my students call me that.”
And she did hear Dr. Salvius answer: “I read your thesis on the restoration and conservation of the ancient Christian architecture of the Axum-culture with respect to their historical development. A very impressive and insightful work.”
But she did not fully process any of that, too busy gawking and too distracted by the heat waves rushing through her body. Because yeah, she kind of should have expected that, but hearing it was very different and damn, how did Beatrice make…
“Stop drooling. I can basically hear your thoughts.”, Mary groaned next to her.
Ava huffed. “Oh really? What am I thinking then?”, she challenged with an eyeroll. She should have known that this was a stupid idea, but as she hadn’t, Mary made sure to make her realize a second later: “How does Beatrice get hotter by the minute?”, she drily commented.
Ava swallowed hard. “Yeah,”, she then admitted, still staring at Beatrice, who was talking animatedly about her doctor's thesis with undoubtedly one of the smartest people in the city, if not in the country. “That’s actually pretty… accurate.”
“Well, I’ll just leave you to your daydreaming while I get us drinks for the toasts.”, was all that Mary said, before disappearing into the crowd. The movement clearly seemed to have drawn Dr. Salvius’ attention, because suddenly she looked at Ava, who was still standing just two steps away from them, staring at Beatrice in awe.
Dr. Salvius briefly eyed Ava with a warm look on her face. “And that’s your girlfriend, I assume.”, she concluded with a smile, looking from Ava to Beatrice. Both girls blushed at her words.
“Oh.”, Beatrice all but stuttered. “No. That is Ava.” She made a short pause and sent Ava a short, shy smile. “We know each other from university. She is friends with Camila as well.”, she added, sounding soft, but calm.
Dr. Salvius just nodded. “Excuse me. My bad. Michael told me that you had a girlfriend, so I just…”
“We broke up.” It was the first time Ava ever heard Beatrice interrupt anyone and Ava found it kind of adorable, especially with how Beatrice gave her a short, nervous look, the tips of her ears reddening. “A couple of months ago already.”, she quickly added. And while she was looking at Dr. Salvius with a polite smile, Ava could tell that she was also trying to observe her reaction from the corner of the eye.
“I am sorry to hear that.”, Dr. Salvius said apologetically. “Michael hadn’t told me you two had broken up.”
Beatrice shook her head with a surprisingly relaxed smile. “It’s alright.”, she assured her. “It wasn’t meant to be. I always knew she wasn’t the one. She knew it, too.”
Dr. Salvius nodded again. “Well, then it was indeed for the best”, she decided. “Especially now you are moving.”
Beatrice just shrugged with a smile. “Yeah, it’s quite a way from here to Valencia.”
Wait, what? Ava’s eyes snapped up to Beatrice’s in confusion, but the other woman didn’t notice. Maybe Ava had just misheard or misunderstood.
“It is.”, Dr. Salvius replied. “Have you already moved back here?” Ava felt herself freeze instantly. Back here? What did she mean back here? Ava looked at Beatrice wide-eyed, but the other woman didn’t seem to mind the bomb Dr. Salvius had just casually dropped.
Instead she answered just as naturally and with an easy smile: “Not yet, I still have some things to do in Valencia. I will move into my new flat in about one month.”
Her new flat where? She couldn’t actually mean that…
“Well, I can assure you that everyone at the OCS is excited to have you.”, Dr. Salvius’s voice broke through her panicked thoughts. “We are very happy to welcome you to our university as a very inspiring and highly admired new colleague.”
And that was it. There was no misunderstanding this. The OCS was their university. The university in the very city where they had first met and where Ava, Camila and Lilith still lived in.
The news hit Ava like an ice cold shower. If she hadn’t already been sober after her crash into the lake, she sure as hell was now.
So much for keeping things casual.
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The footsteps of the person that found her pacing outside the building were much more careful and subtle than Mary’s. Ava stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“Ava?” Ava closed her eyes shut. Why did it have to be her? Why of all people? Of course, logically speaking, it made sense, seeing as Ava had walked out on her without a word. Again. But it still frustrated Ava. “What happened?”, Beatrice asked in a soft, careful tone.
Really? What happened? Ava knew she was being unfair, but she couldn’t stop her voice from carrying a hint of accusation, when she turned around and half-shouted: “You are back!”
“What?” Beatrice sounded honestly confused.
“I didn’t know you were moving back here!”, Ava tried to clarify, but only got a perplexed blinking of Beatrice’s eyes as a response. “Noone told me you were coming back! We spent nearly all evening together and you never said anything!“
“Ehm… I didn’t… I just assumed that Camila had…”, Beatrice stammered in confusion and then she suddenly stopped and a look of shocked realization shaped her face. “Wait. So you were just flirting with me because you thought I was still living in Spain? Because you thought it’s just one night and I will be gone again anyways?” The disbelief and hurt in Beatrice’s voice sent a pang of guilt through Ava.
Beatrice’s wide eyes held hers, clearly pleading for an answer, but Ava found herself unable to speak. And really, what would she have said? That yes, that was kind of what she was thinking? She couldn’t say it, not with the way Beatrice was looking at her. Not with the way her own heart was yearning and aching right now.
She didn’t need to say it anyways, Beatrice could read the answer from her face crystal clearly. Her usually warm eyes turned distant and her jaw clenched, before a mask of indifference covered up the clear hurt.
“Great.”, she said in a cold tone. “And there I thought you actually wanted me.” And then she just turned around and left without another word.
Ava looked after her, stuttering out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her heart was pounding, she could hear the blood rushing through her veins.
“Fuck.”, was all she could mutter when she saw Beatrice go up their stairs to the guest room area instead of back inside the reception hall.
“Fuck.”
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Shortly after the brides’ short speech and the toast, Ava decided that it was time to go home. She doubted she would be able to get Beatrice out of her head anytime soon, but maybe some goodnight’s sleep would help. She wasn’t even in the mood for goodbyes, so she just texted Mary, Camila and Lilith that she was very tired and would go home. And she really planned to do exactly that.
But instead, a few minutes later, she found herself standing in front of an entirely different door, face to face with a very surprised Beatrice, who still hadn’t changed out of her wedding attire, but had taken out her hairband, so that her hair was softly framing her face.
She looked heartachingly beautiful and Ava felt her breath catch in her throat. She knew it was a bad idea. She knew she should have gone home and sorted out her confused feeling before turning up at Beatrice’s doorstep again. But standing here in front of the other woman, she knew exactly why she hadn’t. From the second their eyes had met earlier today, she had been spellbound. And maybe this moment, right, here, had been inevitable.
“I do.”, she heard herself breathe out, her eyes never leaving Beatrice’s. “I do want you.”
Beatrice looked at her with wide, vulnerable eyes. “Are you sure?”, she asked in a whisper.
There was a lot of weight to that question. Was Ava sure about this, right now? Was she sure she wanted Beatrice? She had never been more sure about anything. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to feel Beatrice’s lips on hers again, feel her hands all over her body, feel Beatrice’s skin under her hands and taste every inch of her body. She had never wanted anything more in her life. But everything else? Anything after? She really couldn’t form a single coherent thought about tomorrow.
Beatrice seemed to realize how loaded her question was. For a moment they just stared at each other, both their breaths heavy, the same want and passion Ava was feeling reflected in Beatrice’s dark eyes. Then Beatrice closed her eyes for a second, inhaled sharply and captivated Ava’s gaze again with a defeated look.
“Fuck it.”, she whispered and then she stepped forward, grabbed Ava’s face with her strong, warm hands and crashed her lips against Ava’s. Ava’s eyes fell shut instantly. Even before she had really processed what was happening, her hands had grabbed Beatrice’s shirt and pulled her closer, their lips moving against each other in a hungry, passionate and deep kiss. Ava’s heart was pounding loudly and her legs were trembling as Beatrice started to pull her further into the room. It was passionate and intense and oh so soft that Ava felt like she was going to loose the ground under feet if she didn’t find a way to protect her heart from being completely pushed over the edge.
So Ava tried. She tried everything she could to bridge, to shorten, to erase all these electric, intimate pauses in their perfectly paced dance. Hook-ups weren’t meant to feel this way. Not that Ava was an expert on that front, but she was pretty sure they weren’t meant to feel like your first time, your deepest fantasy and your wedding night all at once. They weren’t meant to turn your whole world upside down and make you feel like crumbling under every touch.
But whenever she tried to rush through this storm of emotions, hungrily chasing for Beatrice’s lips, her jittering hands pulling and tugging on clothes, Beatrice would slow them down, her soft, warm hands and deep, long kisses keeping her steady and shaking her to the core at the same time.
It was a battle that Ava would eventually lose before she had even lost one piece of clothing. Because how could she resist the way Beatrice kissed every inch of her body she could reach – her cheek, her ear, her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, the line between her breasts top three open buttons of her shirt blouse revealed? How could she stop Beatrice from holding her close, her hands roaming in the slowest, yet most sensual way over the fabric of her clothes, down to the hem of her shirt and then the hot skin underneath it? How could she rush through this if all she wanted to do was touch and kiss and explore every inch of Beatrice’s body?
So she let herself fall deeper into the feeling of Beatrice's body all around her. Let Beatrice worship her, while she was simultaneously trying to keep her head over water, to not completely drown in the ocean that was her feeling for the woman that was making her sigh and moan and scream in pleasure. When she finally came, hot and hard and trembling, she hid her face into Beatrice’s neck, muffling her pleasure-filled moan by pressing her open mouth hard into her shoulder. She had to. She knew that not looking into Beatrice’s eyes was the only thing stopping her from freefalling.