Maximoff Anomalies

Charlie might have fallen asleep, but he woke up when Agatha screamed. "Bye-bye spell," Charlie whispered, a grin on his face. He wiped his face on his shoulder and the side of the tape that had peeled off stuck to his face again.

The sound of a door opening and shutting thudded, followed by loud cries of anger. Okay, Agatha probably has no idea he is here. Charlie began thumping his arm into the door, being as loud as possible. Eventually, footsteps came towards the door, and Charlie moved away as it opened, revealing Agatha, wearing nothing but a robe and holding a wooden spoon in her hand.

Agatha relaxed. "So that arrest was maybe more of a kidnapping," she shrugged before her face turned stony. "But if you're real and not a figment of my imprisoned mind, then that means-"

The front door exploded inward, and Agatha was thrown back by the force, hitting the wall. A woman waltzed in, before fighting Agatha. 

Mystery woman floated over to Agatha, launching towards her where Charlie couldn't see them.

He didn't need to be able to see to know the amount of sexual tension between those two. Like seriously, the flirting between the women was disgusting. From the tone, the two were jilted exes or something. He got that from the first two sentences alone ("I missed you" "I hate you"). 

"How long has it been, Agatha?" Mystery woman drawled.

"Not sure," Agatha grunted. So clearly she wasn't winning.

"Since you acquired the Darkhold, you hid behind all that dark power. But then you lost it. And now," there was the sound of flesh cutting, and Charlie winced. "-touch. You're vulnerable."

Agatha chuckled. "Only physically."

There was the sound of something slamming into the wall, before choking sounds, and Agatha appeared, being thrown into cabinets. She was bleeding from her chest. A blade launched towards her head, and Agatha raised a metal tray as a shield, bouncing the blade off and making it land in between them. Both witches lunged for the blade, the mystery woman grabbing it by the hilt, while Agatha clutched the blade end.

"Do you remember pain?" the mystery woman smirked. "kinda tickles, doesn't it?"

Agatha let go and used her other hand to smack the mystery woman to the ground. "Coochie coochie coo," she retorted.

The mystery women tried to slash Agatha with the blade repeatedly before Agatha tackled her to the ground, holding the other witch with one hand on her throat, the other hand keeping the hand with the blade pinned. 

"You can't kill me," the mystery woman chuckled.

"You can't kill me," Agatha replied. "it's not allowed."

The mystery woman shoved Agatha back, and levitated to a standing position. She threw her hands out and Agatha flew back into a cabinet. "Maybe I can't kill you, but I can make you wish you were dead," the mystery woman said, picking up her blade.

"Wait wait wait," Agatha interrupted. "This isn't what you want. Me without power." Agatha laughed as she got to her feet. "This is undignified. Don't you want me at my best? Admit it. You prefer me-"

"Horizontal?" There was a definite pause before the ex added, "In a grave?"

"Formidable," Agatha finished.

"So take my power," the other witch shrugged.

"That's cute. But you know that would kill me. Just let me get my purple back and then come find me," Agatha suggested.

"I am not the only one that wants to see you dead," Agatha's ex scoffed. "wants to see you burn. Or hang. or drowned."

"There are no new options?" Agatha tutted. Charlie saw her point, although his generation was more focused on coming up with insults, slurs, and joking about death than ways to kill people.

Okay, so this was bad. Really bad. But on the bright side, this might sway Agatha. Agatha needed power, and the Witches Road is a quick way for her to get that and survive. Okay. Charlie can work with this.

"I could just sit back and watch," Agatha's ex contemplated

"Come on, you love it. The anticipation," Agatha whispered, moving closer.

"Okay Agatha," the mystery woman put her blade away. "But I'll be sure to tell them where to find you."

"Who, specifically?" Agatha asked.

"Mmm. The worst of them. The Salem Seven." Charlie predicted that was bad from the way Agatha froze. "I expect you'll see them at sundown. After all these centuries, Agatha Harkness will finally meet her end. Ugh, it really warms the heart."

"You don't have a heart," Agatha spat.

The mystery witch stepped closer to Agatha. "Yes, I do. It's black, and it beats for you." The witch licked Agatha's hand. She moved to the door, saying something in Spanish before leaving. Okay, there is no way they aren't exes!

Agatha watched the door, sighing in relief. She turned around to look at Charlie. "Oh right. You."

Agatha seemingly didn't care about Charlie's presence, walking off and grumbling to herself. Charlie tried to get to his feet, jumping forward. She took a long chug from one of the mugs, before hobbling off complaining about shoes. Charlie jumped forward, trying to get her attention. He stuck the edge of his cheek to the doorframe to peel off the tape as much as he could.

"The house is yours, random boy. Be sure to tell the vengeance seekers I said Hi," Agatha called

"Take me to the Witches Road!" Charlie called, and Agatha stopped, turning back to him.

She walked over and yanked the rest of the tape off. "Come again?"

"The Witches Road. I want you to take me there," Charlie asked. "Please."

"The Road doesn't exist," Agatha told him

"You're lying," Charlie said immediately

"Am I?" Agatha raised an eyebrow

"That's just what real witches say to keep the amateurs out," Charlie said. "The Road will give you the thing you want the most if you make it to the end. And I can. I will."

Agatha eyed him, before throwing a pen to the ground, turning around, and walking back down the hall. "The Road is no place for a kid."

"I'm sixteen!" Charlie recoiled.

"Oh, sorry. Teen," Agatha corrected, and Charlie hopped after her. "I don't know where you heard about the road-"

"Books, the Ballad, legend, lore-"

"But it will kill you," Agatha said seriously.

"Didn't kill you," Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Well I'm exceptional," Agatha said as she put on a grey hat.

"That's my point." Plan B - flattery. "Okay, so, confession, I know an egregious amount about you. I've been obsessed since I first read up on your Salem days. One of my favorite 'you' eras." 

Agatha hummed. "That's a good one", but didn't look convinced. Plan C - his power. He'd hoped to avoid it, but it seemed that would be the only way for Agatha to take him seriously.

"That's why I came here last night. It's why I saved you from the spell you were under." Agatha's face lit up, and Charlie internally smirked. "No. It was my pleasure."

"Well, if you've got the goods to break a spell cast by the Scarlet Witch, why do you need the Road?" Agatha moved to the armchair, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch.

"I mean, I've studied, don't get me wrong, but that can only take you so far. I want to blast, to shield, to levitate," Charlie said. Lies. That's what she wanted. Power is why most people would seek the road. Easy enough for him, especially since his generation has been called lazy many times.

"So you want a shortcut?" Agatha figured

"The Road promises that what's missing awaits you at its end. Power is what I'm missing." Lies. "Sounds like its what you're missing too."

A grin covered Agatha's face before she got up and started to walk away. "Nope. Too risky. No time."

Plan D - her desperation. Charlie jumped up turned to her.

"If you wanna run, fine. But these people who are coming tonight sound serious. You really think you can outrun them with no magic at all?" he called.

Agatha leaned down to pick something up, and was silent for a moment. She turned to him. "Who are you?" she asked.

"My name is Charlie Spring," Charlie told her.

Agatha frowned, walking over to him while tucking something in her top. "Say again."

Charlie sighed. She was really going to make him say it to take him seriously? Fine. Plan Z. "I'm Billy Maximoff."

Surprisingly, Agatha had no major reaction like he was expecting. "Interesting," she muttered.

"What?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"I'm driving," Agatha said, walking into the living room.

"What? Really? Yes!" Charlie grinned, frowning when Agatha made no move to come out.

"All right. Let's hit the Road."

What was she doing? Agatha sat down on a chair, before getting up and grabbing a pair of scissors. "Just what I was looking for. You're driving," she dropped them on the floorboards in front of Charlie before walking out what used to be the front door.

Charlie hurried to cut the tape, grabbing his phone from the closet floor and hurrying after her. 

Agatha had no care to wait, and Charlie jogged after her to keep up. "What do you know about covens?" Agatha asked.

"Just that they're drawn together by mysterious forces of fate, and that they're the truest form of sisterhood and... oh my god. Are you taking me to meet your coven?" Charlie's jaw dropped.

"No, those harpies are dust. But we do need a coven to access the road," Agatha told him. 

"Right, of course that makes sense. It is the Witches', plural possessive, Road," Charlie rambled. Agatha stopped, and Charlie followed her line of sight.

The foundations that his house was built from were graffitied with messages like 'evil witch', 'stay away', and a symbol of the crown that his mother had worn crossed out. How could they do this? It wasn't her fault. She didn't mean to do it. Charlie closed his eyes, not wanting to look at what had become of his home. 

Agatha turned to look at him, and Charlie lifted a mask over his true feelings. He pointed to his car that he had NOT stolen. Technically, it was Wanda's property and therefore his. So there. It was easy enough to break into, and it wasn't technically stealing when he is her son. "I'm over here," he said.

"Oh, are you?" Agatha asked sarcastically, and they wandered over to his car.

The car drive was an awkward silence for the whole drive out of Westview. Charlie glanced over at Agatha, who was staring absently out the window. "Am I even going in the right direction-"

"Be cool, man," Agatha said.

Charlie's phone began to ring from where it was perched by the gear stick, with Nick's photo popping up. Charlie winced, sending him to voicemail. He'd get an earful about that later.

"Sorry," Charlie told Agatha. "He worries."

"Aw," Agatha said sarcastically. Sarcasm is better than homophobia, at least.

"So where do we just find a coven?" Charlie asked, moving the conversation away from Nick.

"Wherever you are, a coven there shall be," Agatha recited.

"That's beautiful," Charlie said.

"No, it is definitely not. But it is the Covenstead Rule. Within any three-mile radius, there will be a collection of witchy enough people to form a coven," Agatha told him.

"Can you actually jot that down for me? There's a pen in the glove compartment," Charlie asked, pulling out his black notebook.

"Oh. Okay. Of course," Agatha said quietly, pulling the pen out. "Will this be.."

"Perfect," Charlie nodded, and Agatha flicked the pen out the window. "Okay."

"Did you want me to take-" Agatha reached for his notebook, but Charlie tucked it back into his pocket.

"No, it's fine, I'll remember it," he sighed. "So, with a Covenstead, it's unlikely we'll find witches as... high-profile as you."

"Yeah, there's no such thing, Teen," Agatha told him, and Charlie frowned. Okay, that's weird. She knows his name, what's with the 'teen' nickname. "You know, but all we need is a bit of talent. Even the most down-and-out witches, when in close proximity with each other, bring out a magical spark.

"Ah. Stop," Agatha said suddenly. She pointed to a voodoo psychic fortune place. "Here. Now."

"You think there's a real witch in there?" he frowned.

"We'll see if she knows the secret handshake," Agatha said, sighing when Charlie looked at her. "No."

"I feel really optimistic about this," Charlie said as they headed inside. Liar. But Agatha knew best, or whatever.

The shop was filled with all the 'magical' things Charlie would expect to see in a place like this. "Welcome to the curious," a lady said, exiting the back room.

"Good day madam," Agatha lathered on a thick Southern accent, and Charlie had to fight a smile. "Oh, thank you so much for seein' us. We are hopin' for a miracle today. This is my boy, Beauford," she gestured to Charlie, before covering his mouth. "Oh, he doesn't talk much. He's got social anxiety. His daddy recently passed, and we miss him somethin' awful, and we would surely love to commune with him today. But to be quite frank with you, what is top of mind is the location of some gold bars he may or may not have buried in our backyard."

 The woman gestured to two chairs in front of a table with a crystal ball. "Please."

"Thank you, you're a doll!" Agatha grinned.

The woman sat on the other side. "How will you be paying?" she asked.

"Oh, he's got it," Agatha tapped Charlie on the arm.

"Debit works," the woman slid over a machine for Charlie to pay with. Is Agatha serious? Charlie sighed, pulling out his card.

"He always takes care of Mama," Agatha said. "Hurry up though." Charlie shot her a look as he tapped the payment through.

"Your husband was a proud man," the woman said, staring into the crystal ball.

"Oh, indeed he was," Agatha nodded.

"Did he golf?" the woman asked.

Agatha let out a dramatic gasp. "He died on the eighteenth hole!" she said, turning to look at Charlie. "Oh she's good. Now, the location of those gold bars?"

The woman ran her hands over the crystal ball, making weird vocal noises. Charlie held back a laugh. "Brother," Agatha whispered.

"You'll find the gold bars in an old bowling bag at the back of his closet," the woman said.

"Yes! That's it," Agatha sighed, getting up. "Thank you. Thank the lady, would you please, Beauford."

"There's something else," the woman said, and Agatha turned to look at her. 

"What is it?" Charlie asked. This was serious entertainment. What voodoo would this lady come up now?

"You've been under the influence of another. Someone you hurt. They took your agency. For seven months." Agatha's smile faded. "It's not the first time your witch kin betrayed you. But you survive. In a way few do. In fact, that's why you're here." The woman stood up, and Agatha grinned. "And I am not interested."

"Wait what?" Charlie gaped.

"Thank you for your purchase. Your bank statement will say Lilia's Leggings, but that's just my side hustle," the woman walked out the back.

Agatha smiled, following after her, with Charlie following right behind. "Lilia," she called. "Oh, you haven't even heard the pitch."

"I don't need to," Lilia chuckled, before turning around with her eyebrow raised. "What witch in her right mind would join Agatha Harkness' coven?"

"Not looking for right-minded witches, as it happens," Agatha snarked back. Lilia turned around and started screaming, clutching her head, before turning back around. "Looks like we came to the right place," Agatha said.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked. Lilia tossed a hand, walking towards the sink.

"So you're a bit of a kook. Every witch has their process," Agatha sat down at the table. "You showed some real skill out there."

"I didn't read your fortune. I read your reputation. Witches like you are the reason people think we poison apples and steal children, and eat babies," Lilia said, turning back to the sink

"Babies are delicious," Agatha said, and Charlie recoiled. Is she serious? "How old are you? 410? 415?"

"How dare you!" Lilia exclaimed.

"Oh I apologize. You don't look a day under 450," Agatha tossed a hand.

"Years old?" Charlie's eyes widened.

"You get, what, maybe two suckers a day I here, and twenty bucks later, you're sitting on a bed that's also your wall," Agatha pointed at the raised bed attached to the wall. "Don't you miss the glory days?"

"when I was chased out of every village I passed through for accurately predicting trajedy? No, I do not. Beat it, Harkness," Lilia ordered as she crossed the kitchen.

"I'm going to walk the Road," Agatha said, and Lilia froze.

"The Road is a death wish," she said.

"I survived," Agatha shrugged.

"Yeah? Where's your power now?" Lilia asked.

"Time to restock," Agatha said. "I need a Divination witch."

"Are you honestly asking me to coven up with the single most infamous witch on this continent?" Lilia walked over

"Oh please. Name a badder bitch in South America, or Australia," Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Who is this child?" Lilia asked, turning to look at Agatha.

"I'm-"

"My pet," Agatha interrupted. "Say hi, pet."

Charlie folded his arms. He was not saying that in this day and age. The last thing he wanted was furry allegations. 

Agatha smacked his leg, but Charlie remained silent. Lilia sighed. "You expect me to risk my life on the Witches' Road, and if we're successful-"

"When," Agatha said.

"If we're successful, watch you turn around and steal my power?" Lilia said.

Agatha got up, glancing behind her at Charlie, who raised an eyebrow and turned to stare at the wall. She walked over to Lilia, clearing her throat and lowering her voice. "So, little-known. No don't worry about it, it's fine. It's just us. Little known fact about my ability. I can't steal your magic unless you blast me with it." Lilia recoiled, glancing at Agatha with shock on her face. "So if you show a little self-restraint, which, let's be honest, you're going to need to, all that power is yours to keep."

Lilia seemed to be debating it. Agatha pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. "I found this on your door. The path you're currently on leads nowhere. Join me and return to your former clairvoyant glory."

Lilia took the sheet of paper. "If you two stay any longer, I'm going to have to start charging you again," she said sweetly. 

She turned around and froze. The kettle started whistling, and electricity crackled throughout the room. "What is happening?" Charlie asked

"Witchcraft," Agatha whispered.

Lilia turned around from where she was writing on the sheet Agatha had given her. The power flicked out, and Lilia snapped back to life. "Three of Pentacles," she whispered, handing the list to Agatha. "There. A list of four names. Looks like you've got your coven. Leave me out of it."

"You're on here," Agatha grinned.

Charlie chuckled as Lilia spun around. "What?" she demanded.

"Can't say no to you," he laughed, pulling a card from his pocket. "Agatha's address," he popped it on the table.

"Be there at five. Plenty of street parking," Agatha told her, and they left the room.

"That was amazing, and we got a team roster out of the deal too. So, who's next?" Charlie asked. Agatha turned and stared at a crow on top of the gas sign. "Agatha?"

"What?" Agatha asked, snapping out of her daze.

"Who's next on the list?" Charlie asked.

Agatha looked at the list, groaning immediately. "Ugh."