Kintsugi

“You okay?” Harry asked Alex, who was knocking his head against the wall.

“Yes, yup, yeah, absolutely peachy!” Alex groaned before picking his books up.

“Its just my dad. Whats the big deal?” Harry replied.

“I dunno. I just hate these meetings.” Alex sighed. “I don’t want to talk about my future. I’ll let future me talk about that.”

“Come on. You’ll do fine. You’re Alexander the Great.” Harry said, trying to cheer Alex up.

“Fine!’ Alex whined, “Are we still going to grab lunch after this is over?”

“No,” Harry shook his head. “I ate with Papa. Sorry.”

“No problem.” Alex replied, “I’ll see you later then? Me and Hermione still need to beat you and Ron at chess, again!”

Harry laughed, “Ha! In your dreams!”

“THAT WAS ONE TIME!” They heard Ron yell from a distance. They both chuckled. Alex got up, “Bye. See you later.”

…

“Ah! I thought I heard my favourite nephew!” Regulus said.

Alex rolled his eyes. “I am your only nephew.”

“Not true. Dudley exists.” Regulus pointed out.

“Touche.” Alex settled down in his seat, “So, let’s get this over with.”

“What? Are you not excited to spend the next half hour with your uncle?” Regulus joked.

“No, it’s not that,” Alex explained, “It’s just that. I hate talking about my future. Why are we even having this meeting anyways, my OWL year is next year.”

“Well that is precisely why.” Regulus replied, “While it is important that you try to do good in all of your classes next year, it’s good to know what you need to really put your best effort towards so that you can achieve everything you want in life.”

“Ugh.” Alex groaned, “I just hate this!”

“Why?” Regulus pried.

“Well because-” Alex started before he felt more defeated rather than angry, “Because, I can’t see a future for myself.” Alex paused for a moment, knowing that his uncle would want him to elaborate and did just that. “Well, it's not that I don’t see a future for myself but I see too many. There are so many possibilities and I feel like- that I could be great at so many things. And- and people have told me that I would be good at this and that and I just want to please you all so when we- so in these meetings where we take a step back and look at what I want. I just don’t know. My whole purpose is to make people happy and every time I do something for myself it feels like I’m letting people down.”

Regulus sighed, “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I can understand that it’s tough. How about this? You make a list of the things that you feel that you’re good at and I can help you narrow the list down or give you new possibilities so that you can enjoy all of your passions? Sounds good?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, “Sounds good.”

…
“How was your meeting?” Dean asked.

“Not good. But we’re going to work it out.” Alex replied, grabbing some chicken and putting it on his plate.

“Hey Hermione? Are we still going to study for finals together?” Dean asked, changing the topic.

“Yes! Absolutely! Finally, someone who is actually interested in passing!” Hermione exclaimed.

“Hey!” Harry jokingly shoved Hermione, “We are interested. We also have other hobbies.”

“Come on guys, let's just finish eating so we can get a decent spot at the library.” Hermione cried. The group finished eating and walked towards the library. Once they had settled in their seats Alex leaned over and asked, “Are you okay? You seemed stressed?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” Hermione pulled out her book. “It’s just exams.”

“Okay,” Alex replied, not really convinced. “You can talk to me, you know.”

Hermione nodded and turned to the rest of the group, “Let's tackle History of Magic first since its our first exam.”

The rest of the group nodded in agreement and listened to Hermione when she explained things and shared notes with each other. They were all silently going over their notes when Remus walked in the room, “How's the studying going?”

No one seemed to hear him so he tried again this time tapping Alex on the shoulder. Alex jumped, “Bloody hell! What was that for?!” He turned around and saw his dad, “Oh, hi Dad. What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”

“Can we take a walk?” Remus asked. Alex looked at him funny and replied, “But, I’m studying.”

“Please,” Remus pleaded, “This is important.” Hermione looked up and turned to Alex, “Go. When you come back we’ll either be here or in Gryffindor tower.”

Alex nodded and got up. They walked in silence until they got to Remus’ office when he opened the door Alex looked in and groaned, “Uncle Reg! Come on! This is literally nothing!”

“Sit down Alex, let your uncle explain.” Remus said, leading him to the couch that was sitting across from the armchair that Regulus was sitting in.

“Look,” Regulus started, “All I told your dad was that you were reverting back to some habits that you said yourself you hated doing.”

Alex threw his head back and groaned, “Ugh, so because I can’t pick a job I’ve gotta do therapy.” He sighed and said to himself, “Fucking therapist dad making me talk about my fucking feelings.” Remus eyed him and rolled his eyes and Regulus got up to leave. “So,” Remus cleared his throat, “What was that?”

Alex shot up, “Nothing!”

Remus smiled, “It’s okay. You were with your friends and I took you away, it sucks.”

“Great so you’ll let me leave,” Alex said, getting up.

“Alexander, sit back down.” Remus stated, “You should know me better than that.”

Alex groaned and rolled his eyes, “Fine!”

“Thank you.” Remus replied, impeccably calm, “So first off, I know that you are a big people pleaser but we’ve worked on that. You said you were doing better. So either something happened or you lied to me when we moved therapy from being weekly to monthly.”

“I dunno.” Alex replied, avoiding eye contact.

“You dunno what?” Remus asked.

“I dunno. You were like therapist run around, not just asking the questions straight up. Just ask the question.”

“Okay. Did you lie to me when you said that you were getting better and we moved you from weekly to monthly?” Reus asked.

“No,” Alex gave in and finally gave his dad the truth, “I’ve-I’ve just felt like a burden since I came out. Like I was disappointing someone. Mostly you and Pop. I was so worried about disappointing you guys.”

“Alexander, you could never disappoint us.” Remus assured him, “You could even restart the death eaters and begin the 2nd wizarding war and me and Pop would stand by your side.”

Alex smiled knowing how much his dad cared since he never talked about the war. “Thank you Dad. I love you so much.” He threw himself at his father, launching him into a hug.

Remus smiled and squeezed his son, “I love you too.”

“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Alex asked.

“No, love.’ Remus replied, “You can go back to your friends now.”
…

Alex walked back into Gryffindor tower and found Neville and Ginny sitting by the fire. He sat down with them and said, “Hey. How was studying?”

“Fine, You know. Everything just sucked till we got to herbology” Neville replied.

“Oh come on!” Alex threw his hands in the air, “Transfiguration and Defense is pretty fun.”

“Narc.” Ginny shot back.

Alex rolled his eyes, “You two suck.” They continued to talk about school until Alex saw a stressed Hermione walk into the common room. He quickly excused himself from the conversation and walked up to her, “Hey. Take a breath. What's wrong?”

Hermione who ignored all of what Alex said, “My notes! My Potions notes! Where did they go?” Hermione started pulling at her hair. Alex immediately jumped in and pulled her hands away and held them. He began to lead her back to their dorm, “Let's look for them together.” He started picking up the textbooks and notes everywhere in the room. Hermione tried to help but Alex sat her down on her bed, “I can find them for you love. Just take a second.”

After a minute or two of searching he pulled up a sheet of paper, “Here they are!” He sat down on the bed. Hermione was about to take them before Alex pulled his hand away, “Nope. I want to talk to you and if I give you these you’ll get back to studying.”

“But I need to! I have to!” Hermione interjected.

“Hermione, you are the smartest person in our year. Surely you can still pass with taking a few minute break.” Alex stated, he then softened his tone and asked, “But what's wrong? I know you and I know that you get stressed over school but this year seems worse. You haven’t eaten all day and you’ve literally been walking to class with a textbook in hand.”

“I got an A on our potions mock.” Hermione replied, looking ashamed.

“Oh Hermione.” Alex pulled her into a hug. For most people, he would say that it’s okay and it is still a passing grade but he knew that that’s not what Hermione wanted to hear.

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I try so hard for real exams and such for others but things that don’t count I- I” Hermione's breathing hitched and the two took a moment and used some grounding exercises before Hermione finished, “I try to do impeccable for myself. It makes me feel like I'm doing this for myself and getting that grade made me feel like I gave up on myself.”

“My beautiful little people pleaser.” Alex breathed before he pulled her into a hug. He was waiting for Hermione to say something because he had a feeling Hermione had more to say, “All I want to do is live up to the image people have of me in their heads. Ever since first year I have been labelled as the smart girl, the brightest witch of our age, that one really really smart muggleborn. I don’t want to let everyone down. I want to make people proud of me.”

Alex was heartbroken, “Hermione?”

She hummed in response, Alex looked her in the eye, “I am very proud of you. Always. Do you know that?”

Hermione didn’t answer, she looked down, breaking eye contact. Alex continued, “I will always be proud of you. I will always want you around. I will be proud of you if you decide to give up on life and live life as a couch potato. I will be proud of you if you go on to do something amazing if that's what you want. I will be proud of you if you want to run away and hide in a forest and live in our own little equilibrium.”

“That sounds nice,”

Alex smiled and kissed the top of her head, “I will even love you if you were a troll. I would love you no matter what you do in your life because I love you.”

It was at that that Hermione looked up, her eyes shone with tears, “You love me?”

Alex smiled and pushed a bit of her hair aside, “Yes Hermione. I love you. Not your accomplishments, just you.”

Hermione let out a watery chuckle, “I love you too Alexander.”

Alex stood up, “We should go down to eat dinner.” He stuck out his hand to help Hermione up, “Shall we?”

…

The great hall was loud and lively as students filed in. Remus waited for a while sitting down at the head table watching the students. Once he had deemed that a majority of students had gotten to the great hall he stood up and walked to the podium where Minerva usually says a few words before dinner. Today they decided he would do it.

“Good evening,” Remus started, “I won’t be long but I would like to say a few words before we begin. I understand that it is currently exam season. I also understand that for many of you it’s your first exam season, your OWL exam season or your NEWTS. I believe your teachers have in fact expressed how important these are and while they are, they do not define you. Your grades while, are important, are not the end all be all. It is understandable that some students may be stressed out due to them, I know I was. But know that your health is more important that your grades, you come first. Alright, before we eat I would like to finish off by saying, your future is spotless. You all are capable of great things so be kind with yourself.”

When Remus sat back down, food appeared on the table. While people began to eat, Alex grabbed Hermione's hand. Alexander didn’t even need to say anything before Hermione nodded, Remus’ words sinking in.