Kintsugi

Sirius gleamed with pride when 4th year gryffindors and ravenclaws walked into his classroom. Anyone who knew Sirius in his Hogwarts years always found the sight funny; the loud, rambunctious, prank puller marauder now settled down teaching transfiguration at the old school. Merlin, even Sirius himself thought it was funny as well, but goodness how he loved his life. He is married to the love of his life and they have a beautiful daughter. Just as he was reminiscing he spotted a gaggle of gryffindors walk through the door. He smiled as he saw his darling daughter and her friends walk by and sit down. His and Remus’s daughter Ivy’s friend group consisted of Harry Potter, Regulus, Lily and James’s son, Hermione Granger, a muggleborn witch who was the Lily Evans of their generation, Ron Weasley, the youngest boy of the family, Neville Longbottom who was a long time family friend since the kids were young and Draco Malfoy, son of Sirius’s cousin Narcissa. Draco wasn’t there at the moment though, the slytherins and hufflepuffs had charms at the moment.

After about five minutes Sirius started the class to allow stragglers running late to not miss anything. “Alright class, today we are going to have a lecture for half the class-”

Sirius was interrupted by a chorus of groans ``Hey, you didn't let me finish. I’m going to lecture for half the class on vanishing objects and then you guys can get into pairs or small groups to practise vanishing your quills.” Everyone seemed to enjoy the subject for today, some already preparing to take notes.

“And if you guys can make it through half an hour of lecturing maybe I let everyone off a little early” Sirius added with a sly grin. Now the class had erupted into cheers.

Sirius smiled “Alright, alright settle down. Now let's first talk about wand movement.”

…

Ivy had a lot to think about, which is why her notes page was shrouded with little doodles and her name at the top rather than actual notes. While Ivy did truly like transfiguration she was too busy with the loads of thoughts swarming in her brain to bother to pay attention. Eventually she gave in letting the thoughts consume her, Hermione will help her and besides how hard can this actually be.

This school year had been a lot for Ivy even though they were barely even at Halloween yet. So far this school year Ivy had figured out that she might be trans, no he was most definitely trans. After that Ivy realised something, he hated his name. He hated it so much he wished he could lock himself in his dorm and hide under his covers so that he would never have to hear the name again.

He is also dating Hermione. He’s had a tiny crush on her ever since they had met after being sorted into gryffindor together. Well, tiny isn't the right way to describe it more like giant, I fell head over heels for you since the moment I met you is more likely a proper way to describe it, though he would rather die than admit that to anyone other than Hermione. They started dating at the start of term when they decided to play a game of truth or dare with veritaserum and Hermione confessed. They’ve been blissfully dating since.

Ivy trusted Hermione with his life which is why she was the first person he came out to. Currently only her and Harry are the only people Ivy is out to. He knows he could tell his parents but that made it seem so real and he wasn’t ready for that. Just the thought of it was so frightening it sent him down a spiral that was only stopped because Harry kicked him under the table, he then looked up and saw his dad staring at him.

…

Sirius eyed his daughter quizzically. He had noticed that she looked sort of upset and distant. She also hasn’t been visiting Remus and him since the start of the term and has been avoiding them. They had been blaming it on her just being a teenager but lately Ivy looked more and more upset.

Suddenly an awfully scary thought crossed his mind, did she relapse? Ivy had hurt herself when she was in her first year and relapsed after the incident last year. He pushed the thought away and the rest of his lecture was spent shooting quick glances at Ivy trying to check if she had any concealment charms on her. Sirius also began to formulate a plan in his head (he's not a marauder for nothing) and finished his lecture.

After he had finished his lecture he watched as the children dispersed themselves. He noticed that Ivy and Hermione had broken off the group and became a partnership; in fact he noticed that they were much closer this year. He wondered if they were a thing but then he remembered he had more important things to do rather than wonder about his daughter's love life. He sat down at his desk (rather than on top of it where he typically was) and wrote a letter to Remus telling him to come to his classroom either before or at the end of this class and relayed his concerns of Ivy relapsing and sent it off to his husband. Next, Sirius got up and walked around the room and watched over and helped a couple of people before he walked over to Ivy and Hermione so as to not seem weird.

“Hi ladies, how are we doing over here?” Sirius said, his tone absolutely neutral despite the growing pit of fear in his stomach.

Ivy winced at the wording and shifted uncomfortably, Hermione picked up on that and quickly answered their professor “We are doing pretty good, Professor except I think I need some help with my wand movement.” Sirius stepped closer to help her with her want movement and as Ivy was watching them she had an epiphany.

“Alexander '' he thought. “That’s what I want to be called.” As soon as he thought of it, he fell in love. It was weird but Alexander felt so… so him. He was brought back to reality when Hermione had nudged him and asked,

“Are you okay?” Alexander smiled and nodded only saying,

“We gotta go talk to Harry, like right now!” Alexander scanned the room for his cousin and he found him and dragged Hermione across the room with him. He appeared behind Harry and tapped him on his shoulder, Harry jumped.

“Shit, dude don’t do that; you scared me. What's up?” Alexander titled his head and started walking in that direction with Hermione right on his toes. Harry turned to Ron and Neville.

“One sec guys, I’ll be right back” He joined the two both him and Hermione waiting for Alexander to say something.

“Alexander,” he started “I want to go by Alexander now” Hermione immediately hugged him and squealed “I'm so happy for you Alexander!”

“Alexanders a great name dude.” Harry smiled and went to hug his cousin. He then turned around and went back to Ron and Neville. Alexander and Hermione were starting to go back to their spot when Sirius cleared his throat and then announced

“Alright you guys can start cleaning up and then when your spot is clean you may leave. Just don’t let Professor Mcgonagall catch you.” he laughed and added “And Ms. Black-Lupin can you please stay after class?”

Alexander and Hermione looked at each other with confused looks and continued to clean up their area. After they are done Hermione hugged Alexander as she grabs her things she then whispers into his ear,

“I’ll be waiting in our room.” She then smirks and walks out the door. Alexander thinks that means that they were gonna make out. Merlin, he hoped it meant they were gonna make out.

…

Alexander leaned against the desk and when he saw the last couple of people leave he became incredibly interested in the floor. Sirius walked over to him grabbed a chair and sat down in front of him

“Hey kiddo,”

“Hi professor, what did you want to talk to me about?” Alexander replied, still intently staring at the floor.

Sirius let out a breath, he really would much rather do this with Remus but it was well after class and wanted to figure out what was wrong with his daughter. “Ivy, are you hurting yourself again?”

Alexander immediately looked up part because of the use of his deadname and part because he was so angry that his dad would think that.

“If you are I’m not mad, I just wanna make sure that you are safe because you’re my daughter and I care about you and your wellbeing and I love you so much and both me and Moony would be so upset if anything happened to you” Sirius rambled. Alexander was so mad he didn’t know what to think.

“Pop, I’m fine.”

“You’re using a cop out word.”

Alexander scoffed “I’m. Fine.

“You haven’t answered the question.” Sirius stood up starting to get upset.

Alexander getting more and more pissed at the situation “So?”

It was after that when Remus slipped in, watching the interaction.

Sirius, getting ever so frustrated at his daughter whom he was only trying to protect, raised his voice “Ivy Regulus Black -Lupin, answer my question!”

He then turned and kicked a table. It was at this point that Sirius decided he needed to take a second to cool off and also when he noticed Remus. He walked towards him and hugged him,

“I don’t know what to do, Remy. She won't tell me.” Sirius whispered, defeated. Remus rubbed his back and replied,

“Just take a minute to yourself, I’ll talk to her.” Sirius nodded and Remus walked over to their daughter who again became very interested in the Doc Martens on her feet.

“Ivy, we are not trying to force you to tell us anything but if you hurt yourself you need to tell us because you’ve become incredibly distant and it's worrying us.” Remus said ever so gently as to not anger the already seething teen.

“I haven’t hurt myself dad.”

“Then what's wrong?” Remus questioned

“You wouldn’t get it.” Alexander deadpanned not realising he had said too much.

“You know we care and love you Ivy, so come on what is it” Remus asked again wondering what his kid meant by that.

Alexander was finally at his breaking point “MERLIN, YOU JUST WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND OKAY!”
He screamed. “YOU’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD AND YOU NEVER WILL! GOT IT? YOU. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. MY. PROBLEMS.” Now Alexander was standing up making eye contact with Remus for the first time and his eyes started to well up with tears that he tried so hard to keep down.

Remus took a step closer to his shaking daughter “Ivy, kiddo what's going on?” He attempted to console her but ended up aggravating her more.

“I hate that wretched name!” He said between sobs and promptly started running, not bothering to acknowledge the screams from his dads trying to call him back. He just kept running not knowing what to do.

…

Alexander was running, and running, and running he didn’t even know where he was going or where he should go. He didn’t want to go back to Gryffindor tower and he didn’t want to go home either. He had a fleeting thought to hide in a bathroom and hurt himself but he didn’t want to prove his fathers right especially since they were so incorrect. He stood in the middle of the hall he was in and tried to figure out where he should go, then it hit him and he continued running so that his dad wouldn't be able to keep up with him. He continued running until he got the a door and he stood there panting for a minute and working up the courage to knock, finally he did and the door was answered by James,

“Hey kid, what's up?”

“Where's Uncle Reggie? I need him.”

James was shocked. Ivy only uses that name if she’s upset and something is going on. “He's still in his office.” Alexander started to walk away

“Wait!” James called out, “Use the floo.” Alexander walked in and got into the fireplace.

“Thanks Uncle James.”

“Anytime.”

…

After screaming for their daughter, both boys were left dumbstruck by the events that just occurred. Sirius was sitting on a desk looking down at his feet while Remus was pacing both absorbed in their thoughts. Sirius eventually broke the silence realising what they should be doing rather than sitting around,

“Shit! Moony, we should check the map to make sure she's safe!”

“Yeah we should, good thinking Siri.” Remus affirmed somehow knowing that Sirius needed to hear that. He stood up to get the map and after he unlocked it he started scanning the halls for Ivy. A still distraught Sirius came to join him and after not seeing her in any bathrooms nearby, at home or in Gryffindor tower he cried,

“Moony, where is she?”

“Don’t worry love,” Remus started he was then interrupted by his findings “See, look there she is. She’s with James.” He closed the map and set it down so he could hug his husband.

“She’s going to be alright, my love. We’ll go down there in a couple of minutes to get her.”

Sirius pulled away “No, we need to go! We need to go now! We gotta fix this, I gotta fix this!”, his breathing became more erratic. Remus walked over to him, held him from behind, then he softly started talking,

“You’re okay, Pads. You’re safe. Ivy and I are safe. Reggie is safe. Breathe with me.” Remus then took a deep breath and Sirius tried to do the same. They did this a couple times until Sirius’s breathing went back to normal. Remus then turned the hold into a hug and Sirius broke down,

“I don’t know what I did Moony! I just care about her so much and I just want what's best for her and I just want to be a good dad because I love her so much, hell I don’t think I love anyone else as much as I love Ivy. She’s our pride and joy and she… I don’t know Moony, she's just seemed so sad since the start of term and I didn’t want to upset her but I just wanna keep her safe.” Sirius groans

“I should have gone about it better!” Sirius was kicking himself (literally, he was digging his heel into his shin), Remus had to step on his feet to get him to stop.

“Hey, hey you did great, okay. You did everything just right.” Remus affirmed. “I think there's something else going on. She's never reacted like that before, we’ve asked her that question before.” Remus continued, thinking aloud.

“Can we go now? I want to make sure she's okay” Sirius asks.

“Yeah,” Remus planted a kiss on top of Sirius’s head “Let's go.”

…

Regulus was sitting in his office looking at the stack of paperwork he had left. He had been attending meetings all day and had just finished a particularly boring administration meeting so he was just getting to answering letters at the end of the school day. His plan was to stay an extra half hour before going home for dinner. Regulus got to replying to letters and was on the second one when he saw someone come through the floo. He got up to see who it was and was greeted by none other than his niece.

“Ivy?! What happened? Why are you here? Not that it's a bad thing of course, I adore having your company-” He was cut off by sobs. He ran to Alexander and held him in a hug and asked again “What happened?” He was answered by more muffled sobs. Regulus held the sobbing child tighter and whispered affirmations into his ear trying to calm him down.

Eventually Alexander calmed down and said to his uncle “I have something to tell you, it’s really important and I didn't know who to tell and I haven’t even told my dads so you absolutely can not tell them.”

Regulus looked quite concerned “Goodness did you murder someone. Whoever the git was probably had it coming though.”

“No, I didn’t kill anyone. At least not yet.” Alexander smiled

“I don’t know how you aren’t in Slytherin.” Regulus laughed, “Please continue.”

“So, uh, this is kind of hard to say.” Alexander paused for a while “I'm trans, I go by he/him pronouns and I want to be called Alexander now.” he looked down, not wanting to see the reaction on his uncle's face.

Regulus looked at his nephew in front of him and smiled. He then wrapped him in the biggest and tightest hug imaginable “Oh, I’m so proud of you, Alexander. You beautiful, beautiful boy.” They both sat there for a while before Regulus said “How about we go back home? I can make us some tea or hot chocolate and we can talk? What do you think about that, my boy?”

“I would love that.” Alexander smiled.

…

Sirius was pounding on the door of James, Regulus and Lilys quarters and when James opened the door he was surprised to see a distraught Sirius and a panting Remus coming just behind him, “Hi Pads, hi Moony to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Where is Ivy?” Sirius asked not noticing his tone until Remus elbowed him.

“Ow!” He ran a nervous hand through his hair and looked at the floor “Sorry Prongs.”

James smiled “Don’t worry about it. She went to go see Reg, I dunno what for though. But Reg is in the kitchen if you wanna talk to him. Then as if it was a cue Regulus came to the door.

“Hey guys, Ivy is safe. She has shared some things with me that I will not share with you since I do not have her explicit permission to do so but don’t worry, I saw her state and I won’t let her go back to Gryffindor tower but she will be staying with me since she is kind of upset with you guys.”

Remus took Sirius’s hand “Okay, thank you Regulus could we arrange a meeting tomorrow where we can all talk about this together? The four of us together?”

Regulus smiled “Of course we can meet after breakfast in my office. I’ll get Ivy excused from the first bit of her first class and James can cover Sirius morning class.”

“Great, thank you. Good night guys, tell Lily goodnight from us!” Remus replied.

“Sure thing. Sirius?”

“Yes Reggie?”

“Tu es un père incroyable et Ivy est bien, get some sleep.” (You are an incredible dad and Ivy is okay)

Sirius hugged him “Merci, petit frère.” (Thank you little brother)

“De rien.” (Your welcome) Regulus waved them goodbye. Merlin how he loved his brother. He closed the door and got back to his hot chocolate and when he finished he saw Alexander playing with Cynthia. He set the cups down and picked Cynthia up and said “I think someones gotta go bring Mama home. Go with Dada surprise Mama, me and your cousin have to talk.” Cynthia laughed and James came into the room and took Cynthia into his arms,

“Come on, let's surprise Mama!”

Regulus smiled as he watched as they left the house and then turned his attention to Alexander, “Alexander, why did your dads come looking for you? And why was Sirius so upset? Does this have something to do with why you came to me sobbing?”

Alexander looked down. He recounted the events that happened prior to this moment and finished with “I know I was wrong, I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be apologising to.”

“I know,” Alexander started “I was just so upset at the situation, and confused. It's like I wanna come out to them but I don’t at the same time. It just seems so scary and so daunting.”

Regulus nodded “Yeah, I understand. I was afraid to come out to Sirius when I was younger. But eventually I did it and it felt really freeing. I can imagine that's how you might have felt telling me?”

Alexander nodded.

“If you don’t mind me asking, am I the only one who knows or are there others”

Alexander nodded again “Yeah, um not many. Just Harry and my girlfriend- shit I forgot! Wait, shit.” He covered his mouth and sat back in his seat dying of embarrassment.

Regulus chuckled “It's okay kiddo, I won't tell. So, who’s the lucky lady?

“Hermione.”

Regulus pumped his fists into the air before promptly sitting back down “Sorry, Minne, Sirius and I had a bet going on. You should go though, don’t take too long though also if you see Harry tell him to come home for dinner. Let him know we have guests.”

Alexander nodded and Regulus continued “Alexander, do you want me to tell Lily and James or would you prefer to tell them?”

“You can tell them, I think I’ve had enough coming out for one day. Thanks, by the way, Uncle Reggie.”

Regulus smiled “No problem my boy, don’t take too long shagging.”

“We don’t- we weren’t- I didn’t-” Alexander sputtered

Regulus laughed, “Just go.”