The First Avenger
Pandora
I’ve always loved visiting Earth. When I was younger, a couple of human decades ago, I would sneak off. My moms would give me hell when they found out. They said it was dangerous, that I could be captured, experimented on, or even worse, killed, if the humans found out I wasn’t one of them. I argued, showing them my spell that made me look like them, allowed me to blend in. I loved the look of it, my eyes looked blue instead of the teal color framed by black sclerae, and my animalistic features were hidden, but my pale skin remained. With the use of cosmetics, I was able to perfectly blend in. Humans saw me as one of them.
When I became an adult, I started visiting Earth more frequently, going under many fake names. By this time, it was the 19th century. Humans aged much faster than us Lirnisians, so many people I met had died. But I kept meeting new people. It was so interesting to see how things, especially technology and fashion, had advanced. The dresses which were once floor-length and multi-layered when I had first visited Earth were now simpler and fell only to the knees. I felt better, freer wearing these dresses. The technology was even more interesting. How they had gone from sounds being played out of boxes to displaying moving pictures was truly amazing.
Humans are such fascinating creatures…
I stepped into the nightclub, the heel of my simple black shoes clicking against the floor, not that anyone could hear given the loud music and chatter. Usually, I would ask someone… Someone I had met, whether it be in a cafe, a shop, walking down the streets of the city, one of the many I loved, named Brooklyn, I would usually ask one of them to come with me, but tonight I was alone. I had on a swing dress, black with a rounded neckline. The dress was dark in color, like I preferred, being one with the shadows. It made it easier to blend with them.
As I walked through the club, hoping to find another woman to talk to, get to know maybe, or hell, even a man to dance with, I wasn’t quite watching my footing, and wound up slipping on a puddle of someone’s spilled drink. I braced myself, preparing to feel my face smack against the polished wood floor, but I felt a strong hand wrap around my wrist.
“Careful there, doll…”
I looked up to see a man holding my wrist. He was handsome, a clean-shaven, striking face with blue eyes that I could tell the exact tone of through my night vision… His hair, too… The prettiest shade of chestnut brown. His smooth pink lips curved into a small smile as he pulled me to my feet.
“Sorry…” I muttered, looking down at my dress as I dusted myself off once he let go of my wrist.
He chuckled softly, “It’s alright honey, just… Watch where you step.”
“You alright?” A voice came from next to him, I glanced over to see a smaller, skinny boy with blond hair. His build was a stark contrast to the tall, broad-shouldered build of the man who had helped me up. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed him if he hadn’t spoke up to ensure I was okay,
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I nodded, resisting the urge to ask him if he was even old enough to be going to a club, “Thanks for asking.”
“No problem,” the smaller guy gave me a small smile before I turned my attention back to the taller man, the one who I just couldn’t take my eyes off of. With my human form, I was about a foot shorter than him. Normally, I would be around his height, but I had to blend in,
“And thank you, for… Catching me.”
He smirked at me again, “Nothing to it. Just the soldier in me, doll.”
Doll. I had been given many nicknames over the years, Pandi, Dora, and Panda by my moms… Charlie, when I had gone by the name Charlotte, I went by Eleanor for a few years, which was when I received the nicknames Ellie, Lea, and Nora. Amelia gave me the nicknames Mel and Amy… But never ‘doll’. It was sweet… Endearing, even. From a soldier… He was strong, caring… He did seem perfect to be a soldier.
“I’m James. James Barnes. My friends call me Bucky,” the man extended his hand to me before gesturing to his shorter friend with his other hand, “that’s Steve.”
Steve gave me an awkward smile as I stared at Bucky’s hand. How should I introduce myself? Should I use the name on my fake ID? The one my current friends knew me by? I had many names to choose from, but ultimately… I decided to tell him the truth,
“I’m Pandora,” I smiled as I reached out and shook his hand, hoping he wouldn’t notice how sharp my nails were. The name felt almost foreign on my pale lips I had covered with pink lipstick. It was the first time in decades I had told a human my real name…
“Pandora…” Bucky repeated the name, as if testing the sound of it before nodding, “That’s really pretty.”
He smiled warmly again, gently squeezing my hand.
“Thank you,” I smiled back and glanced down at his hand still holding mine. I loved the feel of it. His touch made me feel warm… Grounded… But I was afraid. Afraid to love, afraid of being abandoned… No Lirnisian had ever loved a human before… Where would this lead us?
He also knew my real name… I could never bring him around my friends. Olivia, Victoria, and Sarah, who had a boyfriend of her own. William. They were always so cute, holding each other's hands when not preoccupied by anything else, Sarah resting her head on William’s shoulder when they sat next to each other, which was always the case whenever we went out. They knew me as Emily, a name so vastly different from Pandora, I couldn’t pass it off as a nickname, or anything similar. But maybe…
“My sisters call me Emily, too.”
I did have sisters… Once. They were light, like my parents. When I completed my coming-of-age ceremony, I was chosen by the shadow realm. After this, they cast me out. Unloved, unwanted. I was taken in by two mated shadow women. They cared for me, gave me a family. I loved them for that.
“Emily?” Bucky raised an eyebrow, “Why’s that?”
“Uh…” I glanced at Steve, who looked equally as confused, “I’m not sure…”
Bucky
As soon as I heard this woman’s name, I was immediately entranced by it, how mystical and unusual it sounded, like something from an old legend, or myth… I couldn’t help but smile as I repeated the name back to her, at the thought of some sort of Greek goddess standing in front of me, looking so… Beautiful. Pale skin like the moon, hair dark as night… She was so… So… God, I couldn’t even think of a word to describe her…
Pandora. That was her name. It seemed to roll off my tongue so easily…
“My sisters call me Emily, too.”
I raised an eyebrow at the name, her soft, sweet voice snapping me out of my thoughts as I glanced over at Steve, my best friend. He looked equally perplexed. She definitely didn’t look like an Emily, no… Emily was a school teacher, or a librarian. But her? She looked like a goddess… I was half tempted to ask if she was joking, but the look on her face told me she was serious.
“Emily? Why’s that?”
“Uh…” she stuttered. It was almost adorable. She fumbled over her words. Although, through that sweet, pretty exterior, I couldn’t help but feel there was something… Off about her.
“I’m not sure… They called me that when I was really young…”
“Hm…” I shrugged, looking her up and down, “Cute, but it doesn’t really suit you, if I’m being honest.”
“Yeah, I don’t like it either…” she shook her head. I had to agree. Pandora was way better than Emily… What kind of nickname was that, anyway? For a name as unique and beautiful as Pandora… But her sister did sound nice, giving her a nickname like that. It was basic and strange at the same time… But still cute.
“Think I prefer Pandora,” I smirked at her, nodding. It fit her much better. From her smooth, pearly skin, her raven hair perfectly framing her face, cheeks streaked with blush and lips coated in pink lipstick. Damn, she was so beautiful…
“Or ‘doll’...” I could even call her ‘doll’... That way, neither of us would have to suffer through a pretty face being attached to such a boring name.
She giggled softly. It was such a sweet sound, more lovely than any song I had ever heard… Speaking of which, there was a slow, somewhat romantic song being played by the band… Perfect. I held my hand out to her, nodding towards the band.
“May I have this dance?”
Pandora
I nearly froze as his words echoed through my ears. Dance? With him? I shouldn’t… No… I couldn’t see this ending in anything but tragedy. But something inside of me wasn’t able to refuse… He pulled me in like a magnet. Not just physically… There was something else. It was as if he had a rope tied around my heart. Slowly pulling me in. Those captivating eyes… That sweet smile I had instantly fallen in love with… It was too dangerous. He would die way before me… And he was a soldier, on top of that…
Despite the storm of conflicting thoughts in my mind, I managed to nod, unable to stop the movement of my head. He was so alluring… So inviting. His presence made me feel warm, safe. Loved, even.
His smile seemed to become brighter as I took his hand. He pulled me in, snaking his calloused yet gentle hands around my waist. His warmth seemed to embrace me as I clasped my hands together on the back of his neck, holding myself close to him. Our bodies seemed to sway to the music perfectly, in sync, one with each other. Fitting together like puzzle pieces. In his arms, I could let go of any worries I had, about my past, what would become of this love I seemed to have for this sweet, loving man holding me, let them all just melt away. All that mattered was him. His embrace, his soft, deep blue eyes… I had only just met him and yet, I felt as if I had known him for eternity. We were all there ever was, and all that ever would be…
…
Steve
“What’d you tell her about me?”
I asked Bucky as we walked towards the two girls waiting for us at the exposition center. One of them was the woman we met at a club a few months ago. Pandora. Her name was odd… A lot of things about her seemed strange to me. She dressed in a darker style. I didn’t think it was ugly or anything, but it was still weird. Even the way she acted, I couldn’t help but feel like she was hiding something. But Bucky didn’t care. He’s gone out with her a couple times since we all met. This is the first woman he’s gone on more than one date with, so of course she joined us at the world exposition on his last night in New York. Even being so kind as to invite one of her friends to be my date.
Honestly, I’m grateful. It was getting tiring being Bucky’s third wheel.
“Only the good stuff,” Bucky smirked as we approached them. I smoothed out my hair as I looked at the other woman. Bucky said her name was Olivia, and that she was friends with Pandora.
Pandora… I remember when she told us her name. She said someone… Her sister called her by a different name. Emily. Why Emily? It was completely different from Pandora, if that was even her real name… When I talked to Bucky about it, he brushed it off as the possibility of a middle name or perhaps even a name she had gone by while playing with her sister as children.
The girls smiled at us as we walked over. Olivia looked me up and down. I couldn’t tell if she was judging me or not. Pandora hugged Bucky while I just gave Olivia a small smile.
Great. Barely a minute in and I already feel awkward.
We walked through the center. Bucky looked around in awe at the technology being showcased. He always loved this kind of stuff. I could tell the girls were enjoying it too. Olivia walked beside Pandora, who was holding Bucky’s hand while I walked behind them. Even when I had a date, I was still a third wheel.
A voice rang over the loudspeaker, “Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the World of Tomorrow. A greater world. A better world.”
I sighed. Bucky glanced over his shoulder to check on me. I gave him a nod, which he returned before turning his gaze back to the various displays. We stopped briefly at the sight of a crowd gathered around a stage, applauding as music played.
“Oh my god, it’s starting!” Pandora exclaimed as she and Olivia ran excitedly towards the stage, dragging Bucky with them. I followed them as we weaved through the crowd, trying to get closer to the stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark!”
One of the ladies standing at the front of the stage announced as a man walked onto the stage. He kissed the woman deeply before speaking,
“Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years…”
As he spoke, I tapped Olivia on the shoulder and held up a bag of almonds I had purchased. She glanced at me before simply looking away, back up at the stage,
“Your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all.”
As Stark continued his presentation, women removed the wheels of the car, revealing odd pieces of tech behind them as Stark explained,
“Yes. Thanks, Mandy . With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you’ll be able to do just that.”
Stark turned to a small control panel next to him, pulling a lever as the car’s wheels pulsed with light and it floated off the ground about a foot,
“Holy cow,” Bucky said as Pandora giggled in astonishment. Suddenly, the gravity reversers sparked, causing the car to fall. The crowd gasped and Bucky glanced back at me with a smile on his face.
“I did say a few years, didn’t I?” Stark raised his eyebrows as the crowd applauded once again. I turned around, looking up at a recruitment poster. Uncle Sam pointing a finger outwards towards whoever looked at the poster with the words ‘ I Want You for U.S Army. Enlist Now ’ written in blue and red letters. Above the poster was a sign that said ‘recruiting’. As Stark’s laughter rang out over the sound of clapping, I turned my body and walked towards the poster, my mind already searching through a list of cities I could use on the form.
Pandora
I laughed softly, in awe of the presentation of the flying car as Bucky gasped out,
“Holy cow…”
I watched as the car floated off the ground. Flying cars… What would be next? Televisions you could activate with your voice? Books you could simply listen to rather than reading? God, I love technology…
The gravity reversion tech failed and the car hit the ground,
“I did say a few years, didn’t I?” the presenter, Howard Stark laughed as applause sounded from the crowd.
“Hey, Steve, what do you say we treat these girls-”
Bucky turned towards where Steve was standing, but abruptly stopped speaking. I followed his gaze to see that Steve was gone. Bucky turned his head toward a recruitment poster and sighed. Steve was going to try and enlist again. He had a history of illnesses that disqualified him from being recruited into the army, but he kept trying anyway. I couldn’t help but wonder if he used fake names. Maybe we had more in common than I thought. It was very honorable, he wanted to fight to protect the country even when he was turned away. Bucky looked back down at me,
“Wait here, doll. We’ll take you guys dancing when we get back,” he leaned down and kissed my forehead before going towards the recruitment center.
Doll… I loved that nickname. I would have to disappear eventually… Leave him behind. It almost broke my heart, thinking of him trying to contact me one day only to be left in silence, living out the rest of his days wondering what had happened to me. I couldn’t bear it…
Olivia and I walked around the pavilion before eventually coming to the recruitment center. I looked and saw Bucky with his back turned. His strong physique hid the smaller man he seemed to be arguing with. Steve. I called out to him,
“Hey, Sarge! Are we going dancing?”
Bucky lifted his head and turned around, spreading his arms out and shaking his head slightly, as if the answer was obvious,
“Yes, we are.”
He smiled slightly before turning back to Steve. The two hugged and Bucky walked away a few feet before Steve yelled out to him,
“Don’t win the war ‘till I get there!”
Bucky turned around once more, gave Steve a salute, and then walked over to me and Olivia.
“Come on girls, they’re playing our song,” he put his arm around me, and I was enveloped in his scent. It was so sweet, like pine trees and vanilla. It made me feel at home.
“I’m gonna go,” Olivia turned to us, glancing back towards the recruitment center. I could tell from the start she didn’t want to be Steve’s date. I felt bad for him, but also for her. But should I have really felt bad if neither of them wanted to be there? Still…
“Are you sure?” I questioned, Bucky glancing between us,
Olivia nodded, “I’ll see you guys around.”
With that, she turned on her heel and walked away from us. Bucky watched her leave before looking down at me,
“Looks like it’s just you and me now, doll.”
I looked up at him and smiled back as he squeezed me with his arm. He led me out of the pavilion and down the street to a small nightclub. There were already various couples inside, gently swaying to the music. He took my hand and I followed him onto the floor. I moved closer to him, placing my hands on his shoulders. My eyes moved up to his sergeant's cap, rested on an angle atop his head. It was cute, I wasn’t gonna lie. But I still reached up and straightened it.
“Hey…” he smiled at me, playfully swatting my hands away as I looked at him, slightly confused,
“Why do you wear it like that?”
He shrugged, “Makes me look charming.”
“Charming…”
Another word to add to the list I could use to describe him. Kind, loving, attractive, enticing… Among many others. I had never thought of ‘charming’ before, but it certainly fit him.
“Yeah,” he nodded, leaning in and kissing my head softly. I giggled as his lips pressed against my forehead before my smile faded,
“I’m really going to miss you, Bucky…” I spoke softly, swaying to the music in sync with him, as always. My voice took on a more pleading tone,
“Please come back to me…”
He looked down at me lovingly, giving me another soft smile. I couldn’t seem to get enough of that image, him smiling down at me, his eyes taking hold of my soul, my entire being…
“I’ll miss you too, doll…”
I smiled as the nickname left his mouth. I loved all the adoring pet names he gave me, the way he would take every opportunity to call me by one of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had forgotten my actual name.
“I’ll come back safe… I promise.”
We spent the majority of the remaining time of the evening in silence, dancing together. We moved perfectly to the music, as if our minds were connected at that very moment. After the night ended, seemingly too soon, he walked me home. Outside the door to my apartment building, I turned to him,
“I love you,” I breathed out the three words. So simple, yet so meaningful… I meant every one of them. I was surprised to be saying the words. In my mind, I knew this would end terribly. I would be left heartbroken, unable to love again. But my heart didn’t care. My heart had been taken captive by his loving personality, his gentle touch on my pale skin, his handsome face… Everything.
He didn’t say anything, but he gently pulled me towards him, holding my hand before moving his hands up to my face, running his thumbs along my cheekbones. He gazed at me with those beautiful blue eyes, eyes I drowned in whenever I looked into them…
Then he kissed me.
My eyes widened, but I quickly relaxed. His lips were so soft and warm… He had planted gentle pecks on my skin many times. My hand, cheek, forehead… But never on my own lips. I held him tightly, close to me. Almost as if I could merge our bodies into one. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I would relish every last moment I had with him. When the time came, I would tell him my secret. But for now, I had to play it safe…
Eventually, he pulled away. It felt like he was taking a piece of my heart with him. He looked shocked with himself, his lips parted slightly as he looked at me before they formed into a smile,
“I love you too.”
He stepped backwards, his hold on my hand lingering for a second before slipping away. I wanted to grab him, beg him to stay… But I couldn’t. I just watched as he walked further and further away from me, disappearing into the night.
As I laid in my bed in the apartment, desperately trying to sleep, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the last time I would ever see him… If those were the last words he would ever say to me… If that was the last time I would feel his touch… I stared up at the ceiling. Usually, I would feel at ease in darkness… I tried calming my mind, but my thoughts kept drifting back to Bucky. How I missed him already, how he may never return. Tears rolled down my face, and the realization set in.
I was in love.
I was in love with a human, a man who could easily die out in the field. It was dangerous. It would destroy me… I would watch him grow old and die while I remained the same.
I had made a terrible mistake.
…
Bucky
I can barely remember the fall.
I can remember holding onto the train. Steve desperately tried to reach out to me, trying to save me.
Steve… Once small and skinny, now stronger on some super steroids.
I guess the adrenaline probably made me black out before I hit the ground. I opened my eyes to see men standing over me.
HYDRA.
No… I couldn’t go back… Not again… Not after last time.
But I couldn’t fight. My vision was still blurry, my thoughts fuzzy. I didn’t even realize one of my arms was gone before I noticed the trail of blood across the snow. I was helpless as they dragged me into a truck, restraining me before driving off. I didn’t know where they were taking me, but I knew it wouldn’t end well…
They took me to a facility. Put me on some kind of chair. The restraints were strong. I couldn’t do anything but look around in fear at the emotionless faces of HYDRA personnel around me as the machine whirred, robotic arms with electric pulsers attached lowered onto my face.
Just before the shocks began, the realization hit me like a brick wall.
Steve thought I was dead.
Pandora would soon find out.
God, I missed her… I couldn’t stop thinking about her while I was in the trenches. I tried to memorize every detail of her face. The clothes she wore… The way she did her hair… I just wanted to go home to her. Hold her, never let her go again… I never wanted to lose her… But now she had lost me.
I’d have given anything to see her, to hold her, to tell her I loved her… Just one last time…
It took a long time for them to finally break me. The days blurred together. It felt like an eternity I was in there, being relentlessly shocked in an effort to erase my memories. Brainwash me.
I kept reminding myself who I was… James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant of the 107th. US army.
Until eventually, I couldn’t fight any longer. My mind gave out. My memories slipped away from me. I desperately clung to the image of her face in my mind as I screamed in pain, the electric shocks zapping away my memories. Of my family… My life… Steve…
Pandora was the last to go.
Pandora
I tried to live somewhat normally.
I kept going out with my friends.
I kept socializing with other people at clubs. But I rejected any man that asked me to dance.
I just couldn’t get him out of my mind.
I was trying to keep myself busy, mentally counting down the days until he would come home… Until I would be able to see him again, feel his touch… Kiss him.
But it was all in vain.
As I walked past a newsstand, I gave it a passing glance. I did a double take upon seeing his face…
I walked closer to read it, the image on the front page becoming more and more clear. As I read the newspaper, my heart was slowly torn apart.
On the front page was a story, announcing the death of James Buchanan Barnes.
I breathed shakily, tears forming in my eyes as I turned and ran towards the nearest alleyway. I fell into the darkest corner, closing my eyes and merging myself with the shadows.
I opened my eyes back in the shadow realm. My home… That I never should have left.
I looked up a nearby tree. There was a large nest there. I could hear faint female voices talking. My moms.
I got rid of my human disguise, revealing my true appearance. I became about a foot taller, my sclerae turned black, as did my tears, and my wolf ears and tail revealed themselves. I desperately clawed my way up the tree, fighting against the pain in my heart. It would have hurt less had someone torn my heart out and shot a bullet into it.
Once I climbed up, I collapsed into the nest. I looked up at the two women, their heads immediately turning at the sound of a thump behind them. One was a woman with bird-like features. Wings, a hooked nose like a beak… Amethyst. The other woman, Belladonna, was a snake. She had a long, serpentine tail and scales on her face. They had taken me in when my family disowned me. I could never repay them…
“Pandora?!” Amethyst ran to me, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close to her as I broke down, sobbing into her arms, Belladonna followed close behind. They both held me between them,
“What happened?!”
I told them everything. I told them about Bucky. I told them every detail I could remember about him. I coughed frailly as I spoke, feeling my heart breaking the more I spoke.
Heartbreak. A disease that plagued many of my species. Brought on by the loss of a lover. Many died from it. My voice was weak and broken as I told them,
“ I loved him… ”
I gasped for air as my heart gave out.
“Pandora… You know we can save you,” Belladonna looked down at me, her tone soft but pleading.
Yes, there was one way I could be saved… But I would have to lose all my memories of him. I didn’t want to forget him… I didn’t want to forget the soft, smooth tone of his voice, the comfort and gentleness of his touch, the beautiful, passionate feeling of his lips against mine…
But it was the only way. My moms wanted me to live. Steve would want me to live. My friends would want me to live.
He would want me to live.
I nodded, “ Please… ”
I laid on the ground as Amethyst laid my head in her lap. She rubbed my temples in a soothing manner, her feathers caressing my skin as Belladonna laid a cloth over my face. I closed my eyes as Amethyst recited a few phrases in Liri, the language of our species.
As she repeated the phrases, all my thoughts, my memories, every trace of Bucky in my mind went away, and with it, my heartbreak.