Civil War
70 Years Later
Bucky
I don’t know how long I was in the ice. I don’t know how long, or how many times I was forced to kill for HYDRA. I felt guilty. I wanted to remember so badly what my life was like before everything. Before I was the Winter Soldier.
I knew my name. James Buchanan Barnes.
I knew the man’s name. The man who I saved after we fought on a helicarrier. Before the helicarrier crashed down into the river, he said he was with me ‘till the end of the line’. Whatever that means…
Steve. I knew him.
I don’t know what he was to me. A relative? A friend? Or something more than that? I couldn’t remember. Much like everything else. Everything that HYDRA wiped from my mind. Turning me into their perfect little weapon.
I was trying to get it back.
I hid out in Romania. Bucharest. I knew I had something there. My family was probably from there… I figured, if I could stay here for a while, I would be able to find myself.
Or someone.
Someone who could help me.
I was in the market, buying plums. They were finally in season. I had been wanting to try some for a while now… I picked up a few, feeling them in my hand. I talked to the vendor briefly, inquiring about the cost of the fruits when someone caught my eye… A woman. Standing next to me, also looking at the plums. She wore a black sweater and jeans. She was beautiful… Pale skin directly contrasting her black hair. It reminded me of the night sky. Without the stars. She looked like a goddess, so… Goddammit, there weren’t even words to describe her. There was something familiar… Very familiar about her. I think… Did I know her before HYDRA? Yes, I did. I couldn’t recall her name, so I just spoke to her in a low tone,
“I know you.”
After what felt like forever, she turned and looked up, her teal eyes meeting mine. She had a perplexed look on her face. There was no sign of recognition on her face. Her eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t seem scared. I hoped she wasn’t… If she had known what I was… She would be terrified. I couldn’t scare her away… She was the first person I felt a sense of familiarity with in months… I couldn’t help but stare hard into her eyes. My mind was conflicted, trying to sort out who she was to me… Who she was in general… Her name… What was it? Penny? Adora? No, neither of those sounded right…
“I’ve never seen you before,” her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I still scanned her face. The sound of the words coming from her mouth made my heart skip a few beats. My thoughts were racing. I wanted to reach out and touch her, as if that would confirm she was really there… That she was real. She claimed to not know me, but I knew she meant something to me… This woman seemed so familiar to me. I had to have known her. As my gaze continued to burn into her, she spoke again,
“I’m sorry, I- I have to go…” she collected the fruits she had picked, dropped her money, and walked away. I knew I should let her go, trying to convince myself that she was just a pretty girl I felt some kind connection to, but something else inside me was still nagging me to find out who she was… Telling me that she should know me. I stood still for a few seconds before snapping out of it and beginning to walk after her,
“Hey, wait!”
I frantically walked after her, trying to catch up to her before she disappeared into the crowd. I tried to spot her through all the people. No, I couldn’t lose her. The feeling I got when I looked at her was… Unexplainable. I had no idea what it was, but I felt as if I would lose something if I let her go… I kept pushing through the crowd, trying to find her and muttering apologies to anyone I bumped into. Come on, she couldn’t have gotten that far yet…
My eyes caught sight of a newsstand. I glanced over at the paper. It was telling a story of the Winter Soldier bombing a UN meeting in Vienna… What? That was hundreds of miles away from where I was… My blood ran cold. I quickly glanced around, my desperation to find her only growing. If she had seen that paper… No, she couldn’t think of me as a… A monster… I pushed through the crowd more roughly, not stopping to apologize to anyone this time as I looked through every head for a glimpse of her. My heart rate was rising by the second, almost causing me to panic. If she was scared of me now, scared of the Winter Soldier… Why was I so adamant on finding her? I couldn’t really explain it, but I felt she was something… Special.
I scoured the crowd, searching for her frantically, but she was nowhere to be seen. My heart was racing, my breathing heavy. She couldn’t have just vanished…
Pandora
I almost felt bad abandoning him. He seemed to have recognition in his eyes, as if I was the first familiar face he had seen in a long time. But he was wrong. I had never met him. Sure, he was attractive. Very attractive. Those steel blue eyes, his chestnut brown hair, his perfectly shaped face… He was stunning. And he seemed so desperate for answers… Maybe he wasn't all there that day... Maybe he thought I was someone else... Either way, he had to be mistaken. There was no way we could have known each other. I couldn't stop thinking about him on the way back to the small apartment I was renting. Even after getting back, he was stuck in my mind. The way he stared at me... His deep blue eyes burning a hole into my very soul... It was unsettling, yet comforting, almost... It was a strange feeling, not one I could explain…
When I arrived back at my apartment, I fumbled with the key for a bit before entering. Once the door shut behind me, I shed my human form. The apartment was small, just a room with a kitchenette, a bed, a window, and a door leading to a small bathroom. I had a trunk full of modern clothing, sweaters, jeans, shorts, t-shirts, all in various neutral colors… Different from the high-waisted pants and neon colors of the 1980s, different from the flapper dresses and vibrant blues, greens, yellows, and reds of the 1920s… Fashion was always changing. I glanced at the small closet on one of the walls, looking at the bottom of one of the bifold doors, as if I could look through the doors and see the large box of old clothes, my favorite clothes from different eras I always took with me whenever I moved. It was like a time capsule, a reminder of all the times I had seen, eras I had lived through.
Without removing my eyes from the door, I hung my coat up and walked towards it, my hand wrapped around the knob and pulled back, the door folding open and revealing the box on the floor, next to another box full of gifts and keepsakes I had collected with the many friends I had made over the years. I pulled the box of clothing towards me and opened it. The first set of clothes on the top consisted of a pair of low-waisted jeans, a mesh top, and an array of bracelets and wristbands from the 2000s. I took the bracelets in my hand, fiddling with the beads before setting them aside, looking at my 80s-90s clothes. A leather jacket, a plaid skirt, and a bright blue headband one of my friends had said matched my eyes. From the 60s and 70s, I had a peasant blouse, bell-bottomed jeans, and a pair of circular sunglasses. Then I looked at my favorite piece of clothing: A swing dress from the 40s. I remember wearing it to various nightclubs, and I swore I could still faintly smell alcohol on the black fabric. I ran my hands over the rounded neckline and short sleeves, reminiscing on the time I had with my friends…
But another memory resurfaced.
The man I saw in the marketplace… The one who said he knew me… I felt like I saw him at a club. Those eyes… They were definitely familiar. But no, it couldn’t have been him… He looked to be in his mid-30s. The man I met in the club would have been dead by now, or at least close to. Perhaps they were related. The man from the marketplace could have been his grandson.
My eyes then turned towards the box of keepsakes. I abandoned the clothes I had left on the floor and instead grabbed that box. I opened it, on the top was a series of polaroid photos my friends had taken with me during the 2000s. The one on the top was a shot of all of us. There were four girls, including me, and two boys. On the left, there was a blond girl, Emma, hugging a brunette named Madison. They had been practically inseparable. I wondered if they still kept contact with each other, almost a decade later. Next to Emma and Madison were two boys, Joshua and Lucas. Joshua had his arm around the waist of the other girl, Kaitlyn, who I stood next to.
From the 1980s, I had a Rubik’s cube, given to me by my friend Brandon, a pair of roller skates I used to go skating with Jessica, and scrunchies from Nicole. In the 60s, Cynthia lended me her old makeup palette, and Donna gifted me a vinyl record. Then there was the 40s. I had a few things from my friends, old photos, a record player, and a small black jewelry box which caught my eye. I don’t remember where I got it, or where it came from. I picked it up and opened it, revealing a three-layered pearl collar necklace with a turquoise stone in the center. I gently touched the necklace, running my clawed thumbs over the smooth, shiny light gray beads. I carefully lifted the necklace out of the box, causing something else to fall out.
I glanced down at where the other object had fallen, it was a folded piece of paper. I placed the jewelry box back down, along with the necklace which I set inside it before grabbing the paper and unfolding it, revealing a note written in black ink. The handwriting was neat, slightly messy, but still clear:
‘Saw this beauty in a shop window. Reminded me of you. Love, James’
I looked at the name written. ‘James’. It repeated over and over again in my head. I knew a few men from the 40s, William, Steve… But nobody named James. I remembered mostly everyone I met… Why had I forgotten this one? I read the name out loud, as if saying it could form some connection in my mind,
“James…?”
Bucky
I woke up in a cold room with my metal arm compressed in a restraint. It took me a bit to figure out what had happened. That psychologist… He said the words. Turned me back into the mindless killer I had worked so hard to separate myself from.
“Hey, cap!”
A voice called out. I saw two men enter the room I was in. One I recognized,
“Steve…” I smiled faintly, trying to ignore the weakness I felt all over,
Steve didn’t return the smile, his expression remained stoic, but I could still see understanding in his eyes,
“Which Bucky am I talking to?”
I was silent for a brief moment before answering,
“Your mom’s name was Sarah…”
I stared at him for a moment before my mind put together an image, an image of a skinny kid with the same face as the man standing in front of me. He would stuff his shoes full of newspapers to make him appear taller. It worked to a very short extent… I laughed softly as I spoke again,
“You used to wear newspapers in your shoes…”
Steve pulled something out of his pocket. A small piece of paper. He turned it over, slowly walking towards me as he held it out. It was a monochrome photo of a woman with dark hair and pale skin… It was her. The woman from the marketplace. But… How?
“What about her? Do you remember her?”
I reached out with my flesh hand, taking the photo between my finger and thumb, gently pulling it out of Steve’s hand and allowing me to have a closer look at it. As I studied the photo, a name finally formed in my mind,
“Pandora…”
Steve nodded, “Yeah…”
“Just like that, we’re supposed to be cool?” the other man responded, an untrusting tone in his voice. I wasn’t surprised, or offended in the slightest. What idiot would ever trust the Winter Soldier?
“I saw her…” I said to Steve, ignoring the other man, “Earlier today… In the marketplace…”
Steve’s mouth hung open slightly before he shook his head, “That’s not possible.”
“No… It was her…” I insisted. It had to have been her. If there was anyone I would recognize, it would be her…
“It was probably just someone that looked similar-”
“No- She- I recognized her…”
“Buck… She’s probably dead…”
My eyes stayed locked on the photo. I slowly lifted my gaze, looking up at Steve, trying to push my thoughts of her away,
“What did I do?” I asked breathlessly,
“Enough,” Steve responded without missing a beat. I sighed,
“Oh, god, I knew this would happen…” my head tilted down towards the concrete floor, “Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words…”
“Who was he?” Steve asked,
“I don’t know…”
He claimed to be a psychologist. Was that even his real profession? Or was he with HYDRA?
“People are dead,” Steve’s voice rang out, interrupting my thoughts, “The bombing, the setup… The doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you. I need you to do better than ‘I don’t know’.”
The bombing… He must have been behind it… He had asked me for a mission report. December 16, 1991… Why that?
All I knew was that I had to stay by Steve. He was the only person from my past who knew me. He was my only connection to everything I had before HYDRA…
I couldn’t lose him too.