Be Still
After their little talk, Bucky had decided not to join the team for dinner, and Steve was thankful that no one seemed to question him about it. By the time that Steve returned to their apartment, Buck had already gone to bed, allowing Steve to turn in a bit earlier then he usually would. The day felt like walking on eggshells and he was more tired by that than most of the missions that he has been on.
Steve woke up, after a surprisingly good nights sleep, to the sound of dishes rattling about. It took him a moment to register that it was not an intruder, but that he now had a roommate. Steve entered the kitchen to find Bucky pulling things out of the cabinets, he paused a moment to watch before he could realized that Steve was there. There was Bucky, in his kitchen, making breakfast. Suddenly everything he had been worried about didn't matter, there was just overwhelming joy that he was home, and whatever challenges that needed to be faced, they would be able to face them together. Him, and his best friend.
Steve was shaken from his thoughts when a dish towel landed on his face, and Bucky was smirking at him. "Very mature jerk", he tried to sound put off, but he couldn't help but smile at Bucky's playfulness. "Oh, so you do still know how smile. Good to know", Bucky shot back as he retuned to what he was doing. Steve went to sit at the counter on the perimeter of the kitchen, content to watch Bucky while he cooked.
"What are you making?"
"Pancakes. I can't tell when the last time was that I had pancakes".
Steve made a mental note to always make sure there were ingredients to make pancakes in the apartment, and anything else that Bucky happens to mention liking.
"Need help with anything?", that got a laugh from Bucky.
"My memory may be screwed forever, but the one thing that I will always remember is you almost burning out apartment down whenever you tried to cook anything".
That wasn't completely true, Steve's cooking had only caught on fire once, and there may have been a few times the food was burned to almost inedible. It would have been considered inedible by modern standards, but back then they had to eat it or they would not have been able to eat anything that day. Steve was proud to say that he had gotten better at cooking, but still went for easy meals whenever possible.
"So, Steve, where to you plan on running off to today?"
"I don't run off anywhere, I just have stuff to do"
"Okay punk, whatever you say", Bucky's tone told him that he didn't believe him, but he also didn't push.
Steve continued to watch as Bucky prepared the pancake mix, by the time he moved to pouring it onto the skillet, he was more focused and less inclined to talk. So, the two fell into a comfortable silence until everything was cooked and Bucky was sliding him a plate full of warm, fluffy pancakes. From the first bite Steve was happy he did not help to make them. They were some of the best pancakes he had ever had, and if he had touched them, they would have been ruined. Bucky took a few bites before he brought the question up again.
"Where did you go yesterday? I figured you would have been back in a couple of hours, but you were gone all day"
"I was just at the gym Buck, and I had to do somethings".
There was a silent pause as they continued eating.
"So, you weren't avoiding me?", the made Steve put his fork down and turn to Bucky.
"Bucky, why would I be avoiding you?"
"I don't know Steve, you just seemed to want to rush out of here yesterday, I just wanted to...", Bucky trailed off with a shrug of his shoulders and took another bite of his breakfast.
Steve looked down at his plate, his appetite now gone. The truth was he had been avoiding Bucky a little bit, but he couldn't tell him that, especially after seeing how the thought of it was bothering him.
"No, Buck, I was not avoiding you. I just was busy"
"Okay... Are you busy today?"
Steve wasn't sure what answer Bucky was hoping for. Sure he had seemed hurt at the idea that Steve had been avoiding him, but that didn't mean that Bucky was going to want him to be hanging around him all day. So he decided to turn the question back on to Bucky.
"Do you have plans for the day?"
"Nope, I figured I should meet some of the others soon. Sam said he would talk to Tony about setting up an appointment for me"
"That's good Buck"
Suddenly, all the playfulness that had been in Bucky's voice had gone, he wore a serious expression as he stared down at his empty plate.
"Buck? You okay?" The look that Bucky gave Steve was dark and confused. He was about to ask if Bucky was okay again, but he suddenly lunged to him. In that moment, Bucky Barnes was gone, and the Winter Soldier was staring back at him. The soldier had knocked them both to the ground, his metal hand was wrapped around his neck, but not applying any pressure, it was more like a warning. Everything happened so fast that Steve did not know how to react, but before he could decide how to stop Bucky without hurting him, those dark eyes above him began clear.
Bucky had back off of him instantly, putting as much distance between them as the kitchen would allow. Steve was quick to get to his feet to be at the same level as him.
"Steve... I...", Bucky was panting in confusion as he came back to himself.
"Hey, Buck, you're okay. Just breath", Steve went to take a step toward Bucky, but he held a hand out to stop him.
"Just...stay...back". He sounded as if every word hurt to say, "one second".
Steve stayed where he was, but kept this eyes trained on Bucky as he regained his breath. The next look that he gave Steve was fully Bucky, but was also tired and sad.
"I'm sorry Steve. I just need to go to back bed".
Steve watched as as Bucky somberly left the kitchen and back toward his bedroom. He felt helpless as his friend disappeared behind the door. He wasn't sure how, but something Steve said, or did, must have set him off. Steve looked back at his plate of half eaten pancakes and the sink filled with dirty dishes. Tossing his left over breakfast, he began working on the dishes. That was at least something he could do. As he cleaned up the place, he couldn't help but worry about how every conversation he has had with Bucky since he has come back had ended badly. That was most likely his fault, he just didn't know how.