Take Me Back

Up until now, Steve did not spend much time in the tower. He was really only there for Avengers meetings or when Tony was throwing one of his parties. Every once in a while he would stay a few nights after a mission, he mostly stuck to the gym or his room. As he wondered about the tower in hopes of finding an empty room, he realized how little of the tower he knew. He eventually got onto he elevator and asked Jarvis to bring in the quietest floor. He knew he should be checking in on Bucky, helping him settle a bit, but he did not want to overwhelm him. Bucky may have sent him the code to find him, but when they did got there, he did not seem to want that anymore. Steve couldn't shake the feeling that Bucky did not actually want to be around him right now.

At first, Steve did not recognize what direction the elevator was going, until he felt the relief of fresh air when the doors opened. Steve hadn't been to the roof top yet, but he was happy to find it to be fully furnished and even sported a small flower garden. He made his way over to one of the chairs set up by the flowers. Fresh air always helped Steve relax, he hated when he spent too much time locked within four walls and enjoyed being able to go outside without worrying about his asthma.

Modern day New York was loud, bright, and obtrusive, but being this high up blocked most of it out. Steve felt his body slump into the chair, finally having a moment to not have to hold everything in. He knew he only had a few moments to relax before the restlessness would settle in, he never could stay still for too long before he started to worry about wasting valuable time, but he enjoyed what ever moments of stillness he could get.

Sure enough, not more than ten minutes later, he was up pacing around the roof. He knew he should be getting back inside to check if Bucky would be joining them for dinner, or if he needed anything. However, something was telling him not too. This morning had been awkward, and he knew Bucky picked up on it, he hoped that he could play it off as just the stress of the last few months, but he would have to be careful. Steve became lost in his thoughts as he paced around the roof, until he found himself standing near the edge. He peered down at the traffic down below, cars weaving around each other as they impatiently went about their commute. In true New York fashion, there were the sounds of many car horns and the screeching of breaks, for a moment, those screeches sounded like screams. Steve felt a wave of dizziness as he continued to look down, but he was not longer looking at traffic, he was looking at snow covered mountains and watching Bucky fall. Steve quickly jerked back from the edge, finding it harder to breath.

"Sir"

There was a voice speaking to him, but Steve could not make out what it had said over the sound of him gasping for air.

"Captain"

The voice cut through again. Steve did his best to pull himself together, if someone was talking to him, then that means they could see him, and this was not a look he wanted to people to see. He straightened his posture and grabbed ahold of the closest thing he could find, hoping to ground himself to it. Clearing his throat, he tried to answer the voice.

"Yes?"

"Sir, Sergeant Barnes is asking where you are. Would you like me to tell him?"

Jarvis was the voice speaking to him. Steve sighed in relief, thankful that no one else was up on the roof with him to witness whatever just happened.

"No, Jarvis. I will go to him, is he still in our apartment?"

"Yes, sir, he is still there. I will let him know you are on your way".

At the mention of Bucky, Steve's mind finally began to clear. Bucky deserved to have Steve at 100%, and Steve will do anything to make sure that is the only side of him that Bucky will see.

When Steve entered their apartment, he made sure to make noise to alert Bucky that he was there. Though, he apparently did not need to, because Buck was sitting on the couch in the living room that was adjacent to entry way Steve stood in. Bucky stood up almost immediately after Steve pushed his way through the door, he appeared to be casual enough, but Steve still felt a tension in the air.

"Hey Buck", Steve tried to match Bucky's casualness. Just as the words left his mouth, Steve realized that someone else was in the room, Sam. Damnit Sam, Steve thought for the second time today. It was almost like Sam was reading his thoughts, but the second they made eye contact, he rolled his eyes while shaking his head.

Bucky was now making his was over to the kitchen, "Steve, you want some water?", he called over his shoulder as he grabbed glassed out. Steve was still standing in the entry way, trying to figure out why Sam was here, and how was Bucky being so casual right now. Steve had expected Bucky to be shut in his room and avoiding everyone, not hosting Steve's friend and offering drinks. It didn't seem to bother Bucky that Steve hadn't answered him, because he was filling three glasses of water. Bucky turned around with all three glasses and headed back to the couch, "punk, stop standing there like a wounded animal and come here". Steve began moving without realizing as he followed Bucky over to the couch.

Sam was sat in the chair off to the side, which meant Steve had to take the seat beside Bucky on the couch. He was thankful for the glass of water he was given, because it gave him something to do with his hands. They sat in silence long enough for Steve to realize that Sam seemed a bit tense as well, only Bucky displayed an air of calmness. He was leaning back on the couch in comfort, almost as if all three had been long term friends that were just enjoying each other's company again. "Okay", Bucky finally spoke up, "let's hear it", Steve shared a look Sam, both had no idea what he meant.

"Don't be like that, I know you both have questions, or want an explanation, and I really don't want to do this in front of everyone. So, let's get it out now". Sam's face shifted, Steve wondered if he understood what was happening, because Steve was still lost. Sam spoke up first, "why now?", Bucky nodded as if he had expected that, "it was time. I had known that eventually this was going to happen, I couldn't run forever". Steve was still confused, was Bucky asking to be interrogated? Sure, Steve had a plethora of questions that he wanted to ask but none that he ever actually planned on asking.

While Steve was thinking, the other two were apparently waiting on him to speak up, Bucky was looking expectantly at him, while Sam was looking at him like he could read his thoughts again.

"Buck, I'm not sure what you want from me here"

"Steve, after everything that has happened, you have nothing you want to say?"

"I'm just not sure that this is a good idea Buck"

"What's not a good idea Steve, talking?"

"That's not-"

"Because that's all we are doing. You two just spent months chasing after me, while I spent that time running away from you"

"Buck-"

"Steve you have something to say about everything, don't think I am buying that you ain't got about a thousand questions in that head of yours. I just don't want all that coming out with everyone around, so I want to give you a chance, both of you, to say what you need to say".

Steve did not want to engage in this conversation, he did not understand how any of this was helpful. The only thing he wanted to talk about, was what Bucky needed. Steve had no illusions that his friend was all back, he knew that he would need therapy at the very least, and even then it may not help much after the years of torture and brainwashing he experienced. Sam spoke up next.

"I was the one that found Steve beside the Potomac", Steve winced at the pain in Sam's voice.
"I made sure he got to the hospital, and I stayed with him until he woke up. The whole time I sat there waiting, I thought about you, and I was so angry that you could do this to him."

"Sam!", Steve grunted to try and stop him, but Bucky put a hand on his shoulder, "it's okay, let him say what he needs to". He nodded to Sam to continue.

"I was angry at you, but when Steve woke up and I saw that look in his eye's, I knew what he was thinking. Steve wasn't going to give up on you, and I did not want to give up on him, so I knew that I would help no matter what. During the time that we were looking for you, Steve would tell me stories about when you grew up together. Those stories pictured someone who was so different than the person that I had met, and I really wanted to meet that version of him. Bucky, what you went through is something no one should have to go through. You needed time, but now you are here, so I just want you to know that I am here for you man, whatever you need".

Bucky let out a breath, Steve looked to him and realized that he had been bracing himself for insults and anger, he had not expected kindness and understanding. That broke his heart, that Bucky thought he was going to be met with animosity.

"Thank you Sam. I am not sure what the first step is to move on, but I appreciate knowing you are here."

"That is something I can help you with, if you are willing. I know some people, I know Stark has some people in mind as well. I think if you started with talking to a professional, it can get you started in the right direction".

Steve wanted to laugh at the mention of therapy. Shield had wanted Steve to go to therapy when he first woke up, but he did not know who he could trust, so he managed to convince them that the serum helped protect his mind as well as his body. It was a horrible argument, but knowing now that Hydra had been in charge the whole time, it makes sense why no one pressed the issue. He was sure that Bucky would shoot the idea down immediately.

"Sam, I think that may be the best thing".

Now Steve was dumbfounded, what the hell was happening? He definitely was glad that Bucky had accepted going to therapy, he had been planning on bringing it up himself. However, he was going to be more tactful about it, but Sam just directly asked, and Bucky accepted? Again, Steve realized that the other two were looking to him to speak up.

"I think therapy would be good for you Buck"

"Is there anything else you are thinking?"

"Can't I just be happy that you are here?"

"Yes, Steve, but its okay for you to be anything other than happy as well, I just want you to know that you can tell me"

"I know, Bucky, I do"

"Okay"

Sam watched as they volleyed back and forth, he was doing everything he could to stop himself from slapping them both.