Chapter 1
Peter knew he messed up, it seemed to him he couldn't do anything right. He knew Tony was upset, of course he was, all he ever did was fix the problems peter caused but it still hurt to think that someone he looked up to so much could hate him as much as peter was sure Tony did now.
He sat on the roof top and waited for the inevitable, for Tony to come. For a minute he considered what would happen if he jumped but he knew it wouldn't kill him. Because of his mutation it took a lot to hurt him, and a whole lot more to kill him. He couldn't do that to May anyways, and he knew he couldn't always take the easy way out, so instead he kept still in his spot as he heard the sound of the iron man suit land on the concrete roof top with a clink. He wasn't fully sure what happened next, his brain having mostly blacked out but he knew that Tony yelled at him and took away his suit and most of all he knew he deserved it.
As he arrived at the apartment may greeted him, immediately able to tell something was wrong, as always. She tried to make him feel better but Peter wasn't sure he'd be able to feel better this time. He always tried to act happy around people not wanting to bring their mood down and often times it became real, but that seemed to be happening less and less often and he was becoming more and more exhausted every day.
Peter felt awful but he hoped maybe seeing Ned at school that day would cheer him up as it usually did. He tried to keep up his usual self but he knew his best friend could tell something was going on, and MJ´´s drawings were scary accurate at capturing how he felt in that moment: Absolutely done with his life, with his luck. He kept messing up his whole life was fucked and he knew it, he wasn´t meant to be happy. First his parents, then Ben, it seemed everyone too close to him died and he would do anything to stop the cycle. At least that's what Peter always told himself but he knew if he really meant it he would leave them, he also knew he would probably never be strong enough to do that. He was nothing without his suit and he didn't even have that.
The worst part was not having karen. It felt silly to be so attached to an AI but she was the only one he could really talk to, she was the one who kept him from relapsing the past couple months and now without her he was in a worse place than he had been in a while and though he wanted desperately to cut again. He knew that that would only reinforce that what tony said was true and he had to be stronger than before, He had to be better.
He knew it was silly, pathetic even how much he craved Tony's approval but he hadn't really had a father figure since Ben died and he just didn't want to be a disappointment, something he had already managed to fail at. Afterall he had trusted Peter to fight with him in germany and now he had lost all that trust with one stupid mistake, it wasn't really his fault though, was it, that Tony hadn’t listened to him when he told him that this guy was serious and that he needed to do something about it. Whatever he did whether it be nothing or something it always seemed to be the wrong choice. Who was he kidding? He had no one to blame this on besides himself.
After school he found himself on top of some building as usual, looking around at the city below him from the rooftop where he sat andb he immediatly felt so helpless. He pulled out his phone, texting his aunt may to let her know that he was at Neds and wasn't sure when he would be back, he felt bad about lying but didnt want to worry her. Not really thinking peter pulled his phone out of the case staring at the small piece of metal he kept there. the blade he had always kept so close to him despite his delusion that he wasn't gonna cut again. Unsure entirely of what he was doing he unwrapped the blade carefully turning it in his fingers, just staring at it until he finally couldn't resist running the blade against the already marked skin of his forearm. He felt a strange calm wash over him as he watched the blood stream down his arm and over his hand, it was beautiful, really, and mesmerizing. Peter was somewhere else and he liked it but he was harshly snapped back to his reality by the sharp sound of his phone ringing. It was may.
¨ H-hey! Its peter whats up? ¨ he answered trying to compose himself, to sound casual.
¨ are you alright peter? I was gonna order thai, could you head home? ¨ mays voice rang through the speaker of his phone
¨ uh yeah, yeah, I'll be there soon. Thanks, may ¨
Peter then realized his situation and wasn't entirely sure what to do with it. He was covered in blood, and without first aid, and his cut refused to slow the bleeding. He figured he hadn’t been eating enough to aid his healing factor and now he would have to deal with the consequences, not that he could say he wasn't enjoying seeing the severity of the self inflicted wound at all, though he felt quite guilty over this fact he tried to ignore it.
He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down over his arm, the blood sticking to the inside unpleasantly, as he began the trek home. He was still somewhat spaced out and barely paid any attention to his surroundings until he heard the shrill scream of a woman's voice. Peter lunged forward as he saw the scene in front of him, a woman reaching out yelling as her kid ran across the street straight into the oncoming traffic. Instinctually peters body moved quickly towards the kid, it was all he thought of in that moment everything drowned out as he pushed the kid out of the way, staying conscious just long enough to watch as the mother rushed her kid to safety holding him in her arms, before everything went black at the hard impact to the side of his body.