Chapter 2
When Peter came to, he was laying on the sidewalk, and someone was talking to him. He felt dizzy and lightheaded, but he tried hard to keep his eyes open. He could feel a warm sticky liquid pool around him and suddenly everything was black again.
The next time he awoke he was laying on something soft and someone was holding his hand. He heard a steady beeping before passing out again.
The third and final time Peter awoke he was in a brightly lit hospital room. The fluorescent lighting and constant beeping of the monitor hurt his head. He glanced out to the hallway where Tony was standing talking to a doctor. What was he doing here, why was he here. Peter figured, as Tony entered the room, that he was about to get a lecture on not doing spiderman stuff outside your suit, and don't be stupid.
¨ you're awake, how do you feel? ¨
¨ I- I feel fine Mr Stark, what are you doing here? Do you need me for something? ¨ peter asked nervously.
¨ Jesus, kid. No, i'm just making sure you're okay ¨
It still felt awkward for Peter to be around Tony after the events that happened the last time they spoke so he averted his eyes looking down at the blankets, this was a mistake. The first thing he saw was his arm bandaged up, the arm he had cut. Peter had completely forgotten about his relapse and was panicked to find the wound all wrapped up. His eyes darted between his arm, to Tony, to his arm trying to gauge how much he knew.
¨¨¨¨ it's okay we'll talk about it later.¨ shit. He knew. ¨ for now get some rest your aunt may will be back soon she's collecting some of your stuff from the apartment.¨
Peter was unable to say anything; he was too scared at the idea that Tony knew. He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure what he could do, he guessed he would just have to wait. Despite how sure the boy was that he wasn't going to get any sleep with this shit on his mind his body had other plans and to Peter's relief he was asleep within minutes.
The shame Peter felt at the thought of his mentor knowing about his habit was indescribable and he wished he could disappear. He had imagined many times what would happen if someone found out and in none of the possible scenarios he imagined had he felt this embarrassed. He always knew it was a stupid thing to do but he just felt so ridiculous and pathetic and he didn't know how he would ever be able to face Mr Stark again. Not even to mention May surely the doctors would have told her and Peter was sure it would only stress her out more. She didn't ask for Peter and he eternally felt bad that she had to take care of him. Peter knew May loved him but he also knew her life would be multitudes easier without him.
Having awoken he just lay there dreading what was to come, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to put it off as long as he could or if he just wanted to get it over with, he knew it was inevitable. As Tony entered the room again Peter had to fight with the urge to simply pretend he was sleeping but in the end he pulled the strength to sit up and greet him.
¨ So you wanna explain what happened? ¨ he asked, nodding his head towards peters bandaged arm.
Peter did not want to explain what happened. In fact Peter couldn't think of anything he would hate more right now, unfortunately he knew he wasn't gonna be able to get out of this. He opened his mouth but couldn't get himself to speak. What was he supposed to say?
¨ peter. We are going to have to talk about it at some point, would you rather wait till May gets here and tell her? ¨
He shook his head, maybe a little too aggressively but he knew he couldn't bother her with that on top of everything
¨ okay, okay, fine," Peter said reluctantly, he figured he just had to say it, to get it over with. “Sometimes I cut myself. But not for a long time and that was just once” he knew he wouldn't be able to justify it to Tony yet he still tried. It was silent for a few seconds but to Peter it felt like forever, he turned his head staring at the wall wishing he could disappear.
“Kid,” tony said sounding hurt almost guilty, though peter was to panicked and in his own head to even notice “you have to tell someone when you feel like that, it's not a bad thing to need help”
“Yeah” was the only response Peter could come up with. He never actually intended to tell anyone when he wanted to cut but he couldn't just say that, he figured he'd wait it out a few weeks then everything would go back to how it was before and Tony would stop pretending like he cared. If he cared he would answer when peter texted and called and he wouldn't have given him happy’s number and he would believe him when he said he needed help with Toomes. People always preach about asking for help, but when do they ever actually want to listen to a kid.
Still he thought no less of his mentor and was terribly embarrassed to find tears streaming down his face with no sign of stopping and peter prayed desperately that tony would leave but he didn't. He tried frantically to wipe his tears but they were just replaced by new ones each time. Not able to take it anymore peter stood up a bit wobbly pulling the needles out of his arm,
“Pete what are you doing?” tony said quickly standing up and rushing over to peter who pushed him off continuing to the bathroom grasping the door handle so as to not fall down.
As soon as he locked the bathroom door he slid to the ground, his head spinning. He buried his face in his knees and cried as quietly as he could. He wanted to cut so bad, he needed to cut so bad, at least that's what it felt like but there wasn't anything in a hospital bathroom he could possibly use and he had no idea where his phone was or if it had even survived being hit by the car.
He heard a knock on the door but didn't respond. He didn't think he would be able to talk without his voice breaking and didn't really care to risk it. But instead of Tony or a nurse as he expected it was May's voice he heard.
“Peter, are you alright?” She had just gotten back from the apartment and Peter was more glad than he expected for her to be here. As much as he hated the idea of making her worry more than she already had, he missed her a lot and just needed someone who he knew didn't hate him (even if they probably should). He couldn't stand the idea of facing Mr. Stark any longer today but the idea of seeing his aunt wasn't so bad, she always made him feel a little better and he hoped she would at least wait a day or till until bringing up the obvious topic at hand.
“Yeah, I'll be out in a sec.” he tried to sound even but he could tell his voice wavered a bit. Peter wiped his tears taking a deep breath to calm himself, he wanted everything to be normal just for a little while at least.
He opened the door still a little dizzy and unstable on his feet but may quickly wrapped her arm around him helping him to the bed. After he was seated she looked at him a moment cupping her hands around his face.
“You're gonna be okay” she ran her hands through his hair and as much as peter wanted to stay strong for her he couldn't help the tears that began to stream down his face, because honestly, he wasn't sure he was going to be okay and it was what he needed to hear. But with may he didn't feel like he needed to run away she made him feel okay like maybe he would get better with her help.
Peter closed his eyes listening to the sounds of the channels on the TV switch before landing on some mediocre sitcom, the sounds from the TV slowly morphing into his dreams.