On Christmas Eve morning, Wade was bustling around, humming an off-key Christmas song while putting up colorful decorations—or, to be precise, what he thought were "decorations." Twinkling LED lights spiraled around a beer-can Christmas tree, the carpet was littered with a mess of wrapping paper, and variously sized gifts were scattered everywhere.
This was the event of the year. Wade had always cherished the time spent gathering with his friends, so he happily dedicated his time to decorating—even if his grumpy roommate only contributed with sarcastic comments, wounding his feelings. Earlier, Wade had politely asked Logan to go out and buy groceries and alcohol. While Wade did worry that the uncontrollable old wolf might drink all the booze on the way, he believed that if their roles were reversed, he’d come back to a bare, undecorated room with Logan saying, "No decorations are the best decorations."
Sometimes, life’s just worth the risk, Wade thought.
To Wade's surprise, Logan returned not in a drunken state but completely sober. While he brought back three bottles of whiskey and a dozen beers, none of them had been opened yet. This left Wade utterly astonished—he joked that it would be less surprising if Santa Claus himself descended from the sky in a sleigh. He asked Logan if he was sick, even placing a hand on the man’s forehead. Feeling this wasn’t enough, he was about to press his own forehead against Logan’s when Logan swatted him away.
“Oh, oh, what did you buy? Is it for me?” Wade asked, his face practically plastered with a self-satisfied grin, his peripheral vision catching sight of another bag in Logan’s hand. Curious about its contents, Wade’s narcissism made him jump to conclusions: Wolvie had gotten him a gift! His joy was both unfounded and unwavering.
“It’s not. Now get back to whatever you were doing.” Logan replied coldly. He placed the bag of groceries and wine on the table while clutching the mysterious plastic bag tighter, clearly unwilling to let Wade see its contents. This only reinforced Wade’s belief that the bag held a gift meant for him. Elated, Wade threw himself into decorating the living room with renewed enthusiasm, slapping a note that read "Christmas Party" onto the wall with tape while eagerly anticipating the night.
This year's Christmas Eve was livelier than usual. In addition to old friends, there were new ones too. Wade joked with Colossus, saying that while he initially cared about the film’s budget not being able to invite more famous X-Men, he’d grown to enjoy these smaller gatherings—after all, his living room couldn’t even fit Professor X’s wheelchair. He grinned widely at his own inappropriate joke about disabilities, his laughter becoming louder.
Wade eagerly handed out his proudly prepared Christmas gifts, each of them either carefully chosen or handmade with love. For Peter, he gifted a T-shirt with "Honorary Member of X-Force" printed on it. For Vanessa, he gave a small music box featuring figurines of himself and her, accompanied by a card that read, “This is my Christmas blessing. Hope your new boyfriend likes the box too.” Then, of course, there was the prank gift for his former roommate, Blind Al: a surprise box that looked like it contained something special but was actually empty, with a note that said, “Here lies my full blessings… oh, right, you can’t see them.”
This malicious joke was so outrageous that even Dopinder shook his head and muttered in his Indian accent, “This is not right.” Al finally learned the contents of the card from Negasonic Teenage Warhead, who deadpanned the message aloud. Al shouted, “You son of a bitch, Wade!” and flipped him off with a middle finger.
“Oh, wow, you shouldn’t do that. There are children present,” Wade said with his signature carefree grin, sitting next to Laura and pretending to care about age ratings as he reached out to shield her eyes.
Before his hand could touch her, Laura leaned back quickly, frowning and glaring at him with a look of pure disdain. “What are you doing?”
“I’m just trying to protect you from the ugliness of the adult world—like my former roommate’s middle finger.” Wade replied with a straight face, his hand still awkwardly hovering in mid-air as if he were a saintly protector.
“I don’t need your protection,” Laura said flatly, her voice calm yet carrying a hint of menace. “And I’m not a child.”
Wade froze for a moment before stretching out his words with mock surprise. “Oh, wow, so that’s how it is, Little Laura—you’ve grown into a fully independent adult, haven’t you?”
Though his words sounded like a compliment, something about the tone made them feel especially punchable. At least, that’s how Laura seemed to take it. Her brow furrowed deeper as she grabbed a handful of nuts from the table and threw them at Wade’s face. Enhanced by her mutant strength, the impact made Wade cry out dramatically as he collapsed onto the table, clutching his head. “My face, my face! You violent little demon!”
“Your face was already so messed up even a trash can wouldn’t want it. Stop whining.” Logan quipped coldly, delivering his own verbal jab as he kicked Wade aside with one swift motion. He then sat down between Laura and Wade, effectively separating the two. This action noticeably relaxed Laura’s tense expression, and she even shot Logan a playful smile. Logan returned the gesture with a soft, reassuring smile and handed her a neatly wrapped package.
“This is for you.” Logan said in his low voice, one laced with rare tenderness—a tone reserved only for a select few, of which Laura was undoubtedly one.
Laura looked up at him, her eyes briefly flashing with surprise before softening into a faintly happy glow. Though she didn’t say anything, her expression spoke volumes. Logan saw in her gaze the pure innocence of a child—a term he knew better than to use around her teenage self. Instead, he always addressed her by name.
Taking the gift, Laura hesitated for a moment before unwrapping it. She was still adjusting to this world, one that felt absurdly peaceful compared to The Void she came from. To have a caring group of people, rather than those trying to kill or experiment on her, was something she once didn’t even dare dream of. Now, it was her everyday life.
This was why she tolerated Wade’s incessant nonsense, albeit begrudgingly—after all, the woman who brought her from The Void had mentioned Wade’s name.
Underneath the wrapping paper was a pair of gloves—not ordinary gloves, but high-strength, cut-resistant ones. They were designed not just for claw training but also for everyday tasks. Logan, more than anyone, understood how her sharp claws could inadvertently damage items during mundane activities like moving things or crafting.
Laura, who had indeed broken a few of Al’s things before, held the gloves in her hands. She remained silent for a moment before thanking Logan. The unspoken warmth in the air was quickly interrupted by Wade, who somehow revived himself and declared loudly, "Oh, how boring, old man. Is this your idea of Christmas spirit? Gloves? Come on, how can a gift like that compete with my surprises?"
As he spoke, Wade pulled out a ridiculously overwrapped present from under the table and handed it to Laura. "Here, Little Laura, feast your eyes on my masterpiece! This isn’t just any gift!"
Laura opened the packaging with suspicion, revealing... a bright pink toy claw model. It was decorated with Christmas lights and cheap plastic ornaments. Even worse, the claws had several of Wade’s own photos stuck to them, each featuring his most annoying grin.
"What the hell is this?" Laura and Logan both frowned, glaring at the proud gift-giver.
"Art, of course!" Wade spread his arms wide, unapologetically adding, "This is a one-of-a-kind, handcrafted, custom-designed pink claw! It symbolizes your indestructible power and—hey, don’t throw it away!"
Laura, without hesitation, tossed the gift back onto the table. "I don’t want it."
Wade gasped dramatically, clutching his chest as though mortally wounded. "Oh, my God, this is how you repay my endless care? Little Laura, your heart is as cold as someone else’s!"
"I didn’t ask for your care," Laura replied coldly, picking up the gloves again. She turned to Logan and said, "These are pretty good."
Wade looked between Logan and Laura in disbelief, his eyes darting back and forth before protesting indignantly, "What?! His lame gloves beat my masterpiece? I don’t believe it!"
Logan’s lips curled into a faint smirk. "She’s got good taste."
Crushed but ever the drama king, Wade pretended to wipe away imaginary tears, lamenting his heartbreak. But in typical Wade fashion, he quickly bounced back, announcing that his next gift would surely redeem him. After all, it was for his one and only soulmate—Wolvie!
"I’m not wearing this crap." Logan growled, glaring at the monstrosity of a sweater he had just unwrapped. It was impossible to describe how hideous it was—complete with the words "Best Wolvie" printed across the front, a giant yellow bow, and flashing LED lights. Both Laura and Logan were now thoroughly convinced that Wade’s sense of aesthetics had long since died, along with his inexplicable obsession with Christmas lights.
And so, the noisy chaos continued until late into the night. After everyone had eaten their fill and left, the living room was finally quiet, leaving only Wade and Logan behind. Wade leaned back on the couch, a beer in hand, his gaze drifting aimlessly toward the ceiling.
"Hey, Wolvie, you know, tonight’s Christmas party was a huge success—at least, in my eyes," he said casually. "But there’s just one thing missing."
Logan, sitting on the other end of the couch, was busy tidying up the coffee table, collecting empty bottles and trash. Without looking up, he asked, "What’s missing?"
Wade squinted, his tone turning deliberately suggestive. "Hmm… like, a Christmas gift, maybe? You know, everyone exchanged gifts tonight—except you and me."
Finally, Logan raised his head, his indifferent gaze landing on Wade. His expression remained as stoic as ever. "So? What do you want?"
"Oh, I don’t want anything special," Wade sighed dramatically, as if heartbroken. "I just thought our bond meant enough for you to remember me, peanut…"
Wade had been waiting all day for this moment. Logan had pulled gifts out of that mysterious bag for Laura, Peter, and even Blind Al—but not for him. This was unacceptable. They were comrades-in-arms, after all!
After a moment of silence, Logan stood up and walked toward the corner where he had left the plastic bag. He pulled out a small box and tossed it onto Wade’s lap.
"Here. Stop whining."
Wade blinked in surprise, then quickly unwrapped the gift. Inside was a small military-style utility knife—simple yet highly practical. On the handle were a few engraved words: “For the loudmouth Merc with a Mouth.”
Wade stared at the knife, then at Logan. His initial shock quickly morphed into a mischievous grin. "Wow, peanut, what’s this? An assassin’s gift? Or are you trying to remind me to shut up?"
"Think whatever you want. You’ve got your gift. Now shut up," Logan replied, opening a bottle of whiskey and taking a long swig. Only now did he finally start drinking, having avoided alcohol earlier for fear of doing something stupid—like stabbing Wade in front of his friends. That would’ve been a Christmas shocker, not a surprise.
But Wade wasn’t one to stay quiet for long. Giddy with his new gift, he leaned closer to Logan, toying with the knife in his hands. "But, old man, I think gifts should be a bit more… heartfelt, don’t you think? Like—this!"
Before Logan could react, Wade suddenly leaned in and kissed him, the scent of whiskey still fresh on Logan’s lips.
Logan froze for a moment before shoving Wade away, glaring at him with utter disdain. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Oh, just giving you a little something in return," Wade replied with a wide grin, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "After all, your gift was so heartfelt, I had to repay the favor, right?"
Logan scowled, his voice low and cold. "You’ve already repaid it—don’t push your luck." Damn it, his whiskey had spilled because of this idiot.
"Push my luck? Me?" Wade feigned innocence before breaking into another sly grin. "But since you mentioned it, I do have one more suggestion."
Logan narrowed his eyes, now seriously considering smashing a whiskey bottle over Wade's head. "What is it?"
"Come on, peanut," Wade nudged him playfully, his tone dripping with innuendo. "We could spend this Christmas Eve in a much more special way—two-person activities, ta-da! You know what I mean!"
Logan rolled his eyes, already regretting every decision that had led him here. "Get lost."
"Oh, Wolvie, don’t be so heartless!" Wade scooted closer, practically draping himself over Logan’s chest. One of his hands began wandering to places it definitely shouldn’t. "Look, the mood here is just perfect—dim lighting, a sparkling Christmas tree, plenty of whiskey and beer to make things worse…”
But just as Wade leaned in further, there was a sudden knock at the door.
“Damn it!” Wade exclaimed, sounding like a villain whose evil plan had just been foiled.
"Perfect timing." Logan muttered with a sigh of relief. He seized the opportunity to shove Wade off him, standing up and striding quickly toward the door.
When the door swung open, there stood Laura. One hand was tucked into the pocket of her jacket, and the other held a small bag. Her gaze held a hint of defiance, but she still softly muttered, "Merry Christmas, Logan."
Looking at her, the lines of irritation on Logan’s face instantly softened. A faint, visible smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "What are you doing here?"
Laura didn’t answer. Instead, she handed him the bag and said, "This is for you. Don’t ask how I got it." Her tone carried its usual unyielding edge, but there was no hiding the care underneath it.
Logan took the bag and pulled out a small, handcrafted knife. The handle bore intricate carvings—simple yet practical, perfectly matching Logan’s needs.
Crossing her arms, Laura shifted uncomfortably before adding, "You should be able to use this... You’re always ruining those cheap knives."
Logan studied the knife, realizing how similar their tastes were when it came to choosing gifts. The coincidence warmed his heart, and he murmured, "Thanks, Laura."
The next moment, Laura stepped forward and gave Logan a brief hug. He froze for a second but eventually patted her back. There was a softness in his gaze that was rarely seen.
Wade, who had been watching the scene unfold with great interest, finally couldn’t hold back. As soon as the two broke apart, he piped up, "Oh, come on! I’m here too, Laura. Don’t I get a gift?"
Laura glanced at him, rolled her eyes, and pulled out a roughly wrapped package from her pocket. She tossed it unceremoniously toward the annoying loudmouth. "Here. This is yours."
See? Wade knew it—Laura was totally Logan’s kid. Even their dismissive habits were the same! While marveling at his own observational skills, Wade hurriedly tore open the package. Inside was… well, how to describe it? A completely unremarkable lollipop. It was even slightly cracked, looking like it had been picked up from the side of the road.
"Uh, what is this?" Wade asked, his tone full of exaggerated hurt.
"Something to keep you quiet," Laura replied coldly before turning to Logan. "Make sure he doesn’t get too loud."
With that, she walked off, heading upstairs without so much as glancing back. She clearly had no interest in watching Wade’s victim act.
Cradling his chest as if his heart had just been shattered, Wade collapsed onto the couch. "Oh, my God, I’ve been emotionally destroyed! Wolvie, how could you let her do this to me?"
Logan chuckled softly, shaking his head. "You deserved it, Wade."
Laura really was both brilliant and tough. Logan could completely understand how she managed to survive such a harsh environment like The Void. He was genuinely grateful that she had finally escaped that hellish place.
Unwilling to let things go, Wade sprang up dramatically, pointing accusingly at his heartless roommate. "And you’re laughing about it?! Fine, peanut, you owe me compensation for my broken heart—obviously in the way I suggested earlier."
"Not a chance," Logan replied flatly, though he couldn’t suppress a smirk as he thought about the ridiculous gift Laura had chosen for Wade. When Wade childishly snatched Logan’s freshly opened whiskey, Logan, surprisingly, didn’t even bother arguing. Instead, he casually opened another bottle and took a swig, his mood too good to care.
"You’ve just issued a challenge, old man. I suggest you think this through—soon, it won’t be me making the noise." Wade huffed, taking a few gulps of the whiskey himself. The warmth of the alcohol spread through his body, but it wasn’t enough. No, they needed to do something even warmer.
"Anytime, needle dick." Logan retorted, taking a large swig before tossing the empty bottle aside. He wiped the excess whiskey from his lips with his forearm—a simple, unremarkable action that, for some reason, made Wade’s body tense in all the wrong ways.
"Oh, no matter how old you get, unwrapping gifts is always the best part." Wade muttered, licking his lips and rubbing his hands together. It seemed this Christmas was turning out to be everything he’d hoped for.
Fin.
Postscript:
I've always thought Laura could easily roast Wade just as well as Logan does—they are father and daughter, after all.😂
Even though Wade can be super annoying, he actually has a lot of friends in the movies. Having someone like him around, who's hilariously chaotic and annoyingly endearing, might actually make life less stressful and more entertaining, don't you think? Haha.
I'm truly grateful we got to watch Deadpool and Wolverine in 2024. Ketchup and Mustard forever!❤️💛
Merry Christmas, everyone!