Lovers?

It’s been about three weeks and we haven’t even talked about the kiss, he acts like it never happened, and every time I try and talk about it he shuts it down. On the other hand me a Blake are still together and going strong, I even met some of his friends which mostly are just other police officers or detectives. But they are all nice and the crew makes fun of me some times that I have police friends, I told Hen about the Eddie kiss and she told me to talk to him about it like I haven’t already tried. Obviously Eddie likes me or he wouldn’t have kissed me but I still with Blake and I can’t really just dump him for Eddie can I? Through out the three week I have been battling that question, on one hand Blake is amazing, nice, funny, hot, spontaneous, and adventurous, then there is Eddie. He is kind, caring, always putting people first, then there is Chris and I love the kid and I don’t care that Eddie has a kid not at all. The thought of being a step dad though scares me and I do not think that I am ready to step, pun not intended, into that role.

Eddie walks past me and I grab him by the shoulder into the locker room I couldn’t take the not talking about what happened. I started with “what happened” and he started to walk away. I grabbed his arm and tugged him, I did it a little to hard he hit the lockers behind me. The look on his face was something I never thought I would ever see it was worry.

“No you aren’t just going to keep running away we need to talk about that night why did you do it?” My voice had a little more strict

“Because Evan I have feelings for you and I knew you were with Blake but I couldn’t control myself and I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done it and I didn’t want to talk about it because I just want us to go back as friends. Also me a Shannon are trying to get back together.” Eddie finally blurts out after a few minutes of silence

“You could have told me instead shutting me out dude we are best friends. Plus how long have you bee trying to get back Shannon?” I said trying to change the subject to a lighter topic

“The night after Shannon called me saying she was in Los Angeles, and want to meet up.” We started to walk out of the locker room

“Oh well as long as you happy i am happy form you. We good right.” Eddie just shoulder checks me and smiles and I had my answer

The bell goes off and we all rush to the engines, the emergency was a multi car pile up. There was on car that was which car doors were dent so much were could not open them, the victim had a there legs crushed by the front of the car that caved in. We used the jaws of life to open the door and to get some room from the victims legs and the car to get them out. Hen and Chim dealt with the patient as we got more people to safety. After what seems like forever all we were started to put out the small fires, when my phone rang and I saw that it was Blake. He must have seen the accident on TV I can see news reporters and new copters, and I was right he was just calling to make sure I was fine.

“Babe I am fine I do this for a living I am fine. Just putting out the small fires now.” I passed the hose to a fellow fireman.

“Ok and I deal with criminals every day that doesn’t stop them from shooting at me. I am just saying that it is a dangerous place out there be safe I love you.” And when he says those three word I go quite.

This is the first time I hear these word that aren’t from my sister, I was shocked I didn’t know what to say. And I do not know how long I was there in silence but I hear Blake on the other end.

“Hey baby you there?”

“Yeah sorry I got go but I call you later.” I said I hung up the phone.

I have never “I love you” to any but Maddie, I just don’t like throwing that word around. Do I care about Blake yes but I don’t know if I love him, should I we have been together for about a month but I feel like it is too soon. I love Maddie as a sister but I don’t know what love is in the romantic sense what is love? Eddie breaks me out of my stare in to the universe, he told me that we were done here so we started to pack the gear away. My attention wasn’t fully on the task at hand when I got a slap in the back of the head form Hen, who was trying to get my attention

“Buck what wrong after that call you been weird who was it?” Hen says as we finally put the hose back on the truck.

I answered her but the whole crew was listening small truck seating and everyone had the headphones on. When I explained what was going on Eddie just looked out the window kinda of annoyed, but I didn’t pay any attention. Bobby gave me good advice, he said that I shouldn’t have to rush to say it I will say it when I am ready and if Blake doesn’t like that then I should get rid of him. Everyone agreed with Bobby and Eddie still looking out the window. We get back to the station and then I went to Eddie to see what happened in the engine, and of course he just brushed me off and not a single word, back to square one. The whole shift Eddie just ignored me was he jealous of Blake, he shouldn’t be Eddie is trying to get back with Shannon. But trying to get in Eddie’s head is like trying to solve the Goldbach’s Conjecture. I text Blake and see if he wanted to do dinner tomorrow so I can explain to him about why I didn’t say those words. He agreed and then asked if he wanted to go out or just stay in for dinner and I told him that I would cook and to just come over.

Another call did not come in until 5am and it was an easy call just a single car crash and we got back to the station at around 7am. I took a shower and changed close at the end of shift and went home, sleep was not a thing for me last night so I went right to bed. I woke up at around noonish is when my alarm went off so I can go buy stuff to make dinner, I was going to make some bake chicken and mash potatoes. I started to cook at around 4pm and Blake walks in, I texted that the door was unlocked and to come in, when I finished up the potatoes. Blake hugs me from behind and kissing my neck, I turn off the stove and took off my apron. We set the table for dinner and he tells me about his day at work while we eat, not even bothering to leave out the bloody details which I don’t care. Once that conversation dies I decided to tell him how I felt about the L word, at first I thought he was going to be upset but he was very understanding.

“I get it babe after the crazy life you had I would not except you to ever say it. But I know you do love me and I just say it enough for the both of us. Is that why you acted weird over the phone yesterday when I said it?” Blake says now with an upset tone as if he did something wrong.

“It threw me for a loop for a sec but I got my composure together and I was just over thinking. Trust me it is not you you didn’t do anything worng.” I said grabbing his face with both my hands and gave him a kiss.

The night ended with the clothes on the floor, and for my first time with being with a guy it felt amazing just it hurts a little to sit is that normal? The alarm woke us up but it was Blake’s and he was half asleep when I turned over and we just smiled at each other then he shut off the alarm. I got up threw on some clothes and made coffee while Blake took a shower, I decided to get in 20 minutes early and take a shower. Blake walks downstairs in new clothes that I keep for him when he stays over, they came in handy today because Blake wasn’t originally going to stay over. He grabbed some fruit off the counter and was about to head out the door, my apartment was a little further away form the police station so he wanted to make sure he wasn’t late, before I stoped him.

“We are good right babe?” I said as he opened the door.

“Never better baby plus last night was fun you sure you haven’t done that before.” Blake teased and gave me a kiss

“Really well just might want to cover that up.” and I touched the hickey that I left on his neck.

I left shortly after to the station hoping that Bobby or someone made breakfast I didn’t get something before I left. After my the shower I change over in my uniform and I see Eddie walk in and Shannon was with him. I walk out of the locker room and walked over to them and introduce myself to her.

“Hello I am Evan but you can call me Buck. I heard so many good things about you.” Eddie just gave me a dirty look

“Oh really I have heard so little about you just that you’re his best friend and I haven’t met you. And I got that from Chris.” Shannon says this and Eddie just gives out a nervous laugh

Shannon leaves and Eddie just walks away, not saying a word to me.

“What did I do this time Eds?” I ask as the both of us are walking upstairs to get the food that Bobby made, yes I am starving.

“Nothing how is Blake did you have that talk with him.” And it because clear what was bothering him Eddie was still jealous

I explained what happened last night not mentioning the sex part knowing that would just make him more angry. It has been 20 minutes into the shift and the alarm goes off, it is a car crash. We get to the scene Eddie still jealous when I told the story about last night with the crew. We get to the sight and I go with Hen to on car while Eddie and Chim go to the other one. Once I get to the victim I can see that it is Shannon and she does not look to good must’ve gotten the worst of the collision. All of a sudden Eddie is walking over to us and then he sees Shannon and he starts to freak out, I am trying to calm him down as Bobby is yelling to hurry. I take Eddie to the engine to calm him down, while Bobby was yelling order to to other people to help Chim and Hen. They get the patients to the ambulance and Eddie gets in the back of it with Shannon and they were off to the hospital.

It was a few hours for us to have free time to get to the hospital to support Eddie. We get there and the front desk directed me to Shannon room, I gently put my hand on Eddie’s shoulder and he puts his hand on my. I tried to reassure Eddie that it was going to be fine and that she is fighting as hard as she can and so are the doctors. Then as on cue the machines start to beep and nurse rush in, Eddie starts to freak out again and we were pushed out to the lobby. 10 minutes pass and we get the bad news. Shannon had died at 12:07 and Eddie is now on the ground in tears. All I can do is be here for him and I pick him up and put him in the chair, the doctor told us that we can go see here. Eddie just grabs her hand a then whispers something I couldn’t hear.