Oh no!
It was a busy day at the Daily Bugle. J. Jonah Jameson was in a particularly bad mood today. Why? Spider-Man hasn't been 'terrorizing' New York City for the last few days. And Peter? Well, Peter was right on the receiving end of that bad mood. Because if there's no Spider-Man, there's no pictures of him. And if there's no pictures, his boss goes mad. And if he' mad, there's no eating this week. He sighed. All actions have consequences.
However, the silver lining in this horrible predicament is, his metabolism is basically that of a normal person's. Meaning, he won't be starving on a couple slices of bread. Why? Because Spider-Man lost his powers. And he's actually getting some sleep and attending classes. Because he can't patrol or fight bad guys or even put on his Spidey suit. If it weren't for the fact that he is now broke, he would be enjoying this little crime-fighting vacation. But, he can't. Because he's hungry.
Peter smacked his head on his desk at the office. The usual busy and loud atmosphere at the Bugle was now stressing him out because there's nothing for him to do here. He decided to pack his stuff and wave goodbye to Sarah, his only friend in there. At least he's going home. Maybe if he just puts on the suit for a few pictures and takes it off quickly, he can satisfy Jameson. The catch is, if even a single person with a grudge against him goes after him right now, he will most definitely die. Because without the super strength and stickiness and Spidey-sense, he's a weak little nerd in a cosplay. And Peter is pretty sure he doesn't have the luxury of dying right now. There's a new jerk villain in town. And his ability is to take away other people's abilities. He doesn't know when his powers will come back. And Peter was stupid and reckless and now, he can't pay rent.
New York City without Spider-Man felt strange to him. His own life without Spidey felt even stranger. He's been Spider-Man since he was a teenager. The fact that his powers were gone made him jittery and anxious. It's kind of scary not knowing which corner danger's going to be jumping out from.
"Pssssst."
Peter jerked and looked around. How is he supposed to be wary of a shady figure leering in an alley? Then he noticed a familiar pair of white circles boring into him.
"You! Nerdy Andrew Garfield! Over here!" The figure beckoned for him to approach. Great. Exactly the person he needed to see today.
A part of Peter was just a smidge terrified that Deadpool was calling out to him, but decided to ignore his own worst fears in favor of: Deadpool being Deadpool. So, he walked towards the alley.
"Are you Deadpool?", he asked, acting surprised.
"Head to toe, yes! I am everybody's favorite special little vigilante. Merc with a Mouthie. Red Hottie. Hot bootie-"
"Yeah, I uh, I get it." Peter was just not in the mood for jokes or quips today.
"Woooooooow cutie patootie. Who got up your bootie this fine day? You'll get frown lines on those lovely cheeks. I'm talking about your face cheeks, of course, you dirty little rascal. What other cheeks could you possibly have?" He twisted his body a bit in a false attempt to check out Peter's ass. And Peter's so used to it, he didn't even blink in surprise.
"Um, excuse me Mr. Deadpool, but is there a reason why you called out to me from this shady alley?"
"Why, yes of course! Smart little cookie, aint'ya?" he cleared his throat, "You are Peter Parker, right?"
Peter froze. Why would Deadpool of all people be looking for him? There's no actual way he could possibly know? How could he have found out? Peter hasn't seen him in weeks. Before that, he didn't do anything suspicious enough to reveal his identity. And would Deadpool really wait all this time just to spook him now? Yes. He would, for the shits and giggles. Damn it. This is not how he imagined this happening. He wasn't rea-
"Helloooooooo! Anyone at home in there, sweetcheeks? If you're gonna zone out, at least have the decency to do it alone, capiche? I mean, makes a girl feel reeeeeal underappreciated, y'know?" Deadpool's monologue cut right in the middle of Peter's oncoming mental breakdown.
"I- uh- yes. I'm Peter Parker. Why is uh- someone like Deadpool looking for me?" Peter decided to feign ignorance. If Wade knows he's Spider-Man, he'll have to pry it open out of him with a chainsaw.
"Oh, goodie!" He clapped his hands, "how wonderful! So I wasn't being a creepy stalker for no reason! Anyways, back to the point! Why I'm looking for you, you ask? Worry not, friendly neighborhood Deadpool isn't here to kill you for money. I actually need a favor from you Petey-pie." He leaned in, whispering. "I know you know my very good pal, Spider-Man."
Peter was stunned. It seems the universe has a vendetta against him. Deadpool wiggled his brows underneath his mask. "I'll take your surprised silence as a yes, sweetie. Anywho, I need you to contact him for me. I mean I'd do it, cause we're like besties and all, but we have this agreement of not exchanging contact information. Well, not so much as an agreement as I begged him many times to give me his number or like a bat signal, but for spiders and all and he said no. Spidey, my dear friend, is a little stubborn like that, y'know? I mean, obviously you do, cause you're his photographer and stuff. Sooooo, I need you to call him ASAP and tell him to meet me, got it Petey?" He leaned in a little bit, crowding Peter to the wall.
And yeah, normally Peter wouldn't worry. He really wouldn't. He can bend Wade like a pretzel on a bad day. But right now, he's just a scrawny geek and Deadpool could maybe, probably break all his bones with one light punch.
"Uh, I don't have a way of contacting him. I just take his pictures every once in a while. That's all, I really do-" a fist was slammed into a wall right next to Peter's head.
"Look here, kid. I don't think I was being super duper clear, but I am not asking. Contact Spider-Man, tell him to meet me tonight, behind the good old Mexican place he loves, and I'll be out of your hair. If you don't... Well. I think we have a problem then. I am one gentle cookie by nature, but I can easily break your legs if you step on my toes, honey." Up close like this, especially when Peter is in his civvies, Deadpool is actually scary. He knew Wade was big and muscular and built like a brick wall but when he is cornering him like this, acting like he's going to break his bones, he can't help but feel a little afraid. Ashamed of that, yes. Would he ever let Deadpool know that? No. But still. It's not very pleasant.
Fingers were snapped in front of him. "Heyyy, Petey-pie. Y'hear me or what? Don't tell me I just did a whole threatening monologue and you weren't listening. Jeez, do I have to repeat all that?" He cocked his head to the side.
"N-no. I heard you. Um, I- uh- I'll try and get in touch with Spider-Man. I'll find a way to give him your message."
"Good! Great! See how easy that was, munchkin? No need to mention this lovely introduction to Webs, 'kay?" He smiled with his mask, and moved away. "Also, if Spidey doesn't show tonight, I'll consider you responsible and you'll get front row tickets to Deadpool's persuasive techniques show. I know where you work, Petey." He turned around, left the alley and got lost in the crowd. Peter was dumbfounded. He can't go out in his suit. But he also can't have Deadpool harassing him at work. And what the hell does Deadpool even want from him, anyway?
The way home was not a breeze. Getting inside the apartment was not interesting. Putting on his Spidey suit when he really shouldn't was exhausting, but definitely less exhausting than one half of the conversation he had with Deadpool. Peter decided to put his regular clothes over the suit and put the mask on in some dark alleyway. That's as safe as he can get. He's gonna give Deadpool a hard talking to.
When he finally arrived, Deadpool was leaning on a brick wall, eating a burrito and holding a takeout bag. A spider web slammed the burrito right out of his hand. Thankfully, the web shooters are still his most loyal companions.
"Webs! Buddy! So not cool. I was eating that."
"What the hell are you doing threatening innocent people in the middle of the day, huh? You know, I should just web you to the wall and leave. What the hell do you want from me, that you had to harass my photographer?" Peter was very grumpy, to say the least.
"Woah, hold your ponies, Spidey. Why so mean? I guess someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I mean, I could help with that, y'know? Sleep with me, and I'll make sure you wake up on the right side every day." Peter just stared at him, deciding not to give in to his teasing. "Well. Also, Spidey-babe, if you have a problem with how I'm contacting you, why not just give me your number and make us both proud, huh? What'chu say?" He leaned in closer to Peter, but Peter instinctively stepped away. Without his Spidey-sense, he has no way of knowing if Wade's a threat right now or not. And he doesn't like that.
"Okay. That's weird. Why the hell do you look so spooked? Do I need to k-word someone? And where the heck have you been these days? That's actually why I went to all this mighty trouble to get in touch. I'm no hero, but for you, Websie, I'll become one." He puffed his chest proudly and slammed a fist onto it. Peter sighed.
"Look. I can't do this right now, okay? I'll be going MIA for a while. Don't look for me and DON'T harass Peter again," speaking about himself in third person always feels icky, "got that, Wade?"
"What? Why? Spides, you're not answering a single one of my questions. I was worried about you, okay? Sorry I made a light threat to your nerdy friend, but I just wanted to make sure you were good. I mean, New York City hasn't gone a day without Spider-Man in years. How bad is this situation?" He genuinely looked concerned. And that made Peter feel like a horrible friend. Wade's been nothing but good and helpful to him so far.
"Look," he anxiously slid his hand across his face "there's this new asshole in town. I was stupid enough to go after him without any info." Peter paused. A voice kept screaming in his head: Is telling Deadpool he was weak and vulnerable really a good idea? They were allies. Friends even. They patrolled together often and Deadpool always made a point to buy them food and make Peter stay out longer so they could 'aesthetically' eat it on some random rooftop. Honestly and secretly, Peter enjoyed it every time. But. Deadpool's reputation far exceeds him. Peter's been told left and right about his quite violent history and track record. They always said he was unpredictable and unstable. That he was a ruthless killer who'd do anything for money. Even sell him out. But that's also not the Wade Peter's gotten to know.
"And? Did he hurt you? Are you okay Spidey?" Deadpool fussed. A guilt knife stabbed right into Peter's gut. He sighed.
"And, as it turns out, his powers take away other's powers. I'm- uh- I'm basically a regular dude right now." He stood for a bit while Deadpool stared in disbelief.
"What?! Are you fucking messing with me right now? You lost all your powers? What?! Webs! How is that even possible? Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, I am certain Wade. I think I would know if I was just tripping." He did spend hours slamming himself into walls to make sure he wasn't sticky anymore. And unsuccessfully tried to lift a car while no one was out. "Anyway, that's why I've disappeared these days. I don't know when they'll come back. And as much as it hurts me, I can't keep anyone safe if I can't even protect myself."
A pause. A dramatic inhale. "What the hell are you doing out and about then? If a silly little mugger tried to rob you, they could kill you! You could die! Oh my god!" Well, that was an overreaction.
"Okay, I'm not that weak! Also, you are the one that made me come! And I'm in my regular clothes, so I'll just take the mask off when you leave. But you're right. If one of the bad guys tried to get me right now, they most certainly would." Deadpool kept quiet for the first time since Peter's known him. "I don't know how long I'll be out of the game, Wade."
"Surely there's a way to reverse this ridiculous hocus pocus, right? I'll track the asshole down and beat your Spidey powers right out of him." Deadpool said with 100% certainty. Very proudly.
"No, no you can't do that." Peter blurted before he could stop himself.
"Come on, Webs. After all this time and all my help, you still have so little faith in me?" He sounded so dejected, Peter's guilt knife just kept twisting around in his guts.
That was not it at all.
"No. No, I do trust you. It's not that. Just, just listen to me, okay?"
"Why? Why on earth are you trying to protect this scumbag from me?" Deadpool was losing his calm.
"I am not trying to protect him." Peter looked down at the tops of his feet. At the end of the day, despite his doubts, he couldn't help but care about Wade. He was his friend. One of his only friends. Peter didn't know what that guy was capable of. If somehow, someway he took away Wade's abilities, then..
"I'm sorry? Are you saying you're worried about me, Webs? Little, old me? Did I hear that right? Say it again, please, please, please."
"You're an ass." He rolled his eyes in the mask. "If he can take mine away, then there's a probability he could take yours too." He paused, "Wade, if he did that.. you could actually die. Like really, genuinely die. Your abilities are keeping you alive."
It was quiet again. Peter stunned Deadpool into silence again. He didn't know what to do when something like this happened.