„Give up!”
„No!”
„Give. Up. Now!”
„Never!”
„Give up finally, fuck you!"
„You can start, because I won't: I would rather die!”
„You can't die, you piece of shit!"
„See? That’s how determined I am... Fuck, stop piercing my nose constantly; I'll be like Voldemort!”
Logan—the Wolverine: finally, Wolverine—mentally collided with a fucking thick brick wall. That's how it felt to try to negotiate with this idiot red-suited Wade Wilson (AKA Deadpool) or at least deal with him: painful and pointless.
As in this case, in the Honda Odyssey, which was offered by one of the Deadpool variants, Nicepool (a migraine caused by the name had already begun to plague poor Wolverine's little head), they were reining in each other while You're The One That I Want, the iconic theme song of Grease (Pomádé, according to Hungarians...) played softly from the car radio (Logan didn't know this movie at the time; only I commented).
How did they get here?
Well, long story short, Logan had lost his remaining patience altogether; it's a wonder he endured so far.
The fact that this cranky little idiot walked into his fucked-up life and literally kidnapped him was okay. It was okay, too, that he was kicked down to this pile of rubbish, the Void, because of him, so that they could both rot there, and he would have to spend the rest of his life in the company of an asshole like him, which, considering that they were both essentially immortal, seemed a particularly desperate thought. He even accepted the fact that Deadpool was talking a hole in his belly: it is true that more than once he thought about grabbing a needle and thread and stitching the opening in his muzzle, but in the end he didn't. Mostly because the superhero's mockery didn't come with a sewing kit for some unknown reason (although it would be practical: you could never know when you have to patch up a tear on your uniform).
But when Deadpool casually admitted that, despite his previously announced promise, he had no idea how to save Logan's world (universe, multiverse, I don’t know what...), if it could be saved at all, it really went beyond all his limits.
At this point, Wolvie totally freaked out and called Wade everything that existed, who, after that, did what he had rarely done in his life: kept silent.
Then, when Logan began to tease him directly about whether he had anything to say, Deadpool answered briefly and succinctly:
"I’m going to fight you now!"
Wolverine sneered ("Oh, really...?"), but his cheerfulness quickly faded away when the very next moment Deadpool punched him on the nose.
That's how it started: since then, dusk has come, night has come, and even slowly begun to dawn, but the gigantic struggle was still going on, and Logan was getting tired of it.
Actually, he never wanted it to get this far: he didn't want to seriously hurt this pipsqueak kid (well, he couldn't even if he wanted to, but it doesn't matter: the intention is the point). Somewhere deep down, Logan also regretted all the insults he hurled at him: there was truth in them, but as far as he had the opportunity to know him, he could tell that Wade Wilson was not fundamentally a bad person. He was funny in his own way, up to a point, and he seemed serious about saving his own little world; he just didn't exactly know how to do it. Being a hero is pretty hard; Logan also failed miserably in this mission because he decided that he didn’t give a fuck (which is why he got the feeling now that he fucking didn't have much right to disparage anyone). After all, was he better than Wade? Not really. Presumably, it wasn't just and exclusively for selfish reasons that he waved the bait in front of Wolverine's nose that it was possible to save his multiverse, plus those he had let down and therefore were no more, since Logan thought from his later wording that Wade really wanted him to get a second chance.
So, pretty much, and as a whole, if Deadpool hadn't initiated a physical confrontation at the time, Logan, after releasing his anger so nicely, would soon have calmed down and, if not apologized, would have gotten over the other man’s crack, and they could have moved on.
The problem really started when that particular glove landed in his muzzle, and there was no stopping from there. A Wolverine doesn't reject an invitation to waltz—and, of course, doesn't give up.
Yes, but—and Logan only realized this right now—not even a Deadpool, even though all this antics would have ended long ago if Wade had waved and lowered the white flag.
However, neither side was willing to give up, so the skirmish continued: who knows where it will stop and who it will find how, just to quote a classic.
At first, Logan was still entertained by the give-and-take: after all, what could be more enjoyable than fighting someone throat-deep while blood splattered and sometimes even a body part flew into the air?
There you are!
The problem was that it didn't want to end anyway—just like that fucking song stuck like you push the constant play on YouTube. Even though the woman had had a nice voice—Logan imagined her as a hot one too. After they became besties and even moved in together, Wade made him watch this movie too, among other things, so Logan could tell that he had imagined it very well.
Or this is what happens when you make two immortal mutants with super regenerative abilities fight against each other (I know, I know, Wade is technically not a mutant. Now let's pretend that he is, okay?)
Wolverine, at some point, had totally had enough—not to mention, even though his mutation gave him the stamina that makes every athlete all over the world scream enviously, he would have been damn happy to have had some chance to sleep for the rest of the night, resting his tired bones soaked in adamantium (he was 200, way too old for this long shit!).
"You never give up?!" He growled at Wade as he was about to jump on the show again, with whatever was in his hands: this time, with that idiot little knife (baby knife), which he could shove up to the bottom! "Stand down. Last warning.”
"I could do this all day, Mr. Stark!" Deadpool cut him from the hip; Logan, of course, had no idea what he was talking about, but first, he got used to it, and second, he didn’t give a fuck about it.
The only thing he was interested in was ending it all and then getting a good night's sleep.
So, when Wade started a new attack, Wolverine greeted him with a plan (if you go through all the wars that broke out after the 1880s, you'll find something stuck to you besides dirt and enemies blood).
As soon as Deadpool got close enough, Logan pulled out his seatbelt and wrapped it around the other mutant.
Then he just rolled and rolled until he had nothing left.
'What the...?" Deadpool gaped behind his mask, astonished: he couldn't have done much else at this point. He looked mostly like a large fly, carefully wrapped by the spider to eat afterwards.
With the one exception, Logan had no intention of devouring him (although one of his comic book versions once threatened one of Wade's variants with this). Thankfully, you could say. Foul talk is okay, violence is okay, blood is okay—but cannibalism isn't liked by Disney or any sane parts of society (Cannibal Holocaust, now bow down its little head and slip away).
„Restful good night, bub! And if you still feel like babbling after all this, think about it: there are still seatbelts left in this car. In this case I'm going to stuff it in your mouth, down to your fucking stomach! Dream about beautiful things if you can!” Logan patted the other mutant's little head, almost nicely, and then, after finally pushing out that fucking radio, he fell down next to Wade and was already asleep.
Wade Wilson remained silent, not only because he was so shocked that he was still searching for words and couldn't find them, but also because he quickly figured out that Wolvie had fallen asleep. He has always been a great observer.
And without an audience, he didn't like performing...
Well, just a little bit!
"Then we're not going to have hate sex now?" Deadpool asked the vacuum and immediately found out the answer.
No, they won't. („That's what you deserve,” thought the writer, who only made a cameo in this form this time, since no situation can get her to go out into the woods.)
Wade, having conducted this so nicely within himself, did the only thing he could do in this situation: he fell asleep too.
He had beautiful dreams about half-naked, blonde Norse gods with hammers and so on, but that's another story.
The End