Chapter Two
Buck was sitting in his living room with no idea how he got there.
There was a voice floating around him, talking quietly to someone else that he also couldn’t see.
His eyes were trained on the window, watching the leaves on the tree outside sway in the gentle breeze. He had climbed that tree once, just to prove to Chris that he could fit in the swing they had got him for Christmas without any help. Chris had laughed hysterically as Buck got stuck on several branches on the way up. Eddie had stood there with his arms crossed and a fond smile on his face, refusing to help just to prove Buck’s confidence wrong.
It now lay empty of those memories. The swing was long gone just as Chris and Eddie were. There was no one here with him now, just the empty rooms filled with belognings Buck couldn’t really care about.
Just like his family didn’t seem to care about him.
Immediately forgotten once the child they really wanted was back in their lives. Not one of them, not even Maddie thought to call and let him know that Daniel had been found alive after all of this time. Chimney had managed to call Bobby long enough to call out of work, what was stopping him from calling Buck long enough to say that his brother was alive.
He was simply gone from their minds.
And Buck understood, no matter how much it broke his heart to admit.
He was never truly meant to be in this world, his only job was to make sure Daniel didn’t die and he had manage to fail at that. Maddie had lost the brother that made her home a happy one and had been left with the one that made everyone unhappy, forced to care for him for years until it was too much for her to handle.
She could have that now. The happy life she had lost at such a young age.
Buck wasn’t sure just how different his parents would be now that they had their baby back, but surely they would be happier than they have been before. The idea of his parents being happy was such a foreign thought in his head that he couldn’t even picture it. The closest he’s ever seen them truly happy was in the coma dream his mind had conjured up and even that was fake.
But his siter would get it now.
“Baby? You back with us?” A voice asks close by, causing him to blink through the fog.
He turns his head just slightly to see that Athena and Karen were crouched next to him. He couldn’t read their faces to understand what they were thinking, but Karen was holding a hot cup of tea in her hands, slightly reaching it out towards him.
“Thena? Karen… what are you doing here?” he asks them, numbly reaching out for the offered Mug.
Athena reaches out to push a curl away from his forehead, her face twisted with worry. “Don’t you remember? Bobby called us about what happened and we took you home with us.” Buck lets his eyes trail back to the window and the tree beyond it, the faint sound of little Chris’s laugh floating in his mind like the breeze on the leaves.
“Oh… thank you.” He whispers. “You didn’t need to do that, I’m okay on my own.”
Athena moves her hand to cup his cheek. “You don’t have to face this alone.” Her voice is as quiet as his was.
Buck shakes his head. “I’m not facing anything- I was just surprised but I’m h-happy.” Buck struggles to get the word out. “I’m happy for my family, they deserve to have Daniel back.”
“We’re not saying they aren’t baby, but you are our family and we care about you.” Karen soothes. “Finding out like that was horrible and it’s understandable if you need some time to-“
Buck places the mug onto the table in front of him, giving his shoulders a shake. “I don’t need time. I need to be there for them.” He blinks away the fog and gives them a smile, one he hopes doesn’t seem fake.
Ravi’s words from this morning pop up in his mind and the very words Eddie had said in this house just back it up.
He has been selfish recently and making everything about him.
Right now Maddie needed him to look after himself because she had Daniel and herself to worry about now. She didn’t deserve to have her needy and selfish little brother added onto her plate.
Athena shares a worried look with Karen.
“Buckaroo, you’ve been through a lot these past few months- we just want to make sure you’ll be okay.”
“I’m okay Athena, I promise.” And he would be okay.
It’s not the first time he has been forgotten and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He had made it through this pain before so much that it was more like a numb ache that he could push past.
He still had it better than others and he wouldn’t forget that anytime soon.
He got to do the job he loved on a daily basis and he got to make sure that other people in the world suffered just a little less, filling the void in his own chest for brief moments at a time. It was enough to get him through the deep ache of loneliness that always threatened to pull him under.
“You know you always have us Buck? Any time of day me and Hen will be there for you, god knows the kids love it when you visit.” Karen reaches out to squeeze his hand.
Buck chuckles darkly, remembering just how pissed hen had been with him this morning and knew that he couldn’t turn to her with this. She was busy raising two kids now and dealing with whatever else was going on, the very secret that Buck had questioned today. He wouldn’t- no he couldn’t turn to her for help with this.
Everyone he loves had a busy life of their own. He wouldn’t be troubling any of them with his own problems, not anymore.
Too much of their time had been wasted worrying over him in the past. A lot of the times it was because of mistakes he had made. It was selfish. He was selfish for making them go through it all with him.
“Of course.” Buck answers instead of saying the dark words his mind has been spitting at him.
A look of relief flashes on their faces.
“And you know Bobby and I will be there for you no matter what baby.” Athena strokes her hand through his curls. “You’ve been our kid for years now and there’s no way of getting out of that now.”
Her words make him feel guilty for lying to their faces.
But the sting of tears grow behind his eyes.
Because that’s all he’s wanted for years. He could name the exact moment Bobby became a father figure to him. From the moment he fixed Buck’s tie in the locker room for his date with Abby. However he wasn’t sure when exactly it moved from simply being a figure to his actual father. They had never spoken about it but he knew that Bobby had accepted the role.
Athena was an angel sent from above. Despite how they first met, she had taken him into their family like it was as easy as breathing. Sure she could be hard on him but moments like these, when she was softly fixing his curls with gentle fingers and looking at him like he was precious… well, it was easy for him to think this was the mother he always wanted.
Somehow Buck had managed to get lucky and find people willing to be his parents.
But he couldn’t let it happen.
It hurt him more than the lightening ever did but he couldn’t bring Bobby and Athena down to his level when his actual parents had given up on him. He was too much.
Too needy. Too selfish. Too pathetic for anyone to stick around.
“Thank you Athena that- that means a lot to me.”
This time it wasn’t a lie. He could be truthful about what they meant to him but that would be the last time.
Maddie was right.
It was exactly the right time to learn to be alone and he was glad the matter was being forced upon him. He’s not sure he would’ve committed to it if he wasn’t being pushed into the matter.
He could be alone at the same time as being available to everyone else’s needs.
It’s what he deserves after the suffering he’s brought on those around him.
The fog that had been clouding his mind takes over again but this time Buck hides it with a smile.