Chapter Three
Buck woke up the next morning, mourning the life he once had.
He should’ve just been finishing his shift at the station right now, instead he was laying alone in Eddie’s old room glaring at his phone. His eyes were still heavy from sleep and struggling to adapt to the light but the first thing his mind wanted was to check if Maddie had called.
But no.
For the first time probably ever, Buck was disappointed to see that he only had a few missed calls from Eddie and about ten texts all begging him to pick up.
He felt guilty for missing all the calls but if Eddie were to see Buck’s face right now, the other man would know that something was wrong. It was so easy for them to read every micro expression on each of their faces. Buck could smile the wrong way, and Eddie would be in panic mode.
So he lets his phone fall from his hand, watching it bounce from the mattress and onto the floor.
Leaving Eddie’s texts unanswered for now.
He had all day to answer, all day to fix how his face so Eddie doesn’t need to worry. He does feel guilty, especially knowing that Eddie was mourning not being the one there for Chris’s tournament, or the one invited that is. Hopefully Eddie took his advice and went anyway.
He’d find that out later.
For now, he drags himself out of bed, deciding a cold shower would at least help him feel more awake. It would also make him look a little more put together when someone inevitably shows up to check on him later.
It was probably going to be Bobby and Athena. There was no way Hen or Ravi would show, the former being as pissed at him as she was and the latter having no time for him that doesn’t involve work.
He’ll have to convince them that he was okay so his plan of pushing them away could stand a chance of working.
It hurts to know that Eddie would be the easiest out of everyone to distance from. The added miles between them is for once working in his favour.
The thought stings at his skin more than the icy cold water he stood in.
From his position in the shower, Buck could see the leftover bottle of body wash that Eddie had left behind. It was sitting next to all of Buck’s products, half empty from the days Buck missed Eddie the most.
It was incredibly tempting to use it now. His whole body craves the presence of his best friend in this uncertain time. God, what would Eddie be saying to him now if he were here? He doesn’t doubt that Eddie would already be knocking on Maddie’s door to ask just what the hell was going on.
How could she forget about her other brother, the one she watched grow up with her own eyes, who had been there by her side whenever she needed him?
Now Buck needed her, and she was gone.
He didn’t want to think of it like that, because she needed her brother too… just this time it wasn’t him. He couldn’t be hurt that she was going through something herself, dealing with their parents all day to help Daniel re-enter real life, all the while dealing with her trauma and being pregnant.
It doesn’t mean he wasn’t hurt more than he’d ever been before.
Maddie leaving him as a kid hurt because she was his only stability, but as a kid he couldn’t really see the full picture. She was suffering just as much as he was and had the chance to escape. It hurt because he felt forgotten, but he knew better now. Maddie had never forgotten him back then, it was Doug that got in the way of them both.
But now… now he could feel every bit of being forgotten.
Nothing was coming between them here. She was with their family, if they wanted him there, if they cared to remember that he was around, he would’ve been there. Chim was a member of his team, his friend for years who had never left him out before.
Buck shuts the shower off with aggression.
It seems he had moved past the empty sadness and into anger.
What was the point of putting all of himself into making others happy, of being there no matter what if they were just going to drop him?
It’s a question he had asked many times before.
Just as he finished changing into real clothes, the sound of someone knocking on the door reached his ears.
With a sigh, he exits Eddie’s room and makes his way to the door.
“Look- I know you’re worried, but I’m okay- Chim?”
The last person Buck had expected to see standing beyond the door was Chim. He held a sleepy Jee on his hip, and he looked exhausted but sheepish.
“Hey Buck…”
The guilt in those two words hit Buck like a truck.
“Unca Buck.” Jee whimpers, trying her hardest to keep her eyes open as she leaned forward towards him.
Buck reaches for her instantly. He could never say no to her wishes.
She rests her head against his neck as she immediately passes out in his hold. A warmth spreads in his chest, chasing away some of the dark void inside him. For the first time since the news broke, Buck felt a smile on his face.
It was small and short-lived, because as soon as his eyes met Chim’s again, the smile faded.
“May we come in?” Chim asks, hands wringing in front of him.
Buck steps to the side, carefully so he doesn’t jolt Jee awake. “Of course.”
Chim walks fully into the house and, with ease, finds his way to the middle of the room, looking around it like he hasn’t been there before. “I haven’t seen this place since Eddie left.”
A stabbing pain hits his chest.
It was bad enough that he had to live with the constant reminder that Eddie was gone, but it was worse when the rest of their family brought it up.
“Yeah… I haven’t been unpacked for that long, not sure if I’ll keep it this way.” Buck replies, closing the front door softly.
He turns in time to see Chim clocking that every bit of Buck’s things was placed exactly in the same layout as Eddie’s had once been. His eyebrows raised slightly, but with a shake of his head, he turns to look at Buck.
“I’m sorry to just drop in, I know you must be tired from shift.” Chim states.
“I didn’t finish my shift,” Buck replies instantly, holding Jee close for comfort. “Couldn’t concentrate after finding out that my dead brother was alive.”
“Buck-“
“Especially when I found out on the news along with everyone else in LA.”
The words seem to hit Chim like a punch to the face.
Buck did owe him one of those after all.
“Buck-“
“See, my parents, I can understand because it’s not unlike them to keep secrets where Daniel is involved, and Maddie- sure that one hurt badly, but once again I can understand why her mind didn’t jump to me in this moment… but why didn’t you, Chim?” Buck keeps his voice level so the vibrations didn’t wake his sleeping niece. But the words were shaky with all the emotion Buck tried to hide. “Why think of me now?”
Chim hangs his head. “I was trying to look after Maddie.”
This time Buck feels the guilt, but also the hurt.
“But when I tried to look after my sister all those years ago, I was the bad guy?” Buck asks, bringing up the time Maddie ran away and the exact punch Chimney had landed on him because of it. “At least then I asked about you, when Maddie told me her plans… I thought of you and just how badly it would hurt.” Buck feels the tears building in his eyes. “But who’s going to think of me, huh? Easy and dependable Buck, who will forgive anything his friends do to him, the moment he is needed to be a helping hand… Buck, who will take the fall with a smile on his face because you guys are all he has? Buck, who has lost so much of his life recently, but when he reaches out for help, it’s suddenly inconvenient.”
His voice rises slightly at the end, causing Jee to stir in her sleep, one hand coming up to fist in Buck’s shirt like she could sense he needed the comfort.
“Why should we think that this wouldn’t mean something to him, no… let’s just let him find out along with everyone else… watching his family reunite on screen while he has to feel the pity of our team as they too realise just how little he matters to his family.”
Buck shakes his head in anger, suddenly feeling all of that rage leave his body with the words he spits Chimney’s way. “I don’t know what made you suddenly remember my existence, Chimney, but you don’t have to check on me out of obligation-“
“Buck.” Chim’s voice suddenly cuts him off, snapping Buck into silence. “This is not an obligation- you matter to me and you mean everything to Maddie! You may be her brother, but you are also the first child she’s ever had… half of her techniques with Jee come from moments with you.” Chimney paces slightly around the room. “You are a friend to me, yes, but you are also my brother and you have been for years, so you can forget that you mean anything less of that to me.”
“It’s hard to ignore when the evidence was blasted out for the whole state to see.” Buck mumbles.
“Yes. I understand and accept your anger towards that, especially if you keep it aimed at me.” Chim responds quickly. “Nothing sent me here. I chose to come here because I needed to see you. Maddie will realise soon enough what has happened and I need to be the one to fix this before it gets out of hand.”
“You can be mad at your parents and Maddie… but don’t let this ruin what could be.”
“What? Some weird happy family now that Daniel is back?” Buck asks.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I mean because I have spent hours with Daniel now and do you know what I’ve noticed?” Chim asks.
“What?”
A little smile grows on his face. “I’ve noticed Daniel glance at a door, every time his hospital room opens… his face lights up for a moment, but every time a doctor or nurse walks in, I watch that light vanish,” Chim explains. “I watch as his eyes move from the door to your parents or to Maddie, his eyes full of wonder and a question on the tip of his tongue that he will never ask.”
“And? What has that got to do with me?” Buck asks.
“It has everything to do with you, Buck, because it is you he is waiting to see… the baby brother he never got the chance of knowing! He missed your whole life and is just waiting for the chance to meet you again, but is too afraid to ask for what he wants after years of being denied the chance.”
“And that’s why I am here, Buck- I admit I brought Jee along as a barrier because you can be scary when you’re angry, but I came here for myself and not out of some obligation because you are my wife’s brother.” Chimney crosses over to stand in front of Buck. “I hate that this has hurt you along with everything else you’re going through.” His hands gesture to the house they stand in. “We all love you, Buck! You are the best friend I could have, an even better brother to Maddie and probably the best Uncle we could’ve asked for… though don’t tell Albert I said that.”
His anger is broken for a moment as a little smile reaches the corners of his lips.
“And we’ll talk about this more, the way you see yourself when it comes to this family… I won’t forget the things you’ve just said very easily… but for now, would you please come with me- I don’t care what your parents think, I care about what I think and especially what Maddie thinks.” Chim puts a hand on Buck’s arm. “She’ll be so happy to see you there, both of her brothers exactly where she can see them.”
Buck watches as Chim deflates, his eyes pleading with Buck as he ends his apologies.
It would be so easy to say no. he could go back to sitting alone in his empty house, wallowing in grief about all he has lost.
But Chimney was offering him a hand, one that he didn’t know he needed. This could be his chance to finally get some clarity in his life.
He had been born to save Daniel and failed… sure, these treatments he was designed for seemed to have worked and kept Daniel alive, but they still lost him, and it wasn’t- it wasn’t his fault.
He had been holding that fact close to his chest since the moment Maddie told him of their secret brother. He couldn’t save one person that meant such a big deal to his sister.
It seemed silly now that he knew there was nothing he could’ve done differently.
Now he was being offered a brother. One that he may have loved at some point in life and one that apparently loved him just as much.
Could he also take away from Maddie?
If he said no. If he chose to stay here instead of taking the hand Chim had offered him… would he be hurting her more than he could’ve imagined?
“Come on, Buck… please.”
With a sigh, Buck nods his head.
What did he have to lose?