Chapter One
Something had shifted in the air today and Buck couldn’t name exactly what it was.
From the moment he opened his eyes, staring into the empty bedroom that once belonged to Eddie, he had felt like something had changed. The feeling left his skin tingling and his head foggy so whatever it was, it was big.
But everything still looked the same. Empty and flattened cardboard boxes still sat ready to be recycled by the front door as he readied himself for a long twenty-four hour shift. The streets around him still looked the same as he drove the familiar route to work, even the same nosy neighbour from down the street was walking her dog at the exact same time.
But he just couldn’t shake the feeling even as he entered the firehouse to the familiar smell of Bobby cooking breakfast.
Hen was just exiting the locker room as walked in, her eyes trained on her phone just as she had been the moment he last saw her and pretty much every day for the past few weeks. Ravi must’ve gotten in moments before him judging by the uniform still hanging up ready to be put on.
Nothing was unusual about this scene, not even the way Hen barely looked up from her phone to greet him.
Something was still wrong.
“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed Buckley?” A member of the B-Shift asks, towelling off from an end of shift shower. His face looked pretty relaxed so Buck was sure things hadn’t been too hectic last night for their team.
Buck opens the locker he used to share with Eddie, missing the way it would almost spill out with their stuff while greedily savouring the slight lingering smell of his best friends aftershave. “Something like that.” He mutters back, wishing more than anything that his mood would be ignored. He wasn’t in the mood to talk right now, especially not with someone he barely knows.
Ravi groans. “Great, let’s just hope Cap’s breakfast can cheer you up before your mood affects us all.”
Buck shoots Ravi a glare, hoping he could feel the weight of it even with his back turned. Things had been a little tense with Ravi ever since the whole Tommy thing. The thought of them being friends outside of work was out of the window, because what friend would set up a drunk person with their EX just to escape the bar?
Eddie for sure wouldn’t do that.
He would’ve swept them out of the door to another bar in minutes the moment he set eyes on Tommy.
Now buck had to contend with the words Tommy had said and the feelings he brought up. Every day the idea of being in love with Eddie swirled around in his head and with each day it got harder to use the “He’s straight” excuse he had given. Neither Tommy or Maddie believed that was all there was to it and he was beginning to think the same thing.
It didn’t help that he was trying to be okay with being alone because now he had all this time to himself. He couldn’t escape the thoughts when he was alone and the only person he could talk to about them was the very person the thoughts were about. Every call had mostly been prioritising how Eddie and Chris were doing anyway, he cared more about that than whatever his mind was going through.
The wrongness of today was providing a good distraction to those thoughts, even if it made him feel gross.
So he changes into his uniform quickly, hoping that the familiar fabric and disguise would help with the feeling.
It helps slightly and by the time he was up in the loft heading towards where Bobby was plating up the food, Buck was able to breathe a little better.
Bobby greets him with a smile. “Hey kid, grab as much as you can, Chim’s called out for the day so we have plenty spare.”
Hen, who was sat at the dining table, finally looks up from her phone. “Chim’s called out?”
Buck couldn’t help wondering what Hen was doing on her phone to make her act like a sulky teenager. There was obviously some sort of conversation going on because half of her day was spent replying to whatever messages she was getting. He felt guilty for not wondering sooner, what if something was going on and she was in trouble.
He opens his mouth to ask but a firm stare from Bobby shuts him up.
After years of working together it seemed like Bobby had gained the ability to tell when Buck was about to say the wrong thing. He couldn’t always stop it in time but today he seemed to have caught on quickly. Perhaps he was wondering the same thing.
“He said he and Maddie had somewhere important to be, that he would explain later.” Bobby explains. “He also says they’re both okay and not to worry.”
Buck sits heavily on one of the bar stools. “Oh that’s definitely put my mind to rest.”
His mood comes back rapidly. Having Chimney missing from the group for mysterious reasons does nothing to settle the unease in his stomach.
“Enough of the sarcasm Buck, they’re intitled to their privacy.” Bobby warns.
“Yeah it seems like we’re all keeping secrets these days… aren’t we Hen?”
He wasn’t sure why he was now looking for a fight, but using it to usher out the unease seemed to be working.
Hen snaps her head to look at him, her fingers pausing on her phone. “What?”
Buck motions to the phone in her hand. “Clearly you’ve got something going on, some sort of secret going on behind the scenes, or have you not noticed that you’re barely off the phone?”
“Buck, enough.”
He gets up from the stool, ignoring Bobby’s warning. “Come on Henrietta, what’s the big secret?”
“It’s absolutely none of your business Buckley.” Hen snaps, eyes flashing with anger behind her glasses. There was a sheepish look on her face that didn’t slip past his notice. It was enough to tell him that she definitely was hiding something she didn’t want them to know about.
Ravi chooses that moment to walk up the stairs, eyes jumping between Hen and Buck. “What’s going on in here?”
Buck turns his body to face Ravi. “What about you? Since we’re all deciding to keep secrets these days, I can only guess you’ve got something up your sleeve.”
Ravi snorts, clearly unmoved by his attitude. “I don’t owe you anything Buck.”
“Buckley, I think we need to have a chat in my office-“ Cap tries to deescalate once more, but for once the words don’t register properly.
“Oh? You don’t owe me anything do you…” Buck doesn’t have to finish before Ravi rolls his eyes.
“Oh that? Well I guess I do owe you Buck and since you are all so suddenly interested on us spilling secrets, I bet you won’t be mad if I tell everyone exactly why I owe you.”
Ice washes over Buck’s skin.
Fuck, he really dug himself into this hole.
“I think that’s exactly what you should do.” Hen agrees, anger dripping from her tone.
“Ravi don’t you dare-“
“Oh suddenly you don’t want me to tell everyone how you went out with me only to end the night fucking Tommy Kinnard in your best friends house?”
“WHAT!” Hen’s anger seemed to vanish instantly.
Buck freezes, the words hitting him like a bullet.
He hadn’t even considered the fact that he really did sleep with Tommy in Eddie’s house, in Eddie’s room.
And the tone in which Ravi said it proves just how weird it was.
Bobby puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder to steady him. “That’s enough. This is not the time or the place to be having this conversation.”
Ravi stalks over to the couch and throws himself down onto it. “Buck started it.”
“You- it would never have happened if you didn’t bring him over!” The words come out of his mouth in a snarl. “You knew how drunk I was and you used Tommy for a quick getaway!”
“Well maybe I was sick of hearing Eddie’s name every two seconds so I decided to do something about it.” Ravi argues back. “I wasn’t exactly sober either Buck.”
“…but friends don’t do that.”
“Oh so we’re friends now? Since when? Because I can’t remember a single time you’ve been this interested in being mine.” Ravi sits up again to face Buck. “You simply used me as some weird replacement for Eddie. You took me to Eddie’s favourite bar to play his favourite game with his favourite drinks… you need to realise that he’s not here anymore Buck and things have changed. You don’t get to treat us as a second choice for the real person you want.”
Buck wasn’t ready for the conversation to switch so quickly and for Ravi’s words to hit him so hard.
Because that’s exactly what he had been doing. He used Tommy in the same way, filling the void of Eddie leaving and the house feeling empty. He hadn’t thought about Tommy in weeks before they slept together, it was simply a matter of something comfortable. Ravi had been the only other single person he could count on to be free on a random night. He had forced Ravi to play along with his version of things without really sitting down to listen and get to know the other man. He wasn’t the same young Probie anymore and Buck had refused to notice that.
He even used Maddie for company to keep his own emotions in check. His sister had been going through something so extremely traumatic but he had taken up her space and time to heal because he couldn’t stop acting like a child who’d lost his favourite toy.
“Ravi, I think we should-“
Bobby’s words were cut off by the sound of the alarm.
Buck couldn’t escape the loft fast enough, thanking whatever god was out there that this moment was interrupted.
It was safe to say that the ride was filled with awkward silence.
_____________
Three hours later found them back at the firehouse. Buck felt the weight of his turnouts more than ever. It was supposed to be a simple house fire on some suburban street, but it soon turned into a crime scene involving a meth lab and a sever case of criminal activity. They couldn’t reach the lab where the fire had started so Buck had let the line trying to access the basement through a small gap in the door. It took about an hour to get the flames under control before the damage reached the houses on either side. There had been no serious injuries so Hen had been the one to round up all the neighbours into a tent until it was safe for them to go home.
Athena had been on the scene in minutes, ready to arrest the men who had started the whole thing but in the end Buck had to chase one down through several gardens. That also meant he had to be one who gave a statement. He wanted to shower away the soot and smell of smoke from his skin the moment he got out of the rig. Ravi had jumped out first, not saying a word to Buck but passing on a good natured shoulder tap to Hen.
They had all been tired after that so the ride back was silent, not as awkward as the journey there, but tension was still high between them all.
Buck felt guilt for the way he acted this morning.
The fire helped get some of that uncomfortable feeling out of his system and he realised that yes, he did take out his mood on the others for no reason.
He just wasn’t sure how to go across apologising when the words Ravi had said to him still rang loudly in his head.
It didn’t help with the thoughts of Eddie already front and centre. If anything it just added more fuel to the fire.
It wasn’t normal for someone to act this way about losing their best friend, especially when they still spoke every day.
Shaking his head free from his thoughts, Buck turns towards the locker room.
“Good job out there Buck.” Bobby stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “That was some of your best work.”
He knew Bobby was just happy he hadn’t gone full Buck after the emotions of the morning. He couldn’t exactly blame Bobby when this is something that would’ve set him off in the past.
He just didn’t have it in him today.
The world felt off enough as it is without him throwing himself into danger.
He also knew Eddie would be pissed that Buck was being reckless without someone watching his back.
“Thanks cap… I’m going to hit the showers.” Buck mumbles, gently removing his shoulder from Bobby’s hand.
He barely gets a few feet away before Bobby is calling after him gently.
“If there’s anything you want to talk about, you know my door is always open kid.”
He nods his head without looking back. “I know, thanks Bobby but I’m okay… just a bad day is all.”
With that he makes his way to the showers, scalding himself as much as he could handle under the hot spray. Normally he wouldn’t keep it this hot, finding it would make him lightheaded after battling the flames, but the urge to feel clean was overwhelming.
It also helped block out Ravi’s obnoxiously loud singing in one of the other stalls.
Buck is pretty sure he’s singing loudly on purpose and it actually makes him smile a little.
He really thinks he could be friends with Ravi, despite what went down.
Once his shower was over, Buck made his way up to the loft again feeling a little more clear headed and ready to grovel for Hen’s forgiveness if he could take her attention away from the phone long enough.
But he’s surprised however to see that her phone lays locked on the coffee table in front of her. Half of the team sat on or stood around the couches, eyes trained on the TV.
Even Bobby stood behind the crowd, arms crossed over his chest as he watched whatever was going on.
Buck moves to stand next to where Hen sat on the couch, curiosity getting the better of him. “What’s going on?” He asks her, bridging the gap of silence between them.
Hen barely looks away from the screen. “Major kidnapping bust went down last night.” She explains, no longer sounding mad at him. “News just got word of it.”
Buck trails his eyes away from her to watch the screen himself, not at all surprised to see Taylor reporting on the scene.
“-we’re getting reports that some of the victims have been trapped here for years.” The camera zooms past Taylor as she speaks. The hospital they stood in front of was familiar to Buck, having spent time there himself although now it was blocked off with police tape and a good twenty officers patrolling the area.
“Families have been contacted where they can and several have been reunited with loved ones.” A teenager exits the hospital now, looking pale and weak as she’s escorted by two people who must be her parents, judging by the tears of joy still wetting their cheeks. The girl looked terrified by the cameras as she’s huddled into a blacked out car.
“Emily West was taken from a hospital in Washington two years ago after a bout of covid. Her parents were unable to see her in person due to the infection risk at the time and were led to believe that young Emily had succumbed to the illness.”
“Oh my god…” Hen gasps, hand flying up to her mouth in disgust as a picture of a younger Emily appeared on the screen.
“Disgusting people.” Someone else grumbled.
“Her parents were one of the first to arrive and have thankfully been reunited with their daughter.”
“How sick does someone have to be to take sick kids away from their families?” Ravi asks breathlessly, his face ashen. Buck had to remember that Ravi had once been a sick kid in a hospital for a good chunk of his childhood.
Buck was able to place a hand on Ravi’s shoulder from his position next to Hen. He knew things were tense but he couldn’t stand to see someone struggling with their past. Ravi shoots him a grateful look in thanks and doesn’t shake away the touch like Buck had expected.
“We’ve got an update on one of the survivors…” Taylors voice floats through the room.
Turning his eyes back, Buck see’s that someone else is being escorted out of the hospital.
It was clearly a man, someone older than Buck himself. He stood tall with his arms linked tightly to a woman’s. A jacket was being held up over his face but Buck could tell that he was a lot older than the last victim just by the way he held himself.
“ Forty year old D-“
Buck’s eyes widen as two more people appear on screen, hovering just slightly behind the victim, just in time to match the way Taylor’s voice cuts off in a little gasp.
“Isn’t that your sister Buckley?” A voice asks, barely cutting through the fog taking over Buck’s mind.
“… F-forty year old Daniel B-Buckley, reportedly the longest surviving victim has been reunited with his parents Margret and Philip this morning but has reportedly been in company with his sister and brother in law Maddie and Howard Han since the late hours of last night… Mr Buckley has been reportedly dead since the nineties after fighting Leukaemia as a child.”
Taylor hadn’t looked at the paper in her hand as she spoke, her eyes were trained on Buck’s family behind her.
Because they were all there.
Maddie was clutching tightly onto Daniel’s arm whilst Chim held up his jacket to keep Daniel hidden. His father was all but holding his mother up as she sobbed uncontrollably.
He should be mad that Taylor had used knowledge that Buck had told her in the quiet hours of the night many years ago, but his body felt as if it had shut down.
His brother was alive.
And no one thought to tell him about it.