Vulnerabilities
Of course as soon as James stepped outside his little sanctuary and breathed in the chilled night air the weed went straight to his head.
Suddenly and quite abruptly he realised he was really fucking high. So high infact that he couldnt feel his face, his ears or the rolling in his brain. This of course was a problem, because now all James' could think about was Regulus and the way he was beginning to feel towards him.
He was definatley attracted to him, but that wasnt news to someone who was like James, someone who loved people and wasnt fussy in their partners other than they felt the same about him as he did of they. That they consented and were a good person. James thought Regulus was a good person under the pressure of his parents and everything else. He was sure he was.
At this point in his train of thought James walked past the kitchen, and well as high as he was he couldnt exactly not go in. So he swung in the side entrance and very sneakily made his way through the kitchen grabbing whatever food he could in the process.
It wasn't long before snickering to himself and holding his goodies to his chest he was hauling ass racing up the stairs to gryffindore tower.
He made it, breathless and slightly dizzy as he uttered the password and walked into the common room. What he hadn't anticipated was that Remus would still be awake and sat on the couch with Sirius sprawled over him, eyes closed and practically purring as Remuses fingers worked on his scalp.
It was a soft moment really, Sirius was nearly asleep, vulnerable in a way he only ever was with his friends, in a way that made James' heart burst. He'd come so far from the boy he'd met on the train in first year. The painfully thin, ridiculously pale boy that was always cold and tried really hard to always maintain his family name. The boy who had become fast friends with James and had only begun accepting affection from James and Remus a couple of years ago.
Sirius needed physical touch, gentle physical touch. He had to retrain his brain into remembering that not all touch was meant to harm.
It had begun with James, he'd been the most comfortable with him the longest, maybe because they were a sort of soul mate pair, a bond so deep it trumps everything else. Maybe it's because he lives with James now and the two spend more time together than any of the others.
It had begun with touching his shoulder, then hugs and once Sirius was aware that he could touch James, he could be in his personal space and that James would never hurt him. Well a whole new Sirius was born.
It was rare when they were at home that Sirius slept in his own bed, usually he could be found in James's, with James protectively curled around him, using his own body as a sheild.
Usually he would hold James' hand, play with his hair, have one arm slung haphazzardly over his shoulders. There has been many a time where James has received a kiss on the cheek, the lips, the brow from Sirius. There is no such thing as personal space, James wouldn't have it any other way. The less space between him and Sirius the better, Sirius needed it, in the way that James needed Sirius.
His closeness with Remus was much newer, it wasnt the way it was with James, he was tentative and approached by both of them like startled cats.
Sirius loved his hair played with didn't matter who did it as long as someone did. But the person he always wanted to do it was Remus who really could never refuse him.
He would try but eventually Sirius would win him over and they would be found somewhere with Sirius sprawled the way he is now, almost asleep and practically purring (such a feline noise for someone who's animagus was a dog) and remus sat with fondness written across his face one hand holding his potions book and the other deep in Sirius's hair, on his scalp.
James could of watched them for hours, the serenity infront of them, except well he was high as balls and couldn't do anything except sigh dramatically as he walked through the door and trip on the stupid rug.
"Fuck" was the only word that cane out of his mouth as he fell, arms spread wide, goodies from the kitchen being thrown across the room. He fell (face first) with a bang, onto the floor, causing padfood and moony to all but fall off the couch, the potions book in remuses hand to fall onto the floor and a startled yip to spring from Sirius's mouth.
"James?" Remus asked, slowly standing clutching at his chest. There was a groan before he rolled over, facing upwards and almost nose to nose with Sirius.
"You near enough killed me you idiot" Remus muttered
"Sorry" James tried, still stunned from his fight with the floor (which the floor won. obviously) His voice was muffled, and slightly confused soundingnas he threw an arm up to rub at the bumpcon his head. "Fucking stupid rug" He grumbled as Sirius looked over his face, and then eventually held out a hand to help him up.
"Near enough frightened the life out of me and poor moons there James." He laughed, hand still holding onto James' as he guided him to the couch and forced him to sit.
Sirius clambered onto his lap, thighs resting against james' hips, face to face.
"You've got a nasty bump on your head" He muttered, raising his wand to sit level with where the floor and his head had collided. "Am going to fix it, Hold still"
James did infact hold still, His hands resting ontop of Sirius's thighs, rubbing calming circles with his thumbs. The hestitation in Sirius's voice, and James knew that he hated having to point his wand at anyone for any reason. It was all very normal, normal for Sirius to sit straddling James, Normal for moony to look well Moody about it.
All it took was a flourish of Siriuses wand and the slight throbbing that had begun in his head ebbed away and he opened his eyes. Grey eyes met Honey ones, The same colour as his brother. Except this time it was Sirius not Regulus. Sirius's skin was slightly tanned from being outside playing quiddich during the summer, he was heavier than Regulus too, home made meals by Effie will do that to a person. and half his hair was now being twisted up into a bun with his wand thrust through itto hold it stable. James could see the pained look on Remuses face, each and every time Sirius wore his hair like that, each time the wand was thrust through a bun whether it was all up or half there was a pained expression on Remuses face. Alas James decided he was too high for this and promptly accioed a treacle tart to stuff into his mouth.
"You alright there James?" Sirius asked. He nodded (mouth stuffed with treacle tart so speaking wasnt really an option) he loudly swallowed, or tried too what actually happened is he tried and had to do it in little incriments. So he didnt promptly choak.
"High" He muttered, leading to a head shake off Remus and a laugh from Sirius.
"Yeah should of guessed that from the food on the floor to be honest" Remus laughed, Plonking himself down on the couch next to James, handing him another tart and patting his lap to Sirius.
"You know just because my animagus is a dog doesnt mean you get to pat your lap at me" Sirius grumbled wriggling on James's lap, which caused an eyeroll from James as he moved ever so slightly (Considering how Sirius was positioned and he was still very high and Reguluses face kept popping into his head and he was rather horny and would really not have Sirius wriggling on his lap)
Sirius glared at Remus, before leaning down and setting his head on James' shoulder and breathing in deeply. Remus looked slightly offended and James shrugged, wrapping his arms around Sirius and dragging a hand up his back.
Up and down, like comforting a child, and within a couple of minutes of James munching and rubbing Sirius's back, he was snoring.
"Works like a charm, every time" James laughed quietly, his hand moving in steady circles.
"It's scary how quick he falls asleep on you" Remus shook his head, but James could see it, the dissapointment in his friends eyes.
"I could teach you" he offered Remus shook his head.
"I don't think it's something you can teach James, I think its just you. I think he finds you safe, I mean he sleeps in your bed almost every night, even if he doesn't start out there. I think its just you, your presence, you relax him in a way that i dont think i could replicate" Remuses voice was sad, resigned almost.
"He finds you safe too you know. I think its different though, I think it's different between you and him than me and him. He's spent more time with me than I could explain, more time in my bed or my arms than i could count. He's different with you though Remus" James sighed. Sirius's snores were calming, the buzz of his chest against James' as he breathes in. He was still draped over James, arms around his neck, thrown haphazzardly almost. His face pressed to James's throat, breathing him in and tickling as he exhales.
He was so young this way, vulnerable and young. It reminded him of the first year they were friends, when Sirius confided that his mother was awful. Truly awful using the cruciatus curse on her two children, beating them with her bare hands on occasion. James brushed a stray hair off of the other boys face, and moved forward. His hands slid up Siriuses thighs, getting a firm grip under him and a a steadying hand pressed against his back he rose.
Gently James carried him up the stairs to their dorm, and bypassed siriuses bed moving to deposit him on James' own bed, tucking him under the covers and then sliding in next to him, letting Sirius adjust himself until his head was on James' chest just above his heart and his leg draped over James' the way he always slept.
It didnt take long, listening to his deeply breathing brother (deeply snoring) James was taken away into the darkness of sleep.