Wonder
James spent the rest of the day wandering aimlessly, he truly had no idea why he'd given Regulus his jumper. Well no that wasnt strictly true the boy was shaking like a leaf, and freezing when hed let Dorcas take him. He knew exactly why hed swaddled him like a babe in his jumper woth no idea if he'd end up getting the thing back.
He wandered from place to place unable to stay still and Sirius was still in the Hospital wing since he was so close to the smoke in the first place. Pomfrey wanted to keep an eye on him for any adverse effects. So james did what he always does when his soul brother was out of comission (which was alot) he went to the quiddich locker room.
It was warm in the small building, warm and quiet. He dumped his bag on a peg and yanked out his favourite recreational drug and a grinder. After spending a few minutes rolling 3 joints he lit one and shoved it in his mouth and the other teo got positioned delicately behind his ears. Either someone would come looking for him or hed get to smoke his weed in peace and go back to the castle an absolute shamble again.
So he sat there, the smoke curling above his head in absolute silence. Well until he started thinking about Regulus.
It started with closing his eyes and the first thing he saw was those steel eyes of his, framed by dark long lashes and a noble brow. Then it moved onto his straight nose, and the curve of his lips when he smiled. The two tiny little carnivore fangs that protruded, they were probably like that from childhood really and the new ones simply took the same shape. They were adorable to see especially when they were exposed just the tiniest bit by a smile. His pale throat all but begged to be bitten, to be marked and his shoulders sat less curved in than they did at the beginning of the year, more confident in himself. He was lithe and slender and dotted like Sirius in scars, hed only seen the nicks and scratches on his hands thought. Hands that would be the death of James potter. Adorned by rings of silver that he played with relentlessly. It was torture. James had also found out that Regulus really loved potions, and it was obvious when you watched him for an hour working on one. The adoration for the subject. James was so caught up thinking about him that he didnt notice the door swing open until someone sat infront of him. That was when he opened his mouth and very nearly dropped the joint onto his trousers.
"Meadowes?" He asked, retreiving the little rolled goodness and sticking it right back into his gob and lighting it again.
"Hello Potter" Her voice was light, feminine with an air of something else attached to it. "Don't tell Regulus I found you here, He told me you like to hide here for some peace and quiet. But i feel like you need some context on what happened in the potions room" She was wringing her hands together, and he cocked an eyebrow.
"Before you tell me anything" he began "You dont actually need to tell me anything. Ive been bestfriends with his brother for 6 years. I know what a PTSD flashback looks like" He spoke softly the expression on Dorcas Meadows face changed from sheepish and anlittle nervous to all but shocked.
"Sirius has it too. I didn't realise regulus eould be subjected to the type of things Sirius was but I can't say im surprised. That bitch of a woman should of been hit with the killing curse the second she thought about touching a hair on either of their heads." James's voice had lowered an octave and even he didnt think he sounded like himself. He sounded vicious, dangerous, everything everybody thought he wasnt. He was James Potter afterall, he was golden and sunshine and all things lovely and happy. The thought of Wallaburga Black touching a hair on Reguluses head made James's skin burn like someone had cast feind fyre in his veins. He wasn't uncomfortable persay with how angry he got when thinking about what she could of done to those two beautiful boys but the reaction was something that was linked to Regulus. It was linked to James's affection, borderline obsession with the younger black brother.
"I should of ripped Regulus out of that house the second Sirius was banging on my door at 3am battered and bloody and barely breathing. I should of gone straight to Black Manor and tore her tongue out of her head before killing her. I should of ripped her and Orion apart limb from fucking limb" His voice sounded murderous now, foreign to even his own ears.
"I'm glad were on the same page with that Potter" He had forgotten that Meadowes stood infront of him, forgotten that she'd come to tell him about regulus.
"How is he?" James's voice has returned to normal, and he felt a little stupid for getting so worked up.
"He's dealing, usually after a flashback he'll spend a fair amount of time in bed, and somehow he always comes out colder than when he went in" She spoke softly, sadly, like she was reminicing.
"I dont think anything about him is cold" James hadnt realised the words had worked themselves out of his head and into the air infront of them. Dorcas's eyes didnt widen, they didnt do anything other than stare into his, Amber meeting green.
Objectively he thought Dorcas was beautiful, dark hair cut short, thick dark eyelashes that made the green of her eyes stabd out. The slytherin green of her eyes a full mouth and pretty facial features but he was 99% sure that she wasnt interested in any man, the way he wasnt interested in females.
"Interesting." She murmered
"Whats Interesting?" he found himself asking.
"You." she replied with a shrug of her shoulder before turning and walking away, and leaving james on his own.
Sighing James pulled another joint from behind his ear and lit it, inhaling deeply. He had only one intention which was to end up so high that he couldnt feel his face and then maybe, maybe he wouldnt be so fucked. Maybe just maybe he would be able to forget the grey of Reguluses eyes, how they shone like a galaxy all on their own, they shone with life, with inteligence, with something else that james couldnt quite make sense. Maybe he thought as the smoke filled his lungs and clung to his clothes he would be able to get Regulus out of his mind. Instead he sat wondering, higher than the clouds, about how Regulus might actually be the person to change the world instead of him and his merry band of friends.
Eventually James gave up and decided half in a dream to go back to the dorm. It was dark out now and lit only by the light of his wand he walked slowly trying to ignore the hunger inside him. Was it hunger for food? (or something, someone else?)