Who We Are

Bucky, laying on the couch in his apartment, stuck in his thoughts. Those deep dark thoughts of his. Clouding his mind.

He ran a hand over his face, groaning a bit. His stubble becoming more of a scraggly beard. Sitting up, he looked around his bare apartment. A tv, a couch, his makeshift bed next to it, an open kitchen though, only a coffee machine sat on the counter. It was a little sad how bare his apartment was, like he had zero personality anymore. 

His shoulders slumped, eyes heavy with the weight of his past. He didn’t see much point in his long life anymore. Really, the only thing that kept him going, was Sam. 

Bucky let his head fall back onto the back of the couch, and he let out a sigh.

What more could his life bring him? Sure he was helping people instead of hurting, and working through his issues from his past, slowly, but, is there anything else? He was so full of life before the war, before Hydra, before everything crashed his life. 

He groaned again, lifting his head, looking around again. Bucky debated weather to sit and wallow or go on a walk. He really didn’t wanna get up, but he didn’t wanna wallow in doubts either.

Finally, he decided to go on a walk around the block. Just a quick walk, nothing much. He stood up, throwing on his jacket and gloves. It wasn’t cold outside but he wasn’t comfortable showing off his vibranium arm, so he hid it. The arm was one of the things he hated about himself, among other things. 

Bucky then grabbed his keys and headed out the door, locking it behind him. He solemnly walked down the brown, dull hallway of the apartment building. Stopping at the elevator, hitting the down button, shoving his hands in his pockets, and waiting.

The elevator dinged about a minute later and opened its doors. He stepped in and pressed the main floor button, then shoved his hand back in his pocket. The ride was slow, at least he thought it was anyway. 

As he reached the ground floor, he stepped out of the elevator, his hands still in his pockets.

He walked out of the building the autumn air hitting him like a brick. He didn’t like most things, but he did like the fall. It somehow reminded him of the forties, hanging with Steve, when they were just kids. Playing outside all day, and coming home late, long after the sun had set.

He walked, scuffing his feet on the ground a bit as he went. Bucky really didn’t care at this point. He was just so, depressed, that nothing mattered. Nothing at all. 

Bucky walked around the whole block, slowly. Which took about an hour and a half. It didn’t waste as much time as he wanted, and only made him feel lonelier than he already felt. Now he just wanted to go wallow. Maybe cry a bit, just in the comfort of his own home. 

As he walked back up to his apartment though, he saw some movers moving furniture into the apartment across the hall from him. He was a bit curious. Was someone moving in? Well duh, yeah, but he wondered who. Why was he so invested in that? He shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t matter. It would just be another person for him to avoid. Another person for him to not care about, to hopefully not scare with his nightmares, and the screams.

Though then he saw her, most likely the tenant. Long, light brown hair, with strawberry highlights. Freckles all over her face, so much that they just blended together in areas. A bunch on her arms as well. The prettiest green eyes he’d ever seen. And the light reflecting off her light blue glasses made them glow almost. Lush, rosy pink lips, and a little dip in her chin. A round, little chubby, face. Why was he looking so intently? His eyes then trailed down her body. She was quite curvy, but not like some women, it was more of light curves, but she was definitely more in the bigger side. Which Bucky actually liked. He liked it a lot, he didn’t know why though. She didn’t have much of an ass, but her front bulged out a bit.

Though Bucky felt he was staring there a bit too long and shook his head, tearing his eyes away for a minute. But not too long as they were back on her again. She wasn’t too tall, he definitely towered over her, standing at six foot.

He then started to feel awkward for staring though. He felt like a creep. But, she was so beautiful in his eyes. He just couldn’t stop staring, though he knew it was wrong.

He shifted a little on his feet as she walked right past him. Bucky got a whiff of her shampoo as she went by, and he swallowed hard. It smelled like lavender and other flowers. He knew he should just go into his apartment, but he had the urge to say something to her. Though all his words got caught in his throat, and only a shaky breath came out.

Bucky shifted again, straightening himself up, his jacket and his hair. Which was getting a bit long. He was definitely due for a haircut.

‘Why am I so flustered?’ He thought. ‘Pull it together James.’

He hadn’t even noticed the movers leave as he was so up in his head, his mind now clouded by the way this, absolutely gorgeous, girl was right in front of him. Though he then saw her wave them off as he came back to reality for a minute. He blinked a bit, coming back fully.

Now was his chance. His chance to say hi, if his stupid mouth would work. He took a step forward, his heart pounding in his chest. 

Though, he immediately stopped moving when she looked right at him. Her beautiful eyes meeting his. His mouth immediately went dry and he forgot how to even breathe for a minute. Why was he having this reaction?

Bucky wanted to speak, though he didn’t want his voice to be shaky. So he took a breath, running a hand through his hair. But that didn’t help his nervousness as she then smiled at him, making his heart leap into his throat. He swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair once again, and spoke. So afraid it’d come out shaky.

“Hi, I’m Bucky,” he spoke, with his signature, flirty smile. He let out a breath he was holding, thankful his voice was steady, and ran his hand through his hair yet again, shoving the other in his pocket. He wasn't really expecting her to reply, but she did.

“Hello, I’m Le’Renn.” 

When she spoke her name, Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. Her voice was a lot deeper than most women he’s met, but it was soft and sweet. And that smile she gave, made him melt. Gosh he hadn’t felt like this since before the war, maybe not even that.