Chapter 4
Once they had gotten home, Sarah had gone to play in her room with the dolls that Peggy had sent a few days ago, while Steve went to call Sam.
Pacing up and down his room, Steve chewed on his fingernails waiting for Sam to pick up the phone. He wasn’t working, or volunteering today, but he also thought Riley might have had a bad day and with that thought he almost hung up before Sam picked up.
“What’s up Rogers, Riley and I are baking cookies and someone keeps eating the batter before they can bake.” Adding an extra emphasis on someone as he heard Riley laughing in the background yelling something back he couldn’t quite catch.
“I ran into Bucky today.” He spat out, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
“Oh, okay. Well, tell me what happened.” Sam asked, and the noise in the background quieted down.
“He has a daughter, who goes to Sarahs’ school, and is her new friend.” Steve answered, pinching the bridge of his nose, exhaling softly letting it all sink in.
“Okay, Riley and I will be there in 15 minutes with the few cookies we do have.” Sam told him, without giving Steve a second to say anything himself.
Sighing gently into a laugh, he just got up and told Sarah that her Uncle Sam and Uncle Riley would be over soon and they had cookies. She loved her uncles, but sometimes Steve thought more than him, that she got to be the flower girl to their wedding a few years back.
It was a beautiful and small ceremony that Steve was happy to be a part of. Immediately family and a few friends were invited with Steve as Sam’s best man, and an old army buddy for Riley as Sarah stole the day in her little yellow dress throwing the flowers everywhere that matched her dress and the ties all the men wore. Sarah found it hilarious when she found out that she shared the same name as her Uncle Sam’s sister and followed her around most of the day saying that ‘with Nana we are going to start a club for people called Sarah.’
Not even 15 minutes later, Sam and Riley let themselves into Steves’ as he sat on the couch skimming through the channels on the TV as he heard the door click open.
“Well, how lovely for you to let yourselves into my home.” Steve said dripping with sarcasm as he turned to them, with Riley using his crutch and Sam holding the container of cookies.
“I brought cookies!” He yelled out making eye contact with Steve as all three men heard the little pitter-patter of Sarah’s feet rushing to the source of the food.
“Cookies!” She yelled back running over to her Uncles, and thankfully Sam had placed down the container as Sarah wrapped her arms around his legs excited to see him.
Picking her up, Sam and Riley walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch on either side of Steve making it a tight squeeze for three grown men. Once Sarah had gotten her cookies (“ Daidí please can I have one more. It's Friday!”) she happily skipped back to her room while Sam went to make coffees for all three of them.
Clearly up some space on the couch, Steve moved to the other side giving Riley room to rest his leg up forcing Sam on the single seater. Taking a cookie each, Sam returned with two cups before retrieving his own and sitting down on the seat next to Riley, still being in arms length.
“So, tell us everything.” He said, and so Steve did.
He told them how Sarah told him about a new friend on the first day of school. Then how he got a little suspicious when Becca was mentioned for the first time, but thought nothing of it because surely it wasn't her. And then when he saw her she looked familiar, ending with seeing Bucky again.
“I had a letter in the car I was going to mail out to his parents after I picked up Sarah. Then I fucking ran into him as my daughters friends father!” Even saying the words out loud again he still was having trouble digesting it.
“And you are planning to see him right?” Riley asked with a mouthful of food.
“Yeah, I gave him my number because the girls wanted to have a playdate this weekend.”
As if Bucky had heard him, at that moment his phone buzzed next to him and he picked it up.
Bucky: Hey Steve! Lottie keeps bothering me about asking you when Sarah can come around? And, obviously, I'd like that too :)
Reading the text it seemed like nothing had happened between them and he didn't know if he wanted that or not. Leaving his train of thought, he quickly typed out a reply.
Steve: We're busy Sunday with a picnic with Ma. But tomorrow at 11 works for us :)
A smile sat on his face as he thought about seeing Bucky again.
Bucky: Can't wait to see you both then!
Then followed by his address, Steve replied with a smiley face before putting his phone back down and looking up at the guests. However, he wished he didn't. Sam was looking at him with his knowing look, while Riley gave him a look he couldn't quite describe.
“What?” Steve asked, having his voice raise a few notes coming out a little squeaky. “Bucky just wanted to know when we were free.” He defended himself.
“You still like him.” Sam said as if he was telling a fact from a history book.
Steve stumbled on his words before he managed to speak “Of course I do, he was my best friend.” He managed to reply, taking a sip of his drink trying to hide the redness of his face.
“We all know that's not what I meant. You still like him, Steve.” Sam said with a soft tone to his voice.
Sighing at the comment, and checking that Sarah's door was closed he nodded his head. “No. I still love him. Buck was the first person I ever loved.” He admitted with his head in his hands. “We planned our future together, how can I just turn those feelings off?”
Twas the night before Bucky shipped off and the pair were on the rooftop of the apartment complex. It wasn't as if they hadn't done it before, they did it almost every day in summer. But with the start of winter appearing they were huddled under a few blankets on the rickety couch that someone had brought up years ago. Neither of them saying a word, just enjoying the closeness of the other in the last few hours they would share before being apart. It wasn't as if Bucky was regretting joining the army. He didn't know what he wanted with his life and thought it would be a good way to think about it, just like his Dad had. Steve didn't want him to go. He tried to hide it, but everyone saw through him, except Bucky.
Reaching over Steve grabbed Bucky's hand in his own, knowing if he wanted him to know he had to be honest.
“Buck.” Steve whispered from where his head lay on the older man's shoulder. A hum was heard in reply as Steve rubbed small circles on his hand.
“I'm gonna miss you.” He said after a beat of silence. Bucky moved below him, forcing Steve to look at him.
“I'm gonna miss you too Stevie.” His voice soft as Steve felt his breath brush his face in the small space between them.
Looking from his eyes to his lips, Steve brought their interlocked hands in-between their bodies feeling the other's heart beat on their hand. Licking his lips, he wasn't sure who moved first, all he knew was that he was kissing Bucky Barnes.
His lips soft and delicate, but still rough from the skin he had picked off earlier. He tasted the faint chocolate pudding they had had earlier than night. Moving his other hand, Steve gently cupped Bucky's face pulling him closer before removing his other hand to the other side of his face.
Heating up, Bucky slid his tongue across Steve's bottom lip causing a sigh to fall from his mouth as he opened up and welcomed in Bucky. Moving from the side to cradling his lap, Steve eventually broke the kiss in need of air and rested his forehead on Bucky’s as he stayed on him.
Both slightly panting, Steve spoke first. “I'm going to miss you more.”
They went down a short while after and shared a bed just like they had when they were kids.
While he was away, letters were exchanged speaking of their feelings towards the other and plans they wanted to have. They wanted to date, to kiss, to hold, and to care for the other. To have a relationship that could have happened years ago if they weren't both afraid.
Six months into their relationship and Bucky's deployment they managed a time for a phone call. Both wanting to just hear the other's voice, it started with overlaying of talking, and laughs to match before Steve asked Bucky if he knew about his future.
“Yeah, I think I do.” He answered with a shyness to his tone. Steve asked him what it was and his answer shocked him. “I want a future where it's me and you, Stevie. I want to get married when we're a little older. Maybe have a child, I always thought you'd be a wonderful Dad. Or if we didn't, it wouldn't matter cause I just want to be with you, because I love you Steve Rogers.”
That was the last time he heard his voice before the letters stopped coming in a few months later.
“I just want to know why he stopped replying. He acted like nothing had happened between us, and I don't know how to feel about that.” Steve admitted to Sam and Riley with tears glistening in his eyes. This was the man he had loved long before he knew what love was. Bucky was love and that was all he knew.
Riley moved forward placing a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder as Sam passed the tissues along. Comfortable silence filled the room as Steve let his tears fall quietly, not wanting to alarm Sarah, before wiping the final tear and taking a deep breath. It was years ago and he should be over it, but he isn’t, and now he has to pretend all is fine for his daughter and best friend.
Sam and Riley ended up staying for dinner, wanting to keep an eye on Steve, and left shortly after 9pm. Now, he sat alone in the silent home checking his phone to see if, for some reason, Bucky had texted him, but just like the last 20 times he hadn’t. Sighing to himself, he got off the couch and got ready for bed. He’d be seeing him the next day after all. He’d finally get to see him again.