Chapter 11
Carina feels a tightness in her chest as soon as her wife leaves the room. She wants to go with Maya to the CT, but she needs a break to gather her thoughts and control her anxiety over this overwhelming day.
She sits exhausted on the chair. Her legs hurt, and her shoulders are tense. She's been up for way too long. The memory of waking up in the hotel bed the previous morning is so distant that it feels like it happened weeks ago.
What an unbelievable day.
Maya had brain surgery. She nearly died. Carina came awfully close to never seeing her favourite pair of eyes again, to never hearing the blonde's voice, to never feeling Maya's strong hand intertwine with her own.
The OB takes a deep breath as she shakes the thoughts away, already feeling her eyes begin to sting. She needs to focus only on the fact that Maya is okay. The firefighter will be back from the CT, the exam will show she's well and they will, finally, have time to talk things through.
It has to go like that. There is no other way. She won't survive anything different.
Carina lies back on the chair and stares at the ceiling, trying to think only about the wide smile Maya gave her before leaving. God, how she missed that toothy grin.
"You should really get some sleep."
A voice snaps her out of her trance and she finds Teddy standing in front of the room with a plate of food. The brunette gives her friend a tired smile.
"I know. What are you doing here? I thought you went home."
"I did and I'm back now. You didn't get a chance to eat dinner last night and I know for a fact you cannot live only with coffee, even if you're Italian."
Carina is about to protest when the blonde doctor quickly shuts her down.
"Alisson and Theo opened their presents and now they are running around like crazy. Owen can handle them for a while. And I need a break from Owen. So please, indulge me."
The OB nods and smiles as Teddy hands her the food. The mere sight of the plate is enough to make Carina's stomach growl loudly. The chief of surgery eyes the Italian before laughing at the sound.
"Yes, okay, I guess I am hungry. Grazie, Teddy."
The blonde just smiles at her friend. She is relieved to see that Carina is looking better even after the terrifying morning she had. She looks tired, of course, but nothing like the broken shell of a person that she was while they waited for Maya's surgery.
Carina eats the food calmly, glad to taste something different from the cafeteria coffee - if you can even call that sad brown water that.
The two friends stay quiet as Teddy allows the Italian to properly enjoy her meal. The brunette manages to eat almost half of her food, which the chief will take it as a win considering the circumstances.
"Amelia said that Maya is doing well, and passed the preliminary tests."
A sigh leaves Carina before she can control it, a wave of relief washing over her once again. Hours earlier she didn't think she would hear those words.
"Yes, she is. She's doing a CT now. She should be coming back soon."
"And how are you?"
"I'm okay."
Teddy eyes her suspiciously, not firmly believing her friend's statement.
Carina reassures her with a soft smile.
"I am, Teddy. I just need the CT to be clear. I need Maya to be okay. I am certain now."
"Certain of what?"
"That we need to talk and try to make things work. I want us to be us again. And I can see that she's doing better. It's a long road, she still has to gain my trust, but I need her, Teddy. So, at least, I have to try, we have to try."
The cardio surgeon smiles at her friend. "As someone who watched you two grow together, I truly hope you can make things work."
"I hope so too."
"And you can count on me if you need anything. Even if to kick Maya's ass. I know Amelia will certainly volunteer to kick it too."
As if summoned, the neurosurgeon enters the room alongside Maya.
"What am I kicking?"
Carina just laughs at her friends. Her eyes instantly find her wife's, not leaving them even for a second as she asks Amelia the most important question of the day.
"Is the CT clear?"
The smug smile on the neurosurgeon's face already says it all. "I am very good at my job, so yes, the CT is clear. No bleeding."
Carina's hand quickly finds Maya's as they grin happily, their eyes fixed on each other.
Amelia soon continues, needing to give them all the information. The couple turns their attention to the doctor.
"There is still some swelling, but that's normal after this kind of surgery. We just need to monitor it closely. I'll give Maya some steroids to reduce the swelling and the pressure around the brain, and medicine to reduce the pain."
Once she sees the two women nod, Amelia carries on, looking firmly at Maya.
"You will need to stay here for at least 3 days, Maya. It could be longer, it all depends on the swelling and how you'll respond to the treatment. You will also need a minimum of 4 weeks to recover after that, so absolutely no work during that time - not even desk work."
Carina and Teddy turn their attention to Maya now, eyes filled with concern. For both women, the memory of their last interaction in a hospital room is still so vivid.
The Italian holds her breath, anxious to see how her wife will react to the doctor's orders.
Maya is well aware of the tension in the room, of all eyes on her. She hates that they don't trust her, but she doesn't blame them, especially Carina. She knows she has to earn that back, she knows she needs to prove to her wife that she is different, that she is trying so hard to be better.
So Maya pushes back on the restlessness that threatens to emerge, she focuses on the woman standing next to her, the love of her life. She recalls her sessions with Diane, she remembers how staying put and taking care of herself is not losing. She silences Lane's voice in her head, although now it is not as loud, it is still there, even if distant.
Maya looks at Carina, hoping her eyes are as clear as ever, hoping her wife will see the truth in her words.
"I'll rest for as long as I need. I just want to be well."
The softness in the Italian's eyes and the small smile she gives Maya are more than enough for the firefighter to know that she made the right decision.
"Very well, firefighter Barbie. I'll be heading out but page me if you need anything, okay?"
Maya smiles at the nickname. She used to be annoyed by it, but now she likes it a little - though she will never admit that to the neurosurgeon. "Thank you, Amelia. For everything."
Carina echoes the sentiment and leaves Maya's side for a second to give her friend a hug. "Grazie mille, Amelia."
"You too, Teddy." The OB pulls Teddy into the hug and the chief can only laugh at her affectionate Italian friend.
Maya is a bit emotional as she watches the scene contently, once again glad to see the women who continue to take care and support her wife, even when she failed to do it herself.
Amelia and Teddy exit the room and a nurse quickly comes in to give Maya her medication while Carina reclaims Maya's hand on her own.
At last, the couple is alone.