Chapter 10
The first thing she notices is the headache. A painful throbbing that makes her ears pulse. But what follows makes it all go away as she hears her favourite voice. It's barely above a whisper and it sounds distant but it's there. And the pain is long forgotten.
She remembers seeing Carina run out of the door when she was paged but then nothing else. What the hell happened? Did she fall asleep?
She tries to open her eyes but it proves to be a far more difficult task than she imagined. She moans in pain and frustration. She just wants to see Carina. It shouldn't be this hard, right?
No more than a second later, she feels a gentle but firm grip on her hand. And it only makes her more eager and desperate to open her eyes because she doesn't remember the last time her wife touched her. Okay, actually she does, but she actively chooses to forget as the moment was tainted with bitter words, anger and sadness.
"Maya, I'm here. Can you open your eyes for me?"
The words are enough to inspire her to try once again and this time successfully. She is rewarded with the sight of bright caramel orbs staring back at her. Even through the awful headache, she can't help but smile.
"Hi." Her voice is quiet and hoarse.
Carina sighs loudly in relief before giving her a smile. "Ciao."
The flash of concern on her wife's face doesn't go unnoticed by Maya as she frowns. "Are you okay?"
"I am now, bambina."
The affectionate word makes Maya's heart beat faster. It sends a jolt of energy through her body. And she fights the urge to cry. For so long, she thought she would never hear her wife call her that again. It gives her hope for them.
The Italian understands the blonde's emotional reaction because it is reflected in her as well. She too wasn't sure if this would happen again. For god's sake, hours ago she thought she would never see those blue ocean eyes again. But there they are. And she decides she won't waste time anymore. So Carina gently places her free hand on her cheek, stroking it tenderly.
Maya leans into the touch and closes her eyes. It's enough to untie the strong knot that has been tightly around her heart ever since that fateful night. Carina is there.
The moment is broken by someone clearing their throat. Maya turns her head slowly, her headache limiting her movements, to find Amelia Shepherd with a smirk on her face.
"I hate to ruin this lovely moment, but I need to exam you."
Maya huffs slightly annoyed but nods.
The neurosurgeon does all the tests, glad to see the lieutenant respond well to everything.
"Okay, you passed the tests, firefighter Barbie. Now, just let me check the incision site."
At that, Maya frowns, confused. Until now, she thought those were only regular check-ups for a brain bleed. Did she have surgery?
"Incision?"
The question makes Amelia stop teasing and back into doctor mode.
"Yes. You had a seizure and we had to contain the bleeding and the swelling surgically. It was the safest option. The surgery went well. We'll do another CT now that you're awake, and we'll monitor you closely, but things are looking good."
Maya only nods, trying to absorb all the information as Amelia examines her head.
Brain surgery. Fucking brain surgery. And Carina had to go through all of that. She must have been so scared.
The blonde turns to her wife then, completely ignoring the doctor who is checking her incision.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know… I'm sorry you had to go through this again."
The Italian looks deeply into Maya's eyes. She only finds concern, love, and honesty. And it is all so incredibly different from months ago. Once more, she sees her Maya, her kind, supportive, loving wife. The feeling is so intense that a few tears slowly escape.
Carina's voice is soft but reassuring. "You're okay. You're here. That's all that matters right now."
Maya just nods, unable to find any words as a range of emotions overwhelms her. She tightens her grip on her wife's hand, hoping it's enough for now.
Amelia is the one to break the silence.
"The incision looks good. I'll have someone take you to the CT shortly. How's the pain?"
Carina unconsciously holds her breath at the question, dreading whatever response Maya might give her friend. Yet, as other countless times that day, the blonde surprises her.
"My head is really hurting. I could use some medication."
Amelia feels proud of the woman in front of her, knowing her long history of pain denial, and takes a second to quickly eye her friend, to confirm that the Italian also heard it.
"Of course. I'll make sure the nurse gives you something to help you. Pain is normal after your procedure, but please let us know if it gets any worse. In fact, if you feel anything at all, dizziness, nausea or have difficulty speaking, you need to alert us right away, okay?"
Maya nods before timidly thanking the neurosurgeon. She likes the woman and she knows she is a very good friend to Carina.
The fact that her wife stands up to hug Shepherd only attests to that.
"Grazie, Amelia. I just… thank you so much for everything you've done."
The neurosurgeon warmly returns the embrace. "Just doing my job. And you can always count on me."
The last sentence comes more in a whisper but Maya can still hear it. In the past, she might have been even jealous of the exchange, but after everything they've been through, she is just grateful that Amelia is there to support Carina.
"Okay, blondie. I'll come to check on you later."
Once the neurosurgeon leaves, Carina returns to her seat, her hand finding Maya's again. During every second she spent waiting for her wife to get out of surgery, she kept thinking about the possibility of never again touching her warm skin. During every minute, she regretted not reaching out to grab the blonde's hand when they were talking seconds before she was paged. She imagined finding her wife lifeless, cold and pale on an operating table just like Andrea. The memory of her brother in that condition still haunts her dreams. The Italian had a panic attack shortly after Amelia gave her the news. Shepherd and Teddy quickly jumped in to help their friend. She only calmed down when she saw her wife breathing and warm.
That's why now Carina doesn't hesitate, she doesn't want to hold back. They have a long way to go, of course. They have a lot to discuss. She is not naive to think all their issues are solved and they will live happily ever after. But she can already see the changes in Maya, the lightness, the honesty. And she knows she wants her wife. She imagined and lived a life without Maya and it is horrible. So wants to try to open her heart to Maya again. Carina feels hopeful.
Maya's heart races at the contact, at the look Carina is giving her. She never wants Carina to stop holding her hand. And although she doesn't want to overthink it or be overly optimistic, perhaps this could be the start of their journey back to each other.
They, however, don't have time to talk. Soon, a nurse is there to give Maya the medication and take her to CT. Carina is sure Amelia had a serious conversation with everyone in the hospital to ensure her wife never has to wait long for one again.
As the nurse prepares Maya for the exam, the lieutenant's mind starts racing. She doesn't want to push Carina. She wants to respect the time and space that the Italian asked her. The brunette already spent so much time by her side. She must be exhausted and in need of sleep. Maya also hates the idea that crosses her mind of Carina being there just out of obligation.
So when she is about to be moved, Maya hesitantly looks at Carina.
"You don't need to wait here. I'm sure you are tired. You probably had to work a lot and then with everything that happened. You can go ho… umm, you can go to the hotel to rest. I'll be okay. I don't want to keep you from sleep or if you have other things to do…"
The Italian smiles, finding the rambling cute. She finally stops Maya with a gentle squeeze of her arm. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you. I'll be here, okay?"
A goofy, toothy grin flashes on Maya's face before she is even aware of what she is doing, her heart fluttering in her chest.
She can't hide the hopefulness in her voice. "Are you sure?"
"Sì, I'm sure."