Bucky Pov
Bucky has been through immense trauma, everyone knows this, but because Bucky has become so good at covering his pain no one realizes how deep his trauma really runs.
Nights are the worst for him, he doesn't sleep much which leaves him with too much time to think which is never a good thing with Bucky, on the occasion when he manages to fall asleep, nightmares terrorize him until he wakes up vomiting, screaming, crying, or shaking.
Bucky sat in his bathroom staring at the shower, his body had already started shaking at the thought of turning it on.
But yesterday Steve had pointed out how bad Bucky smelled, and Bucky knew that if he didn't shower soon Steve would push until he found out what was wrong, and that was worse than the panic attack this would surely cause.
Bucky steps into the shower and turns the water on. The cold water hits his arm and Bucky’s legs give out, he drops to the floor of the tub curling in on himself. His mind is transported back to his days at Hydra.
He had failed a mission and they tortured him with water, they never did the same thing to him, sometimes they would shove his head into a bucket of ice water until he passed out, and other times they would put him in a shower the water as cold as possible until he was so numb he couldnt fight back.
The feeling of scalding hot water pulled him out of his memory, he gasped not realizing that he had stopped breathing, he didn't try to get up he knew his legs wouldn't support him. Instead, he reaches up and grabs his 3-in-one shampoo and begins washing his hair and body while sitting on the floor. Once he’s clean he turns the water off and sits there not sure he's ready to get up and face the task of getting dressed yet.