Doomsday scenarios
Ok so the next time an expert in ancient civilisations told Raidou there was a mysterious and world destroying artefact hidden in an ancient temple, he would definitely take them more seriously. It turned out Katsura was right. The Left Eye of Darkness was a device of terrible and unimaginable power capable of ending life as they knew it.
He really hadn’t known that objects were capable of emitting that level of killing intent, well aside from those creepy swords the Kirin nin had. Turned out you learned something new every day, because being in a room with that thing was like facing off against Orochimaru in a bad mood. And that was without even factoring in the dark and horrifying whispers that were being emitted from the shadows of the room, or the smell of blood that was rising from the cracks between the paving stones.
On the plus side they’d managed to locate a fair number of their missing civilians. On the more negative side, it turned out not all of their missing civilians were actual civilians. Raidou really wished he could be surprised, but honestly, they hadn’t exactly been subtle. Bloody Akatsuki, the dramatic reveal with ominous outfit change was definitely their style. Overdramatic, attention grabbing, and in astonishingly poor taste. It pretty much summed up their organisation as a whole.
So creepy Professor Sato was actually the equally creepy, but infinitely more dangerous Sasori of the Red Sands, and that grad student with the suspicious talent for explosives was in fact Akatsuki’s newest recruit, some Iwa kid named Deidara. Under any other circumstances Raidou would have been extremely alarmed by their appearance. It was actually quite depressing that the S ranked missing nin amongst them were not the most immediate threat. That would be the apparently possessed Professor Kirihara, who had somehow survived the crocodile pit without being eaten. Possibly by trying to eat the crocodiles back, judging by the blood on his face, and the wild staring look in his eyes.
Anyway it turned out Kirihara was planning to unite the eyes of darkness to summon his dread god from the abyss, and by the time everyone else had got there he was already halfway through the ritual. To make matters more complicated it seemed that Hinamori had activated her suicide seal, and with her unconscious, no-one had any idea how to deactivate it. At least Shiba and his mercenaries hadn’t made it out of the crocodile pit, but the surviving grad students looked about ready to riot, and honestly Raidou didn’t blame them. They almost certainly hadn’t signed up for this. Raidou hadn’t signed up for this, and he was a ninja, he dealt with fucked up shit for a living.
Raidou sneaked a look at the Akatsuki. Nope, no help there. They didn’t seem too eager to try and stop Kirihara. In fact, judging by the suspiciously complex looking storage seal Sasori was sketching out on that scroll, it looked like the Akatsuki planned to let the elder God be summoned and then seal it into a scroll for purposes unknown. Raidou had a very bad feeling about that plan. Clearly Professor Katsura agreed, because he’d started babbling something about how they had to stop them before it was too late.
It was a good thing Raidou and Genma were so good at working together. One look and they both knew what to do. They set the kids on Hinamori, threw a squawking Katsura in the vague direction or Kirihara, and launched a combined attack on their rival ninja.
After that things got very chaotic. The kids somehow managed to deactivate Hinamori’s seal, Raidou suspected there had been some use of Ino’s family jutsus involved, he and Genma managed to disrupt whatever it was the Akatsuki were trying to do, by careful application of serious amounts of violence, and Kirihara was distracted enough by Katsura’s flailing attempts to stop him that he mispronounced one of the words in the deeply ominous summoning chant he’d been delivering.
The way the good professor’s expression just screamed “Oh shit”, as he realised he’d messed up the summoning, was fairly gratifying. Then reality tore itself apart in a very localised way, manifesting in something sort of like tentacles but with more angles, that seized hold of Kirihara, the eyes of darkness, and a couple of the nearest grad students and dragged them screaming into a rift in the world that sucked unpleasantly at Raidou’s eyeballs. Then it closed again, much to the relief of everyone in the building. Raidou and Genma would have continued their fight with the Akatsuki at that point, if it hadn’t been for the ominous crack.
Everyone froze while they registered the fact that the temple was collapsing on them, and then there was chaos as everyone tried to make their escape.
Standing outside, Raidou stared at the rubble that had once been an ancient deathtrap and wondered if the Akatsuki had been crushed. Probably not. They didn’t have that kind of luck. Still, at least Chouji had the presence of mind to grab their client during the mad dash for the exit, so they should still get paid at least. Hinamori and some of the grad students had also made it. All in all it wasn’t the worst mission disaster Raidou had ever been involved in.
Actually, Professor Katsura seemed fairly impressed with their performance. Impressed enough to offer them a bonus along with a more permanent job. Apparently the disaster that this mission had been, had made him wary of trying to retrieve and neutralise ancient objects of darkness himself, and he thought it might be useful to have a team of professionals to deal with that sort of thing when it came up. (The fact that it came up often enough to warrant a dedicated team was something Raidou found fairly worrying actually.)
It was a pretty good deal, both he and Genma agreed. Steady pay, and an expense account, and Katsura promised them accommodation on the university campus, which was good because universities were neutral ground to all hidden villages and he and Genma were technically still on the run from Konoha. A secure base was definitely not something to sneeze at. Admittedly it meant they would be doing Katsura’s dirty work so they would probably have to deal with more of this shit, but on the other hand other people’s dirty work was basically what ninja did, at least this dirty work came with a steady paycheque and seemed to provide reasonable entertainment for the kids, who had appearently thoroughly enjoyed the mission. Even Shikamaru who didn’t seem to get enthusiastic about anything had claimed the puzzles were fun. Raidou had made worse deals.
Besides, Katsura had offered them both honorary professorships, and the thought of rubbing that in Hatake’s stupid genius face if they ever ran into him was far too tempting to resist. That guy had always been far too smug about being the smartest person in the room.
...
By the time Kakashi senpai’s ship sailed into port, Tenzo and his adorable little assassins were comfortably settled on the docks waiting for them. Sai had managed to start three separate all out brawls while they were waiting, but Shin dealt with it neatly enough by dumping all challangers into the harbour and then smiling at them. At least they understood how to look out for each other, even if the rest of their social skills were a bit… lacking. So they were waiting peacefully when the Calamity arrived.
Kakashi Senpai had been happy enough to see them. Tsunade less so, but then she was apparently an unwilling conscript and thus wasn’t especially happy with anything at the moment, no doubt she’d get over it. The rest of the Calamity’s rag tag crew were… actually they were pretty much what he expected from Senpai’s team selection strategies. Ridiculous, dysfunctional, and very very dangerous. Pretty much like Kakashi himself really. He especially liked Yashamaru, who had been having similar problems socialising his nephew Gaara as Tenzo had been having with Sai and Shin. It was so nice to have someone to share experiences with, and given that the whole crew seemed to have their own little tagalongs, there were plently of people to commiserate with.
Little Naruto was ridiculously adorable. Especially when he took one look at Tenzo’s adorable little assassins and dragged them off to play while babbling at about a hundred miles an hour about some trip he’d taken with his friend Lee to a secret monastery. It was even cuter when Tenzo saw all the kids together, running around playing ninja, and wreaking havoc on the ships normal operations. The other adults seemed to agree, judging by the looks on their faces. If Tenzo had been anyone else he might have been disturbed by the sight of so many terrifyingly overpowered, internationally wanted, murderous criminals, melting into puddles of sugary goo at the sight of a group of six and seven year olds plotting out a detailed battle campaign complete with supply lines, and informants amongst the enemy. As it was he was quite happily melting along with them. Especially since Sai’s new best friend Gaara seemed to not even notice his insults.
When the Calamity weighed anchor, Tenzo and his kids were on board.
…
In retrospect, they may have been a little overambitious. But Anko had just been so excited to finally have an apprentice to pass on the noble art of pranking to, and so they might have got a bit carried away. It had just been so much fun. They’d hit the Anbu, they’d hit the jounin, they’d hit the chuunin, they’d even dared the wrath of Iruka and hit the academy. The whole village was out for their blood. Anko hadn’t had so much fun since Iruka betrayed the ancient order of pranksters and became a responsible adult. It was so good to have a partner in crime again.
And Kiba was everything she could have ever wanted in an apprentice. Enthusiastic, and fearless, and inventive, with a vicious streak that Anko gleefully nurtured, and they’d just kept pushing each other to new heights. She supposed it was inevitable that they’d overreach themselves.
She really hadn’t expected Danzo to react that badly when they’d dyed his cats pink though. Yet more evidence that the man was going senile she supposed. It was really fairly harmless as their pranks went. The dye would have washed off in a couple of weeks, setting the Anbu on them was just excessive.
Still it had happened, and now they were lying low in the Forest of Death. It was a good hiding spot, no-one sane knew the forest as well as Anko did, but they couldn’t stay there forever. If only because there was only so much giant leech you could eat before you wound up with unfortunate vitamin deficiencies.
“Well kid. It looks like you and me are going to have to go on the run.” To his credit the kid didn’t argue.
“Cool. So where are we going Anko Neechan?” If anything he looked excited about their new adventure. She didn’t blame him. All the cool kids were getting kidnapped, it was no wonder he’d been feeling left out.
“The world is our oyster kiddo. I was thinking we should take up a life of crime and become international thieves?” She grinned, manically, in that way that made most people take a step back, but only seemed to make her young apprentice more excited. Score one for early acclimatisation.
“Why thieves?” He and his puppy tilted their heads in unison, showing their confusion. It was adorable. Anko was definitely keeping them both.
“The same reason we do anything young grasshopper. To mess with people’s heads. Besides, thanks to Hatake the whole wandering mercenary thing has been done to death, and what is the first law of the most ancient and venerable order of pranksters.” She gave him her most serious and sage teacher’s look.
“Always be original.” Kiba responded in excitement. Anko smiled. It was so rewarding when students paid attention to their lessons. She could almost see why Iruka had become a sensei. It was just a shame he’d never taken on a pranking apprentice.
“That’s right grasshopper. Now, what do you say we get out of this bloody forest and head for the daimyo’s court?”