Leading by example
Kakashi had the sinking feeling he might have created a monster. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with what he’d taught Naruto, not in principle. It was a fairly standard C-rank futon jutsu, good to start him off on and let him get the hang of elemental ninjutsu. It was just, well, Naruto had never quite managed to get the hang of moderation. As the flattened forest in front of them could attest to.
“You know otouto, while that was very… impressive, I think we might need to work on your subtlety a little bit.”
“Sorry Ni san, I just got overexcited. It was just so cool. I’m going to be the most awesome ninjutsu master ever.” He was such a cute little natural disaster though. Kakashi really couldn’t stay angry with him for long. He smiled. Oh well, it wasn’t like the forest could get any more destroyed, they might as well carry on.
“Of course you will. Say Naruto, how would you like to try learning a Katon jutsu.” The brilliant smile that lit up Naruto’s face was all the justification Kakashi needed.
…
Just to make things absolutely clear Gai had not been stalking the kid. Stalking was a deeply unyouthful pastime that he would never get involved in. He’d just been keeping an eye out, making sure the boy lived up to his most youthful and vigorous potential.
Ok so maybe he’d left a few mysterious gifts for him. It was all to aid in his training. Like the weights he’d left by the door of Lee’s room, or the green training suit that had mysteriously appeared in his wardrobe, or the first aid kit he’d left on his bedside table that time he’d managed to slice his hand open with a poorly caught kunai. He was just looking out for the wellbeing of a future fellow taijutsu expert. The point was he had not in any way been planning to steal Lee, just help him out a bit on his road to becoming a ninja.
Then the academy had proved it was staffed by incompetent morons who wouldn’t recognise true talent if it started running round the village upside down while wearing a green jumpsuit. There was clearly no youth in their souls. They had kicked Lee out for his lack of talent in ninjutsu.
Gai had considered arguing about it, or pulling strings to get Lee back in, but it was painfully obvious that they didn’t appreciate Lee’s talent. They had failed to nurture Lee’s youthful vigour, and forcing them to take him back wouldn’t change their inability to provide the supportive environment Lee deserved. No there was clearly only one solution. He would have to follow the example of his hip and cool rival and take the boy. For his own good.
It had proved surprisingly easy in the end. Lee had wandered off alone, depressed after being expelled from the academy, and it had been the work of a moment to snatch him up and carry him off. He was jounin, and not a weak jounin at that, he might be loud and obnoxious on his downtime but he knew how to be stealthy when the situation called for it. No-one noticed as he slipped out past the Anbu patrols. In fact no-one noticed until they were far past the point of easy pursuit.
Lee hadn’t even put up much of a fight, when he realised he was being kidnapped. Especially not once he realised Gai actually wanted him, that for once there was an adult who believed in him and wanted to guide and support him. Everyone knew that sometimes jounin stole kids, the academy instructors made a point of warning them all about it. Lee had evn occasionally fantasised about some jounin coming to take him away and look after him and teach him to be an awesome ninja. He’d just never expected one of them to actually want to take him. Useless Lee who couldn’t even do ninjutsu. But then it happened, and he found he really didn’t want to fight it. It wasn’t like he had much tying him to the village anyway. He was an orphan with no close friends and he’d just watched his dreams of becoming a ninja go up in smoke.
Except maybe they hadn’t. Gai senpai said that he would train him to be the most youthful taijutsu master in the elemental nations and his enthusiasm was infectious. Yosh, Lee would train hard and make Gai senpai proud of him.
…
“Gai has just done a Hatake.” The jounin lounge fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Genma smirked and sat back to enjoy the shock his words had instilled in his fellow ninja.
“You mean… Maito Gai.” Hayate ventured.
“Yep” Genman grinned.
“The beautiful green beast of Konoha, Maito Gai.” Hayate pressed.
“Is there another one?” Everyone paused to consider the possiblilty of there being more than one Maito Gai and dismissed the thought with a shudder. The world was not ready.
“Which kid did he take.” Anko dug gleefully for details.
“Some academy student called Rock Lee.” Genma replied, “Apparently Gai saw him when he was on academy guard rotation, and decided the kid had the flames of youth. A few weeks later the kid gets kicked out of the academy and never comes home. Gai is nowhere to be found. And the Anbu investigators find a green jumpsuit hanging up in the kid’s wardrobe.”
“So basically Gai kidnapped the kid because he thought he could turn him into a mini him.” Anko summerised. The look of dawning horror on many jounins faces was deeply satisfying.
“He wouldn’t.” Inoichi said without conviction.
“Honestly I’m surprised it took him this long. Or have you all forgotten who his eternal rival is?” Ebisu pointed out sensibly. “Anything Hatake does, Gai does with twice as much enthusiasm. Or did you not remember the challenges.” There was an awkward shuffling of feet that indicated that a number of people had indeed forgotten the challenges, presumably by sheer force of will and the application of copious amounts of alcohol.
“Well look at it this way.” Kurenai said with forced brightness. “At least it’s now no longer our problem. He’s left the village. If he creates a mini-me it’s the rest of the world that will suffer, likewise if he restarts his rivalry with Hatake. We don’t have to deal with it.” She looked around suspiciously. “Unless the rest of you were planning to go missing yourselves.”
“No not at all. That would be absurd. Even if it did get us out of paperwork.” Shikaku replied innocently. “None of us has ever even considered such a thing.”
“Right.” Ibiki looked suspicious. “So, anyway what are we going to do about the jounin guard. Seeing as clearly it had the opposite effect to the one intended.”
“Now, now don’t be hasty.” Genma interjected, “One incident is far from enough to draw that kind of pattern from. The idea is perfectly sound.”
“The idea was flawed from the outset and you know it.” Ibiki responded drily, “You just like the fact that it’s an opportunity to play cards while on duty.”
“Well…” Genma twitched uncomfortably.
“Anyway, it’s not like anyone's going to go to Danzo with this unless they absolutely need to. Not with the way his office has started to stink of cat urine.” Tsume pointed out. There was a rumble of agreement. No-one wanted to brave Danzo’s office these days, if the smells didn’t get you the monologues would.
“So we do nothing?” Ibiki asked.
“Yeah pretty much.” Anko drawled. “By the way, Genma, Raido, and Yugao all owe me money for the bets they made, and congratulations Ebisu, you win. All of you come and see me by midnight tonight so we can straighten this all out ne.”
…
Zabuza kept a suspicious eye on the last two Uchiha. He’d asked Hatake for backup on a large scale property damage mission, only to be told that he was on the other side of the continent, and therefore unable to help. Instead he’d offered an introduction to Uchiha Itachi, with assurances that he was perfectly competent, and an excellent partner as long as you didn’t fuck with the little brother.
Nothing Hatake had said was wrong precisely, but fuck had he understated the size of Uchiha’s brother complex, both Uchihas that was, because the little one was just as homicidally overprotective as the older one. It took a full hour to pry baby Uchiha, off of big Uchiha’s leg, and escape to do the mission, and the kid was not pleased. Zabuza felt slightly sorry for Haku who’d been left on babysitting duty, not sorry enough to switch places, but sorry enough to buy him some chocolates or something on the way back maybe.
At least big Uchiha was as useful on the mission as Hatake had promised. Kid had a positive flair for Katon jutsus and the faintly psychotic grin that cracked his normally expressionless face as he set the castle on fire made him seem far more approachable. Less creepy zombie nin, more someone who Zabuza could cut loose and have some fun with. He could work with a genuine pyro. He bared pointed teeth at Itachi in an approximation of a smile before unleashing a large scale Suiton attack. Kid got the hint, and blasted another higher level katon jutsu in the same direction. The resulting steam explosion was a thing of beauty. If Zabuza had been more sentimental he would have cried. He might have had his doubts at first, but Hatake really came through on this one.
He was slightly concerned about what sort of smoking crater they might be returning to though. Little Uchiha had looked like trouble.
…
Dear Shizune
I had heard there seemed to be a lot more Konoha nin going on the run with kids these days. It seems to be becoming a pattern. I’m not sure whether it’s a good or bad thing. I really hope they aren’t all like Naruto, I love him dearly but I don’t know if the world could survive more than one. Heaven help us if he ever manages to figure out a clone jutsu.
Speaking of other Konoha nin on the run with kids, I recently came in contact with the Uchiha’s. Zabuza sama needed some support on a mission so Hatake san introduced him to Itachi. I think it went ok but well… I never thought I’d be saying this, but I miss babysitting Naruto. Yes he’s insane, and ridiculous, and I still haven’t figured out how we ended up becoming the God Kings of that volcano cult, but at least his heart is in the right place. Today I was left in charge of Uchiha Sasuke, and I’m not sure my nerves will ever recover. That kid is completely psychotic. And he wasn’t pleased with me for being party to separating him from his brother. I didn’t dare to sleep, because I had this sneaking suspicion he might set me or possibly the entire forest on fire.
That would have been bad enough, but it got worse, about three hours into our acquaintance, he decided he was bored and we should go and explore. We ended up going into the village, and I stepped away for a moment to buy some dango, so I’m not sure what happened next. What I do know is that somehow in the three minutes I wasn’t watching him, Sasuke managed to declare war on a tiny alien civilisation living in the mayor’s flower boxes, burn the mayors house down in the course of the battle, cause a civil war among the villagers as they chose one side or the other, and get both of us assigned to community service building them a new village after the peace treaty was signed, as a symbol of their new unity.
Then we went back to our campsite and I proceeded to stay up all night watching the kid to make sure he didn’t kill anyone, for daring to assign him community service. Some of his threats were uncomfortably creative for a five year old. There was one about hot pepper sauce, rusty kunai, ration jutsu and the mayors own spleen that I was very impressed by. I’m not sure he knew how to carry out all of those threats but I couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t at least try so, I watched him just in case.
I am now sleep deprived, mentally scarred, and have a whole new appreciation for those bingo book warnings about all Uchiha being pyromaniacs, and the worst thing is Zabuza sama had a wonderful time with Itachi san, so I will most likely have to deal with all this again on a regular basis.
I hope your situation with the new pair of kids is under control. Has Tsunade san fixed the older one yet? Did you manage to keep the younger one from getting himself killed? Did you manage to keep from killing him yourself?
Your friend, Haku.
...
Gai had been on the run for a week before an amazing idea occurred to him.
“Lee, my youthful student! I must introduce you to my hip and cool rival and his student. It has been far too long since we held a challenge, and I know he will be most excited to meet you.” Lee grinned in excitement before asking.
“But Shishou do you know where your rival is?” Gai gave him a thumbs up before declaring.
“Never fear, I shall find him in a week. And if I fail I will swim all the way to the ruins of Uzushio with one hand tied behind my back.”
“Wow. You’re so cool Shishou. I want to be just like you when I grow up.”
“Yosh, with youthful determination and effort you shall be.” Far away the village of Konoha gave a collective shiver.