Chapter 3
Deidara waited until the next morning, when he knew that Hidan would be sleeping in – he always slept in, hungover or not – to go find Tobi. It was rare that he tried to seek out the orange masked ninja but it wasn’t that hard to find him. After all, Tobi was just being a ‘good boy’ coloring in the living room with Zetsu. When he wasn’t bothering someone he was almost always with the plant thing. Really, it was easier to find Tobi than it was to avoid him-
"Tobi, un.” Deidara started, not really sure how to get convince Tobi to come with him without electing suspicion from Zetsu. The less people who knew about his meddling, the lower the chance of Hidan or Sasori finding out and he had to make sure he wouldn’t be caught if he wanted this to work.
"Senpai!” Tobi happily called back, starting to sit up despite Deidara having not told him to. Turns out getting Tobi to follow him would be easy. He wasn’t sure why he had thought differently- now he just had to figure out some sort of excuse for even talking to Tobi when he always did his best to avoid him-
“Pein has something he needs us to do-“ He lied, figuring that pretending their leader was the reason for their interaction would sate Zetsu’s curiosity. Judging by the fact that he looked back down at his book Deidara would say he was in the clear. Good. If this got ruined because of a small slip up he would be upset, he couldn’t risk anything ruining this. If he didn’t push those to idiots together who would?
“Okies!” Tobi happily grabbed his coloring things, putting them up like the good boy he always claimed to be, before he grabbed Deidara’s arm and practically dragged him out of the living room.
“Tobi-! Let go, un! You don’t even know where we’re going!” He pulled his arm out of Tobi’s grasp as he yelled. This was going to be a pain and a half, he could already tell. Why had he chosen Tobi of all peple to help?
“We’re going on a mission! Right Senpai???” Tobi excitedly asked, not at all deterred by the other’s anger. It was a normal thing and, if he was being honest with himself or anyone else, it was one of the desired effects from his antics.
“Yes, but it’s top secret mission and you can’t let anyone know you’re on it, okay? Not even anyone here. If they ask what you’re doing tell them a lie.”
“But Senpai- lying is bad-!”
Right, he was asking Tobi because he was an idiot and wouldn’t question what he said. “This mission is /very/ important Tobi. You won’t be…” He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say this, to humor this child’s antics. He sighed deeply before continuing. “You won’t be a bad boy for lying-“
Tobi gasped, quickly getting too close to his senpai. “Tobi will still be a good boy!?”
“Yes- if Tobi moves back then he’ll still be a good boy-“
Tobi did as asked, though if it was because he was asked or because he was now jumping around happily Deidara wasn’t sure. “YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYTOBI IS A GOOD BOY AND SENPAI SAID SO!!!!!!”
“TOBI SHUT UP!”
“Sowwie senpai-“
“It’s fine just don’t do it again, yeah?”
Tobi nodded. “Yeah!” He paused briefly before continuing in a whisper. “What’s the secret mission senpai?”
“It’s a mission so secret I can’t even tell you what it’s for- only what I need you to do next.”
“That sound’s fun! Like playing spies!”
“Calm down, yeah? Remember, no one can know we’re on this mission.”
“Okies! Tobi understands!”
“Good.” Deidara leaned towards Tobi and whispered the plan into his ear, doing his best to explain things in a way that he would understand.
"Okies! Tobi will win the mission!”
“Whatever- just go-“ Dei urged, wanting Tobi to just leave. Hopefully he wouldn’t screw this up-
Tobi nodded and quickly hurried off.
It didn’t take long for Tobi to find Sasori as the redhead was in the kitchen, a place he had just checked on a whim - a whim called he was planning on checking literally every single room until he found him but a whim nonetheless.
“Sasori-san!” He called out excitedly, glad that he had found his ‘target’ so quickly. “Sasori-san!! Tobi has questions!!”
The redhead regarded the childish man silently, wondering if there was a way he could get out of answering Tobi’s – more than likely stupid – questions.
“Tobi won’t take long! He promises!” The masked nin claimed when he didn’t immediately get a response.
Deciding it would probably be best just to humor him, Sasori nodded slightly. “If it gets you to leave quicker then I’ll answer.”
“Okies! Once Tobi get’s his answers he will leave to tell se- to go play tag-!”
Sasori stared silently at Tobi, not missing the slipup but not commenting on it either. This was Tobi after all, he knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer if he bothered to question it.
Tobi nodded to himself, pleased that his slip up had gone unnoticed before he started to ask questions. All he had to do was find out how Sasori felt about Hidan without asking that specific question – that would blow the secret part of the mission! – this should be easy.
“What is Hidan-san’s favorite color???” That’s something Sasori would know if he cared about him-!!
“Green-“ Sasori answered after a pause. He was able to answer the question without needing much thought but he had been expecting stupid questions not questions about Hidan-
“What does he like???”
Seriously- why was Tobi of all people asking things about Hidan of all people?? “Are all of your questions about him?”
“Yes-“
“Why don’t you ask him rather than waste my time?”
“Because Hidan-san can’t know!! It’s a secret-“
“What is?”
Quick- think of something-! “That’s another secret-!” Good job- he’ll never know now-
Sasori sighed ever so lightly, giving up with finding out via asking Tobi. Perhaps his line of questioning would provide a better answer.
“Ribs and that god of his.”
Tobi nodded. “This is very helpful! What would, uh, someone- do to make him happy!?”
“Pay attention to him, don’t belittle his god, give him ribs-“ Sasori listed off a few things that were quite frankly common sense to most of them, in his view at least considering Tobi didn’t seem to know that.
“And Sasori-san is sure???”
“It’s obvious.”
Tobi nodded, once, as if confirming something with himself before abruptly hugging Sasori. Luckily for him he moved back just as quickly – avoiding any poison the redhead may have used to get him off.
“Thankies!! This is all Tobi needs!” He called out as he left, rushing back to Deidara to report his findings. Sasori watched the doorway the other left through in contemplative – and slight confused – silence until the object of their conversation walked in.
Hidan was looking towards where Tobi had run off – in the opposite direction the moment he had seen him – only looking at the room once he was all the way in. “Hey-“ He started when he realized that Sasori was in the room. “What the hell was that about-?”
He was sure it was something stupid but with Tobi one could never be too careful. He still remembered that time Tobi had hidden Deidara’s clay in the /wall/ of all places until the blonde exploded it. Man- Kakuzu was pissed for weeks after that. And if you think an angry Kakuzu was bad imagine sharing a room with the guy-
“I’m…not sure. He was asking me about you.”
“Wait really? Why the fuck was he doing that? I swear to Jashin if he fucking pulls some stupid stunt I’ll kill him-“
“He wanted to know how to make you happy.”
Hidan blinked in shock, stopping midsentence. “Huh-“
“And what things you liked.”
“He- what- that doesn’t make any fucking sense- why is he asking that? That’s the kind of shit you ask about someone you fucking like or some shit-“
“It is.”
“Yeah, so why is he- oh, fuck no- I swear to Jashin if he- I’ll fucking kill him-“
“It’s only a possibility, Hidan.”
“It shouldn’t even be a fucking choice-! Tobi is- I’m- just no. I’m gonna go fucking talk some sense into him right now-“ And with that, he turned out of the room, hunger forgotten.