A little bird told me
“You sure you wouldn’t make a better housewife than a ninja?”
Itachi pretends he can’t hear Kidomaru, throwing the fresh bed sheets over the bed he’s making and tucking them in with immaculate edges.
(Maybe if he doesn’t give him any attention, then he’ll eventually leave.)
The other boy doesn’t like being ignored, so he keeps talking, louder this time. As though being louder makes him somehow right.
“I don’t get why you like doing all this boring shit, anyway. Ain’t that women’s work?”
That part is too much for Itachi to ignore. He turns toward the boy, hanging off the ceiling from the bottoms of his feet, and raises a skeptical eyebrow.
“Who says?” he asks.
“Huh?”
“Who decides what’s women’s work or not? I don’t think I was invited to the meeting.”
“Eh? I mean- ain’t that the sorta thing you’d leave for a girl to do? Why’re you so keen on it?”
Itachi finishes folding the blanket back neatly, laying down the pillow at the head of the bed before turning back to Kidomaru with a shrug.
“I never really saw the point of splitting things up into women’s work or men’s. It’s not like being a guy makes you incapable of cleaning up, does it?”
Kidomaru gives the older boy a look like he’s never even considered that thought before.
“Well I mean-”
“-You should be careful about what you say about women. We aren’t deaf, you know.”
Startled, Kidomaru yelps, loses his footing, and comes crashing down onto the floor with a surprisingly loud thud.
Tsunade regards him with an amused smirk, folding her arms in a well what did we learn today kind of stance.
“Where the hell did you learn that bullshit, anyway?” she asks, shaking her head as Kidomaru groans out a few profanities as he picks himself back up. “I know you didn’t hear that shit from Orochimaru.”
“None of your business-”
“She’s right though,” Itachi says. “My mother was a Jonin before she had my brother and me. If it were up to here I’m not so sure she would retire.”
“Aren’t they supposed to be better at that soft shit, anyway?”
“Only because most of the men I’ve met don’t care enough to figure it out,” Tsunade laughs.
Kidomaru looks like he’d never considered the possibility before.
“If you’re not going to help me, I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my way,” Itachi says, in a totally flat tone of voice, stepping over the boy to turn around and survey the now-immaculate bedroom with its neat line of beds and perfect row of freshly cleaned clothes- also taken care of by him, of course.
“You don’t think you’re pushing it working so soon after being ill?” Tsunade asks him, in that scolding sort of way only his mother has used on him before.
(He’s still such a dreadful color. But maybe he’s always that color.)
“I felt a bit lazy laying around. This is the sort of thing I liked doing on my days off at work anyway so I figured I should be alright.”
Tsunade looks down at this half-pint of a kid with a quizzical expression.
“Whatever you say. Just don’t push your luck, I don’t want you collapsing on yourself before I actually get to treating you, okay?”
Itachi nods, with a sheepishly apologetic expression.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be careful.”
Kidomaru mumbles out an annoyed “kissass” before scurrying out of the room.
“I guess he hasn’t met many women,” Itachi remarks, looking annoyed at his remarks.
He sounds like a grouchy old man already. It’s almost funny.
“I don’t get you, kid,” Tsunade says, still thoroughly puzzled.
“I’m not sure what you mean?”
Tsunade makes a noncommittal sound, shaking her head in befuddlement.
“Well I guess your parents raised you well enough. I was gonna feel bad about fixing you up if you answered that guy wrong.”
Itachi manages a nervous little laugh.
“I’d like to think they did alright, all things considered.”
He has just a tinge of bitterness to his voice that Tsunade doesn’t pry too much into. Whatever his business is, she figures it’s probably ugly.
The boy ducks past her and out of the room, deciding he’d like to take a break.
“Would you like some tea too, Tsunade-sama?” he asks.
“Hey do me a favor and stop calling me that. But yeah that’d be fuckin’ spectacular.”
This kid is so stiff and formal it’s absolutely bizarre- even the unbearably regimented Jonin she’d dealt with reserved that sort of formality for if they found themselves in front of a daimyo or something.
Hell, even Orochimaru hadn’t been this uptight when they were young. She wonders whether he’s even a kid at all, and not a particularly unfortunately short adult.
That notion gets brushed to the side when a crash and a shout from somewhere up ahead makes the poor boy go pale and break out into a run toward the source.
Tsunade decides not to follow, figuring if someone got hurt, it doesn’t sound bad enough for her to need to rush.
While Itachi runs off to take care of whatever nonsense is in the other room, she decides to check up on whatever Orochimaru is doing in that fuck-you sized library he has. He’s been holed up in there all morning without so much as a word to anyone, so she figures he can tolerate an interruption.
When she first walks in, she can’t help but think that Orochimaru looks quite nice with his hair tied back. It gives him that scholarly sort of look while he’s huddled up with his book- maybe if he had some glasses to go with it…
…what the actual fuck is putting that idea in her head?
She snaps herself out of her daydreaming and clears her throat so he can’t say she snuck up on him.
“Where’d Jiraiya run off to?” she asks, interrupting whatever it is he’s working on. “I haven’t seen him all day.”
He sets his work aside, glancing over his shoulder with an unspoken question written across his brow.
“He didn’t tell me, but he took off last night. Just said he’d be back.”
Tsunade shrugs it off, figuring it’s not her business to pry further.
(If he were going to rat them out, he would’ve done it already, right? Whatever he’s up to, she just hopes he doesn’t get himself into any trouble.)
“Did you need something?”
“That kid’s gonna need to go under the knife.”
“It appears so.”
Tsunade’s sharp fingernails bite into her upper arms. She doesn’t want to make this admission, but she has to get it out there before it ruins everything.
“I’m not gonna be able to do it, you know.”
Her voice stays blunt and level, but there’s a weight to it that both of them feel.
“I figured you might say something like that.”
“You’re gonna have to have that nerd of yours help you with it. I can’t do it.”
Orochimaru stands up, smoothing out his pants and approaching her like he might approach a feral cat.
“It’s still that bad, huh?”
Tsunade takes a deep, shaky breath, trying very hard not to sound as pathetic as she feels.
“Even if I could- I’m so far out of practice I’m sure I’d find a way to fuck it up- it’s better if I don’t-”
Orochimaru scowls.
He grabs Tsunade’s chin to force her head upward. Her eyes meet his, and it feels like they’re burning their way straight into her soul.
His expression is painful to look at, but hard to interpret.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
The words come out in a carefully measured way, but he can’t fully suppress the note of sadness in it.
“...what do you mean?” she asks, even though she already knows.
“What happened to him wasn’t your fault. None of it was.”
The statement is meant to be reassuring. Maybe comforting. But Tsunade can’t bear his sympathy, let alone his pity, so she shoves him away.
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
Tsunade stares at him, a little dumbfounded.
She hasn’t realized her hands are shaking until he grabs them to keep them steady.
His words shouldn’t cut as deep as they do, and she tries so hard not to cry in front of him.
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid-”
She trails off, something about Orochimaru’s expression telling her lying wouldn’t do any good.
“Tsunade. You’re the only one I trust with this. I can’t do this by myself.”
That declaration sounds so strange to her. She grasps his hands back, chewing on her own tongue to keep herself together.
“...Say it then.”
“Say what?”
“Don’t play dumb!”
“I’m not?”
Orochimaru tilts his head, looking genuinely puzzled.
She feels silly saying this. Both of them are far too old and far too tired for these sorts of games, aren’t they? So what’s got her wanting to force this out of him?
“Tell me you need me then. Say it. I need to hear it.”
An unusual demand, maybe. But if she wants to hear it so badly-
“I need you.” he says, tugging her in closer. “You’re the only one I can count on for this.”
Tsunade can’t believe her own ears, even though she’s the one who asked for that declaration.
Because how can he need her? How can he put his faith in her when she’s still so afraid-
And why does she care that he does?
“It doesn’t have to be right away. He’ll manage for a few days until you’re ready.”
Tsunade draws a shaky breath, trying to steady herself.
“Fine. Okay. I’ll try.”
Orochimaru smiles. It’s the smile of his she knows she can trust, one that she knows is genuine. He brushes her hair out of her face, regarding her like a precious treasure.
“I always could count on you.”
“Yeah yeah, don’t get sappy on me, okay?”
Tsunade brushes him aside, regaining her composure and straightening back up.
“That walking disaster of yours is making tea. Why don’t you come outta your hole and get some too?”
“Hm. I suppose I could take a break.”
He follows her out, squinting in the brighter light outside the library.
Neither of them acknowledge that she’s grabbed hold of his hand. They decide to just enjoy it and not ruin the moment.
Sarutobi looks like he’s seen a ghost when he looks at Jiraiya- maybe startled to be seeing him at all. It takes him a good thirty seconds to wipe the shock off his face and muster up a smile at the former student who’s so suddenly appeared in his office unannounced.
It’s a familiar smile- the sort of charming, disarming smile he’s always had. It might be reassuring in any other circumstance.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” he asks, stuffing his surprise down and motioning for Jiraiya to sit.
“I just heard about some weird shit going on, and I figured I just wanted to clear things up before I went making any judgment. If you don’t mind.”
Sarutobi raises an eyebrow, motioning for one of his attendants to bring them tea in anticipation of a long conversation (and to grant them a bit of privacy for the moment).
“Oh? Of course, whatever you want to know.”
“Yeah? I hope so. I’ve heard some really bizarre accusations lately.”
“What kind of accusations?”
Jiraiya considers himself something of an expert on playing dumb, and he hopes that expertise will suit him here.
“Well it’s kind of a long story. But if you don’t mind- what’s all this stuff about some runaway Uchiha? Seems like he’s caused a little bit of a problem from what I heard.”
Sarutobi cringes.
“Ah. I guess I can’t be surprised that news spread that far. It’s a bit of a long story, but yes, we’ve got a bit of an issue with that at the moment.”
“I like stories.”
Sarutobi sits in silence when the attendant comes back in with tea, pouring it out then waiting for Hiruzen’s nod of approval to take her leave once again. She bows low and scurries out, sensing the tension between the two of them.
The old man sighs, wrapping his hands around his teacup and bowing his head.
He’s got that familiar hunch in his shoulders like he’s carrying a great weight on his back. Jiraiya hates that. Even after all this time, this man still practically raised all three of them since they were six years old.
Maybe if Jiraiya can just understand what’s going on, he can finally fix it.
“Just tell me what’s going on. I wanna understand. Maybe I can help.”
That has Hiruzen smiling again, which is a bit of a relief.
“You haven’t changed after all, have you?” he asks. “Alright. I’ll do my best.”
He takes a sip of his tea first, gathering his thoughts.
“We’ve been having some issues with the Uchiha recently- I’m not sure if you’ve heard.”
“I’ve sorta heard, yeah. None of the details though.”
“Well, there was…um… an incident with one of the younger ones. Uchiha Shisui took his life because of the pressure all the arguing caused. They found his body in the river a few days after.”
Ah, so that’s the story they’ve decided to go with, huh? He supposes there are worse coverups.
“That’s unfortunate.”
“It is. And unfortunately, it seems like the clan had been blaming the clan heir for it.”
“Yeah. Itachi. I heard about him too.”
“...Yes. Well. After the incident, they had gotten suspicious of him, and-”
“-Our little bird decided to fly the coop.”
Jiraiya jumps out of his skin, wondering how the hell anyone could have managed to sneak up on him when he’s this on edge.
He remembers that voice more than he cares to admit.
He tenses up, trying not to let on how not happy he is to be seeing the man at the moment.
Sarutobi seems irritated at the interruption, as well. He pauses for a good bit of time before continuing.
“That’s right,” he says. “He ran away with Orochimaru, it seems. But I’m afraid it gets worse than that. It seems he took his younger brother and Naruto with him as well.”
So far, mostly honest. Maybe they can actually get somewhere this time.
“Okay. Why would the kid do that though? You’d think a kid in that position would be most concerned about saving his own neck, right?”
“We’d been having him monitor an organization called Akatsuki that seems to have its eyes on collecting the Jinchuriki. My assumption is he’s planning to keep him as a bargaining chip.”
Jiraiya doesn’t know the kid very well, but even he knows that doesn’t sound like him at all. But he doesn’t want to show his hand too early.
“And his brother?”
Hiruzen answers that one.
“He’s very fond of his brother. If I were to guess, I think he feels he’s protecting him.”
“Uh-huh. Mind telling me what exactly it is he’d be protecting him from?”
The accusatory note in his voice sets both of the older men on edge.
“What do you mean?”
“Takes a lot to get someone to just get up and walk away from their village, don’t you think? Let alone taking a whole-ass Jinchuriki and his kid brother with him. What’s that clan of his so pissed off about anyway? What the actual hell is going on?”
Sarutobi sets his cup down, not looking Jiraiya in the eye- a pretty dead giveaway that he’s trying to talk his way out of a bad situation.
“...There was suspicion about them after the incident with the Kyuubi. Some people thought they might have had something to do with it, and to be honest, we couldn’t blame them. We had tried to work with them, to get to the bottom of the situation. But they didn’t like all the eyes on them. We had recruited Itachi and his friend to try to be an intermediary to calm the situation down.”
“-Unfortunately, after Shisui died it became clear to everyone involved that calming things down wasn’t possible.” Danzo says. “So we had to start discussing contingencies if the worst happened.”
“And what would those contingencies be?”
“Only what would be necessary.”
Jiraiya takes a long drink of his tea. Sets his cup down on the desk.
He doesn’t want to show his hand so early, but it’s getting harder to keep his mouth shut.
He just has to know, so he can make his mind up.
“You almost make it sound like you were gonna off all of ‘em.”
The silence that follows is so thick that it’s hard to breathe. And that silence is all the answer he needs.
He finishes his tea. Stands up. Makes a show of dusting off his pants.
“Well, I won’t take up any more of your day. It was good seeing you again, Sensei.”
Hiruzen only nods, forcing himself to smile even though the smile is forced and painful.
“I hope you’ll be around for a while?”
“We'll see how it shakes up. I just needed to clear the air a bit so I know how to help.”
Jiraiya heads out, figuring he may as well get some ramen from Ichiraku or something before he figures out what he wants to do from here. Maybe pick up some stuff for the kid while he’s at it.
(He’s a godfather after all, aren’t they supposed to spoil their godkid?)
He has the uncomfortable feeling that he’s being followed, and it’s not long before he’s proven right.
“Hold on for just a moment.”
Jiraiya doesn’t do the man the courtesy of turning around, but he does stop for him.
He can still feel the old man’s eye burning into the back of his head.
“It seems you’ve already got a good grasp on the situation,” he growls. Possibly in a warning.
Jiraiya growls right back, not at all in the mood to deal with his bullshit at the moment.
“Do I? What’s it to ya?” he asks, walking again while the old man follows.
“It’s almost like you’ve spoken to someone about it before.”
“Does it matter if I have?”
The old man sounds like he’s about ready to blow a gasket.
“What are you playing at?” Danzo demands. “Where did you hear about any of this, anyway?”
There are a lot of things Jiraiya could say. He could tell the man to fuck off. Tell him that it’s none of his business. Hell, he could even just flat-out lie and say he didn’t know anything, and that he’d only come here out of concern.
That wouldn’t be as much fun, though.
Instead, he says something he knows Danzo will understand, but anyone trying to overhear him would not.
“A little bird told me.” he says, with the briefest, knowing glance over his shoulder.
The old man growls at him.
“You-”
He strolls out of the building and into the crowded city streets, where Danzo wouldn’t dare to start a scene.
He had not lied when he told Sarutobi he wanted to try to help.
He just hopes he can.