Letting go
The atmosphere is so thick that Itachi imagines if he were to throw a kunai it’d get stuck in midair. The elderly people sat in front of him watch warily, the tenseness of Itachi’s posture putting them on edge.
“I didn’t kill Shisui.”
It’s the truth. Danzo, the Third, Koharu and Homura all know it’s the truth.
Unlike his normal demeanor, Itachi refuses to kneel, standing upright and staring Danzo down, meeting his hawkish gaze without even thinking about flinching.
“We know that, Itachi,” Sarutobi answers. “You don’t have to worry about the accusations.”
“You certainly aren’t doing anything about the accusations,” Itachi rebuts.
“At any rate-”
Itachi wonders if he might combust from the pent up anxiety inside him. He’s going against every fiber of his being to not simply bow down and blindly accept everything he’s told.
“-Am I allowed to know why Shisui was murdered?”
Deathly silence. Itachi’s hands shake so badly from fear he worries they may fall off, but he forces himself to press on.
“Do I not deserve an answer?” he demands. “Shisui was a good shinobi- a good friend. He did nothing to deserve what you did to him and yet he’s dead! I keep being told that every action that's taken is taken for a purpose, but the only purpose I see here is spite!”
“Itachi, please calm down-” Sarutobi tries to implore.
“It’s not fair!”
Danzo scowls at him, disappointed at Itachi’s sudden outburst of childishness.
(To hell with it- Itachi is a child, and he’s decided he’s more than earned a moment of childishness.)
“In case you’ve missed it,” the old man says, not breaking their stare. Still unblinking. “The world we live in isn’t fair.”
“A shinobi who is silent in matters of injustice takes the side of the unjust. A shinobi cannot remain neutral, as their inaction itself makes their choice. Ninja guideline two fifteen.”
Itachi recites the words he knows by heart. The words he’d memorized from ages before he was even strong enough to throw a shuriken.
“What-”
“-I would think the answer to ‘the world isn’t fair’ shouldn’t be to just roll over and take it. Shouldn’t the answer be to make it fair? Not to make the unfairness worse?”
“You would say that,” Danzo answers, standing up and ignoring Sarutobi’s gesture to sit back down and calm down. “You’re only a child.”
Towering over Itachi, he tries to grab his shoulder, in his usual mockery of a fatherly sort of gesture.
(Itachi used to seek out that gesture- a pat on the shoulder and the barest smile, acknowledging a job well done. But he won’t let that pacify him, this time.)
“You’re talking nonsense- the rest of your clan must be getting in your head-”
Not that easily pacified, Itachi steps backward, blocking the man’s hand with his own.
“I can assure you that I’m wide awake, Danzo-sama. And my family doesn’t have as much control over me as you pretend.”
He’s not sure where these words are coming from. His knees are weak from fear, his heart threatening to burst- but he presses on.
“I don’t buy that this is just the way things are and they can’t be changed. I can’t buy it.”
His voice cracks from his emotions. He’s terrified. But he can’t back down.
“I think you’re forgetting your place here-”
“-am I though?”
It’s getting easier to be bold now. Itachi startles himself with how natural it feels.
“You need me to get rid of my clan. If I don’t cooperate you have no alternative but an escalated conflict. And none of you want that because that could devolve into another world war.”
Danzo is, at once, at a loss for words. Itachi bows low, wondering if it looks as sarcastic as it feels.
“Thank you for your time. If you don’t mind, my mother and father are gonna be out tonight, and Sasuke doesn’t like to be home alone.”
He turns on his heel and leaves without permission, before he loses his nerve and prostrates himself to beg for forgiveness.
“We aren’t done here-” Danzo reminds him, as he storms out.
But we are, Itachi says, only to himself.
"It will be alright," Sarutobi says. "We can continue this in the morning.
Itachi knows he won't allow that to happen.
Itachi sits at the desk in his bedroom, with the door locked and barricaded. He stares down at the blank piece of paper in front of him, tapping his pen against a long-cold mug of tea and trying to make the words appear.
He knows what he has to do. He peers out at the setting sun outside, ready to cry from sheer frustration.
There’s a knock at the door, and through the barricade he hears a soft voice.
“Itachi, hon- I’ll just leave your food out here, okay? Your father and I are headed out now.”
He doesn’t answer.
“I know it’s been rough for you lately hon, but I wish you’d eat with the family every once in awhile.”
After about thirty seconds of silence, he hears her retreating with a resigned sigh.
He should eat. Eventually. Sure.
Not right now though.
He picks up his pen, trying to get his brain to cooperate long enough to make the words happen.
Please forgive the hackneyed beginning to this letter, but by the time you’re reading this note, I’ll be long gone.
Please don’t take this as my suicide letter- I’m still alive, though I can’t say that I’m alive and well. I just can’t remain in the village any longer.
-a bit of a cliché start, but it will have to do.
A knock at his door.
“Niisan, is it okay if Naruto spends the night over here?”
Mom and Dad probably wouldn’t like him doing that. But it works surprisingly well with Itachi’s plans. It isn’t like he’s not about to do something far worse than allowing a sleepover on a school night.
“Go ahead,” he calls. “Just make sure he has clothes for tomorrow.”
“Okay! Thanks, Niisan!!”
Itachi stares out the window some more; black clouds gather, the wind picking up as it starts to rain.
I have a safe place to go, so nobody needs to worry about that. I hope this will give everybody the time and distance to sort out this mess I’m running from.
He grinds his knuckles into his eyes to keep from crying.
For far too long, my feelings have come secondary to the clan and to the village. My whole life, everything has been decided for me, without my input. Even regarding the things most precious to me.
I’m not the one who killed Shisui. I swear this on my life. But the person who did won’t be satisfied with only him. His fate was merely a reflection of what this person wants for the entire clan. I refuse to take any part in this, even if that makes me a traitor. I can’t care about being a traitor anymore. Or about being hated. I’ll bear the weight of the entire village’s hatred if I have to.
I’ll bear that hatred gladly, because at least I’ll be free.
It’s just before two in the morning. His mother and father are still nowhere to be seen, and Itachi knows he’ll never get a better time than now.
Sasuke and Naruto are tangled up on the bed together, fast asleep.
“Hey, wake up.”
Sasuke whines, rubbing his eyes and peering up at him through messy black hair.
“Niisan?” he mumbles, “What’s going on?”
“Come on, get up. We’re gonna go on an adventure.
“Huh? But it’s late-”
“I know, but that’s okay- you just have to be awake for a little bit, then I’ll carry you the rest of the way, okay?
Sasuke grumbles some more, groggy and half-conscious as he gets to his feet.
“There we go. Hurry and get dressed and meet me in the kitchen okay?”
Sasuke obeys, stumbling into the kitchen with Naruto in tow right as Itachi places his carefully folded note on the kitchen counter, underneath his ceramic Anbu mask.
“Where’re we going, Niisan?” he asks, struggling to keep his eyes open.
“It’s a surprise, okay? C’mon, we need to be fast.”
Despite having just been woken up, Naruto is wide awake and bouncing around in excitement.
“Oh boy I never get to go on adventures!” he gushes. “C’mon c’mon let’s go already dattebayo!”
Itachi takes a deep breath. Turns off all the lights in the house. Locks all the doors, and lifts Naruto and Sasuke out through the kitchen window, before climbing out himself.
He gathers Sasuke up on his back; the boy immediately falls back asleep. Making a quick shushing motion at Naruto, he leads him down the most deserted, out of the way path out of the village he knows of.
The southernmost wall of the village is choked with thick ivy and a random assortment of other vines that decided to call it home.
Hidden in the foliage, however, is a gap in the wall nobody’s noticed (or nobody cares enough to fix). It had served as an escape when he and Shisui wanted to spend some time in private, and it will do for their escape.
It’s a bit of a tight fit with Sasuke on his back, but they manage to squeeze through, out into the endless unmapped expanse of forest beyond.
“Oh we’re gonna get in so much trouble,” Naruto squeals, struggling to keep his voice down.
“Only if we get caught,” Itachi reminds him.
He feels oddly light as they head out, using the stars peering through the trees to find their way.
Naruto’s eyes are wide, sparkling with excitement.
“I’ve never been this far from the village before!” he chirps, balancing on a fallen tree as they walk along. “What’re we gonna do while we’re gone?”
“I’m not sure yet. Half the fun is in finding out though, isn’t it?”
The younger boy’s excitement takes away some of Itachi’s unease.
As long as he and Sasuke can be happy, that’s all that matters to him.
I’m taking Sasuke and Naruto with me, because I know their lives will be in jeopardy if I don’t. Please don’t worry- I swear I’ll protect them with my life.
Sasuke groans, evidently not a fan of being carried over the uneven ground. Itachi’s arms are already tired from carrying him, but he’ll endure that until he’s awake enough to walk on his own.
I’m tired of this game where I know I cannot win. So I’ve decided the only acceptable move is to stop playing.
I don’t know when- if ever- I’ll be able to come home. But it won’t be one moment before I know for sure I’m an equal player.
I don’t ask for you to forgive me. I only ask that you respect this decision I’ve made.
- Itachi
Had he been right, when he said all that? Has he just made the worst mistake of his life?
-Too late to worry about that now. He’s come this far already, and at any rate there’s going to be swarms of Anbu and ninken coming after him before long.
“So what’re we gonna do first?” Naruto asks, tugging at the hem of his shirt.
“We’re going to meet a friend of mine,” Itachi answers.
“Is he cool?”
“...I uh- yeah I guess. If that’s what you wanna call it.”
Itachi keeps an eye on the crescent moon hanging heavy in the sky above them.
He has no idea what will happen now. What his mother and father will say when they return home to find them gone. What Danzo or the Hokage might say when word finds its way to them.
But, blessedly, that isn’t his problem anymore.