Chapter 7
I hovered over Naruto, the one who I decided to follow. I probably should've been watching Sakura, who was still pretty stupid and weak, or Sasuke, who would probably be mobbed by fangirls. Compared to them, Naruto was probably fine. But he was closest, and I was lazy, so.
I could probably find the cat with ninja magic and get this over with but I was still tired, and we all know how my previous efforts went. I side eyed the pink blob that still hovered besides me. Why it was following me, how it floated, and how it could condense so easily and hold its shape confused me. Why did it exist? Why was it pink? I chalked it up to ninja magic and tried to ignore any thoughts of oh god I messed things up we're all gonna die I've just doomed an entire world—. I mean, the show can't cover everything, maybe this is some hidden mechanic that had only been mentioned briefly?I didn't remember seeing anything like this in the anime—but then again, I hadn't seen much at all.
Squishy bobbed along, oblivious to my thoughts and sense of impending doom. It had mysteriously grown two new dents on the side of its face that almost looked like eyes. If anything, it made him even cuter. I sighed. All this thinking was getting me nowhere and I patted its head, unable to resist the temptation any longer. It wiggled around under my hand and vibrated, like a cat. Aww.
"Stupid Sasuke, stealing Sakura-chan from me... That jerk always thinks he's so much better than me! Always grouchy and sad cuz his family died or something... Well, I never even had one!" Uh oh, was that resentment I hear? And oof, there was quite a bit. A lot. A weird amount. Was Naruto really this angsty? Or, and my heart plummeted, was this a result of me being here? The butterfly effect was a dangerous and very unpredictable thing. If I had done something to Kakashi, and maybe Kakashi made an extra or meaner comment than he would've, and Naruto was affected, the little things would start to add up. Naruto gets a little more bitter, Sasuke responds in kind, and before you know it a war's broke out and everyone's dead—
I inhaled and exhaled. No use thinking about it now, I thought to myself, repeating it like a mantra.
"He takes everything he has for granted! Pretty girls, big house, everyone loves him.." Naruto continued, oblivious to my mental anguish. He definitely wasn't like this, at least not on screen. Maybe he had worked his issues out offscreen? The excuse sounded hollow in my ears, and I shook my head to try and clear the funk that had settled in. What was wrong with me today?
It didn't matter, I'm not important right now. I could wait for real Kakashi to deal with his student, but something in my heart throbbed at leaving a hurt kid alone without helping. Besides, he'd probably make it worse anyway, with his emotional ninja constipation and whatnot. He'd probably give them a metaphor and hope that they work it out, or something else that twelve year olds, ninja or not, are incapable of doing. Naruto needed help and he needed it now, and I was planning to give it to him. I jumped off the tree and nailed the landing without a sound. Ninja skills, hell yeah.
"It's so unfair!" Naruto muttered. I chose that moment to speak.
"Naruto!" I admonished. Naruto jumped and turned around with wide eyes, and wow. He looked exactly like the anime, whisker scars and everything. I really was stuck here... "Don't speak about your teammate like that. You never know who might be listening."
Naruto couldn't seem to meet my eyes. "Sorry, Kakashi Sensei. It's just... It's so unfair! He's got all this stuff but he's still an asshole!"
I clicked my tongue."What did I say, Naruto? Look underneath the underneath; there's always a reason why people act the way they do." I said, debating whether to say what I was thinking, but Naruto was a smart kid. He'd understand, right?. "There's a reason he's called the last Uchiha," I added, in what I hoped was a wise tone.
"Well duh, Sensei. But that's not the point! Everyone loves him, but all he does is be a dick!" Naruto exclaimed, wrinkling his nose. I resisted the urge to sigh. Naruto was smart, sure, but the smarts did nothing for you if you didn't pay attention in class. I debated on wether it was my place to explain clan hierarchies when I barely knew them myself until thinking screw it, what's the worst that can happen.
"Did you know that the Uchiha were one of the biggest in Konohagakure before their demise?" I started off. Naruto nodded, still scowling. "They were also Konoha's police force, and a main part of the city council. Do you know why they managed to be so big?"
Naruto huffed. "Because they were one of the founding clans of Konoha, I'm not stupid, Sensei," he grumbled, and something in my chest died a little at his tone. He sounded so dead, so annoyed, so... not Naruto. I sped up my exposition.
"Yes, they were. But they had an edge over all the other clans—a kekkei Genkai."
Naruto's head swiveled from where it had hung, disinterested. A spark that I didn't even know was missing was back in his eye. I cracked a smile under my mask.
"Now, I can't tell you what it is—don't look so disappointed, Naruto, that's for him to say. But I can tell you that the Uchiha were a heavy name then, and an even heavier name now. When his clan was massacred, nobody talked to him, helped him. He was the last of his kind, and everyone trapped him on a pedestal and refused to let him climb down. He was untouchable and inhuman," I said, stressing the last word and hoping that Naruto would draw some sort of symbolism from it. He seemed to be deep in thought, which was a massive step up from angsty and depressed.
Naruto finally sighed, nodding. "I mean, I guess I get what he's going through, but still," he said.
He's more talented.
He's more popular.
He's more liked.
So why is he like this?
Aren't we all supposed to be teammates?
I nodded, understanding. Naruto needed some encouragement; all this self-deprecating wasn't helping anyone and besides, I was in the home stretch. Un-depressed Naruto, here I come! Now for a fresh helping of praise, coming right up. God knows that Naruto could use some. Kakashi had his methods of teaching, but his hands-off-do-whatever approach wasn't really suited for Naruto, who craved attention at this stage and still didn't know what teamwork meant.
I leaned closer to Naruto, as if I were telling him a secret. He unconsciously tilted towards me, curious to hear what I had to say. "Sasuke's not the one who learned a forbidden jutsu in one night," I whispered conspiratorially, my eyes automatically curving into Kakashi's signature smile. I wondered when it had become so easy to act like Kakashi, to pretend that everything was fine and that I wasn't stranded in another universe. Naruto's eyes widened again, this time excited.
"Really?" He blurted out. I rolled my eyes affectionately. "No," I said sarcastically.
His smile dropped, his rambunctious aura suddenly quiet, his gaze drifting to the right again. Jeez, somebody needed to teach this guy what sarcasm was. I ruffled his hair (It was soft) and straightened up. "Of course he hasn't. You don't see him throwing around forbidden justu like nothing around, do you?" Naruto perked up immediately, grinning.
"Thanks Kakashi Sensei! You act like a dick sometimes, but I guess you're pretty cool."
I blinked, then smiled, despite myself. "Thanks," I said dryly.
"But there's one thing I've been wondering, sensei," Naruto said innocently, big blue eyes staring at me. I grinned and slipped my hands into my pockets, confident that I could handle anything he threw at me.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing to an area by my right shoulder. I followed his gaze and turned around, my eyes widening too late. Squishy, destroyer of physics, breaker of chains, somehow blinked with his non-existent eyes, and wiggled around in greeting.
"...Oh shit."
Elsewhere...
"I assume you've been informed of the situation?" Kakashi asked. He tried not to notice how his entire body seemed to ripple when he shifted, and how he couldn't quite hear his heartbeat. He felt uncomfortable, and rightly so. His body had been taken, and he had been left with a shitty clone.
The Hokage nodded cooly. "Although I've never seen anything like this before, nothing near it. An alternate world..."
So he hadn't heard. He would have to remember to lodge a complaint with the ANBU who were supposed to be watching him- they should've noticed him coming here and arrived beforehand to brief the Hokage."Yes, that, but there have been some interesting developments that you should be aware of."
Sarutobi sighed, picking up his pipe and inhaling. "Carry on."
Kakashi discovered that he couldn't quite smell the smoke. "As you've noticed, this body is one of a clone," he started, and suddenly realized that he didn't know his hitchiker's name. "my... passenger woke up and, among other things, attempted to create a shadow clone." he tried not to think about getting dragged around (naked!) by a tentacle. "But because she has literally never seen chakra before, her attempt at a clone was... shoddy." He allowed some of his frustration to leech into his voice. Kakashi poked at his skin as a demonstration and watched it ripple. Sarutobi blinked in shock. "On top of that, she also managed to transport my consciousness into it," he finished, waiting for Sarutobi's reaction.
He delivered. Sarutobi choked on his pipe."... well you could've started with that!" he hissed between coughs. Kakashi waited for him to calm down.
"This... this is unprecedented! People have tried to do so before, but it always ended in either failure, death or insanity." Sarutobi sighed, suddenly looking sad. "I think we all know of people who would love to get their hands on this information."
Kakashi nodded. Shadow clones were by no means permanent, with a well-made one degrading physically and mentally after a few days. Their chakra stores don't regenerate and their pool runs out, even if they aren't doing anything strenuous. They just weren't made to last. But, theoretically, if one were to create a source for the shadow clone to leach off of, and then transferred their consciousness into one...
They'd be immortal.