Chapter 2
The next month flew by in a blur. Of course, even though Katie had admitted to herself the relationship was over and that she had grieved it long ago, the feelings of loss, now it was officially over, still flooded her and naturally she had continued mourning the loss of her relationship. The news of the breakup spread fast, and her life had now reached the point where she couldn’t even find time to be alone, let alone think. Being occupied suited her, it enabled her to move on without feeling a sense of panic every time she left the house, the panic telling her she was always going to be alone.
Caitlin and Jordan had become her rock, and the trio had developed a routine that felt like home. Caitlin and Katie had begun to co-exist and had become inseparable; Caitlin too having recently gone through a breakup. They had always been close and friendly, but the level of friendship had grown much more, even more than they could’ve imagined. Lingering looks and accidental touches became more regular, but no comment had been made about them.
Katie slowly got up and laid her clothes for the day out onto the bed and headed into the bathroom she shared with Caitlin. Jordan being the first to move into the flat, got the pick of the rooms meaning she had the luck of an en-suite. She jumped in the shower and stood under the water, relief encompassing her body as the hot water poured down.
A loud bang knocked Katie out of her hot water trance and she jumped slightly, reaching behind the shower door to grab a towel from the radiator.
“Jesus! I’m sorry! The door wasn’t locked, I didn’t think you’d be up this early!” A shocked voice came from her Aussie roommate who stood at the door, mouth open in shock, but eyes fixed on Katie’s semi naked body, the towel Katie grabbed not doing much to cover her.
“Shit, sorry I thought I locked it. Let me get out and then it’s all yours” Katie said quickly and watched as Caitlin retreated, eyes now avoiding Katie at all costs. Katie turned the shower off and stepped out of the shower and grabbed her bigger towel which was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. She left the bathroom and quickly headed to her bedroom where she changed into her clothes. She headed out to the kitchen, where she set about gathering items from the fridge for breakfast.
Caitlin came out moments later and kept her head down as she moved towards the kitchen, grabbing a mug to make some coffee.
“Want any breakfast? Poached eggs on toast with a bit of avo?” Katie asked and pointed towards the ingredients she was sorting.
“That would be nice thank you.” Caitlin said quietly, still not looking up. “I’m so so sorry for walking in on you” she said embarrassed. Katie laughed loudly, which made Caitlin’s embarrassment worse.
“It’s fine don’t be silly” Katie laughed and waved Caitlin’s worries away with her hand. “You’ve seen me shower before”
“At training sure, but not in private” Caitlin whispered and took a seat at the kitchen Island, opposite to where Katie was preparing breakfast. Katie stopped what she was doing and reached out to take Caitlin’s hand from her coffee cup.
“It’s fine, I don’t mind. And if I have to be honest, I don’t think you minded the view. You couldn’t look away” Katie winked and let go of Caitlin’s hand to restart the breakfast prep. She laughed when all Caitlin could do was stutter her response.
“What’s the dress code for tonight Jords?” Caitlin asked as Jordan entered the kitchen, as she finally got her words back, trying to push through the embarrassment of being caught staring at Katie’s naked body. They were due to meet the rest of the Arsenal squad and some of the England squad who were based in the South of England for a good luck and goodbye party, ready to send their teammates off to the Euros that England had qualified for.
“I hope some of that’s for me” Jordan said, pointing towards the food as took a seat next to Caitlin.
“Of course my queen” Katie said sarcastically and pretended to curtsey earning a laugh from Caitlin. “Slutty is the dress code” Jordan winked and smirked as Katie raised her eyebrow. “Nah, smart casual is fine.” she clarified and stood up to move out of the kitchen taking her food plate with her, intent on planning her day properly. She had been called up to the England Squad for the first time since her ACL injury and she was for sure going to make the going away party memorable.
“You should wear your beige top” Caitlin suggested as she sat next to where Katie was, eyeing up the exposed legs of Katie that she could see from her position.
“Oh bet you’d like that wouldn’t you” Katie chuckled slightly, shaking her head, the beige top Caitlin referred to showing a substantial amount of cleavage. “Nah I’ve already got my outfit planned, sorry sweetie.”
“Shame” Caitlin muttered “Would give me something to stare at” she said pushing slightly. Frowning when Katie stood up.
“Oh, like you need any help with that?” Katie pressed “Don’t think I don’t notice you staring at me even when I’m not wearing that top, you’re not very subtle” she whispered close to Caitlin’s ear and smirked when she saw the goosebumps raise on her neck.
“I’m going to run some errands” Katie replied now speaking normally, shutting down the flirting, she spun on her heels and headed upstairs to get ready for the day. Caitlin sighed, she knows she shouldn’t be pushing her growing feelings onto Katie, with her being fresh out of a relationship, but something between them meant she couldn’t help herself. She’d always found Katie attractive and had always been drawn to the other woman, she was usually off limits, but now? Caitlin found it difficult to stop and Katie gave as good as she got.
“Dont be late!” Jordan called, opening her bedroom door, clearly freshly showered. Caitlin jumped up and started to move about getting ready.
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The sun hung low as the trio sat in the taxi on the way into central London ready for the going away party for the Euros squads. The car weaved through the traffic and eventually pulled up to the venue which was already buzzing with other groups. The WSL season had been over for around a month now and the upcoming week was when teammates and friends would slowly be departing to their respective countries, ready for the Euros to start at the end of July.
Caitlin looked towards Katie and noted her outfit was indeed not the beige top, but instead a beige blazer over a white top and blue jeans. She also noted that no skin was on display and wondered if that was on purpose. She was herself showing skin with a grey suit blazer and trousers but a white crop top underneath. She hadn’t noticed if Katie had eyes had wondered and felt a pang of sadness.<
As the car pulled up, the trio stepped into the hustle of the night and entered the venue, soon to be swarmed with friends and teammates from all clubs.
“Caitlin!” Sam Kerr exclaimed coming towards to group, “Glad theres another Aussie here, feeling out of my depth with this tournament”
“We’re repping England Sammy, sorry! Jordan would kill us” Caitlin laughed and linked her arm through Sams, gladly accepting the drink that Sam had thrusted at her. Katie also accepting the drink and throwing back the shot of tequila. Her body loosening up as she felt the warmth of the liquid run through her body.
“Speak for yourself Cait” Katie scoffed at the accusation of representing England “I’ll be wearing an Ireland Jersey under any outfits I’m forced into”
“I would expect nothing less” Caitlin winked and laughed.
“Are we getting you lucky tonight?” Sam asked cheekily towards Caitlin, waggling her eyebrows.
“Sam!” Caitlin gasped, “I spoke to you about my dating life in confidence!” She said hurriedly, swatting Sam’s hand as she laughed at the reaction. She threw back the shot that she was still clinging onto, hoping that Katie hadn’t heard.
“Sorry Cait, I didn’t know it was a secret” Sam shrugged and looked towards Katie who was wide eyed and frozen. “Looks like you need another drink”. She said and walked off quickly.
Sam said returning to the pair, she handed Caitlin two shots, before walking off towards another group, mouthing the words “Sorry” to Caitlin as she left. Katie downed the shot now in her hand and forced a smile towards her friend. She was lost in thought and gulped, wanting to stop her racing mind.
“Who are we getting you with then?” Katie asked with a croak in her voice, trying to push through the feelings. She hadn’t really felt this before and she didn’t know what to do with it.
“We’re not” Caitlin laughed and shook her head and pulled Katie towards the other Arsenal girls who had now appeared.
Sitting down conversations began about the upcoming Euros and their hopes for that. She couldn't help but drift her eyes back to Caitlin now and then and let her mind wonder to the comments made by Sam. Katie ended up promising Beth and Jordan that she would come to some of the matches in their England shirts, on the condition that Caitlin too had to wear one. Caitlin had moved around the table with Steph and was now sitting next to Katie, their legs pressing tightly up against each other. Her mind went back to Sam’s comments and it made her wonder if the flirting was just in her head or if there was something more.
Katie felt a hand on her thigh as she was deep in conversation with Lia who was sat opposite her and Caitlin. The hand was making circles on her inner thigh and it was driving Katie crazy. The alcohol suddenly hit her and she felt sick, she quickly stood up, feeling the blood rush to her head and quickly apologised to the table for making a scene. She quickly exited the table and stumbled, but luckily stumbled into Leah and who had stood up at the same time.
“Katie? Are you okay?” Leah asked, grabbing her shoulders to steady the other woman.
Beth also stood up and “Okay, we’re going to go outside Katie, think the alcohol has gone to your head”, she said with an amused expression, “Beth is going to stop and get us all some water and then she’ll meet us”. Katie nodded and allowed herself to be guided by Leah.
Once outside, the fresh hair had hit her and she was soon having clearer thoughts enter her mind.
“What was that about then?” Beth asked as she met them with three glasses of water, Katie happily accepted one and downed it all, putting the empty glass on the shelf by the door.
Katie’s first thought was to deny any questions, but the urge to get her feelings off her chest left her mouth before her mind could stop it. “I have feelings for Caitlin” Katie blurted out and then slapped her hand to her mouth
“That’s new?” Leah asked, not acting surprised but supportive.
“I don’t know how to react, I’m newly single after being in a relationship for all of my adult life and now I’m falling for my best friend?” Katie said quickly “And I think she’s dating someone else, we keep toeing the line but then it stops and goes back and forth and i'm just soo confused" she added, looking down at the floor.
Beth chuckled “I mean I dont think im going to be the only one who says that this isnt surprising?"
“How did you know?” Katie snapped quickly, thinking that her feelings were new.
“I mean, theres always been an aspect of tension between you both, you gel a bit too well for friends” Leah said and laughed when Katie’s mouth dropped wide “Stop you’re catching flies.”
"Am i a terrible person for feeling so soon after getting out of a relationship?" Katie asked, trying to reason with herself.
“Look, having feelings soon after a long relationship isn’t a bad thing, its natural. Theres no set timeframe for when you’re supposed to get over someone. If you’ve started to have feelings then that’s whats real. It’s not like you’re with her as a rebound and think you feel for her, by the looks of it, you actually do feel for her” Beth said clearly “Look at me and Viv, we both got out of a 5 year relationship and got together within a month, that doesn’t mean we’re bad people”
“Just maybe sober up before you act on the feelings?” Leah laughed and pulled Katie into a hug. The three eventually went back inside after promising each other that the conversation would remain private.
Before heading to re-join the group, Katie detoured to the toilets and found them surprisingly empty. Sighing in relief, she leant against the sink and stared at the running water. She tried to control her breathing with her mind racing. She liked Caitlin. She liked Caitlin as more than a friend. And she was jealous. Pushing away from the sink and turning the water off, Katie headed to the door, shaking off the panic that had started to rise when Caitlin touched her thigh. When she re-entered the bar, she was met with a tispy Caitlin.
"I've been looking for you!" Caitlin beamed and pulled Katie into a hug, she could feel the warmth radiate from Caitlin as they pulled apart and navigated the dance floor to where the booth was. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, im fine," Katie replied quickly, pushing the rising feelings of panic down again. She couldnt openly admit the feelings that she had now realised.
"What's going on?" Caitlin asked, concerned about Katie's behaviour, stepping backwards so that she could look at her properly. Katie felt embarrassed by her reaction at the table earlier. She didn’t want Caitlin to find out about her feelings and she didnt want to ruin the friendship, especially if the feelings werent returned.
"Talk to me, please," Caitlin whispered, moving her body to block Katie from going too close to the booth.
"What do the touches mean?” Katie asked bravely.
Caitlin's furrowed brows before she opened her mouth.
"I'm sorry i dont meant to make you uncomfortable? It just feels natural to touch you." Caitlin said honestly, the touching was comfortable to her and she didnt mean to make it awkward.
"And are you seeing someone new?" Katie asked, her chest getting tighter again
"Katie what? No?” Caitlin said growing even more confused. The silence hung in the air as Caitlin wondered what Katie actually meant.
"Do you touch all of your friends?" Katie asked trying to probe more out of the Aussie.
"It feels different with you" Caitlin admitted, looking at Katie in the eyes, daring her to say more. Caitlin pulled Katie to the side of the bar, in a dark corner where nobody could see.
She paused and leant in, Katie's heart was pounding so loudly in anticipation that she thought it might explode and was thankful that Caitlin’s arm snaked its way around her waist to support her
The kiss didn’t last that long. Caitlin tasted like tequila and salt, they had crossed the boundary they'd been tiptoeing around for weeks. They quickly pulled them apart and stood there breathless, staring at each other, wondering what the kiss had meant.